Without You I Have Nothing

"Hey Boss!" Turning the buffing machine off, Joe pulled at Peter's arm. "There's an angry customer in the office." His grin broadened into a laugh as Peter stared at the lipstick on his cheek.

After washing his hands free of grime and grease so that Ted would have nothing to complain about, Peter slowly made his way to the office. Angry customers meant bookwork.

"Jennifer!"

Racing around the counter, Jennifer hurled herself into Peter's arms and kissed him.

Surprised by her actions, Peter stood still until she drew back.

"What's the matter?" Jennifer looked worried.

"You'll get grease on your dress." Peter searched for an excuse.

"Forget my dress, kiss me!"

Peter, surprised by the vehemence in her voice, needed no second invitation.

A soft cough, repeated, drew them apart. Joe's smiling face poked around the corner. "I've locked up, Peter. I didn't know if you'd remember."

"Come in and say hello to Jennifer." Peter's mind was not working well as he recovered from the kiss.

"I already have." Joe touched his lipstick-smeared cheek. "But I didn't get the thanks you were just given. Now that's what I call a well-satisfied customer." He laughed, enjoying their confusion as they held hands.

"How did the car perform?" Joe was the perfect Italian gentleman. He wasn't going to offend Jennifer by mentioning their weekend.

"My car is beautiful and I can't thank you enough."

"You don't need to. Anything wrong, just return it here and we'll fix it."

He stretched his arm across Peter's shoulder and took Jennifer's free hand before he turned to leave. "Anything wrong with this fellow and we'll fix him too. Just let me know if he doesn't look after you."

He lifted her hand and kissed it. "See you." He was gone.

"Joe is cute. Such a good-looking European gentleman -- and that touch of grey in his hair is so exciting. I could fall for him."

Peter kissed her so further talk was cut off. Breathless, she pulled free.

"You'll do nothing of the kind," Peter growled, but she only smiled.

"You haven't rung me all day and I was worried." Jennifer clung to Peter's shoulders. "Tell me you missed me."

Encouraged, Peter responded so forcefully she began to tremble.

"Steady on. I only asked you to show me if you had missed me, not to corrupt me. Come and get changed - perhaps a cold shower?"

She giggled as she danced her way up the stairs, dragging Peter behind her.

"Get changed while I wait here in the kitchen."

Mystified, Peter followed her directions and headed for the bathroom.

"Hey Jennifer, come and give me a hand." He called through the sound of running water. Pausing he waited until he heard her footsteps in the bedroom. "There's an interesting part here I can't reach."

Surprised by the lack of response, he listened intently until he felt the icy water thrown over the top of the shower screen splash down onto his shoulders.

The tinkle of gentle laughter answered his bellow. "Anything else you need?"

The moment he reappeared in the kitchen, fully dressed, Jennifer started her orders.

"Wait here. Don't move. Now it's my turn." Taking a small bag she had smuggled into the flat, she disappeared into the bathroom.

"I don't need help."

"Pity. Are you sure?" Peter shouted through the firmly closed bathroom door.

He studied her clothes and the delicate, lacy underwear lying on the bed and wished he could help dress her. Peter didn't know what Jennifer intended but she had certainly come prepared.

Dressed in a casual shirt and slacks and wearing his dress shoes, Peter made his way to the kitchen. From there he yelled, "Would you like your back scrubbed? My company motto is Satisfaction Guaranteed or Your Money Back."

"I can well imagine that would be your motto, but no thanks." Jennifer stood at the bedroom doorway, a towel draped carelessly around her.

Leaping to his feet and scattering chairs, Peter dived for her, but she just laughed, slamming the bedroom door in his face.

"You stay there and clean up the mess. A girl must get dressed in peace."

Dressed in a tan skirt that fitted her like a glove and a blouse that appeared to be a deep green silk, Jennifer paused in the doorway for Peter's admiration. She looked stunning.

Her hair was loose and flowing, just the way he liked it. Jennifer never wore much makeup other than lipstick since her clear skin and flawless complexion made it almost unnecessary. Before Peter could comment, she dragged him downstairs into the street.

"It's my turn to be bossy now. Tonight I'm saying thanks for your help choosing my wonderful car and for a glorious weekend. So tonight you're my date."

Squeezing his arm, she opened the passenger's door for him and waited while he belted up. She was completely at ease and in total command as she drove off without telling Peter anything about what she planned.

