Who I Am

New Readers: Thank you for checking me out! Each chapter builds from the previous. I highly suggest you start from chapter 1.

Returning Readers: Thank you so much as always. I appreciate every email and comment. I hope you continue to read my stuff!!

Please excuse any typos. I am self-editing.

Ms. Angel Sand

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"Hello"

"Hello Juicy! Sorry I missed your call earlier. Are you free to talk?"

"I was going to run some errands with Tom, but he can go alone. What's up?"

"Oh no, I don't want to interrupt your plans. Just call me when you are free."

"Stop it Sissy. It's 11am on a Tuesday morning. I know you would normally be at work by now so this must be serious. What is going on?"

"Well, I kind of just wanted to talk with you about something that happened with Jamie last night."

"Oh! Jamie you say? Hold one sec", I could tell she was on the move before I could say ok. She came back on the line out of breath, "Alright, Tom is going to run the errands. He'll be gone a while so we have plenty of time to catch up."

"You know you didn't need to do that", but I was actually very glad she did. I really needed to talk with someone about Mr. Jamie Johnson.

"Oh yes I did! You think I want to miss an opportunity to hear about Jamie? Especially, when you said you didn't think you'd ever speak to him again. Chile please! Now spill it."

"Well, I kind of called him out of the blue on my lunch break and we decided he should come over last night when he finished a business engagement."

"That's kind of sudden from where you said you left off with him. How did all of this come about?"

"Well, I've been really thinking about things and you know I kind of thought...well, I think, you know, that I'm...you know ready for 'it' to happen." Why am I so nervous? This is my baby sister for goodness sakes. Maybe it's not nervousness I'm feeling, but I am surely less confident than I thought I'd be in sharing this information.

"What do you mean by 'it' to happen?"

Ah, now I see why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. I am not in the mood to be teased by her today. Most days I think Juicy is hilarious and would join in the joking with her, but I just can't today.

"Dang it Juicy", I said in frustration, "You know full well what I mean by 'it'. You know what 'it' is."

"Ok, yeah, I do know what 'it' is. But, I need you to make me sure that YOU know what 'it' is and that we are definitely talking about the same thing."

I was not feeling the humor at all. "If you were a couple thousand miles closer, I'd kill you. 'It' means to 'do it'. It being have sex with him. Are you happy now", I said through gritted teeth.

"Oh really now? You're ready to have sex are you? But, not only have sex, have sex with a guy you have seen once in the past 9 years or more. I'm a bit confused but that's pretty much an irrelevant fact...did you go through with it?"

"Somethings did happen. You have to let me go through the whole thing though."

"Oh shit! Now you have to tell me what happened. If you skip or rush through this, you're going to get it."

"Um, why do you think I called you", I stated sarcastically. I don't know if it is her fault or not but nerves are starting to get worked over. If I didn't want to hear someone else's opinion, I'd hang up in her face right now. On a normal day this banter would have just made me laugh, but today it was getting on my nerves. I decided to continue nevertheless, "Anyway, I've kind of been on this quest to get rid of my V by almost any means necessary. I kind of had a blundered event with Carter the other night, which I am not ready to discuss at this moment", I felt the need to warn her against this tangent and continued. "But after that, I was really thinking about finding the right guy for the job. I know I could go to a bar or club and easily find someone attractive and willing; but in the end I realized I also wanted someone I could trust. Immediately, Jamie came to my mind."

"Did he come to mind out of guilt or desire?"

"Desire Katherine! Are you going to let me finish my thoughts or are you going to keep interrupting me?"

"Sorry, sorry, keep going. You won't hear another peep from me unless you ask a question."

"Good! I hope you can honor that", I replied mockingly. "Now back to my story. Jamie, seemed like the perfect person because it really felt like he was the same guy I used to love and maybe never completely stopped loving. I am pretty sure there isn't hope for a relationship, but I thought he might be willing to revisit what we left on the table. That being finally having sex; to clarify before you interrupt me again." I fell quiet for a few moments waiting for Katherine's response but she remained silent as well, "Juicy? Are you still there?"

