What Was I Thining?

What was I thinking? I'd gone out with Charles the night before planning on dinner and either a party or a movie, ending with me heading home alone. Instead, I woke in the morning naked with Charles's arm draped over me. His eyes were already open, and he smiled when he saw I was awake. "Good morning, sexy."

"Morning." I gave him a peck on the lips. "How are you this morning?"

"How am I? Hmm. I'm waking up with a hot, naked woman in my bed. I think I'm pretty good. Did you sleep well?"

"I slept great. Someone wore me out."

Charles grinned. "Who could that have been?"

"I don't know." I snuggled against him. "Some sexy trucker I spent the night with last night."

"Oh? Was he any good?"

"He was amazing."

"So were you." He kissed the top of my head. "I want you to know, I wasn't expecting this to happen. I thought we'd just go to the party and maybe spend a little time here, but I didn't think it would end up the way it did."

"Are you complaining?" I held my breath, unsure what his response would be.

"Not at all. How could I complain? It was a wonderful night."

His lips met mine, and he parted them with his tongue. After a moment, his hand found my breast and he moved his mouth to the side of my neck, the spot that drove me wild. I moaned and writhed against him. "Someone's horny again," he teased.

I reached down and felt his hard, thick cock. "More than one someone, I'd say."

"Maybe."

He rolled on top of me, pinning me to the bed with my arms above my head, his hands around my wrists. He crushed his mouth hard against mine and rubbed his cock along my slit. His bare cock... What was I thinking? I broke the kiss. "Charles, you can't-"

"Not without a condom," he promised. "But this feels good, doesn't it?" His cock caught on my opening, but he stopped before he entered me. "It feels so good..."

"Mmm, yeah, it does." I shifted my hips so there was less danger of temptation taking over. My move brought his cock in contact with my clit. "Charles, please!"

"Please? Please what?"

Please fuck me, I thought, but couldn't bring myself to say it aloud. The night before, we hadn't fucked. We'd made love. I didn't know what he'd think of me if I used the f-word. I almost laughed at myself; I'd never had any problem saying "fuck" to anyone else. But Charles wasn't anyone else. "I- I think we need a condom now."

"I think you're right, before we get carried away."

He moved off me and reached over to the nightstand where he'd put the box of condoms the night before. He chose one from the strip, opened it and put it on, then positioned himself on his knees in front of me. Grasping my ankles, he brought my legs to his shoulders. Without a word, he guided his cock to my opening and thrust it inside. I gasped as his thick shaft filled me. "Oh, Charles, yes!"

Like the night before, he was silent during our lovemaking, other than breathing more heavily. And as before, I more than made up for his lack of sound. "Charles, please! Oh, god, yes!"

In this position, each time Charles thrust into me, his cock rubbed against the most sensitive spot inside me. I came, wailing and moaning, twice before Charles gave a final hard thrust and collapsed onto me.

He lay there for a few moments, both of us catching our breaths. Then he looked at the nightstand clock. "I have to get going, I'm afraid. I have to be in Massachusetts by noon."

"Darn."

Charles got up and picked up his overnight bag. "I need a quick shower."

"I'll take one when I get home." Since I hadn't planned to spend the night with Charles, all I had to put on were the clothes I'd worn to the house party and a pair of panties I'd stashed in my purse just in case. I didn't see the sense in showering until I had a clean change of clothes. Fortunately, I only lived a mile from the hotel.

Charles shut himself in the bathroom. After fishing the clean panties out of my purse, I located my clothes on the floor where he'd tossed them the night before and quickly pulled them on. I stuck my thong from the night before in my purse, making a mental note to take it out when I got home. There was no way I could have worn it this morning, as coated as it was with my juices from the night before.

Charles was in the shower for only a few minutes. When he came out, fully dressed, he pulled me into his arms and flicked my lips with his tongue. "Tease," I said.

"Yep." He did it again, then allowed me to take his tongue into my mouth. We kissed for a few minutes before he broke it and said, "I wish I could stay, but I really do have to leave. Thank you for the wonderful evening and morning."

"Thank you. I had an incredible time."

"We'll have to do it again real soon. Are you planning to go to the holiday meet and greet on the eighth?"

"Yes, I am." I wouldn't have my kids that weekend.

