A New Way Of Seeing Things Ch 10

Natalie's gifts were hidden in an unused pair of riding boots in the back of Gwen's closet as soon as the red-eyed woman got home. She examined the lifelike black dildo for some time, absentmindedly stroking it as she marveled at how the maker's attention to detail made it look and feel like a darker, supersized, version of her husband's manhood. The weight of the cudgel was impressive, and she idly wondered if Tim's was this heavy, and how long she could hold it before her arm tired. No need to hold it if you put it where it's supposed to go, the Slut chuckled before the Lady pointedly reminded Gwen of the trucks' imminent return. She slipped the massive tool into the right boot while the vibrators occupied the left. The packaging was hurried across the yard to the office, where she shredded anything that might identify what she had received. Gwen chose to save the catalog though, slipping it inside a payables folder from three years ago. It was very thoughtful of Natalie to give her the toys, she decided as she closed and locked the filing cabinet drawer, not that she would ever use them.

Natalie. Gwen was relieved to have finally shared the cause of years of shame, but with the relief came panic—would her sister-in-law think less of her for her Lesbian dalliance? Would she tell someone at the hospital? Someone who might tell someone that knew Gwen and her family? Would Adam be let in on his sister's sordid past, and would he in turn tell their parents? The possibility that someone might discover her weakness and perhaps exploit it made her feel especially exposed and vulnerable. And yet while the anxiety was real, the troubled woman had to admit it was not as bad as when she had confessed to Tim. Her tearful confession then had been predicated by the certain knowledge that he would tell others out of revenge after he rejected her, and she would be forced to leave the state and re-start her life far away. Should anyone find out now, she decided, self-exile to her home would be the punishment.

Tim didn't tell, and Natalie won't either, Gwen reasoned during moments of calm. She spent the weekend alternating between hope and panic, her one romantic interlude with her husband a muted affair because of the fear of the unknown, more reminiscent of their lovemaking before that day in the dressing room, before she had started having those dreams.

Dinner at her parents' house on Sunday was an especially stressful gathering as she looked for signs that her parents had somehow found out about exactly what her duties at the stables had included, and that the working-class man she had been dating had been the least of their worries. Adam and Natalie had been there as well, her sister-in-law showing no indication that Gwen's confession two days earlier was of concern at all, making no mention of it in the public setting of her in-law's kitchen. The pair talked and laughed about more mundane matters, much to their hosts' confusion over the warming of their relationship.

The irrational part of Gwen's panic warned that Natalie might not show on Monday, that she would either be so disgusted with what she had heard that any future get-togethers would be with others in attendance so as not to be alone with a known Lesbian, or that she would be out spreading the word as to what a slut her sister-in-law truly was.

She was relieved to see her car pull into the yard five minutes early that Monday morning. Gwen had prepared an apology for her outburst on Friday, hoping that the whole episode might be re-buried and forgotten, but Natalie was the first to speak of more than the weather (hot and sunny) and yesterday's family dinner (entertaining) as the horses climbed to the start of the tree-line path.

"Gwen, I'm really sorry we couldn't talk more when you were over. I felt like you got shut off when you should have had a chance to let it all out, and I hope you'll want to continue today. We've got all the time in the world. But, let me start where you left off before my teenage stomach barged into the kitchen.

No, I do not have to admit you're sick. You seem pretty normal to me, exploring your natural urges in the only way you thought you could and not be responsible for some sort of failing of morality. What's bothered you more all these years-- that you had sex, or that you had sex with a woman?"

Gwen stared back, confusion in her eyes, Dart's path momentarily forgotten. "Well both, but I guess...I just always felt bad for Tim, like he had been cheated, like he was getting a flawed wife."

"Why? Was he upset he wasn't the first? That he didn't get your cherry?"

Gwen blushed at the bluntness of the question. "Well, no, not that he ever said, but to tell the truth, Miss Ritter didn't, you know, get 'it', either. According to her, there was nothing to take. She told me one time that most riders lose their, umm, cherry, before their first man. 'True equestriennes lose their maidenhead to the saddle before the sword,' I think is how she put it. Anyways, I always blamed myself for letting it happen, for being weak and letting my sluttiness overrule proper behavior, so I decided I wouldn't be weak any more, that Tim deserved a proper lady as a wife. And when the girls came along, well they most certainly deserved a...well, a good mother."

