The Whyte Butterfly Ch 11

Chapter 11

"Candle in the Wind"

"GIRLFRIEND?" Carmen asked in a bit of a snippy tone. "YOU have a GIRLFRIEND? I thought you were on that whor . . . well into 'one-night-stands,' and not into 'tying yourself down'," she added and had to look away as she calmed down.

Intense, burning jealousy burned inside Carmen as she walked beside Benita, yet she kept this disturbing feeling bottled up inside of her. Carmen had not, as yet, told Benita that she was pregnant with their child. Carmen had resisted any of the advances that Benita had made towards Carmen. Carmen had also denied her own desires to start any sort of relationship with Benita.

"Yes, I have a girlfriend, and she makes me happy. I thought that as my best friend, you would be happy for me. You've been lecturing me on how I shouldn't sleep around so much and I should settle down. Well, I took your advice and found someone to settle down with. What do you want from me?" Benita replied defensively as the pair walked down the high school hall, towards their first class.

Logically Carmen should be relieved that Benita had found another, healthier and more permanent outlet for her affections. While as a friend, Carmen was happy for Benita to have found someone. As the pregnant mother of their child, however, Carmen wanted Benita to focus on her. Carmen almost opened up her mouth and told Benita right there, but resisted. The middle of the high school hallways didn't seem like the right place to inform someone that they were the "father" of your child.

"Well, I think it's all a bit sudden. I've never even heard of her," Carmen replied in a defensive tone. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" she added with a scowl on her face.

"Well, we've only just started dating! It's not like I'm going to marry her!" Benita scoffed defensively before she chuckled.

"And you told you parents about your . . . thing . . . And us? You didn't even ask if I was okay with it! What if your parents tell my mother? What then? What am I supposed to do then?" Carmen angrily spat as she scowled at Benita, her anger boiling to the surface.

"I was tired of the lies and the double life! I felt it was time to come clean with them. I didn't think how it would affect you, sorry," Benita replied in an apologetic yet defensive tone.

"That's your problem Ben, you don't think! You do things that you want to do and never sit down and think of how they will affect others . . . of how they will affect me! Then I'M left dealing with the mess YOU make! I have to get to class!" Carmen said as she stomped off, in an agitated mood.

"What the fuck is her problem?" Benita mumbled to herself as she watched Carmen walk away.

Carmen had a miserable day at school and avoided Benita for the rest of the day, not wanting to get into another argument. Someone noticed that Carmen was not her usual self and deeply troubled, and decided to intervene.

Irene, the school councillor was on her way to her office in the mid-afternoon. School had just let out for the day and she was walking back to her office to do some paperwork and perhaps get an early end to the day. Irene almost had a sixth sense for when students were troubled more than just the usual teenage troubles. As Carmen approached, Irene got a strong sense that Carmen needed to talk so she altered her direction and walked over to Carmen.

"Are you okay, Carmen?" Irene asked as she put her hand on Carmen's shoulder as she walked beside Carmen.

"Yeah, sure," Carmen replied in a fake-calm tone, complete with plastic smile.

"Well you seem distracted today, is there anything you want to talk about? I have some time," Irene asked in a prodding yet inviting manner.

"I . . . I don't think so," Carmen stammered in a confused muddle.

"Whatever you tell me is strictly confidential, come on," Irene said as she directed Carmen over to her office.

Carmen started to stammer and stutter to protest but realized that she needed someone to talk to. Carmen did tell Irene what was going on but didn't say that Benita had impregnated her but a guy named "Ben." It was a simpler and more palatable answer but still allowed Carmen to talk about the crux of the problem. What to do about the child and should she tell Benita right away? What to do about these jealous feelings about Benita's girlfriend.

"In the end, what you do is up to you. Remember that there are many options to you: adoption, abortion, keeping your child," Irene said in a knowing and calm manner.

"I know, but I've already decided to keep my baby," Carmen said as she raised her arms and crossed them across her belly.

"This 'Ben' should help and support you in raising this child, should you ultimately decide to keep it. After all he has a responsibility to you, but ultimately the choice is yours," Irene said in a knowing and confident manner.

"I know, I know . . . he will," Carmen said and had to catch herself from saying "she."

"As far as this Ben is concerned, you should tell him when you're ready. As far as pursuing any sort of relationship, that's up to you," Irene said with a calm and almost clinical manner.

