Each New Year's Eve, I sit down with my diary and write out a list of things to look forward to over the next twelve months. I prefer not to call them resolutions. Mostly they are needs, which I turn into opportunities to look forward to. That way, even the shitty ones have a positive spin to them. And there can be a lot of shitty ones!
I also look back at how I went during the year about to end. That's what I was doing this morning, when I reached the entry 'Amy- colleague or buddy?'
Let me explain what this is about.
I reckon there's a hierarchy that goes acquaintance, colleague, friend, partner and buddy that can be used to define relationships. Thinking like this serves me well because it creates a special place beyond partner for the things that can't be disclosed to a partner, or dealt with in that kind of relationship. Amy and I are colleagues - have been for four years now. We have little contact outside of work, so I wouldn't call her a friend. Yet, every now and then, we have these awkward moments: conversations and situations that would be better handled if we knew more about where each other stood. Another thing. Some days I think Amy is the most beautiful woman in the world. Other days, I think Christiane Paul might have the edge. Anyone who has read my submissions will know I have felt this way about other women too, like Bree and Bess. Hardly happy endings, you may recall. In Amy's case, I was determined not to make the same mistakes. Hence the entry 'Amy- colleague or buddy?'
I found the answer at Trinity Beach.
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Two days before my trip to visit a native plant nursery at Trinity Beach, Amy's partner of three years proposed to her. I found out when she rang as planned to let me know if she was coming on the trip or not. . I'm not the kind of guy to say 'I'm happy for you.' So I didn't. This lack of excitement at the news prompted Amy to ask, "Am I still invited?" "Of course. Why would you ask?"
"Well, given that I accepted his proposal, I thought you might want to change your mind."
"Hey! We're going to a plant nursery- remember? That's all. Why should you miss out because you are getting married?"
"I'm really relieved you feel that way," Amy replied. "And I do want your help with plants for my garden."
"Good. But I also have a surprise or two in store for you."
"Ooooh! I don't like the sound of that."
"Trust me. I'm well aware what is NOT going to happen between us."
"That's not what I was thinking. It's any other surprises you might have in mind I'm worried about."
"Well don't be. You won't be put in a position to do anything you don't want to."
"So why can't you tell me now?"
"It wouldn't be the same."
"What if I insist?"
"How about a compromise? I'll tell you when I pick you up. So there is still time for you to say no," I offered.
Amy took a while to reply. "Something tells me I should be saying no now. But I'll go along with it. As long as you remember it will be your fault if you end up leaving on your own."
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I arrived right on nine to pick Amy up. She was glowing. She wore shorts and a sleeveless top, the kind that showed a bit of bra strap from time to time. This time it was showing 'peach'.
"All packed?" I asked.
"Ever the punctual!" she teased, mindful of my obsession with being on time. "Do I need to bring anything in particular?"
"Just a dress you can wear in public with no underwear."
"I don't do that!"
"But if you did, what dress would it be?"
"I don't like the sound of this already!"
"Pack it anyway. I'll explain later." She did.
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I don't think people make enough of the time spent traveling. Amy is one of those girls who tuck their legs under them and sit facing you. Not the safest way to travel, I know, but it connects people. We chatted amicably all of the way.
"If you could do your dream job, what would it be?" she asked.
"A profiler."
"Why a profiler?"
"I like the idea of sorting things out; solving things. Not that I know anything about profiling. It just appeals to me."
"That's you all right," Amy said. "Never satisfied unless you have analyzed everything to death."
"Really? Just because I do those questionnaires from the Internet we get on e-mail at work- the one's you won't do."
"I'm not telling everyone at work that kind of stuff!" Amy explained.
"So does that make you a private person, or just plain boring?"
"You'd be surprised," she joked.
"Not if I was a profiler I wouldn't be. I'd already have you sorted out."
"Oh yeah. Go on then. Pretend. Work me out."
"I can't. I haven't got the information."
"I usually get into trouble giving out information."
'Not from me, you don't."
"Not from you, maybe. But you know my last trip to Brisbane with Tim? Well, we bumped into an old acquaintance of mine. I invited him to join us for a chat over coffee. Tim got really jealous and wanted to know how I knew the guy. I explained he was someone I had a fling with, but nothing happened."
"Mmmm. Wrong explanation," I said to Amy. "Men aren't satisfied with that. In our minds something always happens. It's just a matter of what."
"So how should I have answered?"
"That depends on your relationship. He may have been thinking you were keeping something from him. So I'd put it back on him, by asking 'why do you want to know?' And keep asking why, until he is facing the truth about his motive for wanting to know. Then you can do something about it."
"And what if I needed to tell him? What if it was important to me that I didn't have to lie or deny my past?"
"Then you need him to be more than a partner and a friend. You need him to be a buddy too. A soul-mate."
"Are you my buddy, Charlie?"
"That's a strange question, at this moment."
"Ever since you explained it to me, I've been wondering whether we were buddies or not."
"Me too!"
"Well?"
"I don't think we can just declare it. Why don't we try to be buddies for this trip, and see how it goes? Which means whatever is said or done, stays with us."
"I'm all for that."
"Good! Now I need that information."
"What for?"
"Your profile. Remember?"
The next half hour or so flew by as we joked and teased our way through a clumsy attempt to develop a profile of the kind of relationships Amy was most likely to have. We started with her having to disclose past details to work with. She declined, but said I could guess at a typical one. I suggested she was most likely to have an affair with a well educated man, two years her senior, with a better than average income or prospects. And they would have sex on the third date, on her initiative, after he missed the signals on their second date.