Varna

VARNA Chapter 4

Glasha and I spent many hours down by the river, exploring our new relationship. We didn't have to 'catch up' all that much; thanks to our letters, we both had a good idea of what the other had been doing - and thinking - over the past year and a half.

She passed on some of her father's magic lessons, but Glasha also took the lead in matters of physical love. I was quite ignorant (though she informed me that a willingness to please my partner was a very good base to build on). Apparently Glasha had found some good sources of advice, including the half-orc fighter Yazgash.

My brother Nathal returned to Elmina, with his poet Gedere in tow. Neither was particularly interested in my travels, or Sanatha's. It wasn't the first time that I noticed this feature of Nathal's personality: his flattery and good humour were generally reserved for his elders, or for people who might prove useful to him in future.

Aludar, meanwhile, shook himself free of his mourning torpor. He decided to travel to Whydah - leaving his infant daughter in the care of the nurses.

I'd met little Sirma. As was the case with most newborns, she gurgled, and spit, and slept a good deal of the time.

- "You don't particularly care for children, do you?" observed Glasha.

- "I have mixed feelings. I spent some time with Sirma yesterday. She seems very sweet - but she didn't have a great deal to say for herself." That earned me a playful punch in the arm.

Truth be told, I didn't have much attention to spare for anyone other than Glasha. I was 18, and completely in the throes of my first (and hopefully only) love affair.

- "What if we had a child? Or children?" asked my lover.

- "I don't know. I think ... I'd prefer not to. My parents have mangled all of their children, to a certain degree. They've twisted and warped our whole family - including themselves. I have to wonder: could I do any better? I don't think so."

- "You turned out well." she said. "And Sanatha."

- "Even if that's true, it was by accident - not by design. I would hate to ruin a child's life because I had no idea what I was doing."

- "You wouldn't." she said, sounding very confident.

- "My father and my mother had me. What if I had children like them?"

Baby Sirma wasn't the only change in our household. Sometime after he virtually exiled Mother to Whydah, my father openly took a mistress. The others had had some time to get used to the idea, but Sanatha and I were taken by surprise.

- "He has a mistress?" she said.

- "That just ... doesn't sound like him."

Her name was Renna. She was the young widow of a soldier from the south - and thirty years younger than my father. I first met her two days after my return, when she passed me in the hallway.

- "Welcome home, Lord Tauma." she said, with a smile.

- "Thank you." I replied, automatically. "Ah ..." I didn't know what to say. Was this father's mistress, or a new servant? Surely someone would have told me if we had a new servant.

- "My name is Renna." she said.

- "Ah - yes. Lady Renna."

She smiled softly. "No Lady. Just Renna."

- "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you either way." I said. Idiot.

Later that day, I recounted this odd exchange to Glasha.

"You didn't tell me that she was so ..."

- "Beautiful?"

- "Well ... not like you." I said.

- "No." said Glasha. "She's got curves, and that lovely hair ... and her face is truly beautiful, don't you think? Those eyes ..."

- "You might have warned me just a little."

- "I wanted to hear your genuine reaction when you saw her." she said. Glasha slid closer, and put her arm around me. "I'm not jealous, Tauma. You met dozens of beautiful women on your travels - yet you thought of me the whole time. I know your heart, by now."

I took her hand. "There's no one like you, Glasha."

- "I'm glad you think so."

We sat side by side, watching the water flow by. Then a question occurred to me.

- "Why is she here, though?" I wondered aloud.

- "Besides the obvious? She's a trophy, I think. A prize for your father to show off."

- "Hmm." I was familiar with the concept. I'd also seen women kept for show in Portoa and Galtin's Port. But Renna seemed too nice for someone to do that to.

- "There might be something more - another reason. But I'm not sure."

- "Something more?"

- "Just a rumour." Glasha didn't trade in rumours, having been the subject of more than a few herself. She would tell me when she knew for certain.

A week later, I ran into Renna again, in the same hallway.

- "Hello, Lord Tauma." She seemed genuinely pleased to see me.

- "Hello, Renna."

- "You looked lost in thought, there." she remarked.

- "Did I?" I was, in fact, trying not to look her in the face, lest I become caught up trying to ascertain if she was as beautiful as Glasha had said.

- "Remembering your travels?"

- "Pardon?"

- "It must have been so exciting to see all of those places. All of those different people. I wish that I could do something like that."