"So, because you liked having sex all those years ago, to make things right you decided that not having sex should be your punishment?"

The tiny brunette rode in silence for a moment, obviously turning her answer over in her mind. "Not punishment...well maybe that, I guess, but it just seemed like the right thing to make the situation better. To tell the truth, I've tried not to think about it all, so you may be right, but what if it's more than that? What if I liked what I did with her because I really am a Lesbian? And I just married Tim to stop me from being one?"

Natalie answered carefully. "Do you find him sexually attractive?"

The other rider blushed and looked down at the path before nodding. "So much so, it made controlling my urges very, very hard when I was younger. I had gotten better at it after a while...until recently."

"Do you find other men attractive? Do you ever catch yourself thinking what they might be hiding under their jeans, what they might be like in bed? Be honest now..."

Gwen's first instinct was to emphatically deny the allegation, but she knew now was the not the time to lie, not when she was talking to the woman she hoped could help her. "Sometimes," she in a voice just above a whisper. "Once again, more than I used to. Which is one of the reasons I think I'm sick." An image of Andrew standing in her kitchen while she applied the burn salve pushed unbidden into her mind, only this time he was naked from the waist down as well. Gwen resolutely banished the thought while the Slut chuckled.

Natalie laughed softly. "Me, I think that's your normal coming out. People use their imagination all the time—that's what books and movies are, right?—so why not imagine things that make you feel good? Whether or not you act on them is up to you and Tim." Gwen shot a glance at the woman to find a sly grin on her face.

"So, we've established that you think about naked men, and I'm telling you it's healthy to do so. Sounds pretty hetero to me. Do you ever think about women that way?"

A look of shock crossed Gwen's face. The question would have been a no-brainer a month ago, but now...the image of Natalie in the pool popped up.

"No!" she cried, hoping her tone might cover the lie.

"You sure? C'mon Gwen, you can tell me. You wouldn't be the first straight girl in history to like the idea of a little female frolicking. You wouldn't even be the first girl in this family."

Gwen turned to look at her sister-in-law in stunned silence, trying to ensure she was correctly understanding what Natalie was saying.

"Look Gwen, you've trusted me, now let me trust you with a little secret. Remember how I told you when I went to Nursing School, my roommates and I weren't particularly modest?" The wide-eyed rider nodded. "Well, maybe modest wasn't descriptive enough."

Natalie could see her sister-in-law didn't understand. "You see, with four girls and only two bedrooms, there wasn't a lot of privacy. The first couple of weeks, I think we all tiptoed around, hoping that our schedules would give us some alone time with our boyfriends or ourselves to tend to any urges, if you know what I mean. Well, it didn't really work out that way, and we were all starting to get a little frustrated.

You remember Liz, my best friend, right?" Gwen nodded. She had first met the tall, slender redheaded Maid of Honor at Natalie's bridal shower. The wedding and parties over the years had given her a chance to observe the woman in the same detached, clinical way Gwen did with all she met. She remembered how the woman's poise and bearing reminded her of herself. Unlike Natalie's other friends, Liz seemed to maintain a sense of control and propriety that even Miss Ritter would have found acceptable.

"Well, Liz and I shared one of the bedrooms in our apartment. Two double beds in a room that was made to fit one. Anyways, one night, a couple of weeks after I moved in, we were both trying to get to sleep, and I could hear her sighing and tossing and turning. I could tell she was trying to fight her way into sleep, so I joked that she might as well just get up and study. She laughed a little and a minute later said, "look I hope this doesn't freak you out, but I have a way of getting relaxed when I'm like this, you know what I mean?"

I asked her what she did to relax, and she said in that slow, drawn out way she uses when she's nervous, "well, I give myself an orgasm."

