While There Is Hope

Epilogue

Hope and I sat in my car outside the prison building. She had her face turned to the heavens, eyes clenched shut, much like her fists. I knew her well enough to wait silently.

With a less demonstrative exclamation and a mild expletive, she was back with me.

"I'm sorry, Bill. That was so fucking difficult. But I'm glad. I'm glad I got some closure. Thank you."

"Anytime." I meant it. Though my hopes for me and her had all but died, I knew that I'd always do anything for Hope.

"Anytime?" Something in Hope's voice had me paying close attention.

Without waiting for my reply, she continued. "As this is my day for ripping off Band Aids, there is one other thing."

I waited again, knowing that she'd get to the point eventually.

"Abebe. His... his sister made contact. She... she wants to talk to me."

"Is she local?"

"Yeah, thirty minutes. I checked." She smiled sheepishly at me, that smile always led to Hope wrapping me round her little finger.

"OK, send me the address."

While I was plugging my phone into the car and pulling up the directions, Hope messaged Abebe's sister. She received a reply before I had touched the shifter.

Hope read her screen, then spoke. "She's free now, let's go."

As we left the prison, Ashley wanted to add something else. "Bill... after I've done this. After I've tied up this last thing. Can we... maybe talk?"

I knew what was coming, of course. I'd resigned myself to it days, if not weeks, ago. The 'friends' talk. Well, I figured friends was better than nothing.

"Sure, Hope. Of course. Do you want to grab something on the way, I'm kinda hungry."

She nodded, and I turned onto the road, heading for the woman's house, via whatever eatery we happened to pass first.

A pretty, but somewhat careworn, black woman around Hope's age answered the door and invited us in. Hope explained who I was, then offered the customary, "sorry for your loss," and I added my condolences.

Abebe's sister was called Amara, she'd not adopted a westernized name like Eric. Her surname was Edwards, and she was married to a guy working in some sort of entertainment business. We didn't ask too many questions after she apologized for him being absent.

And then it was her who asked the questions. What had Abebe been like to work with? How had he been viewed by the Service? Had he and Hope been friends? Hope fielded all of these inquiries calmly until the inevitable one was asked.

"And his death, Deputy Molinera, I got a letter from the Marshals, and a phone call, but could you...?"

Hope breathed deeply. "Your brother was a good Deputy, and more importantly a fine man. I was lucky to know him. To have him as a partner and a friend."

She paused and collected herself. "For a long time, up until very recently, I thought he died because I let him down. I thought it was all my fault."

Hope looked at Amara, but she gave no sign of what she was thinking or feeling. "But now... now, I still feel some responsibility for it, but I have figured out that we were both caught up in other people's sick games. I can't tell you everything. But, of the two people directly responsible, one is dead, I killed him myself. And the other is in jail, and never likely to be released. Both Bill and I helped with that. I know nothing I say can bring Eric back, but he has finally got some sort of justice."

Amara had tears running down her face, but was otherwise still.

Hope reached out and took her hand. "And there is more. Even at the end, when he knew it was over for him, he still saved me. I wouldn't be here today if not for him."

These words seemed to break something in our host and she began to sob. Hope knelt in front of Amara and embraced her. "I'm so sorry, Amara. So very sorry."

There was not much more to say. Amara thanked us for coming, thanked Hope for her honesty. We promised to visit again before we headed back to the East Coast.

Back in the car, I could see Hope was weeping. I put a hand on her shoulder and she leaned her cheek against it.

Raising her head again, she stared through the windshield. "I have felt such guilt. Such overwhelming guilt. It's eaten away at me, Bill. I don't think it will ever go away. But maybe, maybe after Ashley, I can live with it. Forgive myself a little even. And I've done my best to honor his memory."

"That you have, Hope. We all screw up, you did what you could to make things right. That's the most important thing."

"Make things right." This phrase seemed to land with Hope. "Yeah, that's what I need to do. That's what I need to talk to you about."

She turned to me. "But not here. We passed a park a couple of miles back. Could we...?"

With a heavy heart, I agreed and began to retrace our route.

