The Virgin Ceremonies

Chapter 08

Virginia: A Walk in the Park

I felt reasonably confident that I'd passed my quiz with at least a 90%. The other 10%, I wasn't so confident about. God, a B+ would make me sick. But I'd been sick all day, ever since I heard the word Bethesda.

"So, he said, 'Same time tomorrow, Bethesda,' not 'Beth,'" I explained to Quinn. "I'm such a dunce. After everything we shared, I really thought he called me the wrong name? It's insane."

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Have you heard of Bethesda Fountain?"

"Well, sure, it's famous."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I accused.

"You never said Bethesda! You kept saying Beth."

"Well, damn it, put two and two together."

"Are you seriously blaming me?" she said.

"I gotta blame someone, don't I? And I've spent all day blaming myself."

"Look, I have to say this, it's good you messed up. You know you can't actually meet him again, right?"

"Kinda..."

"Ginny, it's not possible. Tell me you know that."

"I know, but I'd of liked the option, you know? Or at least gone there incognito and seen him. Something like that."

"Do you hear yourself? Can we please just put Beau in the rearview? How are things with Tom?"

"I cancelled for tomorrow. I texted him, told him I was on my period, and I had a cold. I couldn't decide on a lie, and I panicked."

"Why would you do that?" Quinn said. "You should be with him."

"I had a day, okay? Never mind my quiz, all this info about the fountain."

"Beau is in the past, remember?" she said angrily. "Leave him there."

"Would it be so bad to have a conversation with him? Just to talk about that night and---"

"Yes, hell yes, a thousand times yes, that is a bad idea."

I looked at the clock. It was 6:30pm, almost 7:00pm, the time of my ceremony six weeks ago. "Do you think it's crazy if I went to the fountain tonight?"

"Oh, my God, you're not listening. Please, I am begging you, do not go there."

"He's not even going to be there," I defended. "I'm six weeks overdue."

"Then why go?"

"Cuz, cuz, I dunno. I want him not to be there."

"What?" she said in confusion.

"I want to go there, and for him not to be there. Then I can say, 'okay, this is what would have happened if I had been on time.' I feel like I owe it to the universe to at least show up there once, on time."

"Ginny, I am your friend, and I am telling you not to go. Please don't, for me. Think about Tom. Is it fair to him, cheating on him like that?"

"I wasn't going to have sex."

"It's emotional cheating."

"That is really unfair. He's cheated on me so many times."

"And you hate that about him. Do you want to do the same thing?"

I held a breath. "No."

"Good, no. So, you're going to stay here?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Good. Okay, good." She looked relieved. "God, you're taking years off my life, Ginny."

I rolled my eyes. "Guess I'll veg out then."

"Sergio will be here soon."

"Oh, so, I'm getting thrown out anyway."

"No, you're not. Not tonight. Just stay here. We'll keep it down, and we'll stay in my room."

I gave her a look. "Do you normally not stay in your room? Should I flip the cushions?"

"Just stay, please?"

"Yes, fine. I said I would."

"Okay," she said. "Let me get ready for Sergio."

Quinn hurried off into the bathroom. I heard the hairdryer. I wandered around the apartment, feeling aimless. I meandered over to our stack of mail that was really getting out of control. I picked it up and started sorting it into a Ginny pile and a Quinn pile.

"Quinn?" I called.

"Yeah?" she said.

"Did you get a postcard from someone?"

"Uh, no, why?"

"Sergio said this morning there was some postcard for me and you."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I got it. It was from Ophelia."

"She sent a postcard from Europe?"

"Yup."

"But it was a picture of New York."

"I know. It was a joke. She brought it with her and mailed it from there."

"Oh, haha, that's kinda cute," I said. "Where is it? I wanna read it."

It was quiet for a while.

"Quinn?" I called, still flipping through mail.

"Yeah?"

"I said I wanna read it."

"Oh, I tossed it."

"What?" I said. "Why?"

"I read it and tossed it. You wanted to read it?"

"Well, yeah! It was addressed to both of us, right?"

"It wasn't anything important, just saying miss you, wish you were here, all that."

I shook my head in confusion. "Okay, but why toss it like that?"

"Come on, I don't save every Christmas card and birthday card that comes to me."

"I don't save them. I keep them for a month. That's the rule, one month, not one hour. Do you throw my cards away that quick?"

"No, I just didn't think it was important."

I dropped the mail stack, opening the trash under the sink. It smelled and I wasn't going to go diving. I had hoped the postcard was on top.

"Where'd you throw it away?" I called.