"Then maybe we could go together.'

"I'd like that." More than I wanted to admit. I'd been afraid he wouldn't want to see me again, afraid that since I'd gone to bed with him, he'd gotten all he wanted from me. The relief that filled me now surprised me. What was I thinking? We'd had a good time together, and would if and when we saw each other again. But it couldn't be anymore than that. Could it?

Charles kissed me again and turned away to pick up his clothes from the night before. "I'll be on the road for the next few days, but I'll call or be online," he said. "You're an amazing woman, Kelly. I'm glad we went out last night."

"So am I, and you're pretty amazing yourself."

He looked at me for a moment. "Have you ever thought about being with two men?"

The question startled me into laughter. "You haven't read my profile on the chat site, have you?"

"Not all of it. Why?"

"That's the fantasy I put on there. Being with two men." What was I thinking? I shouldn't have said that. My face flushed.

"Well, you could definitely handle two. And I'd love to watch you with another man someday. Then again, I'm not sure I want to share you." He looked at the clock. "I really do have to get going, or I won't be where I'm supposed to when I'm supposed to be there. I'll walk you to your car."

He picked up his overnight bag, I got my purse, and we left. Walking down the corridor, we held hands. "What are your plans for the day?" Charles asked.

"Go home, shower, maybe do some writing," I replied. "And I have to pick up my younger daughter at some point."

"The other one lives with her dad, right? That must be hard for you."

"It is. I don't think it's a good place for her, especially where they're living now. He moved in with his girlfriend, and they've only been seeing each other a few weeks." I bit my tongue. Literally. "Sorry. You don't need to hear my drama with my ex."

"That's all right. If you don't think she should be there, why is she?"

"She wanted to live with him, and I got tired of fighting about it. I think she'll come back, though; I think she's starting to realize that it isn't a good situation."

"I hope so."

"Thanks. So do I."

We crossed the lobby to the desk, where Charles checked out, then went out to my car. Charles set his bag on the ground and pulled me to him. "Thank you again for a very enjoyable time," he said.

"Thank you, too." I smiled. "And to think we almost decided not to go to that party."

"I think we made the right decision." His lips touched mine and one hand found its way to my breast. I moaned softly.

What was I thinking? We were in the hotel parking lot! Without breaking the kiss, I pushed his hand down. As much as I wanted his touch, as aroused as it made me, I wasn't about to be groped in a parking lot in daylight, in full sight of dozens of passing cars. His mouth curved into a smile against mine, and he slid his straying hand to my ass.

"Are you nuts?" I asked. "People can see us!"

"And that's a problem?" He laughed. "All right. I can't help it if you're so sexy I can't keep my hands off you, but I'll behave. Are you going to go into the chat room when you get home?"

"Yeah. I'm in there too much."

"Do they know about your date last night?"

"I told them I had a date, but not who it was. Though if anyone's been paying attention, they know. Plenty of people were in there when Melinda asked if you'd go out with me." I shook my head. "Just like high school. 'My friend likes you; will you go out with her?'"

"I'm glad she asked, because I was too shy to ask you out myself," Charles said. "You can tell them in the room that you went out with me. I don't mind people knowing."

I felt like my smile would split my face. "Okay."

Charles kissed me again, this time keeping his hands in the safe zone. "I have to go. I'll call you later, all right?"

"All right."

He picked up his bag and walked away.

I got into my car and drove across the street to a convenience store. I needed coffee and something to eat. I could only imagine how I looked to the cashier: unshowered, hair messy (though the style I'd chosen was meant to be messy anyway), and a smile that must have lit up my entire face. "Have a nice day," he said after I paid for my purchase.

"Thanks, I already have," I replied.

Just as I pulled into my driveway, my cell phone rang. Charles's number showed on the screen. My smile grew as I answered. "Hello?"

"Hello." He sounded far too perky for the amount of sleep we'd gotten. "I just wanted to make sure you made it home all right."

"It was only a mile," I said.

"Well, I know, but even so. And I wanted to thank you again for a very enjoyable evening. And morning."

"Thank you, too. I had a great time."

"So did I, and I'm already looking forward to seeing you again. I'm on my way to Massachusetts now; I'm about ten miles from you. But I wanted to hear your voice again."

My heart melted. "It's nice to hear yours."