They ate, danced and strolled hand-in-hand, rediscovering the pleasure of each other's company as though they hadn't seen each other for months, although it had only been the previous weekend when they had been away together.

Back at the workshop, they sat staring at each other, both unwilling to say "Goodnight", until Peter leant across to kiss her hair.

"I'm sorry if I misled you," Peter commented laughingly, "but I'm not going to invite you in for coffee." He looked at his feet in mock maidenly modesty. "I don't do that sort of thing."

Punching his shoulder, Jennifer roared with laughter. "Peter, you're a fool." She was still laughing as she drove off.

Life was different. Confidently secure in his love and proud that Jennifer was still unsullied - as she wished - Peter found work a delight.

Days passed into weeks as they played tennis together, went to the ballet, attended concerts, enjoyed operas and developed their relationship around friendship and trust, but still Peter was careful.

He didn't ask Jennifer to his apartment nor did Jennifer ask him to hers except for occasional meals and games of chess. It was as if they both realized what fire smoldered in their hearts. Neither wished to run the risk of losing what they had.

Slowly, Peter learned to control his jealousy so that when Jennifer gained the romantic lead in a play he was content to be a stagehand. He wasn't the least offended when she had to kiss on stage, although he felt it most strange to watch her with someone else. That was one battle he'd won.

Well, his mind told him he had won!

Yet one Friday, his jealousy was to be almost the end of their relationship.

"Miss Blake, please. Mr. O'Brien speaking."

"Miss Blake is out." Jennifer's Personal Assistant sounded peculiar. She knew something. "But if you hold the line," suddenly her voice became officious, "I'll put you through."

"Peter," Jennifer sounded breathless but excited. "I can't stop. I've got to fly." She was too excited to be bothered with Peter. "Someone very, very special to me is arriving from Melbourne this morning."

She couldn't know how each word plunged a dagger into Peter's heart and that with each thrust he could feel himself floating into oblivion. His body was suddenly a shell around an aching void.

"I'm off to the airport to pick him up. We'll meet tonight at the bar."

A click and the call ended. She didn't even wait to hear that he was off to Bathurst yet again to deliver the latest green and red behemoth. She wasn't even interested.

Peter's insecurities surfaced, as bitter thoughts, taking over his consciousness. His mind raced. She had said pick HIM up. He was someone very special. Bitch!

Christ, had he been led a merry dance? She was keeping herself for her marriage! He'd been a moron. All the time her love was in Melbourne. No wonder she'd been the Ice Maiden of Sydney.

Just give him ten minutes alone with Jennifer. Just let him get his hands on her. How she must have laughed, knowing how she had hoodwinked him. To think of all the pleasure that had been at hand -- and he had thought he had been loving and caring. God, the laugh was on definitely on him. Peter was burning with jealousy and hatred.

He was bitter -- very bitter and furious.

"Bad news?" Joe could read Peter's face.

"Bugger off! Get lost!" Peter didn't mean to shout. "I'm going. You keep the shop going and earn your wages for a change."

Joe's hurt look brought some sense back to him.

"Oh, forget it, Joe. It's not your fault. It's mine." Peter didn't stop to bandy words but stormed out.

"What'll you have, Peter?" The barmaid leant across the bar, her blouse bulging.

"This is twice in how many years? You're fast becoming a drunkard. Where's your handsome friend?" Turning away, she began exchanging banter with the next customer.

Peter's angry eyes followed her as his confused thoughts crashed through his brain. He knew he wouldn't be in this mess if he could be a bit more like Bob, bloody Bob. Bob's 'love 'em and leave 'em' attitude wouldn't have put him into this position. His mind already dazed, Peter decided that maybe he should follow Bob's lead.

Still Peter mulled over the problem. What was it Ted had said? Women, they're not worth the trouble. Bob a 'cream puff?' No, he was too smart.

Peter's mind continued to race. Even the barmaid is pining for Bob. She is pretty and sexy in a coarse sort of way. 'Any port in a storm' would now be my motto. Anything would be better than to have this ice in my heart. The Ice Maiden has touched me, frozen my heart and moved on. Well bugger her, I will not allow her to treat me like some lackey.

Sighing, he studied the beer in front of him.

"Hey, cheer up. It may never happen. It's not the end of the world." Bob's cheery voice broke into Peter's anger before Bob turned away to address the barmaid.

