Baby Blues

I would have never considered myself an exhibitionist. I mean those sorts of things just are not done in our circles. I was...I am a happily married and very faithful wife. We had just had our first baby after being married for twelve years. We had chosen to wait until we had purchased a home, until our careers were established. That was the sort of life that we led.

Things had changed so much after our son was born. I was accustomed to working long hours as a solicitor. But I was not used to being up all night with a screaming baby that never seemed to get enough to eat and had no idea of the difference between night and day. After his two week paternity leave, Tony was back to the 'real' world. While I was stuck changing diapers, watching telly, walking endlessly in the park and social networking friends with 'real' lives.

To make matters worse, our once decent sex life was gone. I mean gone. Even after I got the all clear from the midwife, I could not get Tony interested. It was as if I had turned suddenly into the world's ugliest hag. Which is where it all began...

We were having some work done to our flat. The kind of work that requires scaffolding. That had gone up over the weekend without any fuss. But the sounds of the builders working that morning had really set Little Tony off. He had cried the whole morning. By the time I finally managed to get him down for his nap I was exhausted. Eleven o'clock in the morning and I was exhausted? Felt like I had pulled an all-nighter working on a big case? One little baby could do that?

I decided to do the only sensible thing while he napped. I grabbed a bottle of white wine and headed upstairs to our master bath with the damned baby monitor of course. I did not bother with wine glasses though. I was too far gone for social niceties when no one was about.

That bath was heavenly. I used some of my favorite bath oils, the ridiculously expensive ones that I saved for special occasions only. I turned on the jets in our sunken tub. I even tried to turn them to hit that special spot...and I am not talking about the tight knots in my shoulders. But I just did not seem to be in the mood that morning. Wonder why?

I stayed in that tub until the water got cold. Not tepid. Cold. Half the bottle of wine was gone by then and bless him, not a sound from the baby. That is when I realized that I had forgotten to bring any clothes with me. No problem, I thought as I grabbed a towel and wrapped it about me. I will get dressed in the bedroom.

I must have been feeling the effects of the wine because I remember almost skipping the short distance to the bedroom. I bypassed my closet of designer suits and sexy dresses and headed straight for the drawer of stretch pants and old t-shirts. What was the point? No one would see me except a cranky baby and homeless men in the park. The only thing sexy was my underwear and trust me, the matching set of pale pink Anne Summers bra and panties were nowhere near my sexiest offerings.

With my selections arranged neatly on the foot of the bed, I dropped the towel. But rather than getting dressed quickly I got distracted. By the image of my naked body in the full length mirror on the door of wardrobe. I walked over to it. I studied my reflection for a long moment.

Sure, there were dark circles under my eyes, but nothing a bit of concealer would not handle. My hair seemed thicker and shinier though. I had heard that pregnancy could do that but had not even noticed until that moment. My hands cupped my tits that were significantly larger than their usual 'B' cup. Breastfeeding had some advantages, it seemed. Of course, there was still a slight roundness to my abdomen. Nothing grotesque, just the gentle swelling of the Venus de Milo. I did not even have a 'muffin top' that so many of my friends from the ante-natal classes complained about.

I suppose I should work on it, get my body back to where it was before the baby, but honestly, with what time? When he did go to nap, the last thing I had the energy for was exercising. And it was for certain that Tony was not going to watch the little darling when he got home from work so I could go to the gym. I might as well save the money and cancel my membership until he started school.

I stood there for several long moments critically evaluating my physical appearance. While it was not the body that I had grown accustomed to, it certainly was not fat and disgusting. I was reminded of depictions of Mother Earth in my art classes in secondary school: full, round, life-giving. So why had my husband ignored me, turned away every advance I made for the past three months?

I turned then to get a look at my rear in the mirror. And that's when I saw him. One of the builders was working right outside our bedroom window. I had raised the blinds earlier to let the light in, thinking nothing of the workmen. I certainly had not imagined myself parading around completely naked in front of them.

I blushed and did the whole ridiculous arm across the boobs and hand over the mound thing. He blushed too. I noticed that he was one of the younger workmen, likely he did not even speak English. He just sat there with the scraper thing dangling loosely from his hand. He did have the decency to drop his eyes though. That is when I dropped mine. And noticed the distinctive tenting in his dirty jeans. There was quite a bulge there.

For the first time in months I felt like a woman. I felt alive. I felt beautiful. I felt desirable. I just flat out...felt. It was amazing. Exhilarating.

That is when I did something completely out of character for me. I dropped that silly 'oppps' pose and stood tall. I walked proudly over to the bed and picked up my knickers. I put them on, of course. But instead of rushing I actually did the whole wriggle into them thing. Then I did the same with my bra.

I stopped then and stared at those ugly sweat pants and ratty t-shirt. They were not the clothes of the sexy goddess that I was feeling at that moment. I picked them up and tossed them into the bin by the bed. I promised myself that I would do the same with the rest of them in the drawer later.

I would say that I walked across the room but the truth was I glided across it to the wardrobe. I opened the doors as I caught sight in the mirror of my reflection and the builder sitting dazed on the scaffolding just outside the window. Poor kid did not seem to know what hit him.

It was not easy finding something appropriate to wear. I had sexy evening wear for the dinner parties that we used to attend before the baby and I had business suits, but nothing really casual wear. Maybe it was time for a little shopping trip when Junior woke up, I thought as I finally pulled a white blouse and navy skirt off their hangers.

I put on the blouse and buttoned it slowly. But I left the top two buttons undone; you could even catch a glimpse of my bra if I bent over. I then slithered slowly into that skirt. I held my breath. Would it fasten? How embarrassing would that be to do my sexy little 'dress' tease only to end it in desperation because the damned skirt no longer fit? I sighed as the zipper slid easily up and I buttoned it.

I looked back in the mirror. He still sat there motionless. His mouth was wide open. His eyes were wide open. And I swear that tent had gotten even larger. A gruff voice called out something that I could not understand and the poor kid dropped his tool. I bit my lip wondering what his 'tool' really was like.

Then my little fantasy came to an abrupt end as I heard the screeching call of motherhood through the baby monitor. It seemed that it was time for both of us to get back to work. But not even those shrill cries could rain on my party this day.

I skipped down the hall and got the baby changed. I put him in his buggy and off we went on that little shopping expedition. I bought way too many new Yummy Mummy outfits as they call them that day. I even bought a few new bra and matching knickers sets. I stopped at the market too and bought dinner.

Tony was late getting home and normally I would have been grouchy and called it a night, falling asleep before he got home. But not this time. I stayed up. I warmed up the dinner and we ate it at the table while we talked about our days. I might have left out a couple of little details of course. Then we went upstairs...together. I pulled out one of those new purchases and my husband was not complaining about the money I spent. We made love that night. The first time since the baby was born. It was wonderful.

And a bit of a habit was born. Oh, don't get me wrong. I don't go out dressed in a long coat and flash people walking along the Thames...although? But I have been known to forget my knickers on occasion and who knows what the occasional stay-at-home daddy might see on the playground then. And I always leave those top two buttons undone, three sometimes even. And yes, that was not the only show that the poor boy got.

These days anytime I need an ego boast, anytime I feel a bit low, wonder what the hell I am doing stuck at home with the kids...I just show a bit of skin. As if by magic, I am transformed into a sex goddess, Gaia, Mother Earth herself. Judge me if you want, but I have never cheated on my husband. In fact, we have one of the best marriages I know. So what's the harm in...if you got it, flaunt it?