The Sacred Band

I had not realised how much I was victim of my childish arrogance until I met Denise. I had been used to being one of the two or three prettiest girls in school, and, being good at games, a bit of a leader.

In fact, I must confess that when Mary Holland was made Head Girl instead of me, I was filled with jealousy. I kept it well hidden up to the time when we had an inter-house hockey match and I shoulder-charged her so hard that she broke her collar-bone.

I can't say I had any pity for her. What hockey teaches you is that you must rise above the fear of getting hurt if you are to have any chance of playing well.

It was her own fault that she got hurt. If she had not veered off her line as I bore down on her, she would have been a bit shaken, but that is all.

At my first sight of Denise, smiling and welcoming in her elegant dress and immaculate hairdo, my immediate thought was,

"...but she's old..."

How guilty I have felt since for that thought, and that flash of totally unwarranted superiority.

Denise was all warmth and friendliness. If she saw my flash of triumph she showed no sign of it, but Denise wasn't a woman who missed much.

She led us into the large, beautifully furnished lounge, not the dining room, and on the mahogany side-table she had set out what she called a buffet; which must have taken her all day to make. My guilty feelings were only added to by her generosity.

We all helped ourselves to platefuls of lovely food, and Philip got us drinks (lemonade for me with a slice of lemon and a tinkle of ice).

She watched as I sat down rather carefully at one end of the settee, and I saw a little smile quirk the corners of her mouth. She could make a good guess at why my bottom was stiff and sore.

Well my dears, what have you been up to today?" she asked brightly, looking at me.

It was a test, I knew. I looked at Philip and he nodded.

"Well", I replied, "first of all we tried out some of the toys I've bought from Ada Abbott."

"Oh you know Ada do you? She's a sweetie isn't she?"

"Yes, she's really nice. She's one of the few people happy to accept me as I am and make me feel good about myself".

"Well, my dear; now you have Philip and me. Anyway, go on with this afternoon".

I knew now that Denise was one person who would not judge me, whatever I said.

"Well, Philip blindfolded and handcuffed me, and then we tried out my tawse, one of the canes – was it the dragon cane Philip?"

"No ducks, it was just the ordinary bamboo. If you thought the riding crop bit harder than the cane you have a surprise or two in store."

"Anyway we played this game. I was blindfolded and handcuffed and Philip would use one of the toys and I would have to guess which one it was. I only got one out of three right, so there were penalties".

"So, you like games do you? Good, so do I. When Walter was alive he could beat me black and blue in a game and I never minded a bit. But the few times he punished me for being rude to people, or making him late for an outing; I just cried and cried and begged him to forgive me".

She really did understand. I relaxed completely, knowing that I could tell her anything.

"So, Laura, after the game, what did you do then?

"Well, first of all I sucked him off. It was only my second time ever, but he says I am a born cocksucker". I turned and smiled proudly at Philip. "Then he laid me down on the settee and licked my..." I hesitated for a word.

"Say cunt dear. Let's call things by their right names".

I blushed. I was still a little shocked at using the one word that even men hesitated to use in front of women. I knew it would take some getting used to.

He licked my cunt, then; until I was practically screaming. Then he fucked me."

As I said fucked I looked at her significantly, and she nodded approvingly. It felt a bit like getting an answer right in infant school after jumping up and down in your seat with your hand up, shouting Miss! Miss! Miss!

"It was only my second time for that too, but I couldn't believe how much better it was. Philip didn't come, but he made me come like crazy. Then he made me lift my legs up all the way, until my feet were around my neck, then he had me up the bum."

"Which did you like best?"

"I loved all of it, the spanking, the sucking, the fucking; the lot."

"All right, but if you had to choose, which did you like least?"

"It's difficult. But if I have to choose, I suppose it was having my cunt licked. I know it was wonderful, it's pure pleasure, and I know Philip likes doing it a lot, but; how can I put it? I would rather be giving him pleasure, or at least sharing it equally, than to be the one who is being pleasured. Does that make sense to you"?

"Yes, it makes sense to me. But you know what a thrill it is to bring someone off in your mouth – when you've been working hard to give him every ounce of pleasure you can? Well, men like that satisfaction too, and we can't grudge it to them, now can we?"

