A Halloween 2020 Story
Warning:
There is magic in this
Halloween story
, which is also an
Amorous Goods story
.
This is the required Amorous Goods preamble:
A lifelong collector of goods and objects from far and wide has passed and left the entire collection and the business built around them to the only remaining relative, a niece on a career path of her own. Vikki has taken on the task of administering the estate and liquidating the business and collection. However, she has come to find out that many of the goods have been cursed or enchanted with amorous powers that affect those who encounter them. These are the stories of some of those encounters with objects found at Amorous Goods.
**
"Are you sure this is the right way?" Rebecca asked me.
"No, not really. It's a small town around here somewhere, though," I said.
"What's it called, at least? There's a signpost coming up," Rebecca said.
"Middletown, what else? It's right, smack, dab in the middle of nowhere," I said.
"You got that right," Rebecca replied. "Remind me again why we're doing this? And Michelle? Please don't say again it came to you in a dream!"
"I told you: I saw a little squib about an estate sale in Middletown. We haven't been to an estate sale in months, and I'll just bet there's some great antiques there. I know you love antiques. Hell, we both do! Also, it came to me in a dream," I said. Rebecca was looking at Google Maps on her phone.
"Take your next left," she said. Then she glared at me.
**
"Boy, this town is small! It's got like five stores total, and that includes the grocery store and the general store. This place has to be it," Rebecca said.
"Yep. See the small sign in the corner of the window? It says Estate Sales." I replied.
"The sign above the door, painted rather poorly I might add, says Amorous Goods. What the bleep does that mean?" Rebecca asked. "At least they spelled Amorous correctly."
"Let's go inside and find out," I said, and I opened the door, causing a small bell to tinkle. A thirties something woman emerged from a back room, sweeping her dirty blonde, longish hair from out of her right eye, and she looked at us squarely.
"Welcome to my store, Amorous Goods. I'm Vikki," she said.
"I'm Michelle, and this is Rebecca. We thought the store was called Estate Sales R Us. Is this not an estate sales store?" I asked. I was confused, because what was inside the store looked exactly like the estate sales Rebecca and I have enjoyed haunting for the last couple of years, but the store name didn't fit. The furniture was so pretty, my mouth was watering. My apartment was still seriously under furnished. It's hard, when all that you want is antiques.
"Oh, yes, definitely, but now I've devoted it to just one estate: that of my Great Aunt. She was a collector, you see, and what you see here is only around a tenth of her collection! Her estate will keep me occupied for years, I guess," Vikki said.
"Why did you rename the store Amorous Goods?" Rebecca asked. "We almost drove right past it."
"I did it as a warning. My Great Aunt Elizabeth Jackson Howe was an enchantress, you see, and a random subset of her estate is magically charmed. Don't worry, though, she was a good witch. You have nothing to fear, unless you're averse to sex and love, and nobody really is, right?" Vikki said.
Vikki said it fast, nervously. Actually, I felt she was a highly nervous person. Her hair was back in her eyes. She nervously brushed it away again. I idly wondered how many times each day she did that?
"Anyway, look around, and I hope you enjoy yourself. I'll be in the back room in case you need me for questions, okay? Just ring the bell," Vikki said, gesturing to a chiffereau in the center of the store, which had a cleverly positioned bell in it. The chiffereau was made of bird's eye maple, and polished to a shine.
We both said thanks, and we began to look around. Clearly Vikki was a little nuts, but the pieces at the estate sale of her Great Aunt Elizabeth were stunning, and looked to be worth a fortune. They were priced accordingly, however, and were way out of my range. Rebecca was rich (inherited money) however, and she looked over things carefully, while I just walked around and drooled.
I was disappointed. The whole point of estate sales (as opposed to antique shops) was to find fabulous bargains, and clearly there were none here to be had. None, that is, until I got to the jewelry counter. There was a ring made of 14 carat solid gold, with diamonds encrusting one small part of it, and the price was $100. It was priced at least ten times too little; many even twenty times, fifty times, or more! It came with a matching bracelet, and necklace. They too were priced absurdly low.
I called Vikki but she must not have heard me, for she did not come. I finally thought to ring the little tinkling bell on a shelf of the chiffereau, as she had said we should do. Immediately she was there, right behind me, saying, "Yes, Michelle. How can I help you?" I wondered how she had done that so fast, without me seeing her?
"I'd like to try on some of this jewelry, if I may?" I asked.
"Yes, of course. You have a good eye. They're really beautiful pieces," Vikki said. Vikki was right!
"If I may ask, is the ring solid gold, and are the diamonds encrusting it real diamonds?"
"Yes, exactly," Vikki replied.
"Why is it so cheap?" I asked. I didn't want to take advantage of Vikki. Maybe she had just left off some zeroes or something?
"Oh, yes. Well. You see, a woman already bought the ring, the bracelet, and the necklace, and she paid full price: $16,000 in total, plus tax. It seems, however, that the jewelry she bought is enchanted, and the woman freaked out to such an extent that she returned them. I offered to return her money, but she just fled. So, I priced them to move. I don't want anyone returning them again, nor do I want to profit from her unhappiness," Vikki said. "Returning them to me, you see, seems to be the only way to break the charm."
"The charm?" I asked.
"Oh yes, you remember I told you a random subset of objects on sale here are charmed? Mostly I don't know which ones are charmed, but from what that woman said, this set of jewelry is most definitely charmed!" Vikki said.
"What happened to make her think that?" I asked.
"She wouldn't say. She mumbled something about too much sex. It didn't make a lot of sense to me. She said she almost lost her husband because of it. Primarily, she seemed anxious to put some serious distance between her and the jewelry as fast as possible. Say, you're not married, right?" Vikki asked.
I laughed. "Far from it. I'm almost a virgin and have no prospects right now," I said.
"I like the concept of being almost a virgin," Vikki said, clearly amused by my diction. I had said too much.
"It's a long, complicated story," I said, in that tone of voice we all know how to use to end a topic of discussion.
"I'm sure it is. Well, if I may say so, you look stunning in the jewelry. Did you notice how the ring almost glows on your finger?" Vikki asked. "It's good that you're not married."
"You do look gorgeous in it," Rebecca added.
I looked in the mirror. Wow. If there were a ten-point scale of prettiness, then (let's say) before the jewelry I had been a five, or maybe on a good day a six. While wearing the jewelry, however, I was a nine! Probably I was a ten, but modesty prevents me from saying that. It was amazing, and amazing in a good way. Vikki was right: The ring appeared to be positively glowing!
"Why is it good I'm not married?" I asked. Vikki looked as if she had regretted saying that. There was a little back and forth, but I insisted she answer.
"Not all husbands are understanding if, for example, you were to kiss another man," Vikki said.
"Oh, I see!" I said, even if I didn't, and then the three of us laughed. This whole enchanted jewelry thing was nonsense, but I was getting a true bargain; almost a steal!
**
"I'm glad you got the jewelry," Rebecca said. "You look stunning in it! You really do. I know you're wearing only the ring, but it even brightens up your face, somehow!"
"I still can't get over how cheap it was," I said.
"It's probably just paste," Rebecca said. "The point is, it fits you. You look great with even only just the ring."
"No, I think it's real. I worked at my Uncle Jim's jewelry store summers, and after school, as a kid. I know fake from real. This looked real," I said. "Back then, I saw women come in wanting us to buy their engagement rings, with diamonds on them the size of Montana. Often, they were just gold plate and the stones were cubic zirconium, and I had to deal with breaking the news to them. It was heartbreaking. The same with their gold band wedding rings."