CHAPTER ONE
Tess twirled her hair as she spoke on the phone. Her smile was big. Julia Roberts big.
"If you promise... If you promise you won't make fun of me." She felt a deep sense of excitement and dread welling in her chest. "Okay. I'm not wearing any underwear."
There was a pause.
Then she giggled. "Phew." She found herself saying out loud. "You really like that?" She wrinkled her nose at the thought. She was naked under her skirt, it wasn't the end of the world. She was a few feet from her laundry room for Pete's sake, and this is all it took to get this guy off?
Well, she was flattered... Besides, he was gorgeous. Dark brown eyes, 5'11, goes to the gym a few times a week. Just enough that his forearms looked like they could break out of a vice grip, and his chest was strong. He gave "barrel chested" real meaning. He got some help from his genes, but he worked hard. Sometimes he even used her as a weight.
Best of all? Looking at him made her feel like a fucking puddle.
"Okay. Okay. You do that." She laughed and smirked, proud of herself and trying to remain sexy. "You enjoy yourself in the shower big guy. Okay. Okay, bye."
She smiled as she hung up her phone and put it in her pocket.
She woke up the next morning to a custom alarm of the Cranberries' "Dreams". She immediately grinned. She felt sexy thinking of the night before. And she'd forgotten to put on underwear before bed. So here she was. Naked. Feeling the tingle of the soft sheets over her nipples and clit.
Why not have some more fun?
She grabbed her phone, went to call him... nothing. She navigated to Tinder and to his profile, but it was gone. She looked in her conversation history and there was nothing.
That motherfucker. Really? Man, I thought we had fun.
CHAPTER TWO
Tess felt like this kind of thing shouldn't be happening to her. Sure, she wasn't a model, but who in actuality was? She'd always had
some
attention from guys throughout her life, she just always felt like she was placating to their needs. Maybe it was
because
she didn't feel like a model. Maybe she didn't have enough experiences under her belt to really warrant the kind of confidence she craved - a kind of confidence that would reverberate not just throughout her sexual experiences but into the real world.
* * *
"All I want is
fun.
" Tess said, french toast hanging out of her mouth.
Amy stared blankly back at her in a way only best friends can.
Amy started in, "and then you get attached. Guys can feel it. I'm serious. They feel that from outside the building, decide to go forward and get some anyway, and then back the fuck out because the stench was there the whole time, they just figured they'd nut first. That's guys. They hot but that's guys."
Tess laughed. "Wh— what?"
"It's true." Amy smirked.
"I know but who actually
says it
out loud
, Amy." She felt like high-giving her friend but didn't.
"So, all right, come on, what's the plan?" Amy asked.
Tess had wondered about her plan, too. She'd thought about it all the way from a haircut, to the gym, to the post office, and finally to brunch, and she had no idea.
"I don't know, man." She breathed. "I don't know. Fun. Actual fun. I'm gonna harp on it because it's what I want."
"Okay, all right", Amy said, faux-backing off. "You've said it, you want it, so go do something about!"
Tess took this in.
"And pay my bill!" Amy added. "I'm not gonna fake being your therapist for nothing."
CHAPTER THREE
Sunlight flooded Union Station's lobby. A glare had draped over the big televisions, the hungover students' reflective lenses, the plastic suitcases.
Tess stared at her ticket. "Tess Meridian". Roundtrip from Toronto to Montreal. Departing 6:35am.
She would visit her aunt and uncle who live in Old Montreal for the weekend. She would find some guys. She would sleep with those guys.
I will sleep with those guys.
She'd also try some good coffee, maybe a Beaver Tail, and get into all the other hipster joys Montreal makes readily available.
It became a mantra for the morning. She picked up her coffee thinking about the future, faceless men, considered buying some McDonald's thinking about the men, and, most importantly, accidentally smelled the attractive guy lined up in front of her at the train carriage thinking of men.
He was about a head taller than her. He was in a grey polo that showed off his broad shoulders and strong neck. He stood with his hands in his pockets. His forearms were right there for her. They tensed whenever he played with his phone or wallet inside his pants pockets. Her breath was getting away from her.