"I know; I just don't know if I should. Perhaps we never got together for a reason," Carmen said, not wanting to say that she never dated Benita because she was a woman.

"True. But I do strongly suggest that you tell your mother what has happened, she will be your best source of strength and support through all of this," Irene said in a friendly, yet lecturing manner.

"Thanks, I will," Carmen said before she got up and left the office.

Carmen was a nervous wreck as she waited for her mother, Susan to come home. This was one of Susan's later nights so it wasn't until after eight that Susan came home a little tired. Carmen had kept herself busy with cleaning and tidying up of the apartment, so the place was spotless. When Susan entered and saw that the place was cleaner and tidier than it had been in a long time she knew something was up.

"What is it Sweetie?" Susan said as she approached Carmen.

Carmen turned looked her mother in the eyes and her guard came crashing down. Tears were the only answer Carmen could give and before the fourth tear fell, Susan had her baby girl in her arms and held her tight. That was when the dam broke and all of Carmen's pent-up emotions came flooding forth and she cried hard. Somehow Susan was able to guide Carmen over to the couch and sit the pair down so she could hold and comfort her daughter.

Once the crying stopped Carmen opened up and told her mother the same story she had told Irene, the school counsellor. She didn't mention her own conflicted feelings towards Benita or her emerging submissive side, both of which scared her and she was repressing. Carmen wanted to be completely open and honest with her mother but didn't think her mother would believe the truth.

"You can't keep this child," Susan said in a sad and sympathetic manner.

"I'm not aborting my child! This is my child and I will raise it!" Carmen replied in a hurt and defensive tone. "Are you sorry you had me?" Carmen added in a hurt tone.

"Honey, I love you dearly and I wouldn't change anything for the world, but raising a child on your own is hard," Susan said in a sympathetic manner.

"You did it, why can't I?" Carmen answered back.

"The last thing you need right now is to be burdened with a child. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you," Susan said in an urging manner.

"So does my baby," Carmen replied sternly.

"Yes, it does, but all I'm saying is let someone else raise it, someone who will be able to give it a better life than you can as a single mother," Susan said and her words resonated inside Carmen's mind.

As Carmen went to bed she was more confused than she was before, there were too many choices, too many options. The next day at school Carmen went through it on autopilot. She was happy that it was Friday and the week was almost done.

Kody was a slightly chunky guy who still cut an impressive figure; he just had a bit of extra weight on him. Like Carmen, however, that weight was well distributed around his body. His short brown hair was styled shorter on the sides and back but longer on the top, spiked up a bit almost to a flattop. He walked with a confident swagger and somehow his approach was missed by Carmen.

"Hey, Carmen, we still up for movies tonight?" Kody asked as he put his hand on Carmen's back.

"AH!" Carmen squealed and jumped in shock. "Sorry," Carmen added as she calmed down a bit.

"Didn't mean to scare you, just wanted to know if we were still on for movies tonight?" Kody asked as he pulled his hand off of Carmen and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Movies? Right, yes, tonight . . . Absolutely, looking forward to it," Carmen said with a smile up into Kody's face.

"Okay, see you at seven then," Kody said as he leaned in and gave Carmen a peck on the lips before he swaggered off.

That night Carmen did enjoy her movie date with Kody. They had been out a few times and she enjoyed his company. Tonight, she needed a slice of "normalcy" and a respite from her "carrying Benita's child" troubles. Through the movie Kody had managed to get his arm around Carmen's shoulder, or rather she let him. Carmen even pretended not to notice when he slyly caressed the far side of her far breast.

After the movie was over they shared a cup of coffee at a trendy coffee shop on Whyte Avenue. The topic of the conversation was small talk and almost trivial compared with what Carmen was facing. The levity was a welcome reprieve and Carmen didn't want the evening to end, for once it did, her troubles would come crashing in again.

Carmen and Kody held hands as he walked Carmen back to her place. The evening was light and warm and the mood was friendly, yet the air was thick with sexual tension. As they rounded the last corner and Carmen could see her building not that far off she knew a choice was coming.

The decision she had to make was if she should let Kody get into her pants. Since pregnancy was not a problem, it made her decision a bit easier. Carmen wanted to know what sex with a guy was like and perhaps, just perhaps if she opened her legs to Kody he might stick around. Carmen was still afraid of raising her child on her own and hoped that perhaps she could get Kody to be the surrogate father for her baby.

