Wounds

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Author's Note:

This is the last part of "Wounds". Yes, I realize this last chapter came three years later. This story was particularly personal and difficult to finish....even though I always knew what the ending would be.

Three years is a long time, and a lot has happened in my personal life as well. As life happens, my perspective has changed as well. As such, you might notice changes in my writing.

I hope you enjoy it. As always, I appreciate your comments and feedback. If you want to reach out to me, please do so on this platform. For a writer, nothing is more rewarding than hearing from the readers!

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CHAPTER 12

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Janelle peered into the darkened bedroom with only the dim nightlights on. Mia was sound asleep. For the last two days, the preschooler was finally able to fall asleep by herself again. Janelle felt relieved.

She took a long, comfortable shower, then changed into her nightgown.

Her cell vibrated as she was drying her hair. She looked at it and it was Beatrice, asking her if she was up for coffee the next day. Beatrice also asked her to bring a resume, if she had one, so they could look at it together.

Ezra had already showered and was lying in bed reading a book. He had already taken his prosthetics off before the shower. Janelle was still astounded at how nimbly he moved with and without the artificial limbs.

"Uhm, is it okay if I go have coffee with Beatrice from the yoga class?" She asked him.

Ezra looked at the clock. It was 10PM. "Now?"

"No, tomorrow afternoon, 1PM."

Ezra's voice expressed confusion, "Isn't Mia at school at that time?"

"Yes." Janelle nodded, "I will pick her up afterwards."

"Then why do you need to ask me if you can go?" Ezra was still confused, "I'll be working and Mia will be at school. You're going to be free."

Janelle hesitated, "I...I always just told Tom wherever I was going, even if it was during the day. He'd get mad if I didn't tell him and he found out later, so I always asked first."

She waited for Ezra's answer. She saw him look down at the bed. His silence caused her to panic. She was used to interpreting silence as an omen and her body readied itself for impending doom.

When he did eventually speak, however, there was no anger in his voice. It was the opposite. "Janelle, you don't need to ask my permission to do anything."

Janelle stood there immobilized, unable to process the night and day difference between what she had expected versus what she had received in Ezra's response. Gradually, her mind was able to process the information into one condensed reflection:

It wasn't normal.

How she had come to expect to have her every movement tracked and questioned - it wasn't normal. It finally dawned on her that she had led herself to believe it was. That it was easier to succumb to Tom's demands than to fight them.

"Oh god," She gasped, "I'm a lot worse than I thought."

Ezra looked at her with sorrow, "Janelle, can you please come here?"

Janelle walked to his bedside and sat down at the edge, Ezra gave her a hug, "I'm sorry you were treated that way."

Janelle closed her eyes. She wondered how much more

not normal

things she had gotten used to. She was once more ashamed of letting herself to have fallen so far.

Ezra tried to lighten her up, "Also, if you ask me anything after I'd taken my legs off, you can run out the door faster than I can catch up."

Janelle laughed. "Oh god, Ezra, I love you."

Ezra grinned, "But without the distance advantage..." He grabbed her by her waist, then lifted and rolled her onto the bed, pinning her down with his body on top of her, "I get a leg up. OK, fine, it's an arm up."

Janelle giggled, but soon her giggles turned into moans as he kissed her while reaching a hand down to grope her ass. Her body writhed under him.

"Hmm, you smell so good." Ezra inhaled her scent, "I want to fuck you."

Just hearing Ezra say those words made Janelle's pussy flood with desire. She groaned, "You're going to make me come just by saying it."

She blushed profusely.

God, did I just say that?!

Ezra took off her panties and ran his fingers over her clit, "You are pretty wet!"

Janelle's face got redder from the obvious finding. "I still want you to do it, though."

Ezra's eyes teemed with humor, "

Permission

to come inside you, ma'am?"

Janelle was both embarrassed and turned on, "Stop it!"

Ezra removed his own clothing, "You're supposed to say '

Permission granted

.'" Then he entered her.

Janelle threw her head back and arched her back, enjoying every bit of the penetration. There was nothing more thrilling than having her aching hole filled up with a hard, hot cock.

"Oh, yes..." Janelle murmured, "I love you inside me so much!"

