It says in Ecclesiastes "time and chance happens to them all."
Before recent events, I believed things happened for a reason. Now I am not so sure. Everything used to be knowable and predictable. Mark and I had a wonderful life. We had a circle of friends and were heavily involved in our church. I was thinking that in another two or three years, the time would be right for us to start a family. It was all so wonderful.
Then came the day, how long ago now? I have no idea the days kind of blend into one long orgy of sensation. I'm no longer the woman I was, nor is Mark the man I married. That upsetting factoid is the fault of neither of us. Circumstances have radically altered everything we knew and believed. Even now, I have no idea where or when we are.
A word of explanation. Mark and I had finagled an invitation to visit professor Hallman. His attractive bungalow was not far from the apartment Mark and I shared. It is not every day one gets to have afternoon tea with one of the world's greatest theoretical physicists. We wanted to invite him to church even though we heard he was a professed atheist.
Mark shared a bit of the Good News with him, but the professor, who looked just like Larry from the "Three Stooges" except with a ring of snow-white hair, seemed distracted. He listened politely and then explained that his new project was taking much of his time. He talked about alternate universes and lots of other things that I couldn't follow. My husband seemed to comprehend more of it than I did. At one point the professor donned a wan smile and asked, "What if you found yourselves in a world where Jesus never existed?"
Mark replied that that was an impossible conceit which made the professor smile even wider. The rest of the tea passed uneventfully. I was, quite frankly, bored with it all. I felt like the ultimate third wheel. We politely excused ourselves and began to walk home.
We never made it. Around a familiar corner, we found ourselves in a quite unfamiliar city. We tried backtracking but could not find our familiar streets. There were vehicles, kind of like cars but they levitated off the ground, like Luke's speeder in "Star Wars," All the men were dressed in togas or burnished leather. The women wore very little. We stood out like sore thumbs. A crowd soon surrounded us and began firing us questions and asking what we were hiding with our concealing clothes. We were called, "barbarians" and "invaders" their English was weirdly accented, not British, Canadian, Australian, or even Brooklynese, but seemingly a combination of all of them. Our unaccented American accents really seemed to inflame their ire. Somehow or other a group of what could only be police officers showed up just as the crowd was about to become violent. We were swept up. Put into one of the weird levitating vehicles and transported to a palace.
From there, we were handed off to a knot of hulking intimidating guards. We were frisked and led to what I learned later was the throne room. An obese towheaded guy sat on an elevated chair. He wore a crown of gold laurel leaves. It was both impressive and intimidating. We were introduced as "Barbarians intent on causing a riot," which, while not the least bit accurate, was believed completely.
The emperor (that is what they called him) seemed keenly interested in us. He asked us to give an accounting of ourselves under penalty of death! I fell into stunned silence and allowed Mark to do the talking. He recounted to the fat despot on the throne our events of the day. The man on the throne seemed keenly interested in our religious beliefs and asked Mark to expound on that topic at length. Mark's recounting of the Great Commission had the emperor and the crowd of hangers-on in the room in hysterics. This made Mark quite angry. He hates to see the Gospel mocked.
At a signal from the emperor, we were forced apart a span of at least several dozen feet. "It is good that you were brought here," intoned the emperor to the witnessing police officers and guards. "It has been many long years since our barbarian enemies have tried to infiltrate the empire. Fortunately for the two of you, I am in something of a forgiving mood.
He looked at us in a way that made my blood turn to ice water in my veins and announced, "Strip the male, the "husband," and be quick about it!"
The hulking guards surrounding Mark pinioned him in place. With intimidating blades, they cut off all his clothes. When Mark tried to object, a cruel ball-gag was forced into his mouth. I remained in place, petrified, almost too frightened to breathe. It was all over in moments, my husband was rendered naked and powerless, quite a change from his usually strong, independent attitude. I saw unaccustomed fear in his eyes. That gave me tremendous pause. If Mark was scared, that meant that I should be terrified! The bulky emperor looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, levelly and intently, "Reveal the female barbarian! Strip her, nice and slow!"
I stared at the tyrant on the throne. My heart fell into my stomach, but I knew better than to object. I gazed across the room at my husband. Six huge bruisers held him fast. It was made abundantly clear that Mark's life depended upon my compliance.
One of the emperor's guards, all bared arms of corded muscle and burnished black leather, strode forward, a lecherous smile on his rugged face, he reached for the buttons of my blouse. The emperor grinned like the mad man he no doubt was.
My eyes met Mark's I tried to communicate to him that I was not afraid. In fact, I'm sure my fear was obvious. Another of the tyrant's uniformly hulking bodyguards held an intimidating blade against my husband's throat. The gag in his mouth prevented his crying out. But I read in his eyes the loud devotions of his love for me and his urging me not to panic. I felt the guard's fingers deliberately, slowly, parting the buttons.
I felt the chill of the throne room on my ample bosom. How Mark and I had ended up here was a complete mystery. It seems that professor Hallman's theory of parallel worlds with randomly scattered meeting points is correct since nothing else makes any sense at all.
The leering guard forced my blouse down my shoulders and indicated what he wanted me to do. My blood froze as I realize that I am to be an active participant in my defilement. I shrugged my shoulders, allowing the red silk blouse to slide down to my wrists. From there, the odious guard pulled it away from me. It fluttered to the floor where another hulking guard quickly policed it up.
The sight of my lacy black brassiere elicited surprised gasps and catcalls. I flushed scarlet and hoped to pass away on the spot. Aside from doctors, I had not been naked, as an adult, in the presence of any man other than Mark in my entire life. Now I was about to be exposed to a gallery of lecherous witnesses, male and female, old, young, and every variety in between, many of them scantily or fetish dressed. The leering guard turned to the fat man on the throne, who indicated he was to continue. He studied my unfamiliar clothing before his hands went to the buckle of the decorative belt in my skirt. After a moment's contemplation, he opened it.
He seemed puzzled that my skirt did not immediately loosen.
He strode around me and noted the button and zipper in the back. I felt his massive hand on my rump. With surprising dexterity and gentleness, he opened the button and tugged down the zipper. My black A-line skirt sagged about my hips. The massive guard tugged it down. Already wishing I was dead, the revelation that I was wearing stockings with garters, made me wish that the earth would open and swallow me. No one was supposed to know that I was wearing such sexy underwear, except of course, for Mark. This day, at least the day it was before we were transported here, was the anniversary of our first date. Mark, who never failed to recall my birthday and our wedding anniversary was regularly oblivious to the day of our first date. Annually, I made it a point to seduce my husband to remind him of that magical moment when our lives first came together. Sometimes I find myself thinking that he "forgets" on purpose, but his pleasantly stunned reaction every time when I get down and dirty, convinces me of his innocence. There were cheers from the assembled crowd when my skirt hit the floor and I was compelled to step out of it.
"Enchanting!" stated the emperor as he stroked himself through his toga. Mark's eyes widened with wonder then realization.