Without You I Have Nothing

Peter woke the next morning and lay still with eyes closed and his breathing rate unchanged. His years of jungle living could not be shaken off as he lay listening carefully to the sounds of gentle tapping at his door.

He heard the sounds of someone placing a tray on the bedside table and he knew by the soft footfalls a woman was standing beside his bed.

Knowing that Jennifer was in for a shock, he lay still as he grinned into his pillow and waited until she was in easy reach so he could grab her.

Repeatedly the woman tugged at Peter's arm but he lay still. When he was sure she was close, he shot his hand out towards her and made a grab, rolling over as he did so and pulling her on top of him, down onto the bed to share his pillow.

There was a loud shriek as he wrapped his arms around her.

Gasping through her laughter Elizabeth informed him, "I'm not Jennifer,"

That laugh brought goose bumps to Peter's skin. His eyes sprang open with horror. He was looking directly into a face close to his - not into Jennifer's eyes but instead into Elizabeth's, crinkled in amusement as she laughed at his discomfort.

Breathless, she tried to sit up a little. "So that's why Jennifer went off early to fetch the horses. She knew that she'd be running a risk coming in here." Elizabeth laughed as she struggled to her feet, straightening her dress and patting her hair back into place.

The grin on her face showed that she was forming her words for a message to the men on the tractors. Her eyes twinkled as she thought, 'Guess what! This old girl's still got it!'

Peter felt his confusion heightened by a wave of embarrassment sweeping over him.

Disregarding his stammering apologies, Elizabeth continued. "Sit up. I have breakfast for you."

While Peter ate, Elizabeth sat at the end of the bed prattling on about everyday farm trivia while keeping a motherly eye on his plate. She refilled his cup and fussed over him as though he were an invalid. When he finished, she was no longer able to contain her curiosity.

"Won't your family miss you? Jennifer says you'll be here until the New Year."

Peter answered in surprise. "I have no family, Mrs. Blake." He was sure that Jennifer would have explained his circumstances.

Smiling, she patted Peter's hand. "You can tell me a little about it when you're ready. And please call me Elizabeth."

As Peter felt the gentleness of her touch, he knew that now was the time to speak. His heart didn't sink and there were no tears as he informed her that his parents died in Malaysia while his father was serving in the RAAF.

He didn't reveal any details and as he spoke, he found an inner peace as he communicated with this gracious and understanding woman. He spoke rationally and there was no anger and no hurt.

Allowing him to talk freely, Elizabeth didn't pressure him for more information of his background. Satisfied with his revelation, she retuned to the kitchen with the empty plates.

Finally, Peter wandered downstairs along corridors trying to follow the sounds of voices. At last, he was on the verandah at the rear of the mansion.

Jennifer was holding the reins of two horses and talking with her mother. Her tan, form-hugging jodhpurs, tan riding boots and a delicate cream blouse were very stylish.

Behind her, some magpies were strutting around completely oblivious of the two black and white male huskies that growled warningly at Peter.

"Ignore them," was Elizabeth's advice. As she talked, she continued feeding pieces of meat to the two kookaburras on the verandah rail.

The kookaburras banged the meat on the rail as part of their ritual to kill their prey then swallowed it. The meat gone they looked inquisitively up at Elizabeth with the unspoken request for more.

"The pups are jealous of you as they consider their job is to protect Jennifer and me. You're also a stranger."

"Pups? My god, I don't want to tangle with them, when they are fully grown." Peter was quick to reply.

"They're two house pups, the latest acquisitions to my children's menagerie and the birds are part of the wild, free-flying 'aviary' they have developed over the years. I think every free-loader for miles around comes here for a meal."

"Even this Sydney-sider eh?" After the episode in the bedroom, Peter tried to relieve the tension. "That was a wonderful meal last night and this free-loader is in no hurry to leave."

Jennifer's laughter at her Mother's confusion brought the birds to an attentive standstill. The magpies and kookaburras seemed uncertain, trying to decide whether they should laugh or carol with her.

Ignoring his quip, Elizabeth continued, "Heaven help any of the work dogs that try to come into the yard. This is the pups' territory." Then noticing a large black cat stalking the pups she laughed. "That's when Smooch allows them any peace."

Peter knelt and held out a hand very low to the ground. The pups tried to ignore his friendly overture but it was too much for them and they approached to get their chests rubbed.

