"So, James, remember what we talked about in the pre-surgery consultation. I want you to take it easy this weekend. Do you have Monday off for the holiday? Good. Today's Day 0. On Days 1 and 2, you should relax, watch some movies, ice the area, and don't do any strenuous activity. Day 3, you should be more or less back to normal. I want you to drink lots of clear fluids. You shouldn't try to ejaculate tonight, but over the next two weeks, I want you to have a few orgasms. While the vasectomy was successful, there's still sperm in your system and you need to flush that out. I want to see you back here for a check in on Day 17, which should be a Monday. Now, can you remember all that, or should I go out to the lobby and explain it to your wife too?"
"No, no, I've got it! No need. I've got it. I'm pretty lucid already; that anesthetic is already wearing off. Thanks, doc." I felt a little bad about my plan, but I still didn't want the doctor ruining it by telling Julia the truth. "Day 17, see you then."
"Have a good day, James." The doctor waved me out into the lobby.
As I stepped through the double doors, I decided to affect a small limp, just to really ham it up. My wife, Julia, would be watching and waiting after all. I loved Julia more than anything, but she could be a bit naive - that's rude - she could be a bit gullible.
Julia and I had been together for over a decade. She was kind, caring, supportive, and wonderful. She had a great sense of humor, so she was a perfect victim for my little pranks because she'd always end up laughing at herself when she found out, with no hard feelings. We had a healthy, albeit vanilla, sex life. We made each other cum regularly enough. But Julia had always been really pretty and had relied on that to foster her social life, rather than practicing the fine art of casual sex. As a result, even now in our early 30s, she preferred missionary sex and couldn't really deepthroat, although she made up for that with how she worked her tongue.
When she saw me, Julia rushed to my side and put an arm around me to steady me. She got up on tiptoes to give me a kiss on the cheek. "Let's get you to the car, my big brave man!"
I think most people would describe Julia as cute or pretty, but not hot. That suited me just fine, as she was exactly my type: about 5'7", 120 pounds, with wavy shoulder-length brown hair, piercing blue eyes, and perky 32B boobs. She looked like Alexis Bledel, but with slightly bronzer skin. She knew it would be cold in the waiting area, so today, she wore a lightweight royal blue turtleneck, tucked into some high-waisted jeans.
As Julia drove me home, she said, "Thank you for getting that done, honey. I've tried so many types of birth control, and they all mess with my hormones so severely. Thank you for offering to get a vasectomy instead!"
"You're welcome, honey," I responded. "I'm excited to have unprotected sex with you whenever I want."
"Jimmy!" Julia blushed, giggled, and slapped my thigh softly. "Well, I can't say I'm not excited for that too..." Julia continued. "Is there anything I can do to help you be more comfortable during your recovery?"
Here was my opening. "Well, as a matter of fact..." I suppressed a grin to maintain my poker face. "The doctor said I need to be on complete bed rest for two weeks."
"Of course, honey. I'll wait on you, hand and foot. It's a good thing your job can be done remotely. As soon as we get home, I'll set up the pull-out couch for you in front of the big TV, and I'll make sure your video games are all set up there. That way you won't have to deal with the stairs."
That wasn't part of my plan, but that would be fine. Our pull-out couch was nearly as comfortable as our bed, and I'd slept on it before, during late night gaming sessions.
"The other thing the doctor ordered..." I continued, "is daily blowjobs."
"What!" Julia accidentally hit the brakes a little as she said that - she's not the best driver. "I mean, of course honey, anything for you. But did the doctor really order blowjobs?"
I let a grin slip through. "Well, not blowjobs specifically. But he said there's still sperm in my system that needs to be flushed out, that I shouldn't exert myself in any way, and that the vasectomy won't be effective birth control until I've ejaculated 14 times, so... blowjobs were implied as the best option."
"Well, that makes sense, I guess. Can't argue with the doctor." Julia affirmed. "14 times, really? I wouldn't have thought there was that much stuff in your system."
"Apparently, yeah. He said we have to completely empty the vas deferens and the testicles of everything they've got stored up." I was going a bit off book with that, but I could see Julia nodding at the mention of anatomical terms. "They recommend 14 ejaculations to get it all, but I bet there's some liability insurance baked into that. Maybe 10 would be enough, but they probably say 14 just so they don't get hit with a malpractice suit."
"That could be," Julia said thoughtfully. "But better safe than sorry! 14 blowjobs it is! And you don't have to do any work - I'll come down to you on the couch."
