This is my story of gaining informed and insightful maturity. The changes to where I am now were as a result of a great deal of chance combined with the mentoring of a few. My contribution to my own education was only to be receptive to an intelligent instruction. There was minimal cleverness or inspired moves on my part except of those that were made unconsciously through sheer masculine instinct.
I figured my learning would be instructive to others like me. It might be entertaining to a few as well.
It had been a rather eventful few months.
After moving out of my hometown as a raw virgin, and into a big city of Toronto, almost suddenly I had been with many women. Before I left home, I began with a traumatic rejection by an older woman whom I thought was my ideal. Once I arrived in this fabulous city, chances rained on me. An accidental meeting leading into a one-night stand was the beginning. Then I took a short break back home and an unexpected night of intimacy with the same older woman was simply awesome. Following that was a 'working' weekend rendezvous of drunkenness in the Bruce Peninsula with two girls. Then an undercover celebrity that surprisingly shed her pompous veil of anonymity and climbed down from her haughty high horse to have sex with me. Lucky I was, with all that. The one thing that I had not won is to conquer the one I really adored, loved and wanted.
Suja was the most beautiful woman on this planet for me. I met her at the airport when she was flying in and she became a good friend. She was one of the girls I was with for that weird weekend episode when inebriated, for the life of me, I couldn't recollect. Now I wanted something memorable and durable and it was not happening.
It was like a newly rich with so much wealth but not sufficient liquidity to purchase the most wanted stock. I was even being tutored by the women I was with telling me where I might be falling short. I needed to open up my heart and say those magical words that all women like to hear.
Driving to Heaven
Now I stood on the cusp of summer with winter and a short spring behind me. There was an opportunity in the past, as Suja's strict and rather conventionally conservative uncle and aunt, her local guardians, were away for over a month but alas, circumstances stood in the way of me making any headway. My second job and her academic and career pursuits somehow intruded on our plans.
The way we men dealt with that was to think of those amorous possibilities and indulge in sessions of dreamy self love! By then with many such episodes, my desire for her had soared to heights that one might consider dangerous; I meant risky to the point of me doing something rankly stupid. I spoke to myself a lot, infusing some logical thoughts of rational patience.
I had almost got her on one evening with another couple, Justin and Balini but that ended with me jerking off in her presence while the other couple fucked in the other room. Yes, that was an opportunity missed or rather refused by her.
We also did meet, however when we could grab ourselves some time for a coffee or a lunch. During one of those meetings, I had in all sincerity, opened my heart to her again. That was done earlier but a reinforcement was long overdue. Suja had a flimsy or no reason at all to have held back on intimacy this long. I told her how much I loved and cared for her and wanted to spend my life with her. Her reaction was difficult to describe even though she declared that she felt the same and we kissed passionately. There was some difference in her beautiful eyes when we met subsequently, but the deep-seated reciprocal affection was difficult to perceive as it was phased in gradually.
Simultaneously and quite coincidentally almost at the exact same time, both our parents had suggested suitors for us. This was a tradition in our culture that we both shared. It was called arranged marriages. We had a crafty idea to put those two prospective partners together and that was the Balini and Justin episode. After all they were looking for spouses. The girl, Balini was decidedly more forward and indeed quite frisky as I found out during her visit to my apartment spa. She was so sleazy she hit on me quite brazenly. Not that I minded, of course, except that I had Suja on my mind even though I had not declared my love for her at the time.
All these were actually side shows, albeit quite a bunch of interrelated events. They need to be forgotten and I needed forgiveness for my waywardness. So, I planned a get away to a little cottage nestled among a wooded enclave by the St. Lawrence river a few hours east of the city. Rather reluctantly, Suja agreed. She was not happy to lie to her guardians.
We were all set to drive to the location and as expected I was on cloud nine! I couldn't detect the same degree of enthusiasm in Suja though she wore a happy disposition. There was stealth required on her part, after all, as she had lied saying she was leaving to spend a weekend with her friends in the town of Napanee. When we hit the highway, I asked about the reason why she was so hesitant all these months to get more intimate.
"I wasn't sure, you know," she confessed thoughtfully, "you were very close to Sonia..." Sonia was my ex-co-worker with whom Suja and I had spent that rather out of control weekend at Bruce Peninsula. We had been contracted by a low budget commercial film producer to be, quite honestly, cheap novice actors. The issue was that I had sex with both of them; first with Suja when I was smashed and didn't recall a thing and then the next morning with Sonia and Suja was by my side in bed! "You enjoyed her and you moaned with pleasure. It killed me!"
"You still remember that? That was a one off and I didn't even speak to her thereafter." I was thankful that Suja did not know about the other women, which is why I sought psychological forgiveness.
"Do you think of her? Sonia?"
"Not at all, sweetheart."
"Promise?"
"I swear!" I was being absolutely truthful. Thoughts of my other amorous adventures popped up in my mind but I chose to ignore them. I put my Kia Forte on cruise control to allow me to think clearly. There was hardly any traffic as we got out of the city early. "It was a fleeting indiscretion; a desire. Not love or even lust which are more enduring. Have you not had any such feelings?"
"What? Random sex?" She uttered an embarrassed or may be repulsed giggle.
"No. I meant a soft corner or a fuzzy feeling of warmth with any guy as a fleeting thought."
"Not at all." She uttered it with decisive finality. We looked at each other and she smiled as I held her hand that was in her lap. My heart beat a bit faster.
"Come on, Suja. There must be something. It is not wrong to feel excited sometimes with somebody."
"Honestly, I felt that with you and you only." She looked down and analysed her thoughts. "When you touched my breasts on the flight to Toronto, was one occasion I felt all warm inside. Needless to say, when you were totally drunk and were having sex with me, I reacted so much with deep soulful responses but you were dead to the world. Your eyes were closed. Again, I felt it when you were doing it with Sonia; my heart was on fire with envy but then you climaxed with those sexy moans and I mentally swooned!"
It was very exciting to hear all this that I had never heard. The crux of the matter was that Suja was unsure if I had a connection with Sonia and I needed to dispel those doubts. "Look, Sonia is not my type. Yes, we had that episode but it was simply the holiday mood and the alcohol. Maybe it was even you! I remember seeing you nude and that was very thrilling."
"You saw me after you had sex with Sonia."
"OK. That may be right but the general atmosphere was charged with sensuality and physical proximity. There was no love or a deeper connection. I promise."
It seemed like she accepted it at least partially. She looked out the window at the passing lush landscapes of pines and shrubs and the occasional bodies of water. Rural Ontario provided the ideal backdrop for romance.