As Peter stood and walked towards Jennifer, they walked beside him still uncertain whether to accept him as their friend.

Jennifer backed away still turned towards him, keeping the horses between them. "I'm so worried," she exclaimed. "You must still be suffering from the explosion. You need your eyes tested. You can't tell the difference between Mum and me."

Her twinkling eyes and laughter showed her enjoyment of Peter's embarrassment.

"Come on. I'm about to show you around the property. Your horse is quiet and the saddlebags are full so you won't be uncomfortable or starving this morning. We'll walk the horses so your ribs won't cause you any pain."

Jennifer had barely ceased speaking when Peter took the reins and adjusted the stirrups as though he was born to the saddle. With absolute disregard for the twinges of the pain in his ribs, he swung himself onto the horse.

Elizabeth could only grin as she observed Jennifer's dismay at Peter's ability, obviously born of much practice.

"Come on slow coach! Race you to the shearing sheds!" Peter didn't wait for Jennifer to mount up but was off in a cloud of dust. The quiet horse showed a speed that Jennifer had never known.

Eventually, he waited for her to catch up.

"You're definitely a big bugger -- the worst kind. I get you the quietest horse I can, thinking you would be horrified at riding a horse, but what happens? You ignore the pain. You're in the saddle and off before I can even get my foot in the stirrup."

Slowly, with Jennifer as guide, they toured the shearer's quarters, stockmen's housing, shearing shed, sheep yards, machinery sheds, smoke house and barns. She led him to a distant paddock where two tractors were at work cutting alfalfa. The horses were tethered and Jennifer unpacked the saddlebags to lay out a meal of sandwiches, iced water and fruit.

Peter tried to grab her but she easily evaded him with a teasing comment.

"You just behave yourself. Mum told me how you pounced in your bedroom this morning. You're a sex fiend I think. If I'm not around you pounce on my mother. Poor Mum. You'd better start running before Dad finds out."

The arrival of the tractors interrupted further conversation between them. There was the squawk of a two-way radio from one of the tractors and Peter heard a distorted voice saying the lunches would be there soon if they hadn't already arrived.

Jennifer's men-folk had come for their meal.

Peter could only marvel at the way the family had accepted him but Andrew quickly jolted him back to reality.

"Hey, Peter, this is Jennifer. The other woman is Elizabeth, Jennifer's mother. I'll have to purchase you some glasses before breakfast tomorrow."

Andrew knew. Eric knew.

Peter just wanted to disappear into the scrub.

Jennifer hurled herself at her brother and they rolled and wrestled on the rug until Eric intervened.

"Andrew behave! Jennifer sit with poor Peter. I think he wants to disappear, so hang onto him so he doesn't run away.

Eric's eyes twinkled in merriment as he asked if breakfast had been enjoyable. He was lying back with his head on his well-worn dusty hat as he began teasing Peter.

"Peter, we all know what happened this morning and have been laughing ever since. We have radios in the tractors and Elizabeth could hardly tell us what happened for giggling. I believe you brightened up her day immensely.

"I'd have given one hundred dollars to see the look on Elizabeth's face this morning and double that to see the look on yours, Peter," and he couldn't continue for laughing.

Then he paused and tried to control his laughter before continuing, "In fact, I think tomorrow you'll be on a tractor and I'll do the grabbing."

His belly laugh was so loud that a small mob of kangaroos lounging in the shade jumped to their feet and bounded away to safety. The dogs that had escorted the horses lay quietly, not deigning to give chase.

"I watched you coming across the paddock and you have a good seat. Not the first time you've been in the saddle. There's a lot of you to be explained and I'd bet a few quid you have an intriguing story to tell. Perhaps, later, when you've rested you might tell us the tale."

Peter looked skywards his head in Jennifer's lap as if asking for strength. Knowing this family had to know his complete life story, his thoughts raced. There could be neither omission nor concealment of any of the darker sides of his life.

His mind hammered the message that he had no option if he wanted to be part of this Blake family as Jennifer's husband. No matter how strong the chance of rejection would be, he knew this daunting task was his.

Both Eric and Elizabeth had asked enough questions to show their concern about the mystery of his background.