Reeeeel it in, girl. Jesus Christ
.
She didn't even notice the line moving until an elderly woman tapped her from behind. She apologized immediately and hurried onto the train with her backpack. The cool morning air passing through the platform coasted past her thighs, just under her skirt, and for the first time she felt the true, unwavering sensations of sexual want that morning.
She eased her way down the aisle and who should be sitting across from her seat? Polo guy.
"Polo guy!" She said. She was clever. Well, she could be clever. Clever in the "point out the obvious ironically" way. It helped with some guys. It had worked often in university.
"Drooling girl!"
She stood there mortified.
"Wait..."
He laughed. "I'm just kidding. You just seemed a little out of it in line is all."
"Oh! Yeah... well.... you know..." She meant to follow it up with more but nothing came to her, and so the comment just hung there, useless.
He felt the moment's significance and nodded to himself. He gestured to the seat in front of him. Then for the first time she noticed some actual humility and personality behind the gorgeous outer layer.
"Wait, you
are
sitting across from me, right? Or somewhere here?"
She laughed. She was glad he wasn't just hot. He was cute. Cute comes with personality. Hot can come from a poster, or through the TV, but it never really feels really.
"Yes I'm sitting across from you. Least we both get the view this way, right?"
"Right." The way he said it meant a lot more than the word let on, and his eyes didn't leave her once as she reached up to put her suitcase in the overhead. A little bit of her shirt rose, revealing her cute stomach. She felt the thrill of imagining him looking at her, and fantasizing because of it.
As she got settled into her seat she watched him looking out the window at the train cars and the downtown buildings. She noticed him shifting in his seat, too, and taking his phone out of his pocket and putting it back in again multiple times. She'd learned from a past partner that this was a way guys re-arranged their erections. There was that thrill again. She felt it like a firework travel from below her navel into her chest and burst, hitting everywhere.
CHAPTER FOUR
"So what do you take? Coffee or tea?" She asked.
She noticed the cart coming - 1and then she noticed he was asleep. She went to kick his leg from her seat, but then decided to do something just a little more sensual. She gingerly stood from her seat, leaned over him, and pressed her hand softly on his shoulder.
"Hey, do you want some coffee? Tea?" She said. Her voice wrapped up the words with a gentle quality, just the way she wanted.
He drifted back into consciousness.
"Huh?" Was all he managed. And then the cart was there.
She decided to be bold.
I will sleep with men. I will sleep with men. I will sleep with this man... probably.
She felt her sexual thoughts gain momentum.
I want to see what he's got hidden in his pants. I want to feel his chest, and his broad shoulders. I want to nibble and kiss his ne-
"Will either of you be having anything? Coffee? Tea?" The server said.
"Yeah," the guy said, wiping his face with his hand, just to wake himself up. "Coffee. Please." He nodded his thanks as he received the terrible paper cup.
"Same, please." Tess added.
They were alone again. The carriage was relatively empty. They sipped their coffees, stealing glances.
"So what's your name?" Tess asked finally. She levelled her best gaze at him, and prayed it could knock him.
"Andrew. Yours?"
"Tess."
"That's a pretty name." He said, on the offensive.
"I like Andrew."
He nodded. Taking in all the implications her response might possibly contain. He smiled to himself and polished off his coffee.
There was a beat. Something had arrived. Some kind of warranted tension. They were both ready. They both inhaled as though to speak, and then didn't.
Finally, Andrew let out, "How much?"
"What do you mean, 'how much'?"
He paused. Dropping his own best gaze on her. "How much do you 'like Andrew'?".
She nodded... continued to nod. "A lot."
What is my heart doing. Oh my god.
She felt like she was having a panic attack. A good panic attack; a panic attack that felt reinvigorating, like there was a life force in it, and she was poised to use that energy and throw it back at him.
"A whole lot."
Before she was finished she'd decided she had to do something. She got up out of her seat. For a moment Andrew looked startled, but then he realized what was going on.