"What?" she said.

I came closer to the bathroom door. "I said where did you throw it away?"

"In the trash."

"I didn't see it in there."

"You looked for it?"

"I said I wanna read it."

"I put it with some other trash. Sergio tossed it for me."

"Oh, damn it. Fine. Next time Ophelia or anyone else sends us a postcard, would you kindly wait until I've read it?"

"Yes, I'm sorry! Won't happen again."

I rolled my eyes and jumped on the couch and started to surf the channels. Nothing held my interest. I kept thinking of poor Beau, waiting for me at the fountain, thinking I'd stood him up. Six weeks later, he must hate my guts. That depressed me quite a bit, because I'd been genuinely hurt that he'd called me by the wrong name. Now I found out he was really trying to meet up with me, because he cared about me, because he felt a connection with me, and I'd absolutely ruined everything by not knowing my own city's landmarks. If he had called me Lady Liberty, I'd probably still be too dense to turn up.

A knock sounded and I opened the door. Sergio was there. I gave him a polite smile and let him in.

"Hello!" he said.

"Hi," I said.

I still felt awkward after our exchange this morning. He did too, based on the way he stood there avoiding eye contact.

"Where's Quinn?"

"Getting ready," I said. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Oh, sure. Water."

"Okay."

"Lemon?" I said.

"Sure."

I poured him a glass of water and threw in a lemon slice. He drank it almost in one long gulp. Quinn came out of the bedroom only a moment later. "I thought I heard you come in." She stepped on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"I'm here," he said. "Is Ginny's staying with us?"

I squinted. "I'm staying, but I'm not with you guys."

Quinn gave Sergio a look. "She's hanging out. Come on. Let's leave her be and go to the bedroom."

"Ah, okay," he said.

"Do you want to order a pizza?" Quinn asked me.

"I'll think about it," I said.

Quinn tugged Sergio into the bedroom. "Turn up the TV unless you want to hear some sexy stuff."

I chuckled. "Okay."

I sat back down on the couch and turned up the TV. I looked at the clock, 6:45pm.

"Oh, the hell with it."

I left the TV on, grabbed my jacket, my keys, a ballcap, my shoes, and ran out. Quinn would be furious if she knew I left. I'd just go to the park, stay for 10 minutes, and come back. She'd never know.

I hailed a cab when I got downstairs. The gods of traffic were kind, and I made it to the park by 7:00pm. I headed through the pathways, seeing a lot of evening joggers and even a few couples strolling. It put me at ease and made me feel a little safer.

I came closer to the fountain, seeing it in the distance. I zipped up my jacket and pulled my ballcap lower on my brow. I was incognito. If by some chance Beau was here, really here, the real him, I couldn't say hello. I just wanted to see him. Then again, would I even recognize him?

The sun was setting as I started to circle the fountain, glancing at people. I supposed I was looking for a single guy. That made it easy to eliminate a lot of couples and families. I knew his hair color and skin color. That crossed off even more. There were still plenty of guys who could have been him.

I sat on a bench and took a few breaths to steady myself. I felt like an undercover spy, waiting for a drug deal to go down, or a hostage exchange. I couldn't imagine what I'd even say to Beau if he approached me first. I really hoped I could spot him somehow beforehand. And after all, so much time had passed, he'd probably given up, right?

Maybe I could pretend one of them was the guy I was with. Sure, there was a guy with brown hair not too far off, hands in his jacket. He looked suspicious. That could be him. I looked around again, trying to find guys who were looking for girls.

Suddenly, a dog jumped at me, and I screamed. A tennis ball dropped in my lap. The owner pulled the dog back, and I looked for someone to yell at.

"It's you!" I said.

"It's me," Brent said. "You're here."

"Yes, I'm here. What are you doing here?" I asked in annoyance, holding out Max's ball. Max groaned while he stared at it.

"Walking my dog," Brent said. "Sorry if he scared you. We were playing fetch, and he ran to you instead of me. I think he remembers you."

"Oh," I said, patting his head. "That's nice. Take your ball."

"I didn't recognize you with that hat on."

"That's kind of the idea. Look, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm trying to keep a low profile right now."

"Oh," he said. "You don't want to be seen here?"

"No, and you're drawing attention to me."

"I see. Yeah, I'll just take this..." He took the ball and tugged Max away. "Sorry to bother you." He turned to leave. "Can I just ask because you asked me, why are you here?"

"I'm not here. I mean, I'm here, obviously, but I just want to see who else is here. I'm people watching."

