Annie - Frustrated First Steps

The ride home stayed with her for a couple of days. She scribbled down the story and submitted it to an online story portal, wondering what the reaction would be. She knew it was so very very tame compared to some of the stories she was reading on there...but it was another first step to being seen, another step back to what the new her was.

She thought of the old fantasies she'd had from when she was in her 20s, before her husband.

She remembered when she lived in a suburb of the city, standing topless in her bedroom window, the curtain at the ready for her to disappear into the darkness if anyone did dare look up at her house as she hoped they would.

LOOK AT ME.

JUST LOOK AT ME.

She remembered walking to the shops naked under a zipped-up winter coat, the excitement of knowing her secret leaving her dripping wet.

She remembered desperately wanting to set up a scene where she arranged for an unknown stranger to accost her on said walk to the shops. In her fantasy, he would pull up in a car, jump out and push her into an alleyway without saying a word. He'd pin her against the brick wall, shielding her from public view with his body as he held her gently but firmly in place by the throat. He would unzip her coat, roughly kiss her, touch her all over, pinch her nipples and stick his fingers up into her wet pussy, before abruptly walking away back to his car and driving off, leaving her dazed at what had just happened. That one kept going for a while in her head, but she didn't know how to find the right person to take part, someone who would respect her fantasy and not deviate from her plot.

She remembered the internet dating disaster when she ventured away from the mainstream ones into a more adult site and got in over her head - taking the naive risk of meeting a man at his house to talk about his claim that he could help women become more sexually confident. He told her he took them through a series of challenges including wearing a mini-skirt and bending over in front of the staff with no knickers on in a shop of his choosing, culminating eventually in him taking them to an adult cinema up north in Manchester to be fucked by random strangers. He told her about the amateur videos he'd made, the selection of 'toys' he had in the other room, and it was all just too much too soon and freaked her out...although she did have to admit she liked and reacted strongly to the pinwheel thing he ran up and down her spine...

It all seemed like a long time ago now. Because then she'd met her husband. Fallen in love, had a few fun years with him of indoor and outdoor sex, of clothes pegs on all areas of skin, of cans of squirty cream and fruit being licked and eaten off each other's naked bodies, of stockings and suspenders and corsets, of being spanked, before getting married and joyfully falling pregnant with a honeymoon baby. An awful pregnancy ensued before their first child joined them, then a dark few years of medical and surgical management of several losses followed, before their second child arrived. Sexually she'd switched off, losing her way, as being a mum and coping with grief took priority, but now her map was ready to be redrawn, with new vulnerabilities and flaws to be incorporated. The fountain pen hovered, waiting and poised to draw her lines.

But what were those lines? Where did 'she' begin now with only the odd snatched hour to herself now and again? She felt like she needed a bit of excitement back to reignite herself, to give her the energy to move things forward with her husband. But to do that, she needed to feel like a sensual, sexual woman. Her husband always said he still fancied her, but at the risk of taking him for granted, he was already hers and she was his, forever, and she knew she needed someone other than him to see her, to notice her as a woman. It was never going to go any further than being seen, but that would be enough for her to give her the confidence she needed.

Thinking about her old fantasies was turning her on, waking her up. She walked round Tesco doing the weekly shop on her day off and was acutely aware of the seams of her jeans between her legs. She arched her back, pushed her shoulders back and her breasts forward, clenching each buttock as she walked, and began trying to look any man she passed in the eye. She bent forward over the handle of the trolley, offering her arse as though she was begging to be slapped and taken from behind. Just practising being aware of herself, practicing moving her body unashamedly instead of trying to hide.

By the time she got home, she had half an hour before school pick-up and she stripped off, practicing different poses and taking photos of her breasts. The story site had a photo section...dare she post a photo on there? Dare she be seen? Her breasts were huge globes of ripe flesh, ready to be squeezed and kissed, with nipples to be stretched and bitten. She flicked through the photos. Her confidence dipped; they were too big, too saggy, her body too lined and battle-scarred, no-one would want to see her, surely?

But she still felt horny. She slipped her fingers between her legs, feeling the wetness down her slit, before gently caressing her clit, round and round the edge, not directly on the sensitive tip but on the hood, moving round it with her circles. She felt the orgasm building and moved faster and harder but still going in circles around the edge. The wave hit her and she shuddered to a climax which shook her body, leaving her smiling as she came down from the high. She slipped her fingers back along her slit, teasing her lips, and pulled them up, her sticky juices coating her fingertips. She rubbed the wetness onto one of her nipples and slowly edged her finger away, watching the thick strand of pussy juice stretch out in a silvery line from her nipple to her fingers before it reached its elasticity limit and snapped back on to the nipple. She took a quick photo...if she dared to post it, would anyone notice the glistening sheen on her nipple?

Could she do it? Could she take this one step further and share a bit of herself with strangers...could she share her photos?

LOOK AT ME.

JUST LOOK AT ME.

Yes, she could. So she took a breath and she did.