I'll admit it, I was probably a little hungover.
When my friends had invited me to the pub just ten minutes down the road, I had told myself 'just one drink'. I had work in the morning, and my shift started *early*. It had been a little while since I'd been out with the lads though, and I couldn't bring myself to bring the catch-up to an early finish. One drink had become four. Or maybe six?
So when my alarm went off at 05:00, to get me out the door by 05:30, it was a challenge to face the day. My head wasn't exactly pounding, but I was much more sluggish than usual; by the time my bag was packed and my bike helmet was on, I was ten minutes late to leave.
I rushed out of my apartment, leaving my sleeping housemate behind me, and a quick trip to the bikeshed in the carpark later, I was wheeling my bike outside. That was when the cold hit me; I felt goosebumps on my skin as I headed into the first frosty morning of an Irish winter. Part of me wanted to turn back, maybe put something on over my bike shorts, but I was late enough as it is. My cycle would be half an hour; I was already on track to be late if I didn't hurry.
The roads to the microchip production line where I worked were never busy this time of morning, so usually I had a straightforward enough commute, but someone in heaven had it out for me this time. I wasn't halfway there when the sky opened up and rained down, and each drop was ice cold. Any hope of arriving to work dry was ruined, which meant one thing was on my mind as I navigated the frigid cycle paths; I'd have to hit the showers on my way in.
A couple of hundred people worked at the factory where I did, so the bathroom facilities were large, if a bit basic. Inside the men's locker room was a long row of urinals, then five or six stalls, and two shower units in the corner by the door. I had been told when I first got this job that the shower facilities used to be even worse than they were now; just two showerheads attached to the wall, with no curtains or privacy protectors of any kind. The older men who'd worked there for years would joke about how each and every one of your coworkers who needed to take a piss while you showered would walk right by and get an eyeful.
It sounded like a nightmare to me. When it came to public showers, I'd always felt nervous even when I was as young as ten or twelve. I was naturally a shy person when it came to my body; even if I was desperate to release my bladder, I could never piss in a urinal. I always needed the privacy of a stall.
Growing up in rural Wexford, there had been nothing to do for fun but join the local sports club, whose showers were old, barely functioning, and horrifically open. I never understood how some lads could walk around with everything hanging out without a care in the world, while I would go bright red if anyone so much as talked to me while I was scrubbing the muck off my arms and legs.
Well, I did understand part of it; it was a matter of size. While my own...little fella was nothing to be ashamed of when I was fully worked up, so to speak, when he was flaccid, he was truly tiny. Somedays he'd hang down almost two inches, but if it was a cold morning, I'd often catch a glimpse of my naked form in the mirror on the way to the shower, and my mickey would be so small he'd jut out awkwardly, sitting on top of my balls like a grape lying on a pair of eggs.
At first, none of my friends or teammates back home had really cared; but as they got older, they developed and I didn't. Truth be told, nobody was that cruel to me, but everyone knew it was a sore spot for me. There were constant jokes made at my expense. Lads would draw tiny mickeys on my schoolbooks, and I got my fair share of nicknames.
But the worst was when I was sixteen. That was when it happened to me that my gearbag was stolen. I stumbled blindly out of the shower, looking for my towel, to find it missing and my gearbag not on the bench where I'd left it. I had felt sick to my stomach instantly.
One by one, my so-called friends had jeered at me while I stood in the centre of the changing room, hands clamped over my twig and berries to preserve my dignity; a wasted effort, of course, because what looks more ridiculous than a man hunched over, trying to keep prying eyes away from his little willy? I still remember calling out for help; "Lads, we're friends, can't anyone lend me their shorts? A towel, even? I can't go home like this!"