"You're not here to meet someone?"

"No, why do you think that?" I said defensively.

"People come here to meet is all."

"I'm not meeting anyone. I don't want to meet anyone. I'm just curious if someone I know is here. Look, again, I don't want to be rude, but I'd like to be alone."

"Sure, sorry. Have a nice night."

"You too."

Brent moved off, and I resumed my people watching. With all the commotion the dog had made, I wondered if anyone had noticed me, but no one else approached me. I looked around some more, now looking behind me where the grass was near the lake.

Brent threw his ball, and then he ran with Max, holding the leash so Max could fetch it. It was kind of cute. I continued to watch him and Max and the people around the fountain over the next thirty minutes. Soon, it was 7:30. I was getting cold and feeling foolish. Then my phone rang.

"Here we go," I said to myself before I answered it. "Hello?"

"Where are you?" Quinn said.

"Getting a slice. Do you and Sergio want me to bring back something?"

"Why didn't you order delivery?"

"I just figured I'd pick it up. You guys are pretty loud even with the TV."

"Are you at the fountain?"

"No."

"Why's your locator app off?"

"Okay, Mother, I don't always like people snooping on me, that's why."

"Promise me you're not at the fountain."

"I'm not at the fountain. Are you crazy? We already talked about that."

"Then promise me."

"I'm not five. I'm not going to promise you. Trust me."

"Would you please come home?" she asked.

"Sure. I was coming right back anyway. What kind of pizza do you want?"

"I don't care. Come back now."

"Fine, mushrooms it is."

"Cheese."

"Extra cheese, extra mushrooms?"

"Stop it. Just cheese. You know good and well what I like."

"What about Sergio. Sardines?"

"Are you messing with me?"

"A little."

"Cheese. And turn on your locator."

"Yes, Mama."

We hung up and I gave up. Yes, I'd missed my window of opportunity to meet Beau again, and that was probably for the best. I stood and looked around, stretching. As I moved away from the fountain, I saw Brent sitting in the grass, petting his dog. I stopped nearby.

"Hey. Sorry about earlier. I'm a little stressed," I called.

"No worries. Did you find who you were looking for?" he asked.

"Who says I was looking for someone?"

He shrugged. "I've seen it before. People come here, sit and stare at others. It's a pretty popular meetup spot."

"Do you come here often?" Did I just accidently hand him a pick-up line?

"Sure," he said. "Max gets grumpy if I don't walk him."

I had a crazy thought. "Tell me, have you ever seen... you know what, never mind."

He stood up. "What?"

"Nothing. I gotta run anyway, gotta get some pizza."

"There's a really good place not far from here. Want me to show you?"

"Oh, no, I can't take up any more of your time."

"I'm heading home anyway. It's getting late."

I looked around. The sun was down, and I admit, walking alone in the dark didn't exactly fill me with comfort, but having a man with a dog next to me did. At least he was gay, so I knew he wasn't going to rape me.

"Okay, sure."

He came off the grass, and we started down the sidewalk together. Max ran around and sniffed things, pulling on the leash. I smiled a little. He was a cute dog.

"The pizza place is just outside the park," Brent said.

"Good. I'll take a cab from there. I promised my roommate I'd bring her dinner."

"Okay. What were you going to ask me a minute ago?"

"Oh, no, it's stupid."

"I like stupid questions," he said. "There's no wrong answer."

I chuckled, glancing at him. "Okay, but it's dumb, so it's fine if you have no idea."

"I already have no idea, so easy enough."

"You said you come here all the time, right?"

"Every day," he said.

"Around this same time?"

"Give or take an hour, depending on my work schedule, sure."

"About six weeks ago, a guy wanted to meet me here. I stood him up. I don't even know if he came. Now for the stupid question: did you by chance remember anyone hanging around, looking for someone?"

"What did he look like?"

"Ah, well, that's the complicated part."

"How so?"

"Nothing, I guess he's about your height and size. You know, average guy. He had brown hair, about your length, maybe a little shorter. He was very cleaned shaved though."

"Hmm," he said, rubbing his stubbly chin. "Let me think."

"If you don't remember, it's fine."

"I do, come to think of it."

"Seriously? Well, it probably wasn't the guy I'm thinking of."

"I don't know, but you know how friendly Max is. If anyone sits still for too long, he has a way of investigating them, so I always have to say hello and apologize for him nosing where he doesn't belong."

"Okay?"

"I remember a guy a month or so back, yeah. Handsome guy, said he was waiting for a girl."

I swallowed hard. "Did he have a name?"

