Last summer when I went camping with the guys, we sat around the campfire, drinking beer and talking shit. After a couple beers, we started talking about sex, no surprise. And a topic came up that made me cringe.
"Have you ever been caught jerking off?"
"Once." I said to my buddies. "And I will never forget it."
***
When I was 18, I was sent over to my aunt's and uncle's for a weekend. They were retired and had a little farm out in the countryside near Buda (pronounced Bew-DA), Texas. My parents would send me to them every summer to help them do some yard work.
My aunt and uncle - they were nice people, but I did not know them well. We only saw them on holidays, and I just thought of them as old relations, paunchy and wrinkly, sitting on the porch, drinking ice tea, and bitching about taxes. My uncle was a big belly redneck man, balding with hair growing out of his ears. My aunt, who was my dad's eldest sister, was a tiny little old lady with big white hair. Her arthritis had made her tiny hands gnarled and bony like bird claws but she wore many rings and was constantly rubbing in hand lotion in a vain attempt to reverse the ravishes of time.
They both wore thick bifocals and were blind most of the time, squinting at their newspaper or TV set. And because they really only saw me once a year, they'd always get up close to look me up and down and go on and on about how much taller I had gotten.
I complained to my parents about this particular visit - I didn't want to go because I had my girlfriend in nearby San Marcos, and I'd rather take my girl dancing at Cheatham St. - the local country bar - on a Saturday night and end up with her heels up on my shoulders and me balls deep in her cherry pie, than clearing brush all day. But my parents insisted and reminded me that they were paying me. I needed the money to fix my car so I dutifully dragged my ass to Buda.
After a long hard day of work, I took a shower and told my uncle and aunt I was headed to bed. I stayed in the spare room which had an uncomfortable tiny twin bed parked beside my aunt's sewing machine. The room smelled dusty and old.
I looked around the miserable room, stripped to my boxers, turned off the nightstand light, and got into bed. I took out my PSP to play. My legs and feet practically hung off the end of the little twin mattress. Back at home, normally I'd be sneaking a beer and sexting with the girlfriend if we weren't doing something nasty in the back of her daddy's pick-up truck, but reception out here sucked.
I was tired and sore from all the yardwork, but at some point, I remember getting horny as all hell, so I pulled down my boxers to rub one out. I'm right handed, but I jack with my left. I was thumbing through my phone to find a particularly good photo of my girl, but I was so exhausted, I fell asleep...
... only to barely hear my uncle and aunt knock and step into the room. I was more than half-asleep and couldn't move as it dawned on me that I was naked with my hand holding my pride and joy, my 8" hard-on.
My uncle and aunt were both in their 70s and never had kids, so I'm sure they were shocked to find me like that.
I kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep, taking long deep breaths. I couldn't face the embarrassment. I was hoping they'd see me lying on my back, shorts around my ankles, dick in hand, and just leave.
But no luck. They actually turned ON the night stand light for a better look. And having them stand there looking at me naked only made me harder. I resisted the urge to curl up in a ball to hide. I remained on my back, insolently showing off what my 18 year old buff body looked like. I was always an exhibitionist and loved flashing my girlfriend until she squealed with delight. I'm the guy who gets boners at the doctor's! Now, my body felt warm as if I were lying out in the sun. I could feel my cock enjoying the attention of admirers.
My uncle laughed and said, "he's playing with his pecker in his sleep." He whistled. "Now that's what I call a longhorn! Must get it from your side of the family!"
My aunt hushed him, "Oh my word! Don't wake him. We should get him under the covers."
So they proceeded to try to pull my boxers up and then attempted to pull my feet and legs under the blankets. But I weighed 185, stood 6'2, size 13 feet, and played on the football team - there was no way they could move my muscular thighs around.
I was still pretending to be asleep but by this time, my raging hard-on was twitching in my hand. What could I do? Suddenly wake up and make it awkward for all of us? I wanted to yell as I was so red-faced and turned on at the same time. I wished over and over for my cock to get soft immediately so I could cup it, but my body betrayed me as I swear I was erecting the biggest boner I ever had.
Then, if the situation wasn't humiliating enough, I felt my foreskin slowly retract from all the swelling, proudly peeling back to display my pink mushroom head which my girlfriend named "The Pussy Spreader."
After they sort of tucked me back into bed, my uncle grabbed my wrist and tried to pull my hand off my dick, but I instinctively held on. I didn't want to be completely exposed. My aunt told him to leave me alone, but he muttered something about it being painful to "go to bed like that."
"And lordie, how lucky is this kid? Hung like a horse. Reaches all the way to his belly button!" My uncle really admired my size. In fact, my girlfriend called my dick her big pink baseball bat!
"Where are my glasses?" My aunt replied. She stepped out of the room.
