Bob finally got around to cooking the steaks. Carla, Jim and I relaxed in the Jacuzzi while dinner was being prepared and we discussed many things, but the main topic of conversation was of course our video taping. We told Carla not only about our willingness and excitement to let them take it, but also about how nervous and frightened we were at the prospect. With the exception of the trucker the day before, and of course Bob earlier in the day, Jim and I had never had anyone one watch us doing sexual things before, and we confessed our mixed feelings. The thought of Jim actually fucking me while someone watched was such a turn on, I thought, yet at the same time it also seemed perverted and depraved.
"Would it help any if Bob and I let you watch us fuck first?" Carla asked. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind. We love to have people watch us. Of course, were perverted and depraved, but what the hell. What's a little perversion and depravity among friends, right? Besides, we've already seen Jim bumping up against your backside while you ate my pussy, so you've already fucked for us once already. One more time isn't going to hurt."
Of course she was right, but somehow being fucked in the Jacuzzi was more or less unplanned, more spontaneous, more spur of the moment. We hadn't purposely planned it or even thought about before hand. It was more natural and normal than doing it with a camera lens focusing in on our genitalia, exposing not only our naked bodies but also exposing our reason for doing it in the first place. I remembered what Jim had said before about planned versus unplanned exhibitionism, and I thought that this is what he meant. It was the same difference as having someone "accidentally" see my bare pussy, like the valet at Caesar's Palace had, and wantonly pulling up my dress and announcing to him "Here, big boy, want to see my twat" It was the appearance that matter, not yjr substance.
"Whew, it's getting hot in here," I said, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to jump in the pool and cool off." The temperature in the Jacuzzi WAS getting a little too warm, but for at least a few minutes I wanted to cool off from the heat of the conversation as well. Thoughts were going through my head and I wanted to have a few solitary minutes to focus and to think.
I dove into the water from the side of the Jacuzzi and immediately felt its cool, refreshing embrace. I swam to the far end of the pool, away from the conversation, away from Jim and Carla, away from the smell of cooking steak, away from confusion. And hopefully away from my sudden lack of confidence and second thoughts. I stretched out on the pool steps, leaned my head back so my neck rested on the cement decking, closed my eyes and tried to imagine how it would feel having them watch us, having them tape us, having them have a close up view of Jim's rock hard cock fucking my spread open pussy, having them see him spurt his seed in me or on me, seeing me suck him.
My thoughts were exciting, but they were also scaring me. I knew that everything going through my mind was psychological. The fear, the excitement, the heat that was building in my body even in the cool water, was all caused by what was going on in my brain. I was torn between my wants. I wanted to be the normal, rational, typical wife and mother and I also wanted to be a slut, a whore, an animal. Was there a compromise that could be made? Was there a line somewhere that seperated the two? Where was the line if it existed? Was it a line that could be safely bridged? Was I surrending myself to the siren song and the seductive evil of Mr Hyde.?
I thought about what Carla had said. I had watched porno tapes that Jim had rented, but I had never really seen anyone fuck before. Not really. Tape is one thing and watching real people do it, in person, was something else. Perhaps I had gone too far in my promise. Now I was wavering. I felt like the girl in the Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini. I had worn it to the beach and now I was afraid to go in the water. If I went in the water would I ever come out?
But come out of the water I did, literally, not just figuratively. Bob announced that the steaks were ready, and I opened my eyes. I slowly stood, climbed out of the pool, and joined the three others. We were all naked and there was no shame or modesty. It felt good to be this free and innocent. We were only naked. No sexuality was involved. We ate our dinner, laughed, talked, enjoyed each others company just as if we were all fully dressed and this was a normal night with normal friends, only it felt better because we were not wearing disguises. It was so casual, so innocent and natural that it wasn't even sexually exciting. just pleasant.
I had even forgotten about our nudity and the purpose of our visit until Bob carried his empty plate to the cart near the alcove and said "OK, anybody want to fuck?'"
Jim looked at me and I looked back. I didn't know what he was thinking but I'm sure he was thinking about what I had told Carla in the Jacuzzi. The more I thought about it the more it made perfect sense. They had made it clear that they enjoyed being watched, I had never seen another couple "do it" in person, it would allow me the time to think the matter through, consult with Jim and make a final decision, it would turn me on, and most important of all, it would give me a better understanding of the mechanics for what we would do. If, of course, we followed through with it.
"Well, if you really don't mind I think I would like to see you go first" I said. I looked at Jim and Bob. "I've never seen another person actually having sex and, well, I want to do it but I think I'd feel a little foolish. I think that would make me a little more comfortable."
