A week passed, then two, and then it had been a month since Jaysin had first come to my home. Winter was ending, and Spring was beginning to show herself in the lengthening of the days and warming of the air. I had no desire to pursue any other male, at first I had pined for him to return, hating myself for it, but desiring his touch - and the abuse - for the first weeks. My body had healed and I found myself becoming quite adept at keeping myself shaved and ready for him, though I truly doubted his return. It was now the first week of April and my feelings for him had become numb, but not entirely lost. Some nights, as I walked back to my apartment from classes I would start at shadows, expecting him ever still to reach out and grab me. Not that he'd ever done that on the street, but I never quite knew what he would be capable of.
I'd made several new friends, all of whom urged me to date, but I refused, Jaysin had left me without closure and I'd been unable to turn my attention to anyone because of that. I knew I was a fool to continue waiting, but something in me held onto hope of his return. I'd told my closest friends about him, not about the sexual encounters, I was too embarrassed to discuss them in detail, but enough still that they knew he'd been my first. It was normal, they said, to feel so strongly for him, but that he was a jerk to leave me and I should move on. Finally I gave in to them on the surface, told them I'd given up on him, and, as I was walking back from a club one Saturday night with Shayna, trying to beat a rather nasty looking thunderstorm while weaving amongst a crowd of other party-goers, I collided with someone who had stepped in my way and I looked up angrily first and then clapped my hand over my mouth to conceal a gasp of disbelief. "Jaysin!"
Shayna stared at him too and I saw her face pale slightly, fear evident in her expression. "You!" she gasped, her expression one of horror and disbelief. I thought she was about to tell him off but his eyes met hers and something passed between them. "I....I'll go on alone, Cass...you need to...you need to talk to...to him alone." she stumbled back a few steps and then turned and walked back towards the club we'd just left faster than I'd ever seen her walk before.
"Hello, Cassidy." he said, staring down at me coldly. His hair had grown even longer now and was lighter than it had been previously, as if he'd spent many long days in the sun. Though neatly done, his goatee was also longer and now, I noted from a glint of silver, his ears were pierced. He was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and his arms were as well tanned as his face, which was darkened nicely enough to make his blue eyes that much more prominent.
"W-where have you been?" I hadn't meant to ask it, but it was out now, too late to make myself seem unconcerned. I winced inwardly at this slip, and then became painfully aware that other students, male and female were seeing me talking to him. Some of them looking at us curiously as we stood in the middle of the walk staring at each other.
"Working." he said, turning to walk with me as I started towards my apartment, pulled by my expectant inner desire to be alone with him again. "I was kept longer than I expected, for which I apologize." We passed a group of college aged young men, one of whom made a derisive comment about my virginal behavior to Jaysin. He stopped and turned to the young man and stared at him, even under his tan I could see him reddening.
"No...no Jaysin, it's okay." I said, putting a hand on his arm, which he gently removed. "Please."
"The only reason I won't hurt you is because she has asked me not to." Jaysin said and the young man sneered another comment, this time about Jaysin himself and it happened so fast I didn't see it. I felt Jaysin move beside me and heard a sickening crack that made me blink. When I looked down the young man was on the ground bleeding and unconcious and his buddies were backing away from Jaysin, who looked ready to fight them all. "I expect the next time you see this young woman you will show respect, whether she is in my company or not." They all nodded and set to helping their injured friend, none of them were laughing now.
"That really wasn't necessary." I said, dreading the visit from the campus or local police I thoroughly expected. "I could be expelled, you're not a student."
"You'll be fine." He said, then continued where he'd left off as if nothing had happened, though I could still feel the vibe of his anger radiating from him like the heat of a furnace. "Did you see anyone while I was gone?"
"No...no I just wasn't interested." I replied, feeling it was best I was honest, and thinking this was what he'd wanted to hear, but he shook his head. "What? I thought that was what you'd want from me."
"Oh, it is." He smiled slightly, his eyes still as cold as ever and some of the heat of his anger ebbing away, I felt it, felt the coolness of the coming rain again on the breeze which was no longer eclipsed by his rage. "I am proud that you were able to keep yourself for me. It will make things much easier."
"I'm sorry?" I asked, but we had arrived at my building and he was waiting for me to let us in and did not answer my question, as one of my neighbors was coming out. "Good evening." I greeted her, she looked at Jaysin and sidestepped him and hurried down the front steps, glancing back once, nervously. "Why do women do that when they see you?"
He shrugged, but did not answer nor did he look at me as we climbed the stairs to the third floor, where I lived, I unlocked the door and he stepped in and looked around, I'd redecorated while he was gone, due largely to the part-time job at the campus bookstore I'd landed just two weeks after he'd left. "You've been quite busy here." he said, smiling slightly. Thunder rumbled outside as I settled down on the couch and flipped on the television. "May I?" he gestured towards the bathroom and I nodded and turned my attention back to changing the channels.
He was returned momentarily and spoke again, startling me, as I wasn't used to him being there and he spoke from behind where I was sitting on the couch. "I'm gonna fix me a drink...you want something?" I shook my head, still trying to focus my attention on the television, trying to ignore him as well as I could. Finally he settled himself on the other end of the couch and turned his own attention to the television and I excused myself.
I went into my bedroom, my heart pounding madly, and flipped on the music cd he'd left behind months ago and crawled onto the bed, laying with my back to the door, my eyes closed tightly. I waited for a long time and he didn't come, my legs were getting chilly in the short skirt I'd been wearing and I pulled my blanket over me and drifted off to sleep.