Unaware of Peter's anxieties, Jennifer re-packed the saddlebags and slowly led the way back home while her dad and brother returned to the tractors.

On their return, Jennifer watched Peter gingerly dismount and realized that he had over-taxed his body. "Now it's time you had a rest. I'll run a soothing hot bath for you to relax in and perhaps then you'll rest until dinner."

The next day Andrew caught up with Peter in the stables. He saw Peter walking very carefully down the far end, obviously making closer acquaintance with some of their work and equestrian horses.

"Grab a shovel and muck the horse-shit out," he called out. "You're not to laze around like that! Don't know what's got into you."

Peter just stared at him holding his sore ribs. "Bull-shit," he spluttered, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah. That too." Laughing, they strolled out into the sun.

Peter did nothing during the following days but rest. He found pleasure in Jennifer's company and in getting to know her family.

No one would allow him to lift a finger. Even Andrew was solicitous although his excuse, "If Jennifer saw you helping me work she'd be a wildcat," was delivered with a merry twinkle in his eye.

Each day confirmed Peter's decision not to leave the farm without the one thing he wanted since he first met Jennifer, but it was as though she knew of Peter's decision and wasn't going to make it easy for him, as he wasn't destined to see her alone.

Day crowded upon day and every time he found her, she was either strangely aloof or busily talking to her mother.

Feeling shut out and impatient with his idleness, Peter wandered into the machinery shed and found the engine of a bulldozer in pieces. He couldn't help himself and began opening the boxes of spare parts on the workbench. He went missing for hours as he gravitated more and more to the machinery shed where he tinkered with the engine.

Jennifer believed he was upstairs resting until one evening she met him as he was walking back from the shed and sniffed loudly. "What have you been up to this time Peter? You smell like a diesel engine. Where have you been? You told me you were resting."

With hands on hips, she barred his way demanding answers. "Don't touch me with those greasy hands. Go and get cleaned up then tell me what you have been doing."

Over the evening meal, Jennifer resumed her questioning and Peter had to beg Eric's forgiveness.

"Eric I've been bored lying around or being entertained for days on end. I wandered over to the machinery shed and saw a diesel motor there waiting to have parts fitted. It was too much for me and I just tinkered for a bit."

Eric and Andrew looked at each other and then back at Peter before Eric replied. "Peter that engine has been a beast ever since we bought it. It is forever breaking down because of oil starvation and overheating. I'm very grateful for your assistance but we did not bring you here to fix motors. Do you want Jennifer getting angry with me?"

"Jennifer won't be angry with you but I had better watch my back. I noticed that engine was an early version of the motor and the company always had those problems. However an easy and simple fix is to -" and the men discussed the motor and the modifications Peter had done as he rebuilt it. They forgot the women.

The next morning Eric's words, "We'll tell Jennifer Peter does not go back to Sydney. She is to keep him here. Thanks Peter, don't forget to give me the bill."

Peter's reply that there was no charge as it had kept him out of trouble was met with laughter from Andrew. "Yea I suppose it does stop you chasing the women around and around the house!"

"This is my work. Would you mind if I serviced all the machinery and engines on the property. I'd love to keep busy, else I will be chasing Andrew because he teases so much. If you agree, I'll give Andrew a list of all the parts and he can get them. That way he keeps out of all our hair."

Eric agreed as long as Peter did not over tax himself.

Jennifer made numerous quick trips to the machine shed to check up on Peter and often stood watching him as he worked. She loved how he concentrated on the job in hand often oblivious of her quiet presence.

Ignoring Jennifer's complaints and Elizabeth's murmurings Peter worked on the farm vehicles until he was satisfied they were running perfectly. He even found time to tend to the two small motor bikes, which obviously had belonged to Jennifer and Andrew. The twins hadn't ridden the bikes for many years but Peter made certain they were back in running order.

His work done, with all machines working satisfactorily, Peter took time to sit on a bale of hay in the machinery shed and think of the future.

That night, when the others left for bed, Peter led Andrew onto the moonlit back verandah.

"In the machinery shed I found two small motocross bikes, both Yamaha 75ccs," he said. "Were those yours and Jennifer's when you were little?"

Andrew Laughed. "You don't miss much do you? Well, yes, they were ours and we were the bane of Mum's existence as we only had one speed - flat out. Jennifer was worse than me and we always came home from the track covered in dust or mud."