"Well, here we are," Kody said as he stood tall, smiling charmingly at Carmen.

"Yeah," Carmen replied, looking up into Kody's face with a coy, yet alluring smile.

Kody leaned in and kissed Carmen on the lips with a soft and romantic kiss. As a result Carmen's sexual desire started to rise, since Kody was a good kisser. Before the kiss was broken, Carmen was curious to know just what else Kody was good at.

"Wanna come up?" Carmen said as the kiss was over, yet still she held Kody tight.

"Won't your mom be there?" Kody asked as he stroked Carmen's back.

"No, she works till ten tonight," Carmen replied as she looked up at Kody, biting her lower lip.

"In that case, I'd love to come up," Kody replied with a cocky smile.

Once they were inside the safety of Carmen's room clothes exploded as they disrobed each other at the same time. Kody was only momentarily delayed by the workings of Carmen's bra. Kody's hands were all over Carmen's breasts as soon as the bra was removed.

Carmen's mind was quickly turning to mush as Kody's magic hands caressed her breasts with skill and practiced precision. Carmen didn't remember the rest of her or Kody's clothes being removed, nor how she ended up on her back on the bed.

When Kody's lips wrapped around her left nipple, Carmen moaned deep and loud. Carmen was fast learning how much she loved having her breasts played with. Carmen just laid there as Kody's lips, tongue and fingers explored her bosom relishing in the pleasure.

Carmen giggled as pleasure radiated from her pussy as Kody's fingers found her nether-slit. Without taking his mouth or attention away from Carmen's breasts Kody began to stroke and tease her pussy. Carmen signalled this was okay with her by opening her legs, to give him access. Kody reacted by licking his way down Carmen's body in a casual trail down to her pussy.

Carmen shuddered when Kody's tongue first flicked across her clitoris. Carmen shifted her body so Kody could comfortably lean over the edge of the bed and eat her pussy. Carmen slumped down and surrendered her body to the assault of Kody's tongue and fingers. Kody was as good at eating pussy as he was at kissing, it seemed. Carmen could only twitch and moan as a result of Kody's ministrations. Conscious thought and coherent speech was not something Carmen was capable of while Kody worked his magic on her pussy.

As Kody continued to eat Carmen's pussy, Carmen's excitement continued to build to a crescendo. When the moment finally arrived and Carmen's orgasm hit she grasped Kody by the hair. As wave after wave of intense pleasure rocked her body Carmen pulled Kody's face closer and closer into her pussy almost smothering him with it. When her orgasm had finally subsided, Carmen could think of only one thing.

"Fuck me!" Carmen demanded as she looked down between her legs.

"I was kinda hoping you would return the favour," Kody said as he stood up and looked at his cock.

"FUCK ME!" Carmen repeated in a sterner and more demanding tone of voice, with fire in her eyes.

"Okay," Kody chuckled as he reached for his pants.

After Kody pulled a condom out of his wallet he sheathed his respectable six inch cock and crawled up onto the bed. Carmen had moved to the centre of the bed, eager and desperate to get fucked. Kody smirked an arrogant smirk as he positioned himself above Carmen and unceremoniously mounted her. As Kody's cock slid into her, Carmen moaned and loved the sensation, yet had a flashback to her time with Benita.

Kody withdrew his cock and then slid it back in, beginning the time-honoured dance of lovers on Carmen's bed. Kody kept up a steady pace of fucking.

As Carmen was getting steadily drilled she was in love with the sensation of a cock inside her pussy. A thought flashed across her mind, since she was already pregnant why not fuck any and all comers? Didn't she deserve some pleasure during her time of troubles? So why not allow herself some, so what if it meant to "slut out" a bit. Carmen wasn't sure if it was just the lust and hormones talking and dismissed this line of thought.

As Kody's own orgasm approached he picked up the pace and intensity of his thrusts. This elicited a shudder of pleasure and a comment that, in retrospect Carmen wished she hadn't said.

"Oh god Ben, I love your cock!" Carmen moaned out as her second orgasm quickly approached.

"Who the fuck is Ben?" Kody asked in between huffing breaths.

"Shutup and fuck me!" Carmen demanded in a moaning whine as she threw her legs around Kody's waist to prevent him from pulling out.