"Of course, I am. But you said I couldn't honor my word of remaining quiet until you finished your thought. I wasn't sure you had stopped thinking, so I kept quiet."

"You really know how to be a smart aleck don't you?"

"What else are baby sisters for?"

"Ha Ha"

"All jokes aside Sissy, I think you were being pretty brave. So can you move on to the good stuff now?"

"I need you to consider it all good stuff, because I don't know how to tell it in bits and pieces. I seriously need to let it all out. So be serious."

"You know I'm not good at being serious. I am going to concentrate on every word and let you tell me all you need. So keep going. I'm here to listen."

"Ok, basically I was getting worked up on the excitement of having sex and I started fantasizing about how I was going to seduce him. Then, I started thinking; I haven't done a reality check on this guy. I labeled him the perfect sex mate based off of one dinner and memories of years ago. What if he had a girlfriend, you know? Or, how many people was he currently sleeping with? I didn't want to play the STD version of Russian Roulette.

So that led to thoughts about what I really wanted. Did I want to have a hot and heavy sex session that resulted in my deflowering or did I want to be romanced? It was definitely the latter. I didn't want to be the vixen in this scenario. I wanted to at least pretend I was being swept off of my feet. Then that led me to thinking about how I was going to ask him. It didn't go quite like I thought it would."

"Well, it didn't turn out bad did it?"

"At first I thought it had. He came over right on time. He looked and smelled so good. I wanted to dive into his arms, but I had to catch myself. I hadn't considered some key things and I was about go in head first.

Number one did he have a girlfriend? And did he even see me sexually anymore? I feel like the past six weeks of my life have been full of so much turmoil. I just needed to make sure I wasn't going to be disappointed due to being scared or stupid -- once again. It was already stupid enough to ask him to do it.

But anyway, when he walked in and gave me that bright smile, I couldn't help myself. I just blurted out, 'Do you have a girlfriend or are you married?'. I don't know why it was the first thing out mouth. It just ran out of me. It was after ten at night and I was so worried that someone was waiting for him. I didn't want to be a homewrecker you know." At this point I couldn't continue due to my sister's insistent laughing.

"I'm sorry Sissy but just imagining you in a seductress role is too much. But I'm proud of you for asking the right questions though", she said through her still continuing laughs.

"You better stop laughing if you want me to continue. You were being so good."

"Ok ok, I just had to get that out. I'm back on my best behavior."

"I can't lie, it sounded funny to me too. But, stop being silly so I can keep my train of thought."

"I said I'm on my best behavior."

"Ok then- so, I was incredibly embarrassed that that ran out of my mouth before I was able to fully close the door behind him. But, the damage was already done. I think I saw him physically struggling to wipe the confused look off of his face. He managed to reply in a pretty calm voice that he wasn't married, and had never been married. He is currently dating though they haven't made it exclusive.

My heart went from fluttering to sinking and I just decided to get on with the night. The way I saw it was there was no point in him telling me about dating if he didn't have some real feelings for them", I sighed heavily before continuing, "So, I just brushed it off and invited him to the kitchen where I'd set up a pretty impressive banana split bar. I had all the toppings I remembered him liking. Almonds, caramel and chocolate, M&M's and broken waffle cones. His smile when he took in the spread made me feel a little better about the whole thing."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but since when did you start eating bananas?"

"I didn't eat any bananas. I just had vanilla ice cream and caramel. And of all things I've said, you needed to clarify that?"

"Actually, I did. I'm just trying to make sure you aren't becoming a conformist."

"Whatever, I was embarrassed, but not enough to change my eating habits", I had to chuckle a little at the thought of someone doing that. "But Juicy, if you hold all questions until the end, I will get to the good part pretty quick from here."

"Oh Shit! There IS a good part! And it sounds like it is going to be way more romantic than the first time I fucked."

"Man, you're vulgar. And you know your first time was with Tom and therefore you made love."

"Well, as you know, my first time wasn't with Tom and the guy definitely fucked me."

"Ok, you're just trying to freak me out."