"I thought as much," Peter mused. "When do you think you and I could sneak into Melbourne? We'll have to take the truck."

Andrew tried to question Peter further but he remained tight-lipped.

Very early Saturday morning - even before the sun rose - they were driving down the road to Melbourne. At Peter's feet was a bag containing Jennifer's jodhpurs and boots that he'd managed to smuggle into the cab without any questions from Andrew.

He'd planned his surprise trip to Melbourne carefully, leaving a note for Jennifer that said, 'Your naughty brother's kidnapped me. I'll be back for dinner tonight or maybe earlier if I can get Andrew away from the girls. The evening meal will be coming with us. I love you so much.

It was unsigned.

Arriving in Melbourne, Peter had to explain that they needed to find a motor cycle distributor.

When Andrew parked the truck, no one seemed surprised as the two graziers arrived, with their Akubra hats pushed back on their heads and wearing riding boots. They wandered into the showroom where the range of motor bikes was considerable.

Peter explained his plan and struggled to overcome Andrew's initial reluctance.

Eventually, realizing Peter was determined to carry out his plan, Andrew accepted Peter's explanation and was like a child in a candy store, excitedly trying to single out the best one for himself.

Hours seem to pass as they kicked tires and fitted helmets and boots until they made their final selection.

With a wide grin, the salesman wheeled three identical BMW 650 GS Dakar models to the front of the showroom.

Peter had been loath to put Jennifer on a bike of that power until Andrew flatly stated that she had always been a rev-head and would be offended if her bike was the least powerful of the group.

The salesman, who had been delighted to sell them three bikes, was amused when Peter produced Jennifer's riding boots and jodhpurs, demanding the same size in racing leathers, protection and boots. Peter chose two complete women's silver sets and three male sets in red.

Andrew ceased worrying about the costs and could only shake his head in disbelief as Peter dragged the salesman across to the motor scooters where he selected two identical Yamaha XP500 -- T - MAX models.

The five machines stood together and the haggling began. There was not much argument from the salesman once Peter put his credit card on the desk and the salesman had rung through for authorization. Peter spoke briefly into the phone and the business was finalized.

"We're going off for lunch. Have the lot insured and registered in the name of 'Blake Pastoral Company'- Andrew, here, will sign the insurance papers. Please load them onto the truck, with each set of leathers, gloves, body armor, boots and helmet wrapped attractively as a single present- and as these are very special gifts make an extra effort to make the parcels attractive. We'll be back in an hour. Remember - five machines, five parcels - we have to keep the women happy so we eat for another week."

Weakening at the thought of losing such a lucrative sale, the salesman only nodded as they left.

"Come on Andrew we have even more to do."

As they left the dealership, Peter noticed that Andrew still looked mystified.

"Andrew, stop looking so confused," he said. "Yes, the bikes are for Jennifer and for us. The scooters are for your parents. They'll want to ride with their children and, unless I'm much mistaken, they'll love it."

Noticing that Andrew was about to interject, Peter cut in.

"If you mention anything about the cost, I'll kick you. I've lived a very lonely and dangerous life," he went on. "Your family has accepted me into their lives with no questions asked. For that, I am so grateful that I can't do enough for them." He looked at Andrew. "Sorry if I am making a mouthful of this but there's a little more I want to add."

Pausing, Peter wondered if he'd said too much but decided to continue. "As you suspect, I love your sister and before I return to Sydney I intend asking her to marry me." Suddenly Peter sagged as the emotional impact of the idea smashed into his thoughts. Out of control, his voice faded into a whisper. Unable to say more, Peter looked down at his feet.

He felt the touch of Andrew's arm across his shoulders and drew in a breath. It gave him heart that perhaps Jennifer would accept him.

"Peter you didn't have to do this to show your gratitude," Andrew said in a more robust tone of voice. "Mum and Dad, not to mention Jennifer and me, are delighted you've come into our lives. Without you, I doubt if Jennifer would be alive now."

Thinking back to that infamous night Andrew shuddered. That movement told Peter he hadn't forgotten that night when he'd helped Peter drive off to his possible death.

"Jennifer loves you, have no doubt of that. We are identical twins, and I feel her feelings for you when you're with her. I can't say if the answer will be 'Yes.' That's for her to decide."