"Come on, love. I can't complain about the service here. There isn't any." Playfully, Bob reached across the bar to pat the barmaid's backside.

"A man will die of thirst waiting for a drink - and I thought I was your favorite."

Ignoring Peter, they chatted - he using his charm and she, being coquettish but leaning far enough forward to make certain the view would interest him.

"Monday night, I'll pick you up and let you down and pick you up and rock you off to sleep." His leer left the barmaid in no doubt as to what he meant. She tapped his arm lightly and left to serve other drinkers.

"I got a shock when Joe told me you stormed off. The two of you work together so well." He leaned an arm across Peter's shoulders. "Come on, confess. What's wrong?"

"Business worries, that's all." Peter hoped he sounded convincing. If Bob and Ted ever found out, they would soon crow the truth from the rooftops. Their smug looks and 'I told you so' attitude would be more than he could bear.

"It's Friday, remember? Meet you tonight - same place, same time." Then Bob was off.

The one time Peter wanted to sit and do nothing, everyone else was in a hurry. Blackness rolled into his soul. Even Jennifer was busy elsewhere. That hurt! It hurt so much the pain was physical. Leaving the hotel, Peter made his way slowly back to the workshop, planning what he would say to Jennifer.

She had said she would meet him at the bar. Bob expected to meet him there so Peter knew where he would head after work.

That evening Peter drove to the bar where he had first met Jennifer and furtively concealed himself in the dimmest corner.

Unseen, he watched Jennifer, with her 'special' friend, enter and move to sit with Bob and Ted.

The friend's arm was around her waist and she walked with such a spring in her step it was obvious that he certainly was 'special'. It was no wonder! He was as handsome as Jennifer was beautiful. His hair was dark, and although slightly taller than Jennifer, his body was a lithe feline, yet masculine version of Jennifer's.

Bob would be jealous. Here was someone who outshone his good looks.

Jennifer was obviously excited. With an action bred from years of familiarity, the 'someone special' slapped her tail and pushed her down into a seat before bending over to laughingly whisper into her ear. She ruffled his hair and sparkled.

Peter searched for a scrap of paper in his wallet. With his mind racing, he believed this was no place for him. His mind moaned with complaint warning him he could not tolerate being with Jennifer and her 'someone special'. If he waited here any longer, the resulting explosion would definitely be dangerous for everyone.

Scribbling a note, he handed it to the barman, specially requesting that he hand it to Bob: 'Sorry I couldn't stay. I've seen enough - more than I've ever wanted to see. Tell Jennifer they make a lovely couple. I wish them well for their future happiness together - Peter'

Stumbling out of the bar, his mind a red, seething mass of molten anger, he headed for the workshop. He had to deliver that damn truck and there was nothing - nothing at all to keep him there in the bar. His mind shrieked to the workshop ceiling - shouting to the world. It seemed that he had been alone all his life -- he was a loner now and would be a loner from now on.

One thing was clear. Wary, like a lone wolf, he would take his share of the lambs. Like a wolf, he would be bloody dangerous.

Peter was careering downhill completely out of control.

Immersed in his thoughts, he hardly felt the soft touch on his arm as he stood gazing at the prime mover. Never before had he hated a vehicle but he believed there had to be a first time as his hand went to the ladder leading up to the cabin.

"Peter. Whatever's wrong? You look as though the end of the world has arrived. You look dreadful." Susie's soft tones melted into him and Peter's eyes clouded over as he turned to face her.

"Oh, it's just been a bastard of a week and now I have to drive this monster to Bathurst tonight. Frankly, the way I feel, I doubt if I'll reach Bathurst alive. Suddenly I seem to have lost the will to live."

"You stop that nonsense instantly, Peter! You've everything to live for. Now what's the problem with driving that truck?"

"I'm terrified of being alone in that cabin. The way I feel, I'm likely to fail to turn the next corner. Instead I just want to give up the struggle because I've already lost the contest before I start."

"What rubbish you talk, Peter." Hesitating at first, Susie stared at him while thinking for a moment.

Determined to get him out of his black mood pensively she continued. "I have a suggestion. Help me into the cab. Drive me home to get some things and I'll come with you. Moreover, by heaven, you'll get me safely back here. Okay?"

Instantly a thought flashed across Peter's mind. He searched for an answer to the question 'why not, why wait?' and decided that now was the time to start.

"Susie, I'd love that." He breathed every nuance possible into the words.