We sat side by side on a bench. The local school had got out, and children of various ages clambered over climbing frames and whooped on swings. A smile flickered over Hope's face at the spectacle.

Without looking at me, she started to speak, her words coming hesitantly. "OK, Bill, this... this is hard. Maybe... maybe harder than Amara."

She lapsed into silence. I felt her pain and tried to do something to help out. "It's OK, Hope. Let me..."

She turned to me with a strange look on her face, but said nothing. I plowed on. "Look, I know when we met, you were in a bad place. Not yourself, understandably. And... again understandably... you needed someone. And... I guess I was around and..."

I was aware that Hope now had her mouth open, staring at me. 'Just fucking say it Bill,' I told myself. "And... and it's OK if... if you don't need that anymore. It's fine. I'll be honest, I wanted more. I... I told you what I feel... what I still feel. But it's OK. I hope... I hope we can be friends..."

I tailed off, surveying the grass beneath my feet, feeling like the ground was going to open up and swallow me, waiting for the inevitable, "you're so sweet, Bill, but..."

Instead it was a noise that greeted my words, loud, raucous laughter. It took Hope some time to control her mirth, as I wondered what on Earth I had said, or what had happened to her.

Calming herself, Hope managed to speak in a semi-normal voice. "God, you are stupid, even for a guy. It's not that, it's not that at all. But thank you for making me laugh, you always make me laugh, even if you don't intend it. And thank you for making this a whole lot easier than I thought it was going to be."

"You're welcome, I guess." Hope might as well have been speaking Navajo for all the sense she was making to me.

Hope shifted round on the bench, facing me. "Bill... Bill. What I want to tell you is..."

She took a very deep breath and let it out again. "I'm... I'm... pregnant. It's early of course, really early. But... but... it's yours. It can only be yours." Her face clouded for a moment. "What ever else those guys did to me, they were... careful about it."

I felt like the world had flipped and I was hanging from the bench, afraid of falling into the abyss. The most I could manage was a strangled, "what?"

"That time on the water tower. It's my fault. I made you. I lied. I'm sorry. My head wasn't straight. I guess I have some excuse, though not really. But... but I'm not unhappy about it. I'm really not."

It was my turn to stare open mouthed.

"And you said you loved me. I... I'm sorry I couldn't say anything. I couldn't process it. After... after everything I'd been through. How could anyone love me after that...?"

She wiped away tears. "And then, and then I thought two things. That I'd fucked it up with you. And then... not so long after, that I was late. And then... then when I got a positive... I... well it felt like entrapment. And I didn't want to do that to you. I only wanted us if I knew you wanted me just for me."

A smile broke through the tears. "And then... well it wasn't the most eloquent of speeches, but I took it to mean you still care, right?"

I nodded violently and Hope's smile widened. "Good, in that case, I love you too, Bill Kowalski. I don't know what I would have done without you in the last few weeks. Of course I love you too."

I still couldn't bring myself to speak, but I began to mirror Hope's tears and smiles.

Hope took both my hands. "To be honest, I don't know what to do, about... about... the baby. But... I'd kinda like to figure it out... together."

"Of course, Hope. Whatever you want."

I put my arms around Hope and squeezed her tight. Our lips met and that same peerless intensity swept over my senses, making my heart pound.

But suddenly, something else hit me. "Bianca, we have to tell Bianca."

Hope's trademark sheepish smile returned. "Um... I'm pretty sure she knows... mostly as... er... I kinda told her. She's... she's been kinda coaching me on how to talk to you, giving you've ignored every single hint that she tried to drop. We WhatsApp all the time. She gives great advice, clever girl, as I said. But then you made all that totally unnecessary with your stupid, dumb-ass speech."

A conspiracy, that's what it was, a conspiracy of evil, manipulative women. I too laughed out loud.

"OK then. I feel like maybe the three of us should celebrate, or something."

"Sure, Bill. But maybe no Champagne for me, OK?"

Kissing her again, I then held Hope at arms length, looking into her lovely, glistening eyes.

"It's all going to be OK, Hope. We are going to figure this out. And we're going to do it together. Let's do everything together from now on."

Hope nodded in agreement, and we kissed again. We kissed for a long time.

THE END