The next morning, Selena was busy packing things into the wagon when she heard Liam's voice from inside the tent. She rushed in and stopped in her tracks. Liam was struggling to rise up on one elbow, but he was wobbly and weak, and he wasn't having much success.
"Oh Liam, just lie down, sweetheart. You have to take it slowly," she soothed, as she gently pressed him down on the pallet. "You're looking much better today."
Liam's face had a slight frown, which she took as a good sign. At least he was regaining some control over his facial muscles. Selena smoothed his hair back and kissed his brow.
"Are you hungry? Could you eat something if I bring it for you?"
"Um hmm," he mumbled and managed to slightly nod his head.
Selena's eyes filled with happy tears. "I'll be right back."
She had cooked a pot of vegetable stew with bits of venison in it, and she brought back a bowl. Sitting beside the pallet, she mashed up the vegetables and meat until the soup was nice and smooth. Holding Liam's head in her lap, she managed to get a few spoonfuls of the soup down his throat, and she counted that as a victory. Realizing that the others were nearly ready to leave, Selena gave him a kiss on the brow.
"I have to finish packing up, Liam. Everyone will be waiting for us, but I'll be back very soon." Her eyes were shining and her smile was radiant as she looked down at him. "I love you, Liam."
She quickly packed up their gear, and once again the men lifted Liam onto a pallet in the wagon. Selena took heart that day, for although Liam was still twitching and couldn't talk, his fever was gone, and his eyes seemed lucid.
That evening, Selena coaxed more soup down his throat. After he had consumed nearly an entire bowl, he turned away from the spoon.
"No more," he managed to mutter.
Selena was ecstatic. She set the bowl aside and stretched out beside him on the pallet, gently combing his hair back off his brow. They lay like that for a long time, their eyes locked in unspoken communication, and it was the first time in over a week that Selena felt Liam was really with her.
September rolled around, and they passed the place where Fort Boise had previously been. The fort had been plagued by floods for several years, and had finally been deserted. However, it stood as a milestone to let them know that they still had another four hundred miles to travel.
The last leg of their journey would be the most treacherous. They had to pass over the dreaded Blue Mountains, with their steep grades and rough terrain. These were the highest mountains they would have to cross, and the threat of early snow was heavy in everyone's mind. Stories abounded about the fate of the Donner party, bound for California, who had been trapped in the Sierra Mountains by heavy snows in 1846. Stranded in the mountains without adequate shelter or food, they had been forced to resort to cannibalism to survive. Thirty eight of them had perished from starvation, illness, and hypothermia. Selena and the others knew they had to keep pressing on to avoid a similar fate.
Liam made small improvements each day, but progress was slow. He was able to talk again since the rigidity in his jaw was gone, but most of the time, he didn't feel inclined to do so. He sat for long periods, morosely silent and brooding. The twitching spasms gradually subsided, and over a period of three weeks, they stopped entirely. However, Liam was left weak and weary. He needed help to stand, and he could walk only a few steps before collapsing again. He didn't have the strength to sit on the wagon bench, and he had to be lifted onto his pallet each morning.
As Liam lay watching Selena drive the wagon, he lost a little more of his self esteem each day. She was managing quite well without any help from him. He wasn't even a real man anymore, having to be coddled like a baby. He wasn't strong enough to go to the river each night to bathe, and he refused to let Selena shave him. Every day, his appearance became more unkempt, but he showed no signs of caring.
There was an even deeper issue that gnawed at the very foundation of Liam's soul. It had been weeks since the onset of his illness. He was well acquainted with the disease lockjaw. Indeed, he had had a friend named Sam back in Kentucky, who had also suffered from a bout with the dreaded disease following an accident on his farm. Sam had been one of their neighbors, and he had been fifteen years older than Liam. Sam had taken Liam under his wing when he was just a small boy, and he had been like a second father to him.
Through his friend's illness, Liam had learned that lockjaw attacked the body in a way that destroyed one's ability to control the muscles and nerves. Many times, the victim never completely regained their functionality. Sam had recovered from lockjaw, but it had taken him several months to get his physical strength and coordination back. However, Sam had been forever changed, becoming moody and sullen, withdrawn from his wife and family. Sam had begun to drink heavily, where before he had hardly touched liquor except to have an occasional friendly drink. One night, when Sam was well into his cups, Liam had pressed him to find out what was wrong. Sam had bitterly confided that the disease had left him impotent. That memory haunted Liam, for he was convinced that he was destined to suffer the same fate.
As the weeks of his illness stretched out, Liam watched Selena moving around as she tended to both her own chores and his. As always, the sight of her stirred him. However, his body didn't respond. It was as if his manhood had been stripped from him, and he was left as an empty shell. Before, the merest brush of a breast against his arm or a glimpse of her well turned ankles would be enough to send hot blood pounding through his loins. Now, those same experiences left him cold, not emotionally but physically.
And what was worse, Selena seemed to sense the change in him. She no longer sent him those sultry smiles, and when he searched her eyes, he found no deep pools of promise. The entire flavor of their relationship had shifted, and because he was losing his identity not only as Selena's protector and provider but ultimately as her lover, Liam couldn't seem to muster any interest in increasing his strength. Each day, he sank a little deeper into his own personal well of misery.
Selena had no inkling about his depressive turn of mind. She and the others were so thankful Liam had survived that all their energies were devoted to encouraging him in his physical recovery. It simply never occurred to her that his emotions needed healing as well. She took it for granted that once he was healed physically, he would become his old self again, cheerful, confident and warm.
Of course, she missed his passion. Before his illness, they had reached heights of intimacy and physical fulfillment that she had never imagined could be possible between a woman and a man. Every barrier between them had been destroyed, and when they made love, Selena felt that Liam could see into her very soul. Without his lovemaking, she didn't feel entirely whole, but she was serenely confident that Liam would soon recover and they would resume that part of their relationship. She was waiting, as patiently as possible, for that day to arrive, and she never doubted that it would. The thought that Liam might be permanently impaired never entered her mind, so there was no way she could guess that he was tortured by such thoughts.
Every day, Selena talked with him as they rode along, chatting brightly about the passing scenery. It was difficult to remain cheerful when Liam didn't appear interested in the conversation, but Selena was nothing if not persistent. With determination and patience, she continued to try to draw him out of his shell.
"Oh Liam, just look at these trees! They must be hundreds of feet tall," Selena gasped.
"Mmmm," came his noncommittal response.
"Can you believe it? Isn't it amazing, darling?" She glanced back to see his reaction.
"Mmmm." Liam never lifted his eyes from the pallet.