"What's wrong with your voice? Have you been drinking Peter?"

So much for the seductive tones.

"Jump up!" He hoisted her high into the passenger's seat, resisting the temptation to fondle her legs - no point in warning her.

Later, her bag stored aboard, Peter confessed his relief at having her there with him. "Thanks for the company, Susie. I really didn't relish this trip alone, particularly tonight. This is the sixth trip in just over a week and I am very tired."

"This is like riding on top of a double decked bus." Ignoring his comments Susie seemed to be enjoying herself.

"Ah, but this is much more comfortable." Leaning across, Peter showed her how to adjust the wireless and the climate control. "There's even a bed behind the seats if you get sleepy."

Something in his voice unsettled her. She stared at Peter, a look of dismay in her eyes. "I didn't come so that you could have your wicked way with me!" Her words were teasing and her eyes twinkled.

"Oh, I know. No funny business." Peter sounded so bitter that Susie realized that Jennifer must have caused his blackness, but she held her tongue.

"Just be quiet for a while. These things are a real handful in traffic." Convincingly, Peter lied as the truck had buckets of gears and there was no loaded trailer behind. Cars were keeping clear, their drivers fearful of disappearing underneath.

As he drove, he asked himself why he should listen to Susie's protestations of innocence. She knew very well what he intended when she volunteered to come along. He had listened to Jennifer and where did that get him?

Even now, she was probably taking her 'special friend' back to her flat for coffee and bed. She wouldn't tell him she was saving herself for marriage. Oh, no, she had already given herself to that man many times. That slap on the rump said more than words could express.

Peter rubbed his forehead, unaware of Susie's perplexed stare as she watched him closely. Seeing the lights of the restaurant where he had wined and dined Jennifer on that happiest of trips, his eyes moistened and he wiped tears from his face.

Noticing his despair Susie stared at him, making no comment to break into his anguish, hoping it would pass. She listened to the radio, prattling on and seemed to doze now and then, but she didn't stop watching Peter carefully for more covert displays of distress.

She was worried about him.

Peter's eyes burnt and he knew he was exhausted, but there still remained something he had to do. He was a lone wolf and he hadn't even bared his teeth. The lonely little motel at Kelso, the little village just short of Bathurst, would be small enough for what he planned.

Midnight had passed when flashing blue lights and the brief whine of a siren interrupted his thoughts. Police! His foot had responded to the urgency in his mind.

The silence as the engine died and the lack of movement as Peter halted behind the police car woke Susie.

"What's happened?" She rubbed her eyes. "I must have dozed off. Are we there?"

"No. Go back to sleep."

Peter patted her leg to reassure her, but she quickly brushed his hand aside. His anger flared briefly and then settled. "You'll keep, Susie, you'll keep," he recited in his mind at the same time as he spoke.

"We have police trouble. I was speeding."

Peter's words were unnecessary. She was asleep.

"In a bit of a hurry eh, driver?" Before the officer could demand that Peter produce his driver's license, his partner called him back to the pursuit car.

Peter waited.

The officer returned to climb up and speak through the driver's window.

"You're lucky. There's a truck broken down towards Bathurst and it's a traffic hazard. Help clear the road and we'll forget you thought you were flying a Boeing."

Grinning, he paused to study Peter quizzically.

"Okay," replied Peter. "It'll be my pleasure. Lead the way -- or would you like a tow?" Peter's chuckle split the night air.

"The speed you travel?" The young officer pushed his cap back from his forehead. "No thanks. You follow - slowly." He was laughing as he joined his mate.

It took only a few minutes to reach the other truck, its trailer laden with cattle that stared, stomped and bellowed their anger at the men's efforts to hitch the trailer to Peter's truck. Then, with the other prime mover removed from the roadway and the trailer hitched, Peter climbed back into the cabin, but not before noticing that the other truck was bearing the same logo as the one he was delivering.

"Susie, get into the bed." He shook her awake. "We have a passenger."

His plans had come to naught.

"Sorry, mate. I didn't know you had the missus with you." The other driver looked sheepish.

Susie must have been too sleepy to explain. She just crawled into the sleeper cab and stretched out as the driver clawed his way up into the cabin.

"It's good of you. I was lucky you came along with no load. The cattle are due at the yards this morning." Obviously, he was a local.

Believing Peter was another driver, he chatted freely about the traffic, the price of fuel and the police radar traps while Peter mentally tried to make plans.