After reading the first chapter, you probably already drew a picture of me. You saw what I told you and filled in my picture with your guesses and intuitions. Maybe you think that I'm a naughty girl who had several partners and lived everything very quickly, that all sexual experiences were easy and simple for me.
I am not even remotely like that.
In the overall, I consider myself to be a normal, average woman. I don't think that I am more naughty than my acquaintances, nor that my experiences came too early or too late.
On the contrary: I am even romantic. I like to have someone with me. This is just not the current scenario. At this moment in my life I have Joshua, a hookup, and nothing else.
But it wasn't always like this.
In the early college years, a few months after that afternoon at Maggie's, I met a guy, Ravi, and I fell madly in love with him right away. Ravi was not exactly handsome, but he was good looking, tall -- I have a thing for tall guys... --, smart as hell, super polite, and caring. How good I felt in his arms! I slept snuggled on his chest and was at peace!
When I broke up with Ravi I suffered a lot. My heart was broken.
At this moment you must be asking yourself: why did you break up with such a nice guy?
Don't misjudge me. I hope that you haven't experienced something like this to have to make such a difficult choice. When we broke up, we loved each other. It's complicated. Sometimes people love each other and yet they need to break up. In some cases, the relationship brings with it feelings other than love, bad feelings. Over time these feelings will gradually eat away at you from the inside. So, a relationship full of love can become poisonous. It can do harm. Unlike what people say, love alone is not enough. Not in all cases. Not for everyone. Love needs to create a healthy, non-toxic environment.
I think I need to tell you one or two episodes for you to understand what I mean. Explaining is not enough.
Ravi lived in another city and came to visit me on weekends. On one of these occasions, I had, for whatever reason, gotten quite horny during the week. I decided that this time would be special.
With the little money I had I bought some provocative panties and put them on. I made sure that the sorority girls would not be home, and got ready. I left a pack of condoms already prepared on the bedside table, made up the bed, closed the curtains, applied some fresh perfume and put on a bit of makeup.
As soon as he rang the intercom, I opened the gate, said nothing and ran to the bed, where I got on all fours. I was, of course, already soaking wet just preparing for this whole scenario. I took one last look in the mirror and decided to lift my ass a bit more. It was great. It was perfect.
"Come in!" I shouted when I heard that he was at the door of the apartment.
Moisture dripped between my legs, my nipples were hard, my mouth was watering.
He came into the room and made a huge surprised expression. I made my naughtiest face at him and invited him to come and take me.
I wished that he had already come and pulled my panties aside and fucked me once and for all. I didn't want any talk or foreplay. I wanted him to fuck me like an animal in heat. But he laid down on top of me and we kissed. My mouth sought his to quench my thirst, my hips almost thrust into his. I couldn't contain my excitement, but he seemed to want something lighter.
"Okay," I thought. "Softer than I wanted, but okay. I'll heat this up now," and I tried to wrap my legs around him. Soon I brought his hands to my breasts.
It took me a while to realize that something was wrong. His cock didn't harden. He tried hard, but nothing changed.
I put my hand on his penis and tried to arouse him, but he soon asked me to stop
"Sorry, my love, I'm not in the mood."
"It's okay," I said, lying down on top of him. I was ashamed that my pussy was still twitching and my breathing was short.
Of course, no one has to have sex without wanting to. As a woman, I know that many of us end up doing it just to please our partner, and it's terrible. Sex needs desire. A lot of desire. If you don't feel like it, you don't do it.
I understood this situation as a one-time thing. Soon, we would have sex again and go back to normal. Everyone has a day or a period when they are less horny.
But this was not what happened.
On the following weekends we alternated a few sessions of sex, more or less hot, with several negative ones from him. He said he wasn't in the mood, that he didn't feel like it, and I was left in the lurch.
A few weekends later, I went to visit Ravi in his town. As usual, I had a repressed lust. A month without kissing, without sex, had left me like this. I was naughty.
We took an Uber to go for a beer. I gave him those kisses with something extra, you know? Those kisses that make a second intention clear? Where the tongue makes soft, provocative movements? Kisses in which the breath reveals a strong, hidden lust? Well, then.
Only it didn't seem enough. I needed to be more explicit. I looked down at his pants and thought of his cock there, beside me. My mouth salivated. I thought about sucking it right there, in the back seat of the Uber, but I didn't have the courage. I don't know what could happen.
