Hello awkward!
So there we were. I was standing in front of my coworker, Danni, whom also happens to be my neighbor. The same neighbor whom I had spied "dancing with herself" the other night, while she noticed me engaged in a little "audience participation" during her show.
And now, we were expected to share a 6'x10' cube in our local cube farm here at the office.
She broke the ice. "So, after 6 months, this is how I finally get to know your name? I was about ready to go through your mail" she joked a bit with me.
"Well, I was going to introduce myself, someday" was the only snappy retort I could come up with.
"Hmm. 'Someday', yeah, right. I just figured people in our townhouse association aren't the friendliest people out there. We've either got retirees who've got nothing better to do than stick their noses into other people's business, or younger people just starting out in their first house." she said. "So, which are you?"
It took me a second to realize she was joking.
"You got me. I'm just putting in time here and collecting my AARP newsletter, until I get my pension. Now, if those damn kids would just stay in their own god-damn yard! You wanna maybe watch "Matlock" later?" I asked in my best '97-year-old-guy-named-Earl' voice.
That got Danni to toss her head back and laugh. A full blown, from the diaphragm, laugh.
"So, about the other night..." I started in.
"Not here" she cut me off quickly. "We can talk about things, but let's keep work, well, work, OK? This is already going to be interesting, you and I sharing a cubicle. Let's not let the tension-o-meter rise any more than it has to, OK?" she finished.
Logical, and quick to come to a conclusion. One that, honestly, I couldn't argue with. Especially since we had to work together and I didn't want to have any discussions with our HR rep that included the words "jacking off."
"But, you could pick up some beers and we can get a pizza tonight and chat" she offered.
Dude! Was I just asked out by a girl? Me? Her? Well, I can deal with that.
"Certainly. Sounds like a plan. Do you want me to come over to your place, or do want to swing by mine?" I asked even as I took a mental inventory of the condition of my house. Vacuuming? Check! Laundry contained? Check! No porn lying out? I'd have to do a sweep. All the beer bottles out of the kitchen and in the recycling container? Easy to do.
"I'll order the pizza, you bring the beer" she offered.
"Deal. Just do me a favor, not Pizza Hut or Domino's, OK? I just came here from Chicago. Chicago has good pizza. It's like Disney World for pizza. This town knows no good pizza. If it's here, I haven't found it yet."
"I'll get it from a local place, snob-boy. Are you always this high maintenance?" Danni teased.
"With some things that are important? Yes I am." I said in mock offense.
"Whatever. How about 7ish? Just come over. I'll leave the door unlocked. Give me your cell number in case I'm late leaving here, I'll call or text you." We exchanged numbers.
"OK, I'll bring a six-pack if that'll work." I suggested.
"Oh, that should be plenty for a school night. I got to run right now. I've got to go to a meeting with a bunch of ignorant monkeys from Marketing who want me to do their job for them. If I don't catch you before I leave, I'll see you later then." Danni said as she grabbed her laptop and headed off down the hallway. It took plenty of restraint not to openly stare at her ass as she walked away.
At about 3pm I looked up to find the clock on the wall moving backwards in strict disobeyance of everything Einstein ever said about time travel.
I left the office about 5 o'clock and stopped to get beer on the way home. What's a good first date beer? Should I assume lowest common denominator and get a typical light beer? Should I get something a little off the wall from a micro-brewery? Should I go for something sweeter? Too many choices! Of course, I stopped at a place with a ton of selection. Had I just gone to a gas station I could have just bought THE only beer they had... I reached in to the cooler and grabbed a six pack at random. I then put it back, and grabbed something else.
Once home, I changed out of my office casual uniform and in to jeans and a comfortable V-neck pull over. I brushed my teeth (better safe than sorry), grabbed the beer and walked over. I knocked on her door.
Danni greeted me at the door, and admonished me about knocking. She was still in her work clothes.
"You could have just come in," she told me, "Like, what, you were worried about seeing me naked?"
More blushing on my part.
"Well, I figured it's like we just met..." I managed to get out. "I shouldn't just barge in to someone's house that's practically still a stranger."
"Please. We live next to each other and we'll be working together. We're on the fast track to be best friends. You're too smart, I guess, to do anything stupid. I trust you by default." Danni reasoned. "Pizza will be here in a few, let's start drinking these before they get warm." She regarded the beer.
"Sam Adams. Hmmm. Not too cheap so I'd think you're cheap, but not too far out there that I'd think you're weird. Good, safe bet on the beer." Wow. Danni was totally able to deconstruct the (far too many) thoughts in my head around which beer to bring. What other thoughts of mine did she know? "Hey, about the seeing you naked part..." I started. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be watching you the other night."