This chapter is a little bit longer, but sets the stage for the birthday party. Thanks for being patient as I write and juggle commitments. I'd expect a chapter every week or two. Lots to come, stay patient!
As always, I love to hear comments and get votes, both good and bad. Next chapter will have more action. Hope you enjoy!
Pete and Michelle had finished breakfast by Friday at 11. That meant that she still had 59 hours to go of being a slave. But really, she only had 2 hours to go until she again saw the four men she had given her body to for the weekend. Since she had last seen them, she had solidified in her mind that not only was she going to finish out the weekend and fulfill her commitment, but she was also 99% that she wanted this lifestyle of submission to be a way of life for her.
She was going to trust that she and Pete would figure out how to work out the details of their arrangement, and that Pete would grow into the role of being Dom and husband. He had shown lots of promise this morning at the diner. She thought to herself,
What an awesome thing it would be to give herself to someone who knew all of her buttons, all of her hang-ups, all of her vulnerabilities, and how to take advantage of them, but who also loved her, and would be her dom for her sake, not just his sadistic tendencies.
But it was also delicious, in this state of mind, at least, that he did have an axe to grind with how bitchy she had been as his wife.
Putting her mind back on this weekend, there were only two decisions left for her to make. She needed to make out two lists for Jim as he planned her ultimate humiliation, and she needed to decide which list he would use. As they were driving -- Michelle did not know where -- Pete had told her to start working on the lists for Jim.
Jim's instructions had been for list one to be a life-ruining list; people who, if they saw what Michelle was doing this weekend, would never be able to relate to her the same. This was a list for ultimate humiliation. That list was to include 2 close friends, 2 neighbors, 2 co-workers, 2 family members, and 2 others which Jim had not specified.
His instructions for list two were to include more casual acquaintances. The only people he had mentioned that had to be on this list were some of Pete's friends, but she assumed this could mean the lawn boy or people who she knew from the community. This list would be easier to make, because the stakes were not so high; but Michelle was toying with an idea.
"Sir," she spoke up, indicating that she wanted Pete to fill the role of Dom in his answer. "I'm thinking a naughty thought about these lists."
"Do tell," Pete responded.
"Well, what if I denied myself the capacity to go to list two by not even giving him a list two?"
"You mean only giving Jim the list with family members and co-workers and friends? Michelle, that's not a good option."
"Why not?" she demanded.
"Well first, I know that you think that this sexual high you're experiencing is going to last, but I believe you are underestimating what these guys are going to put you through this weekend. If the going gets tough, and you need to lessen the blow with Jim, you need to have the second list available.
"And second, I know the idea of complete release from your social and familial obligations sounds appealing, with all the sexual highs you've already experienced, but you won't be able to undo this thing on Sunday night. It will be permanently etched in the minds of the people who are watching, and maybe participating."
"Ok," said Michelle. But inside, that thought inspired another scenario.
What if I like this so much that I want Jim to invite both lists?
It was fun thinking about the second list anyway, so she worked on that. She added the lawn boy, Jack, who had just graduated from high school, and was the heartthrob for many of the "cougars" in the neighborhood, including herself. She added two female acquaintances that she knew from her gym, who loved to talk smack about their sexual conquests. She'd show them!
Fulfilling Jim's request, she added three of Pete's friends, James, Marcus, and Andrew, who Pete had gone to high school with, and who she thought would be cool with what they might see. She also reasoned that if she handled it right, she could make Pete look like the luckiest man of that group. She wanted that for her husband.
She added her golf instructor, Mary, and then 3 guys from her cycling club, who she thought had been lusting for her. Finally, with a wicked and twisted thought in her mind, she added James, the guy who had given her the magazine when she was so young and had opened her up to the kinky side of sex. To get to him, she would also need to invite his sister Joy, Michelle's best friend from her teenage years. Both James and Joy, despite their casual upbringing, had become fairly conservative, high-brow people. To be able to say that this was all James' fault would be especially delicious.
List two complete, she got to work on list one, which was going to be difficult. This was family members, co-workers, and people close to her. She shivered as she thought about the humiliation she would feel from these folks seeing whatever the guys had planned. If they showed any of the stuff from last night or this morning, it would be the end of "Old Michelle," whatever that meant.
Rather than dwelling on it, she just wrote the names down according to Jim's instructions. Both of her parents, Rick and Maggie were added. Her brother, Jeremy was added. She was blushing deeply and nearly hyperventilating at the thought of them seeing what was being planned for her. Then she added her boss, Claire, who had a very similar personality to her.
