This is my entry to the
Summer Lovin' Story Contest 2023
; I hope you enjoy it. I'd just like to confirm this is not from personal experience (unfortunately)! All names are plucked at random from the ether, if you happen to have one of the names used here, I'm sorry, it wasn't meant to be a depiction of you!
My very short career in films began if anywhere on Friday 13th June 1986. I saw an advert in the London Evening Standard positions vacant column that read as follows:
"Three single men and three single women wanted for roles in educational videos. No acting experience necessary. Ten week contract, good rates." There was a contact telephone number given.
It was a bit terse, I thought, but I was a twenty-three year old man sharing a cheap flat in East London with a friend, Jim, and I was surviving on short term casual jobs whilst I tried to find opportunities to work as a photographer - I was interested in industrial buildings, machinery and equipment and how to photograph them to best effect for publicity, sales, brochures and so on. It wasn't an easy field to get into, I needed more and better contacts. I'd been working on this since leaving art school, but it was slow going, I just got the odd small contract from time to time. I'd really hoped to be able to take a month off and bum around Europe taking pictures - the windmills in Greece had caught my eye - but having never had enough money to do it whilst a student I still found myself short now. Ah well, I'd be able to visit Greece when - if - I had made it...
So I needed the money to keep eating and paying the rent, and this sounded like it would fit the bill. Who knows, I might find an opportunity to take stills for promoting these videos.
So I found a public phone box and got my phone card out - should be enough credit left on this one - and dialled the number.
I spoke to a pleasant but business-like woman who explained that they would be conducting preliminary interviews in around two weeks, and second interviews a week later, with a view to starting shooting early August. A three part video cassette series was planned, and all she would say about the subject was that it concerned human behaviour, which sounded intriguing. She asked me to send a short letter covering my background and suitability, and enclosing two photos of me, a full body shot and a portrait, and gave me the address. So I got this together and sent it off, and fully expected to hear nothing further.
So I was pleasantly surprised when a week later I received a letter inviting me to the first interview the following Tuesday.
And on the day in question, spruced up in suit and tie, and wondering what was in store, I presented myself at an office location. It was a rather plain, anonymous red brick building in the back streets not far from Liverpool Street station, looking like many others built on bomb sites in the years after the Second World War. There was a discreet plaque stating "JG Videos Ltd. - Office and Studio".
There were a couple of men and a woman waiting in reception who I smiled nervously at and wondered if they were also interviewing for this. Eventually I got called in and found myself in front of a middle-aged man, balding with glasses, just a bit portly, and a younger woman, maybe late thirties, who looked I thought a bit brassy - bleached hair stiff with lacquer and thick make-up.
"Now, Jonathan French, isn't it? Good, my name is Stuart Goodman, I'm the producer for these videos, and this is my colleague Stacey Johns." She said hello, and from the voice I guessed this was the woman I spoke to on the phone. She was clearly going to be the one taking notes. "We are the heads of this organisation, JG Videos. Firstly, a little bit about what we are doing. I can't say much at this stage, I'll reveal more if you get to the later stages of the selection process, but we are planning a ground-breaking series of video cassettes that will instruct and illustrate aspects of human behaviour. We'll be the first to do this, hence the secrecy! We are looking for three men and three women who will demonstrate some of these aspects. We don't need any prior experience, but we will need persons who are not shy and are willing to do anything we ask. I can't say any more now, but how does that sound?"
Well, I'd always been prepared to act the fool in company, so I thought I'd be able to hack it.
"It sounds intriguing, and I'm definitely interested."
"Good! I'll ask you various questions now, to see if we can take this to the next stage with you."
Well, the questions were a strange mix. The usual sort of interview stuff - what is your background, what are your interests, have you ever acted before, confirm your availability for the planned filming period, and so on.
Then there were the oddball questions.
Did I have a girlfriend? No, as it happened. A bit of a sore point, it had been a while, although the last one had ended badly and I had been a bit burnt and hadn't really been looking.
Had I ever done any modelling? No, I've never had the opportunity. Would I if asked do life modelling? Well, my body is nothing special, but I'm young and fit, an average looking chap I'd say, so why not.
Is there any aspect of human behaviour you would not want to act out for us on video? Blimey, what kind of a question was that? So I replied that I wouldn't want to do anything illegal, offensive or unpleasant, such as going to the toilet on screen, but otherwise I'd at least be open to discussing it. Stuart seemed pleased with that answer, and I detected a small knowing smile on Stacey's face.
