So my wife and I are watching "Isidingo", a popular South African soapy, one evening after we had both arrived home from work. It's high summer though, so the early evening is a lovely combination of moisture and heat - great for those who like sweat... bleh! As usual I had already shed my longs, shirt and underpants in the bedroom almost as soon as I had arrived, so I'm now standing in the kitchen in my birthday suit busy preparing dinner. I have forgotten two things, however. The first is my blue striped apron (hot oil and nudism do not go together) and the second is the only rule that my wife insists on when I strut around naked - close the doors, front and back (no pun intended) both of which open out onto the common property of our complex. Our unit is quite private, since we are in one of the corners and also since we are below the road by a metre and a half, but our open doors do allow a clear view out onto the tarmac that is surrounded by a number of other units. My wife does not like to share me... regardless of my opinion on the subject.
The first mistake is not a problem initially, as I am still at the preparing-the-food stage... no hot oil yet. The second mistake, however, soon does become a problem.
I'm standing at the counter, facing forwards towards our lounge, where I can see both my wife and the TV through the serving window that fronts the self-same counter. My back is to the court-yard. Chop, chop, chop. Slice, chop, giggle... giggle? No, I heard right, that was definitely a giggle, and a nervous one at that. I turn around... and there behind me is the open back door. Worse, through the door I can see our next door neighbour's youngest daughter (19 or 20 years old - left school in grade 10 I think) standing on the steps that lead down to our front door! She often gets sent over to our house to deliver financial stuff from her Mom, who is the complex's book-keeper. I'm the chairperson of the Body Corporate, and so I get to sign all the checks etc. Lucky me.
Perhaps turning around was not such a good idea either... darn for not having an apron on! The poor girl gets a peek at my pecker, so to speak. She quickly averts her head though, bringing the papers she has clutched in her left hand up to shield her face. This all takes place in a split-second, and we do not make eye contact. This means that neither of us is sure just how much the other saw, lacking the visual confirmation of looking into one another's eyes. She ducks down behind the side wall. I turn back to resume "watching" the soapy. I brazen it out... talking to my wife about the events that are currently playing themselves out on the TV. I hear more nervous giggling from behind me, somewhat stifled by the poor girl in an attempt to stay hidden.
A few seconds pass. I then hear a tentative knock on our front door. Oh shit... the front door is also open. I'm trapped in the kitchen. What do I do? I can't close the back door without acknowledging the fact that the previous event took place, and I can't exit the kitchen to hide in the bedrooms because the front door is also open. By this time my wife has gotten up to answer the knock.
"Um, hello, could you please have Mike, um, sign these." says the girl.
"Fine, ah..." replies my wife, who cannot complete her sentence because the girl thrusts the papers through the front gate, abruptly turns around and starts up the stairs.
My wife closes the front door, and turns to stand in the doorway of the kitchen.
"Did she see you?" she asks me, with mock sternness.
"I think so," I reply, "but only for a second or so. Good grief," I laugh, "I've ruined the poor kid!"
My wife also laughs and then walks off to the bathroom, saying over her shoulder, "Shut the doors... I'm going to bath." Before disappearing into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
Smiling ruefully to myself, I turn back to my vegetables and carry on cutting. But I feel uncomfortable... like I have a pair of eyes on me. I pause... then shift to my right, knowing that in doing so I am standing more fully in the viewable part of the kitchen. I turn around to put a plate in the sink, making sure that I do not look up. My penis is now misbehaving, long years of nudist training undone by a decidedly erotic mix up. I turn back to the counter and start cutting the chicken breasts into strips - we're having a stir-fry. I still feel the eyes boring into my back.