"And you can keep telling yourself that. You and Dad keep wanting to make Tom the only guy I've ever had. That is not the case. I wasn't a slut, but I wasn't a virgin when I got married either. And that is O-K. It just makes me respect the amazingness of Tom's dick more."

"Alright, that's a little too much for my liking. And you should let me keep my fantasy of you being this overtly sexy innocent person alive. It gives me peace." I knew my sister wasn't a virgin when she got married, but it always is entertaining to hear how she will remind me of that fact.

"Well, it will give me peace to know how your first time went down, so continue."

"We ate our ice cream and eventually engaged in small talk pretty comfortably. Then he had to ask the question. 'Why did you invite me over here tonight? I know it wasn't just for this ice cream, which was very good I might add.' I replied the normal thank you and played with my empty bowl. I didn't want to tell him why I invited him over anymore. I was using the silence to think because I didn't have a backup story prepared.

I started thinking about how good he looked and how nice the conversation flowed between us. I was chastising myself for letting him get away from me. He was a good guy that I beat up emotionally for wanting what any red blooded man would want from the woman he loves. Even all of these years later he wasn't after revenge, he was after clarity. And I totally disregarded his question and concentrated on one that'd been running through my mind since he told me.

I finally decided that I'd take a chance and I asked, 'How long have you been dating your girlfriend?'. He kind of furrowed his brow but he didn't call me out for skipping around his question. And I was grateful for that. After a moment he answered, 'She's not my girlfriend. I've been seeing her for about three months. I feel like we get along pretty well and I haven't really thought about dating anyone else. I guess you could say we're comfortable together; or for now at least.'

Juicy, it definitely stung to hear him say that. But, what he didn't say was, that he didn't have the desire to have sex with anyone else. And sex is all I really wanted from him. Just a little sex and pretend romance, then we could go our separate ways.

I took a deep breath and exhaled all the air out and answered, 'So, the reason I invited you over tonight is because I wanted to ask a favor. Well, it has been a while since we've seen each other before this weekend and I, well, I was kind of wondering if you could...well, let me explain a little better. I have done sexual things with guys in the nine years we've been apart, but I have never crossed the threshold of losing my virginity. And right now I am seeing my virginity as somewhat of a handicap. So, I guess I'm asking if you could, you know, um...take it from me. I mean I want you have it and I want to give it to you.'

Yes, Juicy, I stumbled over my words just like that before you interrupt me. I am trying to paint a realistic picture for you. Moving on, I closed the space between us and asked him to please take my virginity one last time.

He didn't immediately respond. He just stared at me directly in my eyes. His gaze was so captivating that I was afraid to look away. For that moment I was without thought. I only hoped my eyes revealed my sincerity; and that he would agree to my request. I no longer cared about that girl. I knew it was just about tonight for us.

Then he surprised me by grabbing my hands and kissing each of my palms. It felt like his hands glided up my arms and he placed one of his palms on each of my cheeks, still not breaking eye contact with me. Finally, he leaned in and we shared the softest most passionate kiss I've ever experienced. His hands held my face in place, while his lips tenderly connected with and parted mine. It felt like if he wasn't holding me, my head would have floated away. Then he just stopped. He dropped his hands and sat back in his chair. Now that we were reengaged in our staring contest, I wasn't sure what was next. Right as I am trying to think of something to say he stands and pulls me to my feet as well. I can't deny my heart was beating at double speed because I am sure he's about take me to an expected end.

He led me to the couch and pulled me into his lap. This time, when I looked into his eyes they weren't the normal sea green with golden flecks; they were like a forest green and incredibly intense. I knew at that moment that my body was a willing sacrifice to his every whim and desire. My entire being was tense as I anticipated ultimate pleasure. I was afraid to speak so I gave a slight smile; wanting him to interpret this as the welcome to devour the last bit of innocence I contained. I guess he wanted to be totally certain because he asked if I was sure and I answered with a firm nod. The quick flicker in his eyes didn't escape me. And my anticipation turned into nervous excitement.

