University Life - First

I've noticed that not everyone is too happy with the way Nens has turned out to be/is turning out to be, and I can understand why one would feel that way. But let's not forget, everyone can't be the strong heroine Annette is in Silver Eyes. Life's like that, some people are fearless and some aren't. Especially in the situation that I've put Nens in. I wish I could change stuff and write the way everyone wants me to but that just means I'm not being true to myself. I just write whatever pops into my head, I don't systematically plan on how to please people and I'm sorry some of you aren't happy with that, but c'est la vie, nest pas?

For those who are happy with whatever I throw at you, I thank you wholeheartedly. Especially the Anonymous people - Kirs NYC and the one above. Unfortunately I can't send you a private message thanking you for the feedback on Uni Life Ch 14, but thanks for hitting the nail on the head so amazingly.

Happy reading, anyway (I hope) xoxo

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CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

It was time for Easter. Spring break. A month and a half since Rufus broke up with her.

Kainene sighed as she stared at her ceiling. She had to get up and start getting ready for her stint in the union shop. Luckily, now she had to work during the day which meant she could go to the library by night. This was perfect as she studied better at night anyway.

She heard footsteps coming from the flatmate who kept to herself. Being with her alone in the flat had at least resulted in knowing her name. Gwendoline -- or Gwen as she preferred. Matt and Lorna were spending Easter at hers back in Peterborough, where she came from. Mykelos was back home in Liverpool and Viola was with her grandmother in Hampshire.

This left Kainene alone. Oh, with Gwendoline who preferred to be called Gwen.

She sighed to herself again as she forced herself to a sitting position. Her mother had called her and, apparently she had not been convincing enough when she claimed to be fine as her mother had threatened to come down and stay with her during her two week Easter break.

She had protested immediately. She needed the time to study anyway. She had not been very attentive at her lectures and seminars since Rufus...for the past month and a half. She needed to make time up for that.

She laughed to herself as she stretched and shrugged into her bathrobe. She had always laughed derisively when people spoke about being heartbroken and not being able to concentrate on life. She had never believed in a million years that one day she would be part of those 'people.'

She walked to the bathroom and waved half-heartedly at Gwen who was munching on a slice of toast in the kitchen. As she scrubbed at her body, she thought absently how funny it was that Gwen stayed home more when the flat was empty. What did that say about the rest of the flatmates?

Twenty minutes later, she was on her way to the union shop in an oversized thick jumper and baggy jeans. She did not have to dress up. Not when there was hardly anybody still in halls.

She opened her Criminal law textbook and started to read as she waited for possible student buyers to start trooping in.

This went on for the next four days. Study whilst manning the tills, move from there to the library and come back home to conk out on her bed.

The next week, Kainene received a voicemail from Lorna. She had heard her phone ringing but could not be bothered to pick up and talk.

'Hey babe, you, like, don't reply my BBms and now you're clearly ignoring my calls. I'm getting really worried about you so I'm coming back to halls today to make sure you're ok. Matt's been kicked back to his so he's not coming back till next week so it's just gonna be me and you this week. And you have to talk to me because this is getting scary. So...later then.'

Kainene sighed and dropped her phone on the counter. Deep down she was pleased that Lorna cared about her that much to cut her holiday short, but on the surface she was a bit irritated as she preferred being depressed in solitude.

Later, as she trudged up the stairs and into the flat, she heard stilted conversation from the kitchen. She walked there and saw Lorna trying to listen to whatever Gwen was droning about and saw the immediate relief that Lorna could barely stifle as she spotted Kainene.

'Nens!' Lorna screamed as she ran round to jump on her.

Kainene winced at the impact and hugged her back, looking at a sullen Gwen who packed up her stuff and skulked back to her room.

'Oh my God, Nens! You're like skin and bone now. I mean, you've always been skinny but you're like...skeletal now. Courtney Love would wanna trade anorexic stories with you.' Lorna exclaimed looking at Kainene with horror and pity in her eyes.

Kainene rolled her eyes and walked to her room, Lorna close behind her. 'Whatever, Lornes. I just haven't had time for eating. I'm either working or studying so it's not like I'm deliberately starving myself. You know how much I love my food.'

'Yes. I do. Which is why I know there's something seriously wrong with you. And we both know what it's about even if you want to remain stupidly stubborn and keep mum.' Lorna replied almost sternly.

Kainene just groaned out loud, 'Oh God, Lorna. Don't even start with me. I'm not starving myself because of Rufus. I really don't have any time to eat.'

Lorna looked at her sceptically, 'Uh-hunh. Right. But let's not forget you worked and studied before all this and you still ate like a horse. Now, all of a sudden, you don't have time to eat? Maybe you'll get better when you stop lying to yourself and just admit you're hurting about the whole thing and talk to me 'cuz I'm your sodding friend!.'

Kainene jumped a bit as Lorna had screamed out the last four words.

'Hey, calm down mate. I know you're worried and all and I appreciate it, but there's nothing wrong with me. I promise.'

Lorna stared at her for a second saying nothing. Then she stood up abruptly. 'Fine. If you want to keep on lying to me, that's alright. You look absolutely awful. Your hair's like shit. Your clothes smell like they haven't been washed in weeks, which is probably the truth. Your room looks and smells like a pig sty. You're breaking out, just in case you haven't realised and your mother even rang me because she's being trying to talk properly to you for days and you keep on shrugging her off. So yeah, if you want to insult me by telling such stupid lies, that's your problem. Let's forget that I kicked my boyfriend out just so I could rush back and see if my closest friend was okay.