"Good. I have to go pay attention to driving, I suppose, but I'll call you later tonight, if that's all right with you."

"Of course it is."

"Okay. Talk to you then. Bye."

"Bye."

He hung up. I went inside, showered and put on clean clothes, and sat at my computer to enjoy my coffee and donut while I visited the chat room. "How was your date?" one of my friends typed to me.

"It was wonderful," I typed in response. "He's such a great guy. I can't stop smiling."

"Someone got some last night," another friend typed, teasing me.

"Yeah, but it was more than that," I replied.

A few others asked me questions about my date, but I didn't go into detail. And I didn't mention Charles's handle. It didn't feel right. I wanted everyone to know how amazing I thought he was, but at the same time, I wanted to keep the secret of who had put this huge smile on my face.

I spent a little while in the chat room, then went on to my normal Sunday routine. Laundry; cleaning the house in preparation for my daughter's messing it up again when they got home; a few pages of writing on the teen science fiction/fantasy novel I was working on; and finally going to my ex's girlfriend's house to pick up my younger daughter.

I tried to act like I didn't care that I was leaving my older daughter behind with her father. Even though she clung to me; even though she took me aside and told me she was afraid to stay there. There was nothing I could do. She'd asked a couple weeks earlier if she could come back to me, but when I'd sat down with her and her father to discuss it, she'd changed her mind. She was old enough legally to make the choice; she'd made it and we both had to live with it. Even though my stomach and my heart twisted when I walked away from her. What was I thinking? How could I leave my child?

On the way home, my younger daughter chattered about the weekend and the arguments she'd had with her dad's girlfriend's kids. I nodded and "uh huhed" in all the right places, but I wasn't really listening; I was thinking about my older girl. At least it sounded like it had been a typical weekend; nothing too worrisome seemed to have happened. The following weekend, the girls would be at their dad's parents' house for Thanksgiving dinner and the family gathering, and then would be with me for the rest of the weekend. And I would have them the weekend after that as well, because my ex and I were rearranging the visitation schedule.

Despite worrying about my older daughter, by the time I got home, I'd mostly let it go. I couldn't do anything about it right then, and even with my concern, I couldn't stop smiling for long. The afterglow of my date with Charles was still there, making me smile so much that even my daughter noticed. "Mommy, why are you so happy?" she wanted to know.

"Because I had a date last night with a very nice man," I replied.

"Oh. Yuck. When we get home, can I watch a DVD?"

"Sure." I laughed to myself at the change in subject. At nine, dating was the last thing on her mind. Thank goodness.

I waited all afternoon for my phone to ring, but the only time it did was when my ex called to tell me my daughter had left one of her toys at his girlfriend's. Finally, just after I put my daughter to bed, Charles called. "How was your afternoon?" he asked.

"It was okay," I said. "How was yours?"

"Just okay?"

"Well, thinking about a certain truck driver kept a smile on my face." I stopped myself from telling him about my family concerns. He hadn't called me to listen to me vent.

"Oh? Anyone I know?"

"I think you know him pretty well, since it's you."

"Oh, good. Just checking."

We talked for what felt like only a few minutes. When Charles said, "I'd better go; we've been talking for half an hour and I have to watch my cell minutes," I had to check my clock. Sure enough, forty minutes had gone by.

"I'm glad you called," I said.

"So am I. It was nice to hear your voice. I'll probably be online tomorrow night, so we can talk then, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay. Bye."

* * *

I went to work the next day with a smile still firmly plastered on my face. My co-workers teased me and asked how my date had gone. "We had a great time," I said. "He's a wonderful guy. We're planning to see each other again." I brushed off any other questions, even though all I wanted to talk about was Charles.

Charles instant messaged me at seven o'clock that night. After some small talk about how our day had gone, he typed, "I have good news. At least, I hope you'll think it's good."

"What is it?" I typed.

"I'm going to be heading up that way Wednesday so I can spend Thanksgiving with my kids and grandkids. I should be able to make some time to stop in Portland for a few hours to see you."

"That would be wonderful!" What was I thinking? I didn't want to seem too eager to see him again. Definitely not as eager as I really was.

"Yes, it would be. We can go out to dinner, and whatever else you want to do."

"Maybe we can go shopping for an outfit for me to wear to the holiday party."