He leaned in and kissed me so tenderly. I felt tingles to the ends of my hair. He continued to kiss me and began to lightly run his fingertips up and down my arms from my wrists to my shoulders. The feather light touches turned into soft massages as he deepened the kiss. Then he fully moved me beneath him on the couch. He took this opportunity to totally claim my mouth, and firmly pressed his erection against me. I needed him to know that I felt the same way so I lifted my hips to meet his pressure. He cursed to himself and lifted his shirt over his head. I started to reach for his belt buckled but he politely blocked my access saying, 'not yet'. I knew he was hard as a rock, so I was confused by his willingness to prolong his torture. Being totally in tuned to me, he definitively stated, "I have to make sure you are totally past the point of return this time. Because, I can't leave here without having you."

"Shit Sissy! I don't know how you felt, but from this end that sounded sexy as fuck."

"Well, all I can say is I physically felt myself get wetter."

"Damn! Keep going. I might be a little too into this."

I laughed under my breath at my sister and continued. "Well, all of the emotions were so foreign and hypnotizing. It was like I'd never been aroused before. And when he broke our kiss, I found myself licking my lips intermittently. That action was rewarded with his moan of approval each time. Then he gave me one last peck on the lips proceeded to remove all of his clothing.

Finally, after all of this time, I was able to see what he was hiding behind his jeans. What I saw was pretty intimidating. He didn't allow me to gawk for long and slid down my body until he was eye level with my mound. I sucked in air at the thought of him kissing me there again. In all reality, he was the best I've ever had in that department and I have been chasing the feeling ever since.

He lifted my dress up in the front only and pulled my panties to the side. I began to hold my breath and prayed he wasn't about to put his fingers in there. As was the trend he caught me off guard and began to blow air directly on my clit like he was whistling a long note. And... it... felt... amazing! I can't explain it. I mean, it was like air he blew was cool and warm at the same time. I kid you not Juicy, I felt like I needed him inside of me at that exact moment. I didn't even want him to go down on me anymore and that's saying a lot.

I was ready to be driven into next week. My mouth didn't disobey my feelings and I heard myself beg, 'Jaime, please put it in me now. I need to feel you inside me'.

He pulled my panties off at the speed of light and my dress and bra immediately followed. There I laid, butt naked in front of the man who's heart I once owned and whose body I owned this instant. All of my fears had settled into desire and that was the confirmation that this was the right thing for me to do. I was just glad that he wanted it to.

Just above a whisper I commanded, 'Take me Jamie', and he covered my mouth with his before I could speak any more. He never stopped kissing me as I felt him prodding my entrance. For a brief moment I tensed because I realized he didn't have a condom. Then I just decided to trust him, and began kissing him back with abandon. My tongue easily slipped past his lips and he not so easily pushed into me. OMG the pain! I knew it was going to hurt. But geez, it was so intense that I gasped and tears pricked my eyes and began strolling down my face. He was perfectly still at this point except for soft kisses he was placing all over my face between his whispered apologies. He placed his hands on each side of my face and looked me directly in my eyes and asked me, 'Honey, do you want me to continue?' I could only nod my affirmative answer and he began to slowly rock into me with smooth, soft strokes.

I was mesmerized by the fullness I felt. It was like I was being consumed by him. Every stroke added to my satisfaction and I was enjoying the ride. Then he interrupted my blissful journey by begging me to cum. To my surprise, I forgot that cumming was what this whole thing was about. Don't get me wrong I was enjoying the feeling of him, but it was all consuming and kind of biological. I mean, I was thinking about how wide he was stretching me and how deep he could reach inside me. I am almost certain he passed my cervix and was dancing in my womb. It was too many sensations, pain, fullness, stretching, wonderment, and I just wasn't in the frame of mind for an orgasm. But, I really didn't want it to stop either.

While I am digesting my thoughts, he asks again through panted breath, 'Please come for me Honey. I can't take this sweet goodness for too much longer.' I started holding my breath because I didn't know what to do or say."

"Sissy, I am sorry to tell you that I am going to fuck the shit out of Tom when he gets home", Katherine interjected on the first pause she heard. "Don't worry, I won't be thinking about Jamie, but this shit is sexy as hell. Finish telling me, did you cum or not?"