..........................*** Chapter 34 ***...........................
Esther paused, breathed deeply, and tried to listen. It was ten minutes since she'd last seen Mark.
She was still too loud, her lungs wheezing a little, her heartbeat drumming in her ears. She could hear a distant stream, an airplane, and a very faint rustle of trees. Nothing from Mark.
She examined the ground around her, not really expecting to see anything. Even if he'd passed here, Mark was altogether too light on his feet.
There was something tugging at her, though. She closed her eyes and *felt*.
Maybe it was the faintest scent lingering on the air. Maybe there was a quality to the silence that directed her attention to where the small mammals were more still than usual. It didn't feel like a simple sensation, and likely that meant her mind was integrating many bits of information at once. She was feeling out connections, albeit at a very rudimentary level compared to her meditations. But she'd been walking fast all morning, occasionally even running, and her mind was dulled by the hard physical work of chasing Mark.
She moved slowly in the direction that felt correct, wincing at every twig she snapped or branch she brushed against. After a few minutes, she finally saw Mark standing utterly still, somehow camouflaged amongst the trees. He always had a knack for these hiding spots.
He smiled, and in a few seconds he closed the distance to join her.
"Better every time," he said. "You might eventually make an acceptable hunter."
"If it's all right, I'll let you keep the job," said Esther. She was feeling pretty good about herself, though. Mark was always painfully honest in praise or criticism.
They ate lunch in one of their favorite spots, a tiny meadow left open thanks to some old storm damage, with several fallen trees making perfect natural benches. Blackberry brambles offered the promise of a snack, though few of the berries were close to ripe yet. They would be in a few weeks, though. Summer was a beautiful time high in these hills.
Today was unusually warm, and Esther had sweated right through her T-shirt. To her embarrassment, she realized her damp bra wasn't helping much either. Her nipples were clearly visible. Mark didn't seem to notice, of course, but of late she suspected that was mostly a matter of stubborn politeness.
By the time they got home, Esther was limping and moving slowly. Mark must have known, but he clearly judged she could make it. Likely this was another of his uncomfortable lessons.
"All right," he said when she collapsed into a dining room chair. "Let's take a look at your calf."
Mark knelt in front of her, frowning as he stared at the muscle. His touch was firm and his hand pleasantly warm as he massaged gently, feeling for the damage to the muscles.
She knew he could do a better diagnosis if she could stop hiding her body from him, deflecting his attempts to sense the subtle movements of her musculature. Even now, hiding was such an ingrained impulse, but she knew it was a safe one. After all, Abuela had consciously maintained the same habit.
But Esther needed to be able to set it aside on an occasion like this. So with a deep breath, she relaxed, willing her body to be just like any other object in the room.
Mark made a small noise of surprise, and she didn't miss the way he lost concentration for a moment, his eyes flicking up higher, if not quite to her face. It was all right. Mark knew what she looked like under her clothes, even if he mostly tried not to notice. And she certainly knew what he looked like naked. She shivered slightly, her nipples hardening even further. Mark was still massaging her calf, but he seemed to have forgotten what he was feeling for.
Suddenly he stopped and sat back.
"All right," he said. "I felt the muscle tear. It is a modest one, as I suspected. You will likely be fine within two days. You can hide yourself if you like. I'm done."
He was turning a bit red, and again Esther was reminded that whatever curiosity or attraction he might feel, he was too nervous to talk about it. Esther should have brought it up in the few days after Nicola left. She shouldn't have waited over two weeks. Because none of it was as simple as that.
When they finished their afternoon snack, Mark seemed ready for a nap. Usually Esther took this time to do some meditation practices, but she knew nothing would work any better today. So she followed Mark into their sleeping cabin. Before he hopped up onto his bunk, Esther took his hand.
"Can we talk?"
Mark reluctantly turned and sat down, and Esther sat beside him.
"Be honest, Mark," Esther said. "Are you attracted to me? I won't be mad either way."
Poor Mark looked like a deer in headlights. She was pretty sure what that meant, but he needed to say it for himself.
"Yes," he finally croaked. "I'm sorry, Esther."
"No, that's good," she said. "It should make this more fun."
Heart pounding, she put her arms around him, leaning up to kiss him. Mark must have known what she wanted, but he didn't move, instead looking like he wanted to run.
"I can't," he said. "It wouldn't be right. Would it?"
She heard the plaintive need underneath his voice. And suddenly she understood what he needed from her.
"Yes," she told him. "It would be right, if we both want it. Nicola said as much to me. Didn't she say something to you?"
He buried his face in her hair.
"She said you might need me to help you get excited, the way you needed her, and that it didn't have to be any more than that, but it was all right if I wanted it to be. I'm scared, though. I don't want to hurt you."
Esther looked at him in confusion.
"Hurt me?" she asked. "I'm more worried about hurting you. This isn't an obligation you have to me. I hope Nicola didn't put it that way. I can definitely find another way."
Mark's grip became far tighter. His easy strength really was disquieting. And he hadn't demonstrated it accidentally.
"I hurt Nicola a few times at first," he said wretchedly. "I never meant to. It was all so new and pleasurable, and my body did things I didn't expect."
"I'm positive she forgave you," Esther said. "And you know I'm not as fragile as I look."
She pulled away hard, and Mark quickly let her go. He could have held onto her easily, and that was her point.
