Davenport had a map of the area displayed on the large TV screen and was using a wand to highlight aspects of the route and plan. Hope and I sat with ten Deputies, listening and asking questions. The more I heard, the more questions I had. I was just a simple cop, and maybe The Service had their own way of doing things, but not a lot made sense to me.
We broke for coffee and I spoke quietly to Hope. "I don't get it, seems to me that we are putting the witness, the guys in the transport, and frankly me and you, into a meat grinder. And our only hope is the US Cavalry arriving before we are shot to pieces. And to achieve what? Kill a few bad guys? There are plenty more where they came from."
Hope's tone suggested that she was humoring me. "I don't think Dad's objective is to kill the bad guys. I think he's aiming to capture at least one of the cops we saw with the Captain. I assume with a view to turning them against him, and ultimately whichever senior officer he thinks is involved. Why he's so sure that they will be present is anyone's guess. And yeah, he's not so concerned about our safety, or Ashley's. Why do you think he didn't want me involved?"
I was appalled. "So why the fuck are we going along with this crazy plan?"
Hope looked at me as if a piece of my brain had become dislodged. "I'm here because I don't want Ashley getting killed as some fucking collateral damage. I kinda thought you were just along for the ride, a bit more stimulating than policing roadworks, right?"
I couldn't tell whether her suggestion about my motives was a joke, but I believed her own one. Not for the first time, I wondered what the fuck I had got myself into and why.
Hope could clearly see my consternation. "Listen, Bill. There's something else. I don't know, but I suspect. Maybe more than suspect. But not here. Let's take a walk at lunch, OK?"
Back in the briefing session, I tried to stop asking stupid, 'but why?' questions. Time dragged until 12:30 and the lunch break. Hope and I sat on a bench in the courtyard garden. We each had grabbed a sub. She looked around her, trying not to be too obvious. "OK, I guess they could be listening in, but I doubt it. Let's talk."
I vented my pent up frustrations. "Yeah, this is a total shit-show. Do you want to explain?"
"I think, that Dad isn't just worried about some bent cops. I think he believes someone in The Service is involved. I always wondered about how the guys who killed Abebe found us so easily. But I had other things to deal with back then. If I know Dad, he's been gathering evidence. This charade is somehow aimed at flushing out a rat. But how, I have no real idea."
"And he'd risk his only child?"
"You don't know him, The Service is his religion. And it's not like I gave him a choice anyway."
An idea hit me. "Davenport? Do you think...?"
"I don't know, Bill. Maybe. She was just a Supervisory Deputy when I was shot. She was in the same judicial district as me, but I'd never spoken to her until yesterday. I just don't know."
This had not been the most comforting of discussions. I thought of Bianca and debated bailing. But I knew that I couldn't do that to Hope. No, I'd see it through. But I was certainly going to take some additional precautions.
In the afternoon session, Davenport said that none of the people in either the transport or the lead SUV -- the latter meaning me and Hope -- would be wearing body armor. Apparently we didn't want to tip the Cartel guys off that we suspected something.
This was the final straw for me. I was about to explode when I felt Hope's hand squeezing my knee. I subsided, and comforted myself that I would be filing a cross agency complaint about their shoddy disregard for officers' well-being. Assuming I was still alive that is.
I didn't listen to too much more after that. I was instead preoccupied with my own, dark thoughts. My silence continued through dinner as well. Davenport tried to engage me, but I blanked her. Whether due to the suspicions I had raised with Hope or something else, I was unclear.
As I lay in my bed later, I didn't know if I was more scared or angry. The idea of leaving seemed not just appealing but really the only sensible thing to do. What was stopping me from doing just that?
Then, as the night before, there was a knock on my door.
Hope slipped off her PJs before getting into bed. It wasn't just her face that resembled my late wife, she had Valentina's body type as well. Petite, skinny, tiny breasts, but toned, even sinewy in places. Val had been a gymnast just like Hope. I wondered what the chances were that we had met. They had to be astronomical. Then the whole situation had an air of unreality to it, of us being unwitting pawns in some fantastical, Olympian game.
Hope snuggled next to me, as I lay on my back, her lips against my neck, her warm breath tickling. I yearned for her. Yearned as I had never yearned for anyone before, not even my poor dead Valentina. But I held back. She knew what I felt for her, but had said nothing. Deep within me a little resentment stirred. No one likes to be rejected. No one likes to be used.
"What is it, Bill?" I had been lost in my thoughts and unaware of Hope's dark eyes watching me.
Part of me wanted to scream at her. Part of me wanted to kick her out of my bed and out of my life. But a bigger part had very different feelings. "It's nothing, Hope. Just jittery about tomorrow. You?"
Hope squeezed closer. "Yeah, me too. I'm sorry what I said about Ashley before, and about you. I guess that was insensitive. I'm not... I'm not exactly myself right now."
With those words, my compassion won out. Compassion for a woman I loved, and who had been subjected to more than any human ever should. What the fuck was wrong with me? "It's OK, honey. Want me to hold you?"
Hope nodded, and I turned and enfolded her in my arms. She almost whispered. "Thank you, Bill. Thank you for everything. You've been my rock."