I was joking, but Charles said, "Yes, we can do that. I'd like to get you something nice."

He would? I definitely needed something new. I wanted to wear a nice dress, since I was going to have a date, but all I owned was a black spaghetti-strapped minidress that I'd worn to a party the previous summer. Most of the people who would be at the holiday party had seen it, and it wouldn't be warm enough to wear in December anyway. But I wasn't sure I could let Charles buy me anything. We didn't know each other that well yet.

"Thank you, but you don't have to," I typed.

"Well, I know I don't have to. But if I'm escorting you to the party, I want you to have something nice to wear."

Arguing wasn't going to get me anywhere. "Okay. Thank you. When will you be here on Wednesday?"

"I'll have to let you know. Should be around six, but I can't make any guarantees. Will you have someone to watch your daughter?"

"She'll be with her father. There's no school Wednesday, which means I don't have to work, so I'm taking her to her dad's that afternoon."

"Oh, good."

We chatted for a few more minutes, until Charles had to sign off to get some sleep. I went through the rest of the evening with an even bigger smile on my face than I'd already had. What was I thinking? This was just another date. I shouldn't be this happy about seeing Charles again, even though it was much sooner than I'd anticipated.

* * *

Wednesday morning, I slept in. If I was going out with Charles that night, I'd need all the sleep I could get, especially if the date ended the way our first one had. My daughter was up early, as always, but stayed quiet until I got out of bed. "Am I going to Daddy's today?" she asked when I finally got up.

"Yes, so he can take you and your sister to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow."

"Are you picking us up after dinner?"

"Yes, I am."

"Good, because I don't want to be at his girlfriend's this weekend. It's too loud there, and she keeps blaming me for things I didn't do."

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. What was I thinking? I shouldn't keep sending her into that situation. I shouldn't keep letting my older daughter live in that situation. But what choice did I have? And it was normal for kids to dislike their parents' new partners after a divorce, wasn't it? "It'll be okay," I said. "You'll be at his girlfriend's tonight, but you'll be at your grandparents' all day tomorrow."

"Good."

That afternoon, driving to her dad's, I wished I could keep her home. But I reminded myself to think positively. Maybe things would be better this weekend. At least I knew my kids would be safe at their grandparents' the following day.

I took my daughter inside and hugged and kissed my older daughter more than I really needed to. "Are you coming to Grammy's for Thanksgiving?" she asked.

"No. I'm not going anywhere tomorrow." I'd been invited to the homes of two friends from the chat room, but I didn't feel like driving to Massachusetts for one afternoon. And I wanted to stick close to home in case the girls needed me.

"That's too bad." She studied me. "You're smiling, though. Are you seeing that guy again?"

"That guy's name is Charles, and yes, he's taking me out to dinner tonight." Good. The smile Charles had put on my face wasn't as genuine now as it had been; I was too concerned about my kids. But at least it seemed to have convinced my daughter.

My ex-husband was at work, so I spoke briefly with his girlfriend about when and where I'd be picking up the girls, then drove home. My instincts told me the girls would be all right, and one thing I'd learned in the time since I'd left my ex was to trust my instincts. I sent my worries to a box at the back of my brain and started putting myself in the right frame of mind for my date with Charles.

He called as I was driving home. "I should be there by six," he said. "I'm leaving Boston now. I've got my rig, so you'll have to pick me up. I'll call you when I get there and let you know where to meet me."

"Sounds good. I'm looking forward to seeing you."

"Same here. Figure out where you want to go to dinner. You're vegetarian, right?"

He'd remembered? I had friends who'd known me for months who couldn't keep track of the fact that I didn't eat meat or dairy. "Yeah. I usually have Chinese when I eat out. Or there's the buffet place at the mall; I can usually find something there."

"Well, since I'm taking you shopping, the buffet will probably do it. I have to go; traffic's pretty heavy here. I'll call you when I get close to Portland."

"Okay."

When I got home, I headed upstairs to try to find something to wear. The jeans I had on were okay, but the faded old sweater and T-shirt had to go. After agonizing in front of my closet for a few minutes, I finally chose a low-cut, long-sleeved black stretch top. Just in case things ended up in a hotel room, or in the cab of Charles's truck, I took a quick shower before I changed.