There I was, 22 going on 23, having just spent four years getting an honours degree from a good university, and now I was spending the summer mowing lawns for a contractor who barely paid the minimum wage and working as an unpaid helper for a political party whose policies I was no longer sure that I supported. It wasn't the career start that I had hoped for.
On the day that Millicent Martin summoned me to her door, I had started work shortly before seven. There was a heavy rain warning for the south-east, and I wanted to get a few lawns completed before the rain came. If I wasn't mowing lawns, I wasn't being paid. I sort of assumed that Mrs Martin was going to complain about me disturbing the peace and quiet of the entire village at such an early hour.
'Trying to beat the weather?' she said.
'Well, they're predicting up to a hundred millimetres of rain,' I told her.
She nodded. 'Summer weather, eh? Oh, well, Wimbledon next week. Just as well there's a roof over the centre court these days.'
There was no mention of me disturbing the early morning peace and quiet of the entire village. Oh, well.
'Now David ... It is David, isn't it?'
'It is,' I said.
'Good. Now .. tell me, do you live locally?'
'Eastmarsh,' I said.
'Oh, good. This just gets better and better. Just down the road. Perfect. Yes, perfect. Now David, I'd like you to come and have supper with me tonight,' she said. 'My niece will be here. I think that you two might get along. I'm sorry about the short notice. But ... well ... you know. Shall we say seven?'
'Me?'
'Yes.'
'Tonight?' I said.
'Tonight. Yes. As I say ... I know it's short notice, but ... well, I wasn't quite sure how to get hold of you - other that going through whatshisname. Oh ... and I assume you are not a vegetarian or anything like that.'
'Umm ... no. I guess you'd say that I was a bit of an omnivore actually.'
She smiled. 'Yes. I rather assumed so. Strictly casual,' she said. 'Socks are optional.' And she laughed.
I was supposed to be handing out leaflets at a party political event that evening but, as I've already mentioned, I was fast falling out of love with both the party and its policies. It wasn't a hard decision. 'Umm ... yeah. OK. Thank you, Mrs Martin,' I said. 'I shall be here at seven.'
'Milly,' she said.
The promised rain didn't arrive until shortly after midday. But when it did arrive, it
bucketed
down. For an hour or so, I sat in my van and waited to see if it would stop. But, eventually, I called it a day and headed for home. Even if the rain did stop, the lawns would be too water-logged to be mown without damaging them.
I must confess that I am not very good at guessing people's ages, But I would say that Millicent - Milly - Martin was in her early 50s. A well-preserved fifty-two? Fifty three? Something like that. And while she was not someone who you would describe as pretty, she was certainly handsome. Also, she dressed with great style. When I arrived at her door, more or less on the dot of seven, she answered wearing a fullish three-quarter length floral skirt and a plain pink silky T-shirt. To complete her outfit, she had on an elegant pair of strappy sandals that looked as if they might have cost two or three time as much as a decent pair of work boots.
'Oh, perfect,' she said. 'Perfect. Yes.' And to my complete surprise she gave me a little hug and a kiss on the cheek. 'Come on through.'
I followed Mrs Martin - Milly - through the house to the spacious farmhouse-style kitchen which opened out onto a walled courtyard.
'Gosh. This is nice,' I said.
'I was hoping that we might be able to eat outside,' Milly said. 'What do you think? Has that rain moved on? Or is there more yet to come?' And before I had a chance to answer, we were joined by a young woman who looked vaguely familiar.
'I let myself in,' the young woman said. And then, seeing me, she held her hand out and said: 'Hello. I'm Amber.'
'David,' I said.
Milly and Amber hugged each other. And then Milly said: 'David and I were just trying to decide if it would be safe to eat outside. What do you think?'
Amber walked out into the courtyard and looked up at the sky. 'Well ... there's enough blue sky to make a sailor a pair of trousers,' she said. 'Granddad always used to say that that was more than enough. And I think what breeze there is is now coming from the west.'
'Well, we can always move back inside if ... you know,' Milly said. 'Now ... there's wine in the fridge. If you could just look after that please, Amber. I'll just finish off a couple of things. Oh ... I assume you'll have wine, David. I also have beer in the fridge, if you'd prefer.'
I told Milly that wine would be fine.
'And the chairs may need a bit of a wipe down,' she said. And she tossed me a towel.
The courtyard was about half the size of a tennis court and it was totally surrounded by a high Kentish brick wall. Above the wall, there were glimpses of the roofs of adjacent houses, but no windows overlooked the paved and planted sanctuary. 'This is very private,' I said.
Milly, who was standing at the hob, smiled and nodded. 'If you ever need an all-over tan,' she said.
Amber brought me a glass of wine. 'Cheers,' she said.
'Yes. Cheers.'
'Milly tells me you pilot a lawn mower for a living,' Amber said.
'For the moment.'
Amber smiled. 'Ah. But you have plans?'
'I thought I did,' I said. 'But now I'm not so sure.'
'Oh?'
'I thought that I would do something in politics. Help to make the world a better place. But the more I get to peep behind the curtain, the more I wonder if politicians aren't just interested in making the world a better place for politicians.'
Amber laughed. 'Yes. I know what you mean.'
'And how do you fill in your day?' I asked.
'I run a second-hand book shop. Benjamin's Books.'
Of course. That's where I had seen Amber before. Benjamin's Books. 'Gosh, second-hand books. That must be a hard way to make a living in this era of Amazon and on-line everything.'
'You are not wrong. In fact, I think it may be an impossible way to make a living. Fortunately, my grandfather pays me from beyond the grave - so to speak. He is - or was - Benjamin. He was passionate about keeping real books in circulation. Before he died, he set up a trust. The trust is what allows me to keep Benjamin's Books going. Without it ...'
And then Milly joined us. 'Nearly there. How are you two going?' she asked. Then, without waiting for an answer, she looked up at the sky. 'Yes. We can at least start out here, can't we? It's certainly warm enough.'
Supper was a paella-type dish. Chicken, prawns, chorizo, peas, rice, and lots of rosemary. Absolutely delicious. Milly claimed that she couldn't do 'clever' food; but it seemed pretty clever to me. 'This is brilliant,' I said.
Milly smiled and squeezed my hand. 'Thank you, David. I'm not sure that I would go so far as to say brilliant. But it does taste all right, doesn't it?'
It certainly did. And to follow the paella we had grilled peaches with homemade vanilla ice cream. Again, I thought that making your own ice cream was pretty clever too.
And then we cleared away the dishes and went inside.
'So ... what do you think?' Milly asked Amber as she opened a second bottle of wine and topped up our glasses.
Amber smiled and nodded. 'Yes. I'm definitely a starter,' she said. 'You'd better ask David.'
Better ask David what, I wondered.
'Let me think. Where do I begin?' Milly said. And then she said: 'Sex.'
'Sex?' I said.
'Yes. You know ... sex. Cunts and cocks. Sometimes one inside the other. Fingers, of course. And tongues. Well, anything really. But cunts and cocks in particular.'
Cunts and cocks? I must confess that, for a moment or two, I felt that I might have stepped into a parallel universe.
'I take it that you're a fan,' Milly said.
'Well ...'