Eventually after about forty minutes, Stuart suddenly said, "Right, I think we've got enough, thank you and we'll be in touch one way or another in a very few days. I'm sure you have lots of questions, but if we invite you back and you progress to the next stage, there'll be plenty of time for those. Can you ask Jean on reception to send the next one in?"
So off I went, not really any the wiser as to what this job might entail. Jim of course quizzed me about it when he got home from work, but I couldn't enlighten him. I tried to take my mind off it the next day by taking my camera around some of the run down industrial areas of East London and shooting some moody shots in cloudy weather, but I didn't shoot much as I was trying to cut down my expenses, and film, even black and white, wasn't cheap.
But they were true to their word, and the following day I got a letter inviting me back for the 'final selection process'. I was to go back to the same address the next Wednesday for 10am sharp, and it would take all day, including a medical. Wow, I thought, that's some careful selection - no other job interviews I've had have taken anything like that long, and this for a temporary role!
That evening, Jim and I had a couple of jars at our local pub, the Princess Alice, known locally as the Alley. We had a bit of speculation about the nature of this mysterious job. It started off with some serious suggestions, such as management training or vocational training, but soon descended into somewhat less serious flights of fancy. Possibilities suggested included training students for rag stunts, or playing villains in police training videos; I hazarded a guess somewhat darkly that it would be espionage training, which would explain the cloak and dagger nature of the process; Jim reckoned it might be training for strippers, and suggested that I get a sequinned jockstrap. We retired homeward mellow and cheered.
Wednesday came around and I presented myself fifteen minutes early in best bib and tucker. By the time it turned ten o'clock there must have been at least twenty-five others, it was standing room only in reception. At the appointed hour on the dot, the inner door opened and Stuart Goodman stood there.
"Morning everyone! Can you all come through please, and find a desk and sit at it. Please don't touch the paperwork on the desk. Jean, has everyone arrived?"
"Not quite, Mr Goodman, there's still..." she consulted her paperwork, "Geoffrey Hartson and Suzanne Morris to come."
"Well, lesson number one is, be on time or miss out... If they turn up, please send them away."
We all trooped through, suitably aware of the attendance criterion in future.
"Everyone got a place? Good. In front of you is a personality assessment questionnaire put together by university psychologists which we'd like you to complete. There's no time limit, but please try not to take more than an hour."
I turned the page over. I've seen other such profiling questionnaires since, but at the time this was my first, and I didn't know what to expect. It was long, I thought it would take me all of the hour to complete. It was what I now know is the typical format for such psychological tests, a long series of questions on various scenarios, with multiple choice answers. Some were kind of obviously testing for outgoing/introspective, some for self-confidence, but some were just odd: for example, "A charity cause dear to your heart has suggested a fund-raising event involving a naked walk through the local park. What is your response? (a) No way, and it can't be legal; (b) I can't, it would ruin my reputation; (c) If you can convince me it's legal and there are enough other people taking part, I'll consider it; (d) Sure, if it is going to raise much needed funds?" Well, that was (d) obviously. I'm not someone who tries to expose myself at every opportunity but I'm not uncomfortable with my skin either. Then there was "You have stripped naked for a doctor's examination, and a member of the public of the opposite sex walks in looking for the toilet. Do you (a) scream and clutch for anything to cover your private parts, (b) just stay as you are and tell them where they should go, (c) calmly cover yourself and politely ask them to leave, or (d) turn away and tell them over your shoulder where the toilet is." I opted for (b) on the grounds that if they had already seen all you've got, hiding it won't make them unsee it.
Well, there was much more of this, including some with a bit of a sexual side to them; many questions seemed to at least overlap, which seemed strange to me at the time, but I now recognise that this is the psychology test technique, to keep asking the same kind of thing in different ways to probe for the genuine response. I just about finished when there was a sudden call of "That's an hour, has everyone finished? Anyone need more time? Good, make sure your name is on the front, and we'll come round to collect them." Once that was done, we had our attention drawn to coffee and biscuits that had been set out at the back of the room and told to help ourselves, the break would last some half an hour whilst the responses were analysed.
So we all wandered over to the back and idle chat broke out amongst ourselves. I found myself in the queue between a tall, blond man with a flashy tie and a slim, homely looking girl with long light brown hair.
"Hi," I said, "I'm Jon, so what did you make of that?"