"I have good news for you." Ezra smiled as he plunged deep inside her, "I want to be inside you a lot, too, and the more often the better."

Janelle closed her eyes, her brows frowning as her body reached climax over and over again. She felt drunk, intoxicated,....loose, and wild. Like how sex always made her feel when she was young and carefree.

She was going to ask Ezra to come inside her, as she usually would in the heat of the moment - until something caught her in the back of her mind.

It's that time of the month...I could...this could...make me pregnant again.

Last time they had sex, it was right after her menstrual cycle, and she knew she would be safe. During her time with Tom, to prevent more unwanted pregnancies - and because Tom would never care for bothering with a condom - she had been on contraceptive pills. But since the move, she had not been taking them.

She hesitated.

Should I...what should I do? Should I tell him to stop? Come outside of me?

Why didn't I think of this before today? Or after the last time we had sex for the first time?

Confusion and guilt washed over her. Then the memories of the discovery of the pregnancy came back - and the morning sickness, the resentful looks from Tom - then finally, the traumatic birth. The pain of being cut open.

By the time she realized she had been crying, Ezra was already holding her and apologizing. But hearing his gentle words, she could tell he thought she was reacting to Tom's non-consensual sexual aggressions.

No, it's not that, I've gotten over it. I don't associate sleeping with you with Tom at all...

She continued to cry. But the thoughts only stayed inside her.

But I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know why I can't say my mind.

Ezra was getting up and offering to go sleep in a different room for the night.

No, don't go. That is not what I meant. I don't want to make you feel rejected!

Janelle screamed inside, but no words came out. Only silent tears.

Ezra kissed her good night, then left the room.

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CHAPTER 13

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Janelle woke up the next day with swollen eyelids and a headache. Her head was still in a fog that only cleared up a little when she saw Ezra in the dining room getting ready for work.

She sheepishly said good morning.

Ezra gave her a warm hug and asked, "Do you want me to take Mia to school?"

Janelle blinked in confusion, "What?"

Ezra repeated, "I can take Mia to school on my way to work, so you don't have to rush out the door."

Janelle finally regained herself a bit, "Uh...no! I'm ok!"

Even if I'm not okay, I cannot bother you to do more things for me.

Ezra looked at her. He wasn't going to argue with her, but said, "Just let me know if you want me to pick her up, in case the coffee chat went late, or say, you wanna hang out with Angie tonight or something."

Janelle mumbled something back. She didn't know what she said, but Ezra eventually left.

She fumbled through the morning routine with Mia. Luckily, the minimum requirement for getting a preschooler out the door is - get the preschooler out the door. Mia even reminded Janelle that she needed to pack her lunch.

"Bye mama!" Mia gave her a big kiss then hopped into the preschool with her teacher.

Janelle was left standing under the warm San Diego sun alone.

It seemed like everyone else knew what was going on in their lives. Only she did not.

The rest of the morning went by in a daze. Janelle barely remembered what she did. Somehow, she found her way, at 1PM, to the coffee shop where she was to meet Beatrice from the yoga class. They walked through her resume together. It was rather simple: college, some odd jobs during college, bank teller...then, nothing.

Janelle felt embarrassed about her resume. "I didn't really work after I got pregnant...I had Mia and then was a stay-at-home-mom until a few months ago, when I worked part time, then full time as a waitress at a local restaurant."

She looked at Beatrice, "They're going to ask me what that 4-year gap is about, right? And see me as less fit of a candidate."

Beatrice looked at her. Her expression was strong and her voice daring, "Just tell them you had a kid and you had a full-time job as a mom!"

Janelle smiled bitterly, "Yeah, that's not really convincing, is it?"

"Why not?" Beatrice challenged her with a smile, "It's one of the hardest jobs out there. No pay, 24-7, no breaks, difficult customer. If you can do that for four years, how can you not handle a front desk job - or any job - for that matter?"

Janelle's eyes widened. She had never thought of it that way.

Beatrice smiled more, "Be proud of the sacrifice you did for your child. Appreciate your abilities, and others will, too. I don't need to have kids of my own to know that."

Janelle put a hand over her face. She could not control tears from rolling down her face.