Kody continued the fuck even past when he climaxed into his condom. It was not that much longer before Carmen's second orgasm of the night hit her. Carmen clutched Kody tight as pleasure wracked her body.

Carmen didn't let up her death grip on Kody till pleasure released its grip on her. When Carmen slumped down onto the bed lifeless, Kody pulled out of Carmen and got off the bed.

"Who's Ben? Your boyfriend or something?" Kody asked in a slightly disgusted manner as he removed his condom and threw into a nearby garbage can.

"Ben? What?" Carmen asked with a confused expression, as she watched Kody clean his cock with a Kleenex.

"As we were fucking, you said 'Ben, I love your cock' . . . WHO'S BEN?" Kody repeated as he got dressed.

"He's a guy I dated for a bit before you. I didn't know I was pregnant when we broke up . . ." Carmen started to stammer. She was not sure what she was saying or why, just spinning what sounded like a believable story.

"HOLD IT!" Kody interrupted. "You're pregnant with some other guy's kid?" Kody asked sternly as he looked at Carmen in a demanding manner.

"Yes," Carmen replied in a meek and scared manner.

"What, are you shopping for a 'daddy' or something?" Kody said in disgust as he started to dress.

"No, I . . . I like you . . . that's all," Carmen stammered as she watched Kody continue to get dressed.

"I can't be with you even if I wanted to! You belong with this . . . Ben guy. You owe it to your baby to be with its father! You can't just move on to another guy because you feel like it!" Kody said as he pulled on his shoes.

"It's not that simple!" Carmen urged.

"Mothers and fathers should be together! If you want to be with me, have this Ben guy tell me it's okay, and then we'll see . . . maybe. Till then . . . see ya!" Kody said in a stern manner before he walked out of the room and apartment.

Carmen slumped over on the bed, still nude and cried her embarrassment and tears. Carmen never left the bed, she just pulled the covers up to her head curled in a ball and cried herself to sleep . . . again.

Saturday morning came early and Benita was in too good a mood when she and Suki came by to pick Carmen up for the day of shopping on Whyte Avenue. The last thing Carmen wanted to do was see or hear anything about Benita's girlfriend. Now not only did she hear about her, she met her and had to endure Benita and Suki's frequent and varied public displays of affection. Carmen almost made up an excuse to bow out early but stuck it out and finished the day of shopping.

What aggravated Carmen was the fact that, all things considered, Carmen liked Suki. What was worse was that Suki seemed to be a calming influence on Benita as her roving eye was reduced considerably. On one hand Carmen wanted to shove Suki under a bus to get her away from "her Benita." On the other hand Carmen liked Suki and felt like she was good for Benita.

Once the day was over and Carmen was ascending the stairs of her apartment building her mind began to swim once more. Carmen had too many solutions to her problems, too much advice. This made the already confusing situation that much more confusing; the muddy waters were made much more murky. As Carmen wondered and prayed for some sort of guide to help her through the forest, the answer hit her: Stacey.

Without bothering to call, Carmen walked the ten blocks to Stacey's place and was not turned away, but rather welcomed in with a friendly hug. Stacey fixed them both a soothing camomile tea and while they sipped it, Carmen told Stacey what had happened since they last met on Wednesday of this week. Stacey never interrupted but simply listened to Carmen talk. Stacey waited till Carmen had talked herself out before she spoke.

"So what are you going to do?" Stacey asked calmly as she sipped her tea.

"That's just it, I don't know!" Carmen replied with confusion in her eyes.

"Give it time and the right solution will just come to you," Stacey assured in as calm a voice as she could.

"I don't think so, the longer I think on this the more stressed and confused I get," Carmen said, letting her fear leak into her voice and onto her face. "I just wish someone would tell me what to do," Carmen added as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"A few people have," Stacey replied with assurance, "You just have to decide whose advice you want to take," she added with calming comfort.

"No, not advice, just tell me what to do!" Carmen said with a fear and pleading in her eyes.

Stacey looked at Carmen with a raised eyebrow, cocked her head to the side. She was tempted but resisted the impulse; instead she shook her head and sipped her tea.

"You don't mean that," Stacey replied dismissively.

"Yes, I do," Carmen replied calmly, with a nod of her head. "I guess I need someone to give me clarity," she added with a slightly muddled expression.