"I don't think he gave it," he said, looking up. "But I remember he came every day for a week, and he looked more and more depressed each time. Yeah, I think that's why I remember him. He was really bummed. Then he stopped showing up. I figured he found who he was looking for and didn't come back."

"Why do you think that?"

He shrugged. "I like a happy ending. I'd rather believe he found his mystery date and walked off into the sunset with them. Better that than to assume he went home alone and depressed."

"Oh," I said softly. "I'm a terrible person."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't show up. I don't know if that was my date, but I can imagine that's how it happened."

"So why didn't you show?"

"Because I'm stupid, and even if I wanted to, I can't. Even if he would've been here tonight, I still can't. I just wanted to see him again, you know, get closure."

He snorted, and I gave him a confused look.

"Is that funny?"

"No, no. I was just thinking closure is good. So, you just wanted to see him, not talk to him?"

"Yes, exactly."

"And if he approached you first?"

"That's why I'm wearing the hat. I'm incognito."

"Oh, yeah, totally in disguise," he said, but he had a smirk.

"If he had talked to me, I would have pretended not to know him," I said.

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"So, you want closure for yourself but don't want to give him any?"

"When you say it like that, it makes me sound like a bitch."

"I didn't mean it that way."

"It's just really complicated, and of the two of us, I'm the one who deserves closure. He knew what we had was temporary. He asked for it. Then he changed his mind. He doesn't get to do that. I'm the one who gets to decide. And then he called the meeting, and now I have to feel guilty for missing it? I never asked for it. I mean, it pisses me off. He never should have said anything to begin with. He should have left it how it was, a nice memory, that's it."

"I see," he said softly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't dump this on you. God, I just, I talk sometimes, and I shouldn't. I'm really frustrated."

"It's okay. I'm sorry you didn't get the closure you wanted."

"I did," I said. "I came here. I looked. I can say I tried. That's enough. I'm done now. I just really want this over with."

He sighed. "Okay, fine, it's over."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. I mean, yeah."

I'd made it awkward now. We didn't talk as we exited the park. I followed him across the street and stopped when we reached a pizza place with neon signs.

"Here it is, best pizza in all New York," he said.

"Everyone says that about their favorite place."

"Well, you know where the best coffee is."

I chuckled. "I do. Hey, thanks again for listening. Could I get you a slice as a thank you?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I was happy to talk to you."

"Please, can I? It'll make me feel a little better about whining to a stranger."

"If it means so much to you, sure."

We headed inside and I ordered, "A medium cheese to go, please, and one slice of...?"

"Pepperoni, please," Brent said.

We didn't have to wait long. The clerk packed up the box and handed over the slice in quick order. Once we were outside, Brent started picking off the pepperoni. I was really confused until he fed them to Max.

"You're a good dog owner."

"He's a good human owner. He's got me trained. I can't convince him to sit on command."

I chuckled and then put my hand to the curb. A taxi rolled to a stop. "Thanks again, Brent."

"Take care of yourself, Ginny. I hope I'll see you around the cafe."

"For sure," I said. "Take care."

He waved to me with the pizza in his hand as I climbed into the cab. He was gone in an instant as the cabbie pulled away and followed my instructions.

I was tired, emotionally and physically, and really hungry. I wanted to open the pizza box and have a slice. Just as I reached my apartment and climbed out of the cab, my phone rang.

"Where are you?" Quinn said.

"I'm in the elevator right now, psycho."

"Seriously?"

I pressed the button for our floor. "Yes, seriously. Open the door for me. I have pizza."

Quinn opened the door for me and gave me a disapproving look she rarely wore.

"What?" I said. "Would you stop?"

"Did you go to the park? Don't lie to me."

Quinn and I didn't have secrets. My brain couldn't even formulate a convincing lie. "Yes."

"Goddamn it, Ginny."

"He wasn't there, okay? I just wanted to see it, to say I went there."

"And if he had been there?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't have talked to him."

"You wouldn't have recognized him either."

I took off my hat and jacket. "I would have. I just know it. I know his body and his hair and his jaw and his smile. I would have."

"Promise me you won't go back. Please."

"Would you stop mothering me?"

"Don't go back. I mean it."

"I'm not!" I said angrily. "I won't, okay? Don't make me promise like a child."

"Ginny, I'm serious. This is bad, really bad. You can't look for him. You can't."

"I said I won't. Where the hell is all this coming from? A month ago, you were telling me how sad it was that I didn't get a better goodbye, and how cool it would've been if we could meet up."