Well, the Old Michelle,
She added her two assistants, Mark and Stacey, both of whom she rode hard, trying to give them the same training she had received. She could feel her skin on fire with blush at writing them down. What kinds of things would they do in the future if they were there on Sunday night?
She added one spouse from each house that surrounded hers: Chris from across the street, who was in his 50's; Abigail from the house to her right, who was an up-and-coming lawyer; and Paul, from the house to her left, a building contractor. And then finally, she added her best friend Renata, who she had known since college. Renata knew all of Michelle's friends, past and present, and while she had always had Michelle's back, she was a bit of a gossip.
She felt the heat in her body rising and felt her heart racing when she re-examined this list. These were people who, depending on their reaction, could completely alter her future life as a person. Her parents and Jeremy could disown her or try to get her into counseling to erase this part of her. They could even disavow her marriage to Pete. That was bad enough. But also on this list were people who could make work miserable for her, or who could ruin her career. On this list were neighbors who she could never hide from. On this list was a friend who knew all of her friends.
Michelle realized that to go forward with giving this list to Jim, one of two things would happen. Either New Michelle would be out and in the open, and she would be left to live with the consequences of their reactions. That was especially true if on Sunday night she performed any of the acts she had already done, and if she did them willingly, calling herself a slut or making a confession or pledge of sluthood (
what a naughty thought
). Or alternately, if they shamed her enough, they might force the New Michelle so far deep into her psyche she would never have adventurous sex again. Both of those possibilities put a pit in her stomach unlike any she had ever felt.
She knew in her head that she needed to time to process all of this. Far more time than she was likely to have. This was big stuff, heavy stuff. Stuff that should not be decided when high with sexual arousal. She knew this because her instinct, thinking sexually, was to ignore Pete's direction and just send the first list over to Jim to seal her fate as a slut. But there was enough of Old Michelle stirring to hold her back.
She read off both lists to Pete. He whistled, then asked, "Michelle, are you sure you want to send these over to Jim? I mean, are you thinking of the implications that will come from either of these lists being invited to your humiliation?"
"I'm not sure. I have a pit in my stomach over seeing those names written down and what might go down on Sunday night. It makes me nervous as hell. But..." she trailed off.
"But what?"
"Have you ever done something that you knew in your head was probably stupid, but you just had a sense it would be OK?"
Pete thought for a second. "Yeah"
"When?"
"When I first asked you out on a date," he said, reminiscing. "I watched you at that frat party back in college. I must have watched you for a half hour. You were so wholesome and sexy and smart and confident. I kept telling myself I was stupid to try and ask you out. You were out of my league." He looked at her, then back at the road. "But I knew that somehow it was going to be OK, so I went up and asked you out."
"I love it when you tell that story," she said. "You don't realize it, but you were a looker, too. I was flattered to have the attention of a hot guy."
"But I wasn't hot like you."
"I bet you're having second thoughts now, though," she said. "I bet when you asked me out you couldn't possibly imagine what is going on now."
"You're right about that second part. I would have never imagined," he said with a smile. "But I don't have second thoughts about it. I'm glad I took that risk."
"See? That's what I'm thinking about this. I love my career and what I do. I love my family, and my neighbors. They are all good people. But they all have me locked into a lifestyle that can be so stifling. You always have to do what is expected of you, what is 'normal.' And maybe I'm just not normal. And I think that for the first time, I'm OK with not being normal.
"Somehow it just feels to me like taking this risk is worth it. The stakes are high, I know, but I just feel the need to not only discover the real me, but to let that person out. If my family disowns me but I am the real me, that's OK, because I have you and we're in this together. If I lose my job, you make more than enough to make ends meet, and I can always figure something out for work. If my neighbors reject me, well we were already thinking about downsizing with the kids gone anyway."
Pete was taking all this in. He bought the part about the neighbors. They had thought about putting their house up for sale. He bought the part about the career. She was a mid-level accountant and could go do that somewhere else if she wanted to. And she was right. Financially, they were set, probably for life, if they wanted to be. It was the family part that worried him. The expected negative reaction from them would be a bigger blow than she was letting on. But she seemed so forceful in her argument, he felt it best not to push.
"OK," he said. "Go on and send them over to me, and I'll get them to Jim."
She did, and then looked around. "Where are we?"
They were in a parking lot, parked under a sign that simply read "Adult Toys and Lingerie."
