I could hear the sound of birds twittering in the trees. A song thrush perhaps or a robin. I tried to sort my mind out. How the heck would I know what bird it was. I can hardly tell a vulture from a pigeon. Still it sounded pleasant, relaxing, and I could feel the warm sun on my skin.
What on earth! My mind felt all jumbled but I could have sworn that thirty seconds ago I was setting off to drive the thirty miles to work and suddenly here I was lying listening to the birds and feeling the hot sun on my bare skin... Bare skin. I opened my eyes. Oh my gosh! I was stark naked. I was lying in the sun in a patch of sunlight without a stitch on. Completely nude.
What on earth had happened. I had been setting off to work. Or had I? Was that today or another day? And where was work anyway? I had a clear recollection that I drove thirty miles to work from home, but I couldn't remember more. Where was home for that matter? I mean I could remember what home looked like, a small cottage in a country village. I could remember work, an office in the town. But where on earth were they? And where on earth was I? And what on earth was I doing there in the nude!
And more to the point what on earth was I going to do about it.
***********
Joe was a creature of habit. That was why he was good at quality documentation management. It was a job suited to creatures of habit. He rose at six-thirty every morning. He showered, he dressed, he ate a healthy breakfast of porridge oats, fruit juice and muesli. He got into his clean and polished black BMW, his pride and joy, and he set off to drive into work.
He never varied. Not until... Well it was a temptation... It was something he never did but he was tempted... And just for once he broke a habit of a lifetime.
************
I would have to get home somehow. I could remember what the village looked like, just not what it was called. The name seemed on the tip of my tongue, but every time I nearly grasped it, it seemed to slip away again. Never mind, I could describe it to someone. It must be nearby. Somebody would recognise it, and as soon as they said the name I would recognise it.
I would just have to... Just have to what? What could I do? I had nothing. No money, no clothes, nothing.
Oh my gosh! I don't normally swear, but Oh My Gosh! I stood and looked around. I would have to ask for help and I had no clothes on!
But there was nothing for it. I would have to set off walking until I found a path and then walk along it until I came to somewhere or met someone. They would see me with no clothes on. And how embarrassing would that be!
Have you ever tried walking through a wood completely nude? I can tell you this, woods are full of scratchy prickly things that you don't notice when you have clothes on. It took quite some time before I eventually found my way on to a path, covered in prickles and scratches.
I could feel my face redden. Sooner or later I would meet someone and what on earth was I going to say.
*********
Joe went by the country roads. The green, leafy, windy country roads of the heart of England. He enjoyed the early morning sunshine, a pleasant easy journey until.
Screech!
Two girls were standing at the side of the road, sticking their thumbs out hitch-hiking in a way that blocked up all the road. He had no choice but to screech to a halt.
"Hi! Thanks," said the tallest, "we thought nobody would ever stop for us."
Joe was about to inform them that he had stopped only to avoid running them over, but his gaze met the gaze of the girl. She was tall, slim, with deep auburn hair, lustrous and shiny, the colour of a copper beech. And her eyes! They were a startling violet colour almost seeming to be flecked with gold. It was an arresting face. The sort of face, the sort of eyes, that make you stop dead in your tracks and change your habit of a lifetime.
"It's a pleasure," he said, "where would you like to go?"
*******
It is a very strange sensation being naked outdoors. You can feel the breeze on every part of your naked body, you are only too aware that you are completely bare, you feel totally vulnerable, acutely embarrassed, but at the same time rather elated at the sense of freedom it gives you.
That is until you meet somebody, then the embarrassed vulnerability takes over again. I heard them before I saw them. Two girls voices, chattering as they walked, the way girls always do. My instinct was to dive off the path and hide in the bushes, but what good would that have done. You might wonder why I didn't wait perhaps for a man to come along, but believe me, it would have been far more embarrassing to be caught nude by a man than a girl.
I had to stand there, red faced, knees trembling, wearing nothing but a silly grin and wait for the girls to come. Then a thought struck me. Should I cover my naughty bits with my hands, I mean when you see people caught in the altogether in films no things they always stand knock-kneed hiding their privates with their hands, no they look completely stupid.
I didn't want to look any more stupid than I had to. I would look more natural, more relaxed, more confident if I just left them on view. After all I couldn't believe that in this day and age girls would be shocked by the sight of a willy. They must know I had one, and they must know what it would look like (within reason). Yes, that is what I would do. I would just walk up to meet them, as if walking through the woods in your birthday suit was the most natural thing in the world.
