After 20 years of marriage and three kids I've finally learned to really enjoy all things sexual. Since I was a teen sex has never meant that much to me. I was always interested in teaching and becoming a good teacher. I saw family as a goal, and a good marriage as incredibly important. I always wanted a nice home and I wanted to lead a normal life, and these goals have all be fulfilled in my life. My husband Rand, has always been the sexual motivator in my life. His libido has always set our frequency of sex, and his sexual imagination has driven our life in bed to where it was. I have always enjoyed sex, and I'm not a frigid woman, but I never placed any great importance upon it in my life. For me there were too many other competing things in life that were vastly more important. The reasons for my sexuality were had much more to do with satisfying my husband, and enjoying our relational connection, than it did with any real sexual fulfillment or need of my own. Anyhow, that's the woman I was.
About six months ago, Rand and I were home alone. Our sons were staying over at their friends home and our daughter was away at the lake for her sixth grade camp. As the night wore on Rand and I talked rather openly about our lives together. THe topic of sex came up too, which it rarely did unless we were in bed. During that discussion, Rand asked me if I really enjoyed our sex or if I mainly just participated for his sake. I was taken aback. Of course I told him that I enjoyed it and then I chronicled the reasons why. Yet in my chronicling, it did seem rather evident that my engaging in sex was more about him than it was about me being a sexual person. This was clearly bothersome to Rand, and I have to say, once I had verbalized it, I began to be a bit bothered too.
That night Rand and I did have rather vigorous, sensual and loving sex. It seems that even broaching the topic had begun a rush of blood to both our sexual organs. But there was also an awakening of sorts brewing within me. I had come to realize that I was a sexual person, but that I had hidden much of that side of myself as a matter of priority or choice for far too long. That night after Rand was sawing logs I determined to find my sexuality and to find out what really turned me on and made me hum in my lower regions.
The next morning I awoke and set myself to some intense sexual exploration. For myself, for Rand and for our marriage, I guess I wanted to learn the art of getting really downright horny. That morning began with masturbation, and I rubbed and fingered my own vagina until I was close to orgasm. I was having difficulty peaking, but i did notice that because I was doing this for me and my own sexual enjoyment, that I was truly enjoying the climb. Finally, after stops and starts and more baby oil, and after almost and hour of circular motions with my middle and index finger, and rubbing my clit like it was trying to start a fire with two sticks I finally came. It was so intense, and so deep down enjoyable. I was still excited, and not coming down, and I just loved the feel of my body. I was caressing my own tits and noticed my tongue sticking out as I peaked once again. I was panting and breathless, and exhausted. I knew how to get myself off and I liked it! I felt a new world open up, as I could go into any private place and with enough time and fingering, I could get myself off with explosiveness.
But that was not all. In the ensuing days, I also began to look at some pornography. I didn't love it at first, and felt dirty and wrong, but then I came into a certain groove. I had looked at some of this before with Rand and had always helped him to realize that I was kind of put off by it all , and that I sort of disapproved, but secretly I really had alway felt something kind of horny in the process. But now, it was not Rand and I watching porn, it was me allowing myself to get completely horny looking at cocks and sexy asses on young studs. I watched men jerking off and it turned me on. I watched amateurs filming and fucking, and it turned me on. I even watched the women, and I am no lesbian, and this also turned me on; their tits and shaved pussies, and flat stomachs and round asses. I found that not all porn is porn too. Most of it is actually awful and degrading and nasty in the worst sense of that word. But some of it is really sexy and promotes horniness in me that I can't get with my fingers alone. I found that I like two kinds of, "so-called" pornography: the kinds that have stories that lead up to hot sexual activity, and the kind that is not even produced, where regular couples film their sex. I am intrigued and curious at the human animal, similar to how I enjoy nature programs on the lion or tiger. I am interested in my own species, the human species that God created, and how they interact and enjoy one another. I am interested in how they fuck, how they try threesomes, how they allow their wives to fuck their neighbor, and how they undress. I am interested in watching a man get a boner, and how a woman's chest becomes flush when she nears the big O. I know society pretends to hate porn, and I know that the upright think it a filthy enterprise, but I don't. Now, rather that berate Rand over his desire to see naked women, and people fucking each other, I have admitted to him that I think I like it more than he does, only I like my particular brand of nude copulatory cinema.