- "Umm ... yes." Idiot. Why was I so tongue-tied around her? I wanted to say something else, but

'Perhaps Father will let you travel one day

' sounded awful, and

'So, how did you become my father's mistress?'

was even worse.

Renna smiled at me again, and let me off the hook. "It's nice to talk to you, Lord Tauma. Enjoy your afternoon."

I wasn't quite sure what had just happened, but I relayed this unusual 'conversation' to Glasha as well.

- "It sounds as though she was flirting with you a little." said Glasha.

- "Why on earth would she want to do that?"

Glasha could have said that it was because I was handsome, or because I was intelligent, but she didn't. Instead, she frowned. "Were you tempted?"

- "No!"

Thankfully, she didn't pursue the subject. I was glad that she let it go. Only later did it occur to me that I shouldn't have been glad.

I was 18 years old, and in love. I'd been sexually active for barely two weeks. Logic would suggest that I should've been satisfied - that I should not have been thinking about sex at every waking moment.

Logic sometimes makes fools of us all.

I wasn't blind to Renna's charms - to make matters worse, it was Glasha herself who'd drawn my attention to them.

Was

Renna flirting with me? If so ... what was her intent? Where would she stop?

I wasn't comfortable discussing this particular issue with Glasha. Aludar had gone to Whydah, and Sanatha ... no, I wasn't going to talk to my younger sister about these things.

Only a few days later, Renna crossed my path again, this time as I came out of my magic lesson with Master Durgulel.

- "Hello, Lord Tauma."

- "Ah - Renna. Hello."

- "How was your magic lesson?"

- "Fine." What an odd question.

- "May I ask you something, Lord Tauma?"

- "Of course."

- "What is it like, when you use magic?" she said. This didn't seem to be just a polite question; she seemed genuinely interested. "How does it

feel

, when you gather the aether?"

I tried to put it into words; perhaps my explanation was too clinical, because Renna pressed me again to describe the

sensation

of the aether -

where

I felt it, whether it was something that I could

touch

... and whether it resembled

other

physical sensations.

That was when I realized that she was standing fairly close to me. Closer than she had before. I could smell her freshly-washed hair, and feel the heat of her body.

I stepped back. I'm sure that I was blushing.

- "I'm sorry." I said. "Excuse me. Could we talk about this another time?"

It wasn't just my imagination. Renna smiled, and gently touched my arm with her hand. "Of course, Lord Tauma.

Another time

." she said, with a voice soft as silk.

I waited two days to discuss that exchange with Glasha.

***

I expected Renna to approach me again. I didn't anticipate that she would wait nearly two weeks. Nor was I ready when she came to my bedchamber, just moments after I had retired for the night.

There was a gentle knock on my door.

- "Yes?" I called out.

A moment later, the knock was repeated.

"Who is it?" I said, loudly.

There was no reply. It might have been one of the shyer servants, I thought. I went to the door and opened it.

Renna. She carried a taper, which seemed to reflect the light from her sparkling eyes. She was wearing an extremely light robe, which seemed to mold itself to her body.

- "I hope that I'm not disturbing you, Lord Tauma." she said.

- "No." I said. "But ... why are you here, Renna - at this hour?"

- "I was hoping that we could talk." she said. "About magic, and how it feels. I thought that we could have a longer ... conversation."

She was a very beautiful woman, dressed very provocatively, and she hadn't come to discuss magic. But I didn't know how to send her away.

"You aren't going to leave me standing in the hallway, are you?" she said, with the slightest of pouts. It was very alluring.

- "Pardon my manners. Won't you come in?"

With a big smile, Renna entered my small chamber. I had only a small chair and tiny writing table (half the size of Aludar's). Understandably, she chose to sit on my bed.

- "Small, but cozy." she said. "Warm."

- "Yes."

She pouted again. "Don't you offer your guests a drink? Perhaps a little wine?"

- "Excuse me." I said. "I've never had a guest in my room after dark." Glasha and I preferred the privacy of our favourite spots by the river. We also weren't sure if we were ready to declare ourselves openly. I knew how I felt about her, but it was Glasha who would have to bear the supposed stigma of the 'loose woman'. Men would treat her differently, simply because she was sexually active outside of the bonds of marriage.

I uncorked a bottle, and poured a cup full. I handed it to Renna.

- "

Thank you.

