Book One of The Trust Trilogy
Tess Quince
Chapter Thirteen
BEN KNOCKS HARD ON MY door again. It startles me. Why does he do that? I know it's six without checking the clock. He would be exactly on time. That's who he is.
The table is set. The salad is ready, I just put the potatoes in the oven a half hour ago and was waiting until he got here to cook the steaks. The whole time that I've been prepping dinner, I've been wondering when to have the I-don't-love-you talk with him. I think over dinner would be best. Food makes it seem easier.
I look in my hallway mirror before I open the door. I look good. When I open the door, I decide he looks good too. He's in jeans with a dress shirt and a suede jacket, but his face is slightly tense. The silver hairs of his stubble seem to be more on end. Does he have his own furrow between his eyebrows? Ben Sheppard smiles and hands me a bouquet of red roses.
Red roses! He's not going to make this easy is he?
"For you," he says and kisses me. It's one of his soft, fluttery ones. It's nice, but I don't let myself enjoy it as much as the past ones.
I thank him and take the bouquet and make my way into the kitchen. He follows me. While I'm cutting the stems he says it.
"I thought we should talk, Tess."
Uh-oh. I guess we won't be waiting until dinner.
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I'll be right out. Go have a seat."
He smiles and turns and I futz with the bouquet. It just won't lay how I want it. To hell with it, I think. I pour myself a half a glass of wine and drink it in one gulp. I pour another and one for him. When I come into the living room he's sitting on the edge of the couch. I hand him his glass which he doesn't sip from but puts down on the coffee table right away.
"I never wanted to give you the wrong impression, Tess. Things between us got going a lot faster than I planned."
I start to interrupt, but he stops me by putting his hand on my leg.
"You're a wonderful woman. It's just that I'm going back to Milwaukee. I have a life there. I like how my life is there. I wouldn't be truthful if I said I'd try to make it down here every so often and that's not really fair to you."
I'm relieved. I thought I'd be letting him down. I think of toying with him—"But I can move to Milwaukee, Ben"—but remember I'm a grown-up.
"Ben, relax. We're on the same page. I've given this thought and we are just at different stages of our lives. I'm terribly fond of you. I love you in a way but not the right way. Maybe it's a different kind of love. But I will tell you that you are the best lover I've ever had. Ever. In fact, I feel like you're the only true lover I've ever had. Thank you for that. You've not only opened up my eyes to a wonderful world of passion but to myself."
Ben Sheppard's body relaxes and he sits back on the couch. He is smiling. His face is relaxed. His own furrow is gone.
"Thank god," he says. "I felt so bad for not bringing this up before. I wasn't sure how tonight was going to go."
"You want to know how tonight is going to go, big boy?"
I kick his shin with my big toe. I am feeling relieved and playful.
"Sure."
"Here's how tonight is going to go: I'm going to feed you a big steak with a salad and potatoes. We're going to drink too much wine, we're going to talk and dance and when the moment is right, you're going to take me to bed."
"That sounds like a good night."
"Yes, it does. How do you like your steak?"
"Rare."
"Of course you do," I say.
I sear his steak on my cast-iron pan. The pan is hot as I could make it and I leave his New York Strips on each side for two minutes. I cook mine longer but not as long as I may have once done. I plate his steak and potatoes and bring it along with his salad in a bowl and serve it to him at my dining room table. He kisses my cheek as I bend down. I get my plate and I sit down and we eat and talk and finish off two bottles of wine. He tells me funny stories about his children and I tell him funny stories about Danny. He tells me about the guys he'd grown to like out at the factory in Crittenden and I don't tell him about the people I don't like at my office.
He tells me to go sit on the couch in the living room while he clears the plates and I let him. When I tell him to not bother with washing up, he tells me with a smile to have another glass of wine and be quiet. I have another glass of wine and am quiet and enjoy the sound of him cleaning my kitchen.
When he is done, he comes into the living room and turns off the stereo. I had been playing some new age stuff.
"You can't dance to that," he says. He puts out his hand and steadies me as I wobble to my feet. "We'll dance to our own rhythm," he says.
And we do for I don't know how long, then I put my hand on the back of his neck and look up into his hazel eyes.
"Take me to bed," I say. I grab a tuft of the silver hair at his temples. "I want you to make love to me. I want you to fuck me. I need your firm hands on me. In bed, I'm yours to do with as you want."
The green of his eyes flare.
"Go to your bedroom. Strip naked and lay down on the bed. I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?"
He doesn't answer but glares at me. I do as I'm told.
As I head for my bedroom, I hear him open the front door. I'm curious but quickly strip and jump into bed. I'm naked and chilly with my head propped up on my elbow when he walks in. He has a bundle of something under his arm. He puts it in the corner of my bedroom.
"On your back," he says.
I lay on my back.
"Put your arms up above your head, toward the side of the bed."
I put my arms up. He's taking off his own clothes. He's letting me watch him do it. I enjoy watching him do it.
"Spread your legs."
I spread them. He pulls the blanket and top sheet off of me. I'm exposed. Ben Sheppard is standing at the foot of the bed and can look right into me.
He's as naked as I am now. He goes to the corner where he laid down that bundle he brought in. I lean back and wait for whatever it is. I feel a roughness on my ankle and I look down. He is tying my feet.
Do I want this, I ask myself. I drive the question away. I trust Ben Sheppard.
"Say 'tripod'."
