It was nearly midnight when I almost ran her over. I was in a twenty-five zone. A fog was also beginning to descend, so I was probably doing twenty or less. Luckily for me, and for her. Nevertheless, I had slammed on the brakes as her tiny figure had teetered unsteadily into the road.
I gripped the steering wheel, heart pounding. Deer running in front of you was common where I lived, women rather less so. She stared into the car through the windshield. Eyes half closed in the dazzle of the headlamps. The same lamps made her stand out super clearly.
A short, dark blue dress belted at the waist and with a buttoned front, the top few of which were open, despite the fall chill. Something was written above one of her breast pockets, but I couldn't see what. More clear to me were her fishnets and black high heels, hence the teetering. Clearest of all, a blue cap with a silver badge atop a mop of wavy, black hair, framing an olive accented, and somewhat startled face.
I seemed incapable of movement for the moment. The girl stumbled towards me, she seemed to limp as she did, and tapped on the window. Regaining mobility, I pushed a button and the glass whirred down. She leaned into the car. I could now make out her tag, it read Molinera.
When she spoke, I could smell wine. Her voice was surprisingly deep for her diminutive size, and a little slurred. "What do you think driving like a madman on the sidewalk? You could have killed me!"
I was lost for words for a few seconds, then blurted out, "this is
the road
. You are in the actual road. You walked out right in front of me."
She looked confused. "Oh!" She glanced down and around as if trying to verify what I was saying. "Oh! Yeah maybe. But you should still be more careful. You know they put cop killers in the chair?"
I was regaining my composure. "Well a good thing my brakes work then. And you're not a cop are you? Was it a costume party, or do you always dress like this?"
She eased back from the window and stood up, adopting an air of dignity, which is not easy when you are clearly blind drunk. "I
am
a cop. Officer Molinera. You watch yourself. I don't want to have to cuff you."
She jangled something and I saw she indeed had cuffs on her belt. They seemed to be the only real thing about her outfit. "ASP Ultra Pluses, I'm impressed."
She seemed confused. "What? How do you...?"
I laughed, "well one of us
is
a cop. And I'm pretty sure that it's not you."
Her eyes grew wider. I couldn't help but smile. I reached for my wallet and held it up to her. She bent down to look at it, holding her face first close to the metal and then my ID card. Her dress billowed and gave me a glimpse of tiny breasts, tipped with bullet nipples; no doubt due to the temperature. She mouthed slowly to herself, "Kow-al-ski."
"Yeah, that's me, but you can call me officer."
She looked confused and then grinned. "OK, officer. Mind how you drive now."
She straightened up. Rather than heading to the nearer sidewalk, she unsteadily made for the far one. I saw oncoming lights and was out of my car in an instant. I feared I would be too slow, but managed to grab her and pull her out of harm's way, as an SUV sped past.
I was worried that my actions might have been misinterpreted, given her inebriated state, but the near miss seemed to have registered, and even sobered her up a little. Her voice was still slurred though, "thank you Officer Kowalski. I guess maybe I shouldn't have had that last glass."
She smiled rather fuzzily at me, and I couldn't help but reflect her mood. "Yeah, maybe those last four glasses."
She nodded sheepishly. "Sure. Can you get me an Uber? I tried, but the screen is out of focus for some reason, and my fingers don't seem to work." The embarrassed smile was back.
So I did what any reasonable guy would do. I offered to take her home. I was expecting reluctance. But she nodded and climbed straight in when I opened the passenger door. I walked round to my side, got in, and turned to ask her for the address.
She was comatose.
I was actually scared and checked her neck for a pulse. So now what to do? I had an unconscious female in my car. I wasn't going to push her out and drive off. But I was also acutely aware that the situation could be seen as compromising. Not good news in my profession.
I could call it in. Maybe some on duty guys could take her. But that would probably mean a night in the drunk tank. No, I needed to try to take her home. But I also needed to do something to cover my ass. An idea struck me. I got out my phone and found the person I was looking for. She answered after only a few rings.
"Hey, Mancini... Sorry to disturb you partner, I know it's late. I've just got a situation. Drunk woman nearly killed herself twice in the traffic... She's passed out in my car."
Mancini was her typical, unflappable self. Just what I needed in this rather fraught situation. She offered to help.
"No, Maria. No I don't need you to come find me. I just wanted to tell someone... You know how it is. I'm going to try to get her home... Yeah, that's right. But can I maybe text you a photo, so it's clear what the situation is? Nine hundred and ninety-nine out of a thousand we don't need to use it."
Of course she said yes.
"You're cool? Thanks buddy... You're the best... See you tomorrow... 11am, right?"
Mancini really was the best. She'd saved me from, at the very least, severe injury, probably much worse. She'd put the shooter in the hospital, when it could have been me. I took a photo of the girl, rather whimsically ensuring her name tag was in focus. I added some explanatory text, and sent it to my partner. I got a thumbs up acknowledging receipt.
Now to get the snoring Miss Molinera home. I leaned across and opened her purse. It was slung round her neck on a fine chain, else she'd probably have lost it a while back. I found a phone with a crystal clear display. Smiling, I explored further and pulled out what I assumed was a wallet.
Flipping it open I saw a brass circled star and a card with the heading "United States Marshall Service." Beneath this was printed, "Esperanza Molinera" and then "Supervisory Deputy Marshall."
I sat back in my seat, thinking. Maybe I should call Mancini again, or the station.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something. The roof light of the car was dim, but the image was still clear. Around the wrist nearest to me the woman had ugly red welts, and blood stains. I turned on my phone light and leaned across again, checking her other arm. It was the same story. My working hypothesis was that she had recently worn the Ultra Pluses, and that she had tried
really
hard to get them off.
Turning off the light, I closed my eyes and banged the back of my head against the driver's seat. "Fuck! Why me?"
So, maybe I could stick to my plan. Figure out where she lived and drop her off. Stay out of whatever the, clearly fucked up, situation was. But I knew that wouldn't work. Absent some weird sex thing, and she didn't look the type, Deputy Molinera had clearly been held captive, maybe for some time. And I began to doubt whether her drunken stupor was self-inflicted, or even primarily due to alcohol. And I had told Mancini, and her photo was on my phone. I was already involved.
Much as I wanted to avoid complications, I also had a fellow law enforcement officer in the car with me, and she was obviously in trouble. What would I want her to do if the tables were turned? Shit, you know the answer, Bill! Again I felt the need to keep things above board. And -- though I'd never admit it -- I was scared. I needed backup.
I pressed redial on my phone. When she picked up, my tone was no longer casual camaraderie. "Hey, Maria... Yeah, me again... I have a problem... Yeah, with her. She's a US fucking Marshall, and I think she's been kidnapped... I know... No, no idea... You said you'd come out... Yeah, that would be cool... My place... Yeah, it's important... Say sorry to Mike for me... And kiss the kids... Thanks, bye."
I turned the engine on, pulled the shifter into gear, and headed home.
I opened the garage door, thankful that I had cleared enough space for the car a few weeks back. No way did I want the neighbors seeing me carry an unconscious woman into my house. I'd have some colleagues wanting to speak to me pretty soon after.