" she purred. "But what about you?"

- "No, thank you." I said, as I returned to the door. I opened it wide, and then stood with my back to the wall beside it.

Renna was pouting again. On some women, it might have looked childish, or petty. On, Renna, though, it was very ... appealing.

- "Does the door have to be open? And must you be so far away? Why don't you come and sit down?" She patted the bed beside her.

- "I'm fine here." I said. "If you came to discuss magic."

She tilted her head. "I think you know why I'm here, Tauma."

- "I think so, too." I said. "What I don't understand is why."

- "Why do you think?" she asked, crossing her legs - which left her robe quite open. "Don't you find me ... appealing?"

- "You know you are. It doesn't matter, though. Nothing is going to happen between us."

- "You don't know what you're missing, Tauma." she said, with that silky voice.

-"Probably not. But I'm not going to betray my father with his own mistress."

Renna smiled. "What if he knew I was here?" she asked.

- "I beg your pardon?"

- "What if he sent me?"

It was a test. My father and his damned tests. I was the subject, but Renna was the unwilling tool in his little plot.

- "I'm sorry." I said. "I can't believe that he's done this to you."

She smiled. "That's very sweet of you, Tauma. But what if I was here by choice?"

- "Pardon?"

- "It was your father's idea, but I agreed. In the end, it's my decision to come to you."

That was the strangest thing I'd ever heard. Or ... perhaps not. A confusing, convoluted test like this was very much in keeping with my father's callous behaviour. As for Renna ... she might be his equal in manipulation. Or perhaps she was simply in need of some warmth, of some physical contact ...

- "I'm very sorry, Renna. You're very attractive, and you seem ... kind." I looked her in the eye. "But I'm already in love. Very much so. And I only want to be with her."

Renna didn't seem especially disappointed. Nor did she try to convince me to change my mind. Instead, she rose to her feet, and handed me the cup of wine - she'd only taken one small sip.

- "She's very fortunate, Tauma." she said, softly.

Then she left my chamber, and I could breathe again.

***

At the first opportunity, I told Glasha everything. She wasn't as surprised as I expected her to be.

- "Are you quite sure that she was offering -"

- "She made it very clear."

- "And nothing happened after that?"

- "Of course not!"

- "No." said Glasha. "I mean, what did she say after you turned her down?"

- "She said that Father had sent her. I felt badly about that - that she was forced into it. But she insisted that it was her choice."

- "Really? Wait - start over. Tell me

everything

she said. Every word."

I did just that. Glasha interrupted only once, asking me if I was sure. But she smiled when I relayed Renna's parting words:

'She's very fortunate, Tauma.'

"She said that? Or did you add that last little bit yourself?" Before I could react or respond, Glasha put her hand on my arm. "Never mind - it's true."

Then she leaned her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Tauma. I should have ... protected you better."

- "What? Did you know that this would happen?"

- "No. Not for certain."

- "Does this have something to do with the rumours you were talking about?"

- "Give me a few days, Tauma. Let me find out what I can. I'll tell you when I know."

She kissed me, then, and proceeded to remind me why it had been relatively easy for me to say no to Renna.

***

I didn't see Glasha for four days. I thought that 'a few days' meant two or three. I spent much of that fourth day loitering near the Lower barracks, hoping to see her coming in or out. I wasn't particularly good at it; Durgat, my former bodyguard saw me.

- "She's not here." he told me.

I went down to the river, but she wasn't in any of her favourite spots. Now I began to worry, because I had a pretty good idea of what she was doing.

On the fifth day, I marched up to the barracks, where I was met by Yazgash herself, the commander of the half-orcs. She didn't even wait for me to open my mouth.

- "She's sleeping."

- "But - it's the middle of the day." I said.

- "Long night."

- "Is she alright?"

- "Exhausted." said Yazgash. "See her tomorrow."

That night, I stayed up later than usual. I was hoping that Glasha might have recovered (though she wouldn't have come looking for me after dark even if she had). To keep myself occupied, I read one of Aludar's books in his chamber (using his candles).

When I'd finally tired myself enough, I returned to my own room - only to run into my two brothers, Merik and Nathal. They were quite drunk.

Nathal was giggling, and leaning against Merik, who had a stupid grin on his face.

- "Little brother!" said Nathal. "Well met!"

