Chapter 14 -- Mallory and Kyle Start to Crumble
After their evening out at Sapphire, Mallory could not stop fantasizing about Michael; she daydreamed about him during work, and she fell asleep imagining he was in bed next to her. Kyle rarely paid attention to her anymore, and she was tired of trying to be anything to him, slave, wife, or even friend.
However, as much as she knew her relationship with him was over, there was something keeping her with Kyle; Mallory didn't feel good enough for anybody, he had always made certain of that. They hadn't had sex in months, and she longed to be touched, to be loved; she spent so much time thinking of Michael, and even though Kyle would have been a poor substitute, he was familiar.
Mallory tried time and again to get him interested in her, but he seemed to have more excuses than any woman she had ever heard of; finally, she quit trying. Then, one night while she was sleeping, she awoke to hear him at the foot of the bed, all three of his monitors on.
Just as Mallory sat up in bed, he quickly shut down the power to the computers, turned his chair and made a motion to get out of his chair. It was too late, though, she had seen what he had been doing; he was masturbating to porn on the internet. She burst into tears and confronted him, "I don't understand what is going on," she asked him, "I'm right here, I have been begging you..."
"Christ, Mal," he was angry as he glared at her, "What the fuck is the big deal?"
"It isn't the porn, you know that," she was hurt, but he clearly didn't understand, "It' the lack of intimacy between us. Why would you resort to that when I am right here and have been willing?"
"Because," he replied, "It is a lot easier and doesn't have to be a big deal. I can just take care of myself and not have to worry about you."
She sat there on the bed; so there it was, he didn't want to worry about how she felt, about anything. He would rather jack himself off, than to have her, to feel her, to be connected to her. Wow, she thought to herself, this marriage really is over; what the hell am I doing here?
***
Michael's presence at work was a much-needed distraction for Mallory; but not in the way Ryan had been, Michael was calming, powerful, and stable. When Mallory was around him, she felt safe in a way she never had before. He could be an intimidating presence, but she was comfortable enough with herself that she was able to ask him out for coffee one day.
While she had no hopes of developing anything more than a friendship with Michael, Mallory smiled giddily to herself as she drove to the coffee shop, thinking about his sexy smile, his beautiful eyes, and his deep voice. They sat down in a corner of Starbuck's and began a conversation that flowed smoothly and quickly; the hours passing far too swiftly.
Mallory was nervous, but acted as charming and flirty as possible as they talked about work, their love lives, and as she confessed her recent affair with Ryan. She desperately tried to act sophisticated and worldly as she described her attitude about having a husband and a lover and how she was just living life and trying to figure everything out.
Michael sat across the table from the chattering girl; he was quiet, listening to her talk, learning her. The more she rambled on about how she had it all together, the less he bought her story, the less he spoke, and the more nervous and rambling she became.
Finally, when she had to leave, he walked her to her car; she didn't want to go, she longed to stay with him, the last thing she wanted to do was to go home to Kyle. However, she could not tell Michael, not after one coffee date; she flippantly said, "Thanks for the coffee, bye," and left him standing in the parking lot.
As she drove away, she saw Michael standing in the lot watching after her; she started to tear up, knowing he knew she was not all she said she was. She pulled over a few blocks away and sat in the car and cried; she could not face going home, not just yet.
***
The relationship between the pair began to grow over the next several months; however, unlike Mallory's liaison with Ryan, she was getting to know Michael in a deeper way. Unfortunately, the more time she spent with him, the more she realized what a failure her marriage to Kyle was; she just did not have the courage to leave. Besides, she thought to herself, Michael seemed far too perfect to be real; he was like a knight in shining armor, a fairy tale.
Taking things slow and getting to know a man in a mature and profound way was not Mallory's typical milieu, but Michael was so different; she was enjoying this side of herself, he made her feel good. Still, the second she walked in the front door of her condo, she was immediately slapped in the face with reality.
"What do you want me to make for dinner tonight?" she asked Kyle mindlessly looking through the refrigerator one Friday evening.
"I want to get started working on the living room right away," he replied as he looked around the room, "So you can go get us Carl's, Jr."
Mallory audibly groaned, "Really, Carl's, Jr? You know I don't like anything there..."
"Then you can make yourself a sandwich when you get home," he retorted, "I don't care. I feel like a Bacon Western Cheeseburger."
"Seriously?" she was incredulous, "You don't care?"
"Mal," he scowled at her, "You aren't acting like a very obedient slave, don't argue."
Kyle took a $20 bill from his wallet and handed it to her; "Get me my usual and whatever you want for yourself," she raised an eyebrow at him, "Enough of your attitude or you will be punished." She looked away, "Then when you get back, we'll eat and take the furniture to the garage and start sanding the walls. I want to be ready to paint by the end of the weekend."
"Can I drive your car," she looked at him pleadingly, "I'll be careful."
"I guess so," he answered her, "But just this once."
Mallory was excited to drive his car; it was not that it was special, but it was something he kept from her. The fact that he was allowing her to drive it meant he trusted her; maybe this was a positive step in their relationship.