She could not believe she was crying in front of a stranger - someone she had only known for a few weeks. The kindness she felt was overwhelming.

Beatrice gave her some more advice about the job interview process and tips on refining her resume. They made an arrangement to hang out again in a few days, then said goodbye to each other.

Janelle got back into the car. It was literally an oven, and she had to open all the windows and run the fan to let it cool down while she pulled up her phone to check for directions to Mia's preschool.

Her heart nearly stopped beating as the maps app on her phone showed streaks of bright red. It was traffic hour and there was no way she would make it to the preschool pick up on time. She would be late for at least 10-15 min. She had been so used to Seaside traffic - which was usually non-existent - that she hadn't learned to account for traffic in San Diego in her commutes.

The joy of having just made a new, dear friend was quickly overcome by an impending sense of doom. She couldn't breathe at the thought of imaging Mia crying in fear when all her friends have been picked up and the preschool teachers wonder where she was and tried to call her as she frantically raced through traffic...

She looked at the map again. She could call preschool and let me them know she'd be late. But Mia would still have to suffer.

She bit her lips and put the phone next to her ear, waiting for the ring.

"What's up?" Ezra answered, "Did you pick up Mia already?"

"No..." Janelle's voice trembled as she went into full panic mode, "I'm...I'm really sorry, Ezra....but I - I lost track of time with Beatrice and I didn't know there would be traffic everywhere right now. I...I don't think I can get there on time!"

She anticipated scolding, at least expression of disappointment. At least, that's what her experience told her to expect.

"

You had nothing to do all day except go hang out with a new friend - and you couldn't even pick up your daughter on time?! Geez, you're really something aren't you?"

That's what Tom would've said.

"No problem, I'm done here at work and I'll go pick her up. It's on Washington street, right?" Ezra's voice could not sound more casual, "Actually, do you want to hang out with Angie tonight? She's been wanting some girl's night out. What if I just take Mia to the playground and dinner? What were you going to feed her tonight?"

The contrast between what she expected and what she heard caused Janelle to freeze. It took her a while to answer, "Uhm, yeah...let me think...oh god, I just remembered, I haven't done my grocery shopping yet...there's nothing at home for her."

She lowered her head in shame. Late for school pick up and no dinner! She felt like a giant failure.

"That's fine. I think there's a playground in University Heights...I can take her there, then we can walk on Park boulevard and eat whatever we feel like for dinner. You think Mia would be ok with that?"

"Uhm, yeah, I think so." Janelle was still in shock at how her inability to pick up her daughter on time is turning into a night off, "Wait...so I'm having dinner with Angie?"

"Yup. Just text Angie." Ezra paused for a moment, "I should go now if I wanna make sure I don't get stuck in traffic even more than I'm going to be now. Have fun. See you later at home." Then he hung up.

Janelle sat in the car dumbfounded. Warm air grazed her face as she stared at her phone screen with a new incoming message from Angie (who clearly had already gotten word from Ezra that girl's night is on) about where to meet up for drinks and food.

It wasn't normal.

The voice inside her head said.

It wasn't normal that she always expected to be scolded for every little mistake she made as a housewife and mother. She's allowed to slip, falter, and stumble. She doesn't have to be perfect.

This is...the new normal.

Her mind visualized Mia's expression as she wondered why it was Ezra and not her mother's face that appeared at the preschool entrance. She would stare at him with wide eyes, but quickly accept the situation and hop into his car. Perhaps she would even use this opportunity to secretly convince Ezra to stop for ice cream first because mama was still far away and wouldn't notice...

She could see Mia's unblinking eyes and serious tone, "

If we are very good, mama will never know. And I just want ONE kid's scoop of vanilla ice cream. Just one

.

She could see Ezra's eyes shimmering with a shared playfulness, "

It would be our secret

.

But you will still have to eat all of your dinner, or your mama will know

."

The vivid imagery in her mind brought tears to her eyes as she drove towards where Angie was to meet her.

"Hey girl!" Angie waved at her. She was dressed in a tight-fitting cropped top that showed her full chest, toned abs, with matching yoga pants that showed she had curves in all the right places. Her eyes were filled with warmth, just like the setting San Diego sunset. Janelle couldn't help but compare herself to Angie...whereas she was quiet, reserved, and out-of-shape...Angie was exuberant, outgoing, and attractive.