And then it dawned on me! She wanted to masturbate! I wasn't naïve—I played with myself sometimes, and I had been with a few boys by then, but I had never been there when someone else was doing it! I told her sure, yeah, I understand, no problem at all, and started to get up so I could go to the living room and give her some privacy, but she stopped me.

"You don't need to leave," she said. "this won't take long. I don't mind you being here if it doesn't bother you or freak you out."

"I didn't want to look like I was a scared kid, and besides, maybe this was just some sort of roommate etiquette I wasn't aware of, so I guess I just shrugged, got back under the covers and mumbled something like I wouldn't be bothered at all. She said, 'thanks—I appreciate it!', got up, stripped down, got something from her dresser—I found out pretty quickly it was a vibrator--flopped back on her bed without even trying to cover herself, and went to town. The room was dark, but our beds were close enough and there was enough light from the parking lot that I could see what she was doing pretty clearly. I knew I shouldn't be watching, but I couldn't help myself--she was right there, just a few feet from me.

Anyways, she came pretty quickly, just like she said she would—like I said, that was the first time I had ever watched anybody masturbate, much less cum—and after she got her breath back, she told me that if I ever needed to get off, not to be shy and just do it. Then she said goodnight and fell asleep really quick—she didn't even bother to get dressed again!

I'll admit, watching her turned me on quite a bit, so I managed to jill off under the covers after I was sure she was asleep, and I did it again the next night, too. I was still too shy to do it in front of her, though. I didn't have a vibrator—I was too chicken to actually go into one of the places that sold them and buy one—so I didn't have to worry about the buzzing waking her, and I thought I did a good job of cumming without even a squeak.

Well, that weekend I came home alone after a late night on the party circuit and walked into our bedroom, only to be greeted by the sight of a very naked male ass between Liz's legs, humping her for all it was worth. I was pretty buzzed, but I still managed to slur out an apology and tried to get out of there. Liz stopped me and said that 'Studley here claims he's so good that he's gonna make me pass out, and I want a witness if he doesn't make good.' I found out later that they had met at one of the parties we had been at together, and he had talked a good game before they came back to our apartment. Gwen, if I hadn't been drunk and a little frustrated at the lack of male talent I had met that night, I probably would have just laughed and made my escape. Instead, I sat down on my bed and got an up-close view. There she was, lying under this hot-looking guy, Liz looking up at him, the guy looking over at me with a shit-eating grin on his face. He must have gotten off on having an audience, because he went back to hammering her. Mr. Hot Guy came a minute later, very porno-like with lots of grunts and shivers, and as soon as he was done, pulled out, took off his rubber, and started getting dressed. Liz was pissed that he wasn't staying to finish her off, but he just gave her that same shit-eating grin and was out the door as soon as he could slip on his shoes.

She had some really choice words for him when she got up and went to get her vibrator. I was pretty turned on myself, so I just stripped down to my panties and bra and got under the covers. I was going to wait until she at least turned off the light before I started to take care of business, but she didn't even bother to do that, she just laid on the bed, opened her legs, and started playing with herself. I think my buzz helped me decide that if she didn't care, neither did I, and my hand went down under my panties. Of course, I still had the covers over me. I played with myself while I watched her. She still seemed pissed, though, and I wondered if you could have an orgasm while you were that angry.

All of the sudden she looked over at me. I froze like I had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. "Looks like we both have the same problem," she said.

I had no idea what she was talking about. "Huh?" was all I could say.

She smiled and said, "Don't think I don't know what you're doing under there. And don't think I didn't hear you when you thought I was asleep. You could have used your vibrator, you know."

I told her I didn't have one and she said, "Well, we'll have to fix that. Until then, feel free to borrow mine. But right now, what do you think? Want to give each other a hand?"

I asked her what she meant, and she said, "you know, I touch you, you touch me, we both go into space for a little while, we go to sleep happy and satisfied."

I got it then. "Thanks, but I'm not a Lesbian," I told her.

She laughed and said. "Neither am I. I mean, look at what I just had between my legs. But I've found that girls just know the right way to scratch another girl's itch...so, want to see if I've got the right stuff to scratch each other's itches?"