*********
The girl fixed him with her violet eyes flecked with gold.
"That's all right Esmée will drive. We can sit and talk."
"But..."
"Come and sit in the back with me. We can talk."
Suddenly sitting together with those eyes seemed the most wonderful thing in the world. He vacated the driving seat and sat in the back. Esmée started the engine and the car moved smoothly forward. And in all this he had never even thought to give her a destination.
**********
The girls had stopped no were standing grinning as I approached them. All the effort to appear natural and confident vanished. I went redder than ever. My legs trembled more than ever. I could think of only one thing. They could see my penis.
There are lots of people in this world whose penises have been viewed many times. I had led a sheltered life. I wasn't one of them. I could count on one hand the number of females who had seen my penis: the midwife, my mother, the doctor (on one embarrassing occasion) and our form mistress at school who found it her duty to check the boys weren't misbehaving in the changing rooms after swimming lessons - every week ('Come on you boys! Some of you haven't even got any clothes on yet!')
The girls looked incredibly sexy. They wore tight shorts, tight tee shirts, sunglasses, white floppy hats. Their legs were long, slender and tanned, their arms were smooth and brown, their bosoms were firm and round. And they were looking at my penis.
Oh heck!
I clapped my hands over it and stood knock-kneed and nude in the middle of the path, face burning and legs shaking.
The taller one smiled.
"Can I help you?" she said.
********
He was sitting in the back of his car with a beautiful girl. A girl with mesmerising eyes.
Esmée slipped a CD into the player. Strange music haunted the car. at least one moment it sounded like music, the next like haunting echoing sounds that washed over his brain and through his mind as if clearing it of all thoughts.
"Think," said the girl with the violet eyes! sitting beside him, "of the most beautiful garden you have ever seen. The flowers are massed in the most glorious colours, the trees are tall and majestic the roses bloom in abundance and their heady scent fills the air."
He stared into those violet eyes and imagined it. The music seemed to fill his thoughts, he felt at peace. He could feel the warm sun on his face. He could hear the songbirds in the trees, song thrushes and robins.
"There," she said, and her voice had deepened and taken on a tone of authority, a tone that was so clear, so firm that it had to be believed, "there. Can you see it. A lake, water lilies lie on the surface, moor hens scoot among their leaves. Go over to that lake..."
He could see it. In his mind's eye, but he could see it. He walked over to it.
"How lovely to go in to that lake to feel the cold water, to go in, to go down, listening to my voice, and as you go down feel yourself giving way to me, listening to my voice, obeying only my voice."
He stepped forward and felt the cold water envelope his foot...
*******
"Please..." I stammered, now it came to it I couldn't think what to say, "Please..."
"Please what?" asked the taller girl.
"Please... I don't seem to have any clothes on..."
"Well, I think we can see that."
"But you see I..."
"It's all right. We understand," she gave a little laugh, "You fancied a walk through the woods in a state of nature. It was all quiet. You didn't think you'd meet anyone. Now you're embarrassed because we came along and caught you in your birthday suit. We don't mind. Honestly."
"It's not that. It's...."
"It's what?"
"I don't know where my clothes are."
"Oh my God! You haven't lost them have you!" she burst out laughing. They both burst out laughing.
"Er... Yes. Yes..." I said, it seemed to be the simplest thing, "I seem to have taken all my clothes off and now I've lost them."
"Oh dear oh dear. You are in a pickle! Perhaps we should give you a lift home."
"That would be wonderful. You have a car?"
"Yes," she grinned, "it's in the car park."
"But... I mean..," I stammered, blushing bright red with embarrassment, "I can't walk through a car park... With... With..."
"With no clothes on?"
"Well... Yes..."
"It rather looks like you're going to have to."
"But I can't do that."
"Look at it this way. You took all your clothes off didn't you?"
"Well yes."
"And that was a rather naughty thing to do wasn't it?"
"But..."
"So naughty things deserve a little punishment. Don't they?"
"Well... I suppose..."
"So, You can look on walking through the car park in the nude with everyone looking at you as your punishment. You do deserve it don't you?"
"Well I suppose.."
"There you are then."
She set off along the path.
"Is that the way to the car park?"