They sat down for Thai food, where Angie, as she usually does, inquired how Janelle was adapting to the new San Diego life. She congratulated Janelle on taking a first step into finding a new career, listened to her attentively on how yoga is making her feel healthier and more active, brainstormed on new activities their kids could do together, then teased Janelle for not owing a pair of flip flops yet (it was on Angie's todo list to turn Janelle into a proper San Diegan that surfs, but she had yet to succeed on that front).

Janelle was usually not incredibly talkative, yet Angie just had that magical power to let her guard down. It took until they were ordering dessert, when Janelle realized she had been doing most of the talking, and had yet to ask Angie, "So, what's going on with you? How's Tyler?"

She was expecting Angie to just shrug, laugh and say all is as usual. But Angie paused and smiled at her, "Tyler's good, but he's going to Bahrain for a year, so we're preparing for that."

Janelle's eyes widened. It took a good while before she could absorb the information, "Wait - a year - Bahrain...!?"

"Yes."

Janelle continued to struggle with the information, "Wait, you...you guys will be...moving there, too? For a year?"

"No, Kyle & I will stay here." Angie understood this was something Janelle was not used to, "It's a one-year deployment. He'll get some leave, so we'll see him at least once or twice. But yes, he's leaving next month. I think he just told Ezra as well, so I see the news hasn't gotten to you."

No, and even if Ezra knew earlier, he still likely wouldn't have brought it up - not with how I'm recently struggling with my own situation.

Janelle thought,

but...what should I say now to Angie?

"I'm sorry Angie, I didn't know...I...I guess I just haven't thought that Tyler's work would take him away for so long. This sounds difficult."

Janelle's mind flashed to Kyle, Angie & Tyler's son. He would be growing for a whole year - the most fascinating parts of an infant's life, where every day is different, and the little human being just seems to be change by the day - without seeing his father every day.

Angie smiled again.

"We will miss him. It will be hard. And we will get through it."

Janelle found herself responding to Angie's warm determination, "Next month, right? Maybe we could do a going away party?"

Angie's smile widened, and that gleam came back into her eyes, "I like that idea. We should do something good. Hmm, maybe I should get him a gag gift..." They exchanged some devious ideas for spicing up the party and had a few good laughs.

Janelle looked the time. "Oh, I should go! Mia will want me to put her to bed. She's never gone to bed without me." The thought that Mia might be tantruming because it's bedtime and mama is not there to carrying out the bedtime routine, thus causing Ezra more trouble than she had already given him, caused Janelle to feel guilt creeping in.

Angie motioned she's ready to leave as well, but before getting up, she asked - casually but firmly - "How's things with Ezra?"

Janelle could tell Angie was giving her an easy out. She could say "it's good and we should go" then leave it at that. Or she could tell the truth.

"Ezra is really sweet to me, as you know. I...I really don't know what I did to deserve being treated this well." Janelle paused, "It is...me, that is struggling to tell him what's on my mind."

Angie smiled at her. Her smile read:

you're telling the truth

.

Then she said, "Why do you keep using the word deserve?"

Janelle felt her mind went blank. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

Angie continued to speak, slowly and carefully.

"You saved his life, Janelle. You gave his life meaning, when he couldn't find it. You found it for him. He will never forget that."

Janelle found herself struggling to breathe. A combination of remembering that day in the yard...of the fear - immense, incredible fear she had in that moment, when she realized what she did in that moment, could forever change the outcome of a person's fate. How everything that had happened later and her own worst day, had pushed all of that down deep within her.

She never asked Ezra how he remembered that day. She was afraid of what it will bring up for both herself and Ezra.

They are both now standing, awkwardly, next to the dinner table, for only moments before, they were supposed to be saying goodbye to each other to head toward their respective homes. Angie laughed. "We are supposed to go, aren't we? And this is too deep of a topic, isn't?"

She gave Janelle a short and strong hug.

"The wounds do heal, Janelle. But first, they have to be opened up, flushed, dressed...then they heal. Then they turn into beautiful scars that are memories - not good or bad memories, just memories."