I jumped when the phone suddenly rang.
Maybe it was the fact that I was naked, playing with myself in bed. My catholic education still reminded me of the guilt associated to masturbation. "Someone is watching you", I remembered from my lessons. I don't know if it was the idea of a voyeuristic God or something else in my mind, but masturbation was, for me, always a vulnerable moment, where I felt I could be seen. With time I learned to enjoy that idea.
I answered the phone, and my heart skipped a beat when an unknown male voice talked to me directly from my past nightmares: "I'm watching you Paula. I know what you're up to."
I trembled, still dwelling in my catholic guilt. I took a deep breath, put myself together, and looked at the window ahead of me. Trying to hide my nervousness I asked slowly "Who are you?", and I walked towards the window to try to figure out if someone was right there, looking inside.
"Now Paula," the voice went on "don't be afraid of me, calm down baby. Come to the window sweetie, come to where I can have a better look of your newly shaved pussy. I like it that way, much better than before!"
These words disturbed me even more. Not only this person knew my name and could guess I was naked, but he also knew I had shaved my pussy completely for the first time this morning. It meant I had been spying on for a while.
"I'll call the police if you keep harassing me. I demand you to stop this, and never to spy on me again." I demanded trying to sound threatening.
"And would you lose the chance of a lifetime, my dear?" the voice asked enigmatically.
"What chance? What are you talking about?"
"I know you Paula. I can look inside you my dear. I know what you want. I can give you that."
I was as close to the window as I could be without being seen from the outside. My apartment was high enough to make me feel safe from indiscreet windows. The neighboring buildings were all smaller and I couldn't imagine someone seeing me from one of them.
"More to the right" the voice said to me, guiding my sight. "Not that near, behind it. Do you see that bluish building, just on the left of the park?" It couldn't be. That was too far. I wanted to approach the window, but I was afraid to be seen. I ran back inside to fetch my robe.
I returned. Still holding my cellular phone next to my right ear. I wanted to see where this guy was calling from.
As soon as I reached the window he talked again. "See the windows at the level of yours? Just spot the light signs!" and this said, he must have opened and closed his window several times, because I saw the sun setting reflections as Morse code, on and off, flashing on my eyes.
I took a step back in fear. My stalker was there. He could see me, but I couldn't see him. I could only guess his presence.
"What kind of perverted are you, do you spy on people with telescopes?", I heard a cold laugh from the other side, and his voice calmly answered: "No Paula, I don't spy on people, I spy on you. And I don't do it to harm you. I do it only to bring you to a level of sexuality you've never known before. You're a sexy woman Paula, but your body needs more than you give it. It needs the excitement that only your brain can provide. And I'm the key to that excitement."
I didn't know what to say. It was clear that this guy was a freak, he was potentially dangerous, and didn't mind letting me know he was breaking several laws. But still, the tone of his voice, and his smart language kept me hypnotized, I told myself I wouldn't hang up right there, I needed to know more.
So I asked the forbidden question: "And how will you achieve that?"
"Paula," he started, always using my name in every sentence, as if he knew how much I liked to hear my name in someone else's voice. "I will achieve that by guiding you, by opening you to new experiences, by taking you to where only your hidden dreams had taken you before."
"This is absurd," I interrupted when reality slapped me. "I'm hanging up, and don't ever call me again."
"You're not the kind who gives up that easily. Not after the way your heart has raced in these brief minutes. Right now your heart is jumping, your adrenaline is kicking in, your breathing is accelerated, your skin is getting damp with tiny drops of sweat. This is just the beginning Paula. Soon it will be your whole body. You won't give up on that, will you Paula?"
"And you'll do all that by talking to me on the phone?" I asked, as if giving him another chance to convince me. I felt angry at myself for encouraging him, but I needed to know what he was up to.
"No Paula, you will do it. I'm simply the voice in your mind when you masturbate. I'm the fantasies you never told anyone. I'm the courage you've always lacked. Try me! Let me show you!"
"How?" I asked defeated.
"Paula, my dear, you'll do a little something for me. Listen to me very carefully. You won't ask questions, you won't say no, you'll be guided by my voice and do as I say, without hesitation, without thinking, you'll only hear, do and feel!!"
Before I could say a word his warm voice kept on. "Hush sweetie, calm down, take a deep breath, and follow this test... Open your robe for me. Just slightly, and uncover your left breast, the one closer to your heart. Don't hesitate, just do it."
Not believing myself, I was showing my left breast to the world. Not that I thought there were other people on the windows looking at me. Still I knew I was being seen by at least one person. But that didn't stop me, I needed to see where this was going.
