Whenever I have tried to express myself with words, I often find that I am never able to get it right. I become a bundle of nerves and often mess up what I am trying to say. Especially around a beautiful woman. My therapist tells me it is because of the rejection in my youth. She is right because every girl in high school that I ever liked always turned me down. My love life hasn't been that adventurous you can say.
I've never been in love. So I don't know what it feels like to have a woman love me back. Of course, I have seen it for others, I have friends who all have girlfriends or close to thinking about popping the question. I'd like to know how it feels. Just to know and enjoy it for myself and my perspective.
Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Patrick Lavallee I am 24 years old. I have dark brown hair, hazel green eyes, and am six feet tall. I have an average built, I don't work out as much as I should. However, I do try to go to the gym at least 2 or 3 times a week, just to stay in shape. I am a gamer, so I like to play video games, I like listening to old classic rock from the eighties. So if a good classic AC/DC song or Aerosmith plays on my Spotify list, I always turn it up.
Whenever I have tried to express myself with words, I often find that I am never able to get it right. I become a bundle of nerves and often mess up what I am trying to say. Especially around a beautiful woman. My therapist tells me it is because of the rejection in my youth. She is right because every girl in high school that I ever liked always turned me down. My love life hasn't been that adventurous you can say.
I've never been in love. So I don't know what it feels like to have a woman love me back. Of course, I have seen it for others, I have friends who all have girlfriends or close to thinking about popping the question. I'd like to know how it feels. Just to know and enjoy it for myself and from my perspective.
My name is Patrick Lavallee I am 24 years old. I don't work out as much as I should. However, I do try to go to the gym at least 2 or 3 times a week, just to stay in shape. People compliment my dark brown hair and hazel green eyes. People say that I am good-looking, but I don't think that counts from your nanna or cousins. I am a gamer, so I like to play video games, I like listening to old classic rock from the eighties. So if a good classic AC/DC song or Aerosmith plays on my Spotify list, I always turn it up. I also like to cook, so making a nice meal for a beautiful woman someday, would be something I'd enjoy. Many people have told me how much they enjoy my homemade pasta sauce. It comes from an old family recipe, that my nanna taught me.
God rest her beautiful soul, she was a great person. She told me once, "Any girl, you like will love if you make her dinner. Just like a man, the way to a women's heart isn't through diamonds and jewelry."
She would continue by saying, "Any fool on the block down the street can do that."
"The way to a women's heart is through her tastebuds, let her taste something delicious, and she'll always come back for more."
I miss talking with my nanna, she taught me so much. She practically raised me. I was at her house every weekend, where she would teach me all of her secret family recipes. They were all handed down to me. So this is a perk to any woman who ends up with me, they just don't know it yet.
But here I am in the mailroom on a Friday afternoon, daydreaming about making a woman dinner. It is a slow and boring day. There is not much to do, I have most of my work done for the day. So I figured that I would check out my usual chat site. It is a dating chat site, where you can go into online chat rooms and talk with people. I know it is lame, and I should try and meet people in person. I need some in life social interaction soon or I am going to go crazy. The last date I had was five months ago, and it was one of the worst dates I ever went on.
I use the chat handle ShyGuy_LikestoKiss whenever I go on this site. The chat room today is kind of boring, it is mostly people arguing about really stupid things. I do not understand why people need to argue in an online chat room. Especially the trolls who try to force their opinions on you, and think they are right and everyone else bet them are wrong. There are lots of people like this in these chat rooms. So there are times where I do regret going on this chat site.
It has been 45 minutes and finally started talking with someone in the main chat that seems nice to talk with. This person's avatar has made me a bit cautious though because it is of a pretty known adult film star. The person she chose was Mia Malkova, she is a blonde-haired goddess to many of her fans. So when I saw this was the image she had on her profile, I kind of knew that she had something to hide. I also had to stop and ask myself, was this even a woman, for all I know it could be a man on the other side of this online conversation.
So I chose my words carefully and in the beginning, I just asked questions. That is the only way to flush out the lies and figure out if this person is being honest with you. Her chat handle name was BubblyGummy_Girl, which sounded cute to me when I first read it. It also was interesting that she was the one who privately messaged me first. Normally that does not happen to me. Usually, it is me asking them first.
Her first message to me in my private window was a nice change, but I did not let it get to my head. She was probably fed up with talking in the main chat. I was getting fed up with the childish conversation that was flooding up the chat room, while Bubbly and I were trying to have a conversation. So she too probably was fed up with being interrupted.
"Hello, there how are you?"
"I am fine, how about you," is what BubblyGummy_Girl sees in response in her chat window.
I have learned when you are in an online chat like this, it is also like conducting an interview. Just to see if the person is someone you'd be interested in. In all honesty, I have never met anyone off of an online chat. I have also never dated someone online, so I know the chances of me meeting this person, is more than likely not going to happen.
Going back and forth between the main chat room and my private chat window. There has not been any response from BubblyGummy_Girl. So I figure she isn't interested.
That changes when I see the chat dots in my private chat, she is writing back to me from what I can tell.
"Sorry about that, I was busy I got a phone call from my mother," is what Bubbly wrote back to me.
"Not a problem," I responded, as I then followed that response up by asking, "Are you close with your family?"
"Oh yes, my family is very important to me," Bubbly wrote back.
"Do you have lots of siblings," I asked?
"Yes, I have a sister we live together," Bubbly answered.
Knowing that she has a sister that this person lives with, did make it easier to believe this could be a woman. Not too many brothers and sisters live together, that I know of anyway. So I started to unravel the mystery surrounding BubblyGummy_Girl.
So in a matter of half an hour, I found out she is close with her family, and she does work. Which are two very good things, because I like a woman with independence. So this is a good thing. Now to find out more about her as a person.
I have often asked myself why is it that I can easily talk to women online and not in person like this? I mean if I could talk with women the way I am now, I probably would have a girlfriend. My therapist says that I need to build up more confidence in myself and try to project what I say online with women, in person. I have not been able to do this yet.
Bubbly kindly told me that she was going on break and that she would message me when she got back from lunch. So I just responded, ok talk then.
In this situation, I will not message Bubbly again until she messages me first. That will be a big mistake if I do that. She will think I am coming off as desperate.
"Knock, knock, I am back anybody home," is how Bubbly playfully messages me back, with a smiley face after the word home. Emojis are a good sign as well, the more emojis she sends you the better.