- "Brothers." I said. They were drunk, but they were also blocking the hallway. Nathal was one of those who laugh more frequently, and become more talkative when they drink. Merik was a mean drunk, more likely to become verbally or physically abusive when in his cups.

Nathal held a finger to his lips, as if enjoining me to silence.

- "Say,

little brother

," he said, in a totally failed attempt at whispering, "

how was your time with the delectable Renna

?"

In case I haven't made it plain enough, I didn't particularly care for either of these two brothers. I hadn't seen them for a year and a half - and I hadn't missed them at all. I had more than enough memories of childhood bullying and minor cruelties to last me a lifetime. They'd done absolutely nothing to change my perception of them since my return. That was why I was shocked by this drunken invitation to discuss ... well, something I wasn't going to discuss with them.

That was when Merik chipped in.

- "The family whore." he said - followed by a loud belch.

Nathal raised a finger again. "Now, brother, let's not be ... uncharitable. Let's say, instead ... the family mount - since we've all had a ride. Well, Tauma: how was she?"

- "I wouldn't know. Nothing happened."

- "What?"

- "

Nothing happened

." I said, between clenched teeth.

- "You can't be serious. You passed up a night with

Renna

? I gave you credit for more wit than that. Believe you me, she's quite something."

Merik barked a laugh. "Too busy bangin' his little half-goblin."

I considered murder, at that moment. Violent assault. Had I had a weapon to hand, I might have reached for it. If there is one family trait that I share with my brothers, it's a bad temper. For that very reason, it's the one trait that I've tried hardest to control.

My fists were clenched so tightly that my fingernails were digging into my palms. I wanted nothing more than to wipe the drunken smirk from his idiotic face.

It would have ended badly, of course. Merik was five years older, and considerably bigger and stronger. Alcohol would only serve as fuel for his rage if I attacked him. Nathal was also vastly superior to me in combat, and it was unlikely that he would stand by if I leapt at our brother.

- "Her name is Glasha." I said, as calmly as I could. "And if you speak of her that way again, there will be trouble between us."

Yes, I probably sounded like a pompous little ass. Nathal began to chuckle, and then to laugh aloud. Merik somehow decided to choose mockery over violence, and joined him in laughing at me. They staggered a step, and had to brace themselves against the wall.

That left me just enough space to get by them. I seized the opportunity, and squeezed past along the opposite wall.

***

The next day, I excused myself from magic lessons, and waited outside the barracks. Yazgash, Durgat and several others came out, carrying their training gear. I approached Yazgash, who saw me coming.

- "She's gone to the river." said the half-orc.

- "Thank you." I said - but I didn't move out of her way. "May I ask you something else?"

I think that Yazgash liked me (or at least tolerated me) because of how Glasha and I felt about each other.

- "What?" she growled.

- "Could you teach me to fight?"

Yazgash's yellow eyes narrowed, and she bared her teeth, showing off her sharp tusks.

- "You

have

trainers." she snarled.

- "Weapon masters." I said. "They teach us all the same things, so that victory goes to the biggest, the strongest, or the fastest. That's not me. I want to learn how best to fight them - and win."

- "Why not ask Durgat?"

- "He relies on his size and his strength. No offence, Durgat." I added - as he was standing right there. My former bodyguard merely grunted.

Yazgash didn't swat me aside. She stared at me for several moments.

- "I'll think on it."

That said, she moved around me and went on her way.

- "Thank you!" I called after her.

Then I trotted down to the river. Glasha was sitting on our rock. She didn't stand up as I approached. When I got closer, I saw why. She was still exhausted. There were dark circles under her eyes.

"What happened?" I asked. Then it came to me. "Time magic. You were doing Time magic. You pushed too far."

- "I had to know." she said. "I'm not hurt. It's just ... fatigue."

- "You risked too much." I said. "All to find out something that

I

could have told you. Renna slept with my brothers. Well, Merik and Nathal, at any rate."

- "How do you know that?"

- "They were drunk, last night. They told me themselves. So you risked your health for no reason."

Glasha shook her head. "No. I learned a great deal. Renna told the truth: it was your father's idea. And there's more."

Despite my concern for her well-being, Glasha insisted on telling me everything she'd learned.

- "I couldn't find Renna in the past very easily; I don't know her well enough. Then I heard the rumour that she went to ... 'comfort' Aludar after his wife died. The servants were all talking about it, but no one seemed to know exactly what had happened."