I don't know what came over me Gwen, maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the fact I was so turned on from what I had seen and been doing, maybe it was that I was young and ready to try new things, maybe it was because I had to admit, I found Liz attractive. Anyways, I just said "yeah," and she came over to my bed and kissed me and told me to do whatever I liked to have done to myself, and she made me cum and I made her cum, and we scratched each other's itches for the rest of the time we roomed together. "

Gwen rode on in stunned silence as they reached the top of the ridge. "But, you started dating Adam when you were still in college, right? Did you stop...with her...once you met him?"

Natalie laughed. "Nope. I made it very clear to him once we became an item that while I loved doing the nasty with him, my roommates and I took care of each other too, and if he couldn't deal with it, he could find his own way to the door without any hard feelings from me."

"Other roommates? You had sex with your other roommates?"

From time to time. Most often with Liz, though, since we shared a room and became really close friends. If one of us was horny and needed something more than what our boyfriends or our toys could provide, the others were there to help. No big deal."

No big deal!? Didn't Adam think it was a big deal? I mean his wife was sleeping around with other women..."

"There was no ring on my finger, at least not then," Natalie corrected. "And yeah, I think he was a little intimidated by it all at first, especially given your family's values, but he could see I wasn't going to give up a nice arrangement for some dumb boy, and that other guys might not have as much of an issue with it. And in a weird sort of way, I think it proved to him I wasn't after your family's money, although I'm sure he didn't use that line of reasoning with your parents. I was obviously not going to change my ways for an engagement ring. Besides, he got benefits, as well."

"Benefits? How does a man benefit from having his girlfriend sleeping with other women?"

The riders dismounted and tied the horses to nearby trees. "Sure you want to know?" Natalie asked with an uncertain smile as they took a seat on the picnic table.

"I guess."

"Let's just say that your brother occasionally got to join in. Sometimes as an observer, sometimes as a participant."

Gwen's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my God..." Mental images of him growing up alternated with him naked, coupled with Natalie and others.

"Sorry," Natalie said nervously. "Too much information?"

The shocked woman shook her head no, although she wondered if that was the truth. Finally, she spoke. "So, it all stopped when you got married?"

Again Natalie smiled nervously. "Not exactly. Things quieted down quite a bit, I mean, having in-laws and two kids will do that, but Liz and I still get together for girls weekends sometimes...and before you ask, yes Adam knows. I would never do anything like that behind his back." Well, not never, Natalie thought, but that was definitely not a story for today...

"And what does he think of these...'girls weekends'?"

"He's fine with them. He knows there's no way I would leave him for her—she's a friend, he's the love of my life, all that stuff, and to be honest, he loves to hear the details. Spices things up quite a bit, if you know what I mean.

Look Gwen, the reason I told you this is—well, I wanted you to know that I'm bi, and I'm not ashamed to say that. Obviously, it's not something I discuss with many people, but I want you to know that if you have those feelings, well, I'm a sympathetic ear, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Unless, of course, you think I'm mentally ill." The look on her sister-in-law's face told Gwen the last statement had not been added as a jest.

"No, I most certainly don't think you're mentally ill," she replied hurriedly, searching for the right words, "but I'm not bisexual. I love Tim very, very much."

"And I love Adam with all my heart too, enough that I committed to spend my life with him, to have his children, to empty his gym bag after he's left it in the car for a week," she added with a smile. "But what I shared with my roommates, and still share with Liz, just seemed like a natural extension of our friendships. The physical pleasure and the emotional bonding...I like to think I have the best of both worlds. An incredible man who I'd do anything for, and a good friend who is in tune with my physical and emotional happiness."

The two sat in silence for some time looking across the rolling landscape. Gwen's mind reeled, trying to process all that she had heard, her own worries momentarily forgotten. Had she ever said anything disparaging about bisexuals that might have offended her sister-in-law? Had Natalie ever tried to come on to other women in her presence, and had she just not noticed? Had Natalie ever come on to her? Gwen's mind raced across time, trying to remember various gatherings and events since she had first met the blonde sitting next to her all those years ago. Maybe Gwen had unintentionally sent signals that she was a bisexual, and Natalie had picked up on them?