But don't insult your own intelligence by lying to yourself as well. You know you aren't okay about the Rufus thing yet you don't wanna talk about it. Rufus, according to Viola was also moping about like his world had ended and I'm assuming he's in denial like you. I think both of you are incredibly thick and dim-witted. You might be like, clever and stuff with school work, but you're acting quite daft right now. Both of you still fancy each other, maybe even love each other, yet you guys don't wanna get back together and put yourselves outta this unnecessary misery. And put us, your friends, out of it too. Fine. Be stubborn. I'm gonna stop caring about it since you're telling yourself the same thing. But don't come crying to me later 'cuz I won't be having it.'

And with that Lorna left Kainene's room, slamming the door behind her as she did so and leaving Kainene staring at her in shock, a tear sliding down one cheek.

***

Kainene stood outside Lorna's door, dancing from one foot to the other. It had been two days since the Lorna's loss of temper but, surprisingly, Lorna had stuck around although she was ignoring Kainene.

Every time Kainene entered the kitchen when Lorna was there, she just up and went to her room and Kainene was getting really frustrated. She did not want to fall out with her friend over a stupid relationship issue. She understood that Lorna was feeling a bit put out that Kainene did not want to 'talk' about it, but there was nothing she could do. Whenever she got depressed or sad or upset she just...sunk into herself until she felt better. Even Vicky and Anna knew this. They tended to stay away when Kainene was upset until she rang them up explaining she was better. It had taken a while for them to get used to this strange behaviour but they had got it down pat now. Obviously, she was going to have to explain this to Lorna and hope she understood.

She took in a deep breath, gathering her resolve then knocked smartly on Lorna's door.

A second later, Lorna called out, 'Come in.'

Kainene stuck her head in and saw Lorna typing away on her phone. She smiled shyly and gave a little wave. Lorna dropped her phone on the bed, crossed her arms over her chest and stared at her.

Kainene sighed softly and got into the room fully, plopping herself on the desk.

'Look, I'm sorry I don't wanna talk about it. I'm sorry you had to cut your holiday short and come all the way here just to be met with a 'thick headed, dim-witted' cow who doesn't want to share. I really am. But that's just the way I am. It's the way I've always been. I don't share with others when I'm sad or upset. I kinna...stick to my lonesome till I get better. I may not have acted like I appreciate your coming here, but I do, believe me. And I'm sorry we've fallen out over something so small, but you're my best friend here and I don't want us to fight.'

Lorna uncrossed her arms and ran a hand through her hair, 'I think I kinna understand now. I mean, I think it's odd when one does not talk about issues 'cuz it makes one feel better, but if that's how you are then I guess I'll try to understand. And as for coming here, don't apologise for that. I opted to do it 'cuz I was worried about you and you're my friend. I don't regret it even though we haven't really done anything together but at least...I guess I feel better knowing I'm here with you regardless of us not talking. So come here you big numpty.' She stretched out her arms and Kainene jumped off the desk and went straight into them. Both of them hugged and squeezed each other tightly.

'Well now that that's over, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I shall and you just listen okay?' Lorna started.

Kainene nodded and sat back against the wall on Lorna's bed.

'Basically, it's alright if you're hurting and stuff, I mean -- although you guys like were together for only...what, three weeks? It seemed so intense, like you'd been together for yonks. So breaking up and hurting is normal. What's not normal is locking yourself up and not eating and being, well, smelly.'

Kainene opened her mouth to say something but Lorna quickly continued, 'Of course, now that you've explained it all to me, your weird way of dealing with stuff then I guess I understand it better now. Although being smelly is a bit dodgy, but ah well. Anyway, my point is, try to start getting your shit together and stop moping. We've got exams like in a month and the year's over. And that means we're all gonna be going away for like three months. Are you sure you don't wanna sort this out before summer break? Cuz once that's on, it's going to be really difficult for you guys to get back together after three months apart.'

Kainene shook her head, 'It's cool. Really. Obviously it's a bit funny 'cuz this was like my first relationship or whatever, but I'll get over it. And anyway he broke up with me. Wants me to do some soul searching or whatnot. And...you know what, you're right. I do have exams in a month and that's my main priority. I'm gonna stop moping and...stop being smelly. Whatever happens after that happens, but no matter what you say I am NOT going to talk to him about it. He broke up with me so he knows where to find me if he wants to get back together.'

Lorna opened her mouth then closed it. She sighed and opened her mouth again, 'Well that's not the result I wanted but at least you're going to do your laundry so that's great. And maybe...you know what, I'll butt out of your relationship issue. You know what's best for you, so I'll leave you be.'

Kainene nodded, sighing with relief inwardly, 'Yeah that's probably better. So...I guess I'll go do my laundry now.'

Lorna nodded as Kianene stood up and walked to the door.

'Thanks for coming back, Lornes. I may be a cow sometimes, but I really do love you.'

Lorna smiled at her gently, 'You're a major cow but not as horrible as me so you're forgiven. And I love you too. Now go burn that jumper or something.'

Kainene grinned then walked out of the room. However, as she walked into her own room, her grin faded. Was she truly being adamant over nothing? Rufus had broken up with her, hadn't he? So he was the one who had to reconcile with her; if he wanted to that is. All that loving herself stuff...okay fine, he was right. She had acted a bit silly over the whole 'ghetto' issue and being from the 'endz' but he did not have to break up with her to tell her that.

No, she firmly resolved within herself. He had overreacted and she was not going to beg him. She was going to focus on her exams and if they did not work out then fine. Life was definitely not a bed of roses, was it?