"Sarah?"
"Yes, Rachael?"
"Let's get naked!"
"Huh?"
"Naked. Nude. Take off our clothes."
"Why should we get naked, Rachael?" I asked, somewhat confused.
"Silly girl. To celebrate the Steelers Super Bowl ring number six."
"But the Steelers didn't win number six yet."
"We will. Let's get naked and do something real naughty."
"Like what?" Now I sounded even less excited. Rachael is a little on the wild and crazy side.
"Let's go to a bar to watch the game. One where we've never been before. Full of horny guys. We'll get in a catfight. And rip off each other's clothes. I love it! I love it!"
"Uh...I don't think so, Rachael"
"Oh, please, Sarah? I'm so frigging bored lately. Let's do it!"
"Forget it, Rachael. I'm not taking off my clothes in front of a bunch of strangers. Or letting someone else rip them off."
"But you have a great body. You're not a prude are you?"
"No, I'm not a prude. I'm not ashamed of my body. You know that. You've seen me naked. When we showered at the gym."
"You've seen me naked, too."
"Yes, and I must say that you also have a great body, Rachael. But you already know that. And at least your boobs match. One of mine is bigger than the other."
"Who can tell? So let's let a few other people see how great our bodies are. Just for kicks!"
"I said no."
"Okay, what do you want? What will make you do it?"
"Rachael, you know that green bra-top dress of yours? The one with the empire waist and slightly flared A-line ankle skirt."
"No, not that! It cost a fortune."
"Then my clothes stay on."
Rachael went and got the dress and gave it to me.
"Okay, Sarah, when we get to the bar, what are we going to fight about?"
"Beer?"
"Hmmm. Well, we can't do that Miller Lite thing. That's a little old."
"How about Coors? I'll accuse you of being a whore. Whores drink Coors."
We both began to laugh hysterically and poked each other playfully.
"And I'll accuse you of being a virgin, Sarah!"
"You know I'm not a virgin, Rachael. I told you about some of my lovers."
"Mentally you are a virgin, Sarah. Who can tell, anyway? I've told at least a dozen dudes I was a virgin and they were my first."
"What beer rhymes with virgin?" I asked.
"None that I know of. Just drink Budweiser." She collected her thoughts for a moment. "I got it! Pud rhymes with Bud."
"What's a pud?"
Rachael laughed at my expense. "A pud is a pussy."
"Oh. Too bad we can't think of anything that rhymes with our local brew, Iron City. What a pity. What exactly are we going to say when we rant and rage on each other?"
"Whatever comes to mind. It's not like these dudes will be paying much attention to our words when we are ripping off each other's clothes."
"True. We should wear old blouses and skirts. Skirts will be easier to rip off."
"Sarah, one more thing."
"What?"
"We have to take this a little further than just getting naked."
"Oh?"
"Sex."
"Oh no, no way. You know I don't do casual sex. I have to really care about the person."
"You know that diamond pendant of mine that you really like?"
"I'm not screwing or blowing some guy I never met before for a diamond or anything else. I have my principles."
"Sarah, are you sexually attracted to me?"
I know I blushed. "Well...I...uh...I..."
"I told you about some of girls I have been with, Sarah."
Yes, she had. And her stories turned me on.
"Go get the pendant, Rachael."
* * *
We went to the bar the afternoon of the next Steelers game. It was jam packed. Five wide-screen televisions.
There weren't any waitresses. You had to go to the bar to get a drink. But there were five bartenders. Rachael motioned to one.
"We'd like some beers," she said to the bartender.
"Well, it's your lucky day, girls. It's big can happy hour all day. You drink for half price."
"We don't have fat butts!" Rachael snapped. "Do you want us to prove it?"
"No, no," I didn't...uh...mean...uh...that," he stammered. "Big cans of beer are half price tonight. You girls definitely don't have big butts. I noticed that when you two walked in. In fact, you two are just right. Are you models?"
Now Rachael laughed. "No. But we are auditioning for a beer commercial." I couldn't help but giggle.
Rachael ordered a Coors and I ordered a Budweiser. Big cans.
When the bartender returned with our big cans he waited, expecting us to pay him.
Rachael asked him, "Don't girls who get naked drink for free?"
"I don't know. I'll go ask the manager." He came back a few minutes later. "The manager said naked girls drink for free. But we've never had any naked girls in here that I know of. Too bad."
Several guys walked over to our table and asked if they could sit down. We said we were sorry but we were waiting for our dates. They kept staring at us. All of them. Not used to seeing many women in this place I guess. At least ones that looked like us.
Another dude strolled over and said to me, "Hey, you look like Miss Universe."
"Excuse me?" I responded. "Miss Universe doesn't have red hair."
"Oh well," he offered pathetically, "you look like Miss Universe except for the hair."
"Nice try, dude. Please leave us, would you? We have important business to conduct."
I ordered another Budweiser and Rachael ordered another Coors. We ordered another. And another.
We watched the first half of the game intently. The Steelers led 24 to 3 at halftime.
"This game is over," Rachael said. "We're going to the Super Bowl! But now I'm bored."
"Whores drink Coors!" I suddenly screamed at her.
"I'm not a whore!" she yelled back.
"Yes, you are a whore! Whores drink Coors!"
"You're a fucking virgin!" Rachael roared at me. Virgins drink Budweiser! The virgin pud drinks Bud!"
"I am not a virgin!"
The stares became even more glaring as all eyes fixated on us.
Rachael grabbed the top of my blouse and ripped it right down the front, popping away the buttons. I did the same to hers. We stood beside our table. She tore my skirt away with one swoop. I did the same to hers. Just bras and panties now.
"Hey girls, don't stop now!" the patrons of the establishment began to chant.
"Whores drink Coors!" I screamed again.
"A virgin pud drinks Bud!" she yelled back.
We began to tussle, pull hair, and tug on bras and panties.
Two guys approached us. "Excuse us, girls, but if you have a problem, I think we can help. Whether you are a whore or you are a virgin. We'll give it to you up your cute little asses. Whores like to take it in the back door. And you," he said looking at me, "will still technically be a virgin."
"Get lost, buster!" Rachael snapped at him. "This is our argument! No buttheads butting in and no comments from the peanut gallery." They backed off. Rachael has this nasty look that can turn fiery coals into ice. Nasty, nasty, nasty.