We refilled our plates and Philip poured Denise and himself more drinks. Denise chattily asked me what my immediate plans were. I explained that I was still technically at school until the term ended in a week's time.

Then I had a counter job at Woolworths until we went on holidays at the end of August. After that my time was my own until the back end of September I should be starting at Leicester Uni.

"Good, so you can come over one afternoon next week and we can have a nice cosy chat – you know girl talk about Philip."

She gave me such a nice smile that I could see with absolute clarity why Philip loved her. She could be excused some bitchiness as far as I was concerned, but, on the contrary, she couldn't have been sweeter, and it was a genuine deep-down sweetness, not the sacchariny sort that some of my mum's friends used to disguise their barbed remarks.

She asked me what we were doing about contraception, and I floundered a bit. Philip answered that he had not used a durex the first time with me, but pulled out instead. This time he had not, because he hadn't intended to go all the way.

Denise was shocked, and spoke to him sternly.

"Philip my dear, I never thought you could be so irresponsible. Laura is standing on the threshold of life – and the whole world is opening up to her. If she were to get pregnant it would be horrid for her, and potentially devastating. You simply can't risk an accident"

She turned to me:

"Laura, next week when you come over I'll take you to see my doctor. She's private, and she will respect your confidentiality; there's no way it will get back to your parents.

We'll get you fitted with a cap. I know that Ada could do it, but just this once I'd like a doctor to fit it and teach you to use it. Don't worry about the cost – it's a present from me".

After that we chatted amiably about the Wimbledon men's singles, taken by the young American Tony Trabert; the prospects for a fine summer; the state of the world and so on. Then, for the first time I saw another side of Philip. I asked, rather earnestly, what they thought about the nuclear arms race, now that the papers were all saying that the Russians had tested a true hydrogen bomb.

Philip said, quite seriously, "Are you asking me as a financial analyst, or as a private person? Because, as a financial analyst I should say that Denise would do well to buy stock in firms like AEC, who are certain to do well, but the firm I've got in my eye is Ferranti. I plan to advise all my clients to buy Ferranti; I think they are well placed to get a lot more major defence contracts.

That's another point, Denise. You should get some money into the new motorway developments. It won't stop at the M 1 you know; soon there'll be roads to Leeds and Manchester, Bristol and the Southwest; in fact all over. It'll be like the Autobahns in Germany, there'll be no stopping them.

You should start by looking at Tarmac and Taylor Woodrow; maybe Marples Ridgway, and I've got more suggestions for later..."

"Philip, you didn't bring Laura here to talk business all evening. What will she be thinking of you?"

Philip looked embarrassed. I was gobsmacked. So this was Philip the financial analyst – so focussed it was almost frightening.

"Yes, Philip", I said, unable to stop myself. "But what about you as a citizen?"

"Well, J.B. Priestley and Bertrand Russell say that nuclear knowledge is unstoppable, but that Britain should be no part of it, and I rather agree with them. We probably can't stop the USA and Russia having nuclear arsenals, but if Britain and France could be persuaded to give up the bomb, the world would be a bit safer."

"If we do give it up, might that protect us from nuclear attack?"

"No. I don't think so. Not really. That's just wishful thinking."

Nothing further was said, but that was the start of something. Two Easters later, Philip and I were among the people marching from London to Aldermaston in the first Ban-the-Bomb march.

***

Denise had the last word, and it when it came it was quite unexpected.

"Philip, you've been saying for ages that we need an assistant to keep those files of yours in order. Why don't we give Laura my job for the summer? It's got to be better than working behind the counter at Woolies". In any case, it is high time you got yourself a really capable private secretary, and this would give you the Summer to find one.

And that's what happened; and, indirectly, that's how Joan came into our lives.

Later, when Philip drove me home in Matilda, I timidly asked him.

"Are you going back to spend the night with Denise?"

"Yes, my duck. That's what we planned". How I loved hearing him call me his duck, or his dear. Little endearments came so easily from him.

"Next weekend, you will tell me all about it, won't you?"

"Yes, love, I promise".

***

As Denise suggested, all that Summer I worked for Philip and stayed weeknights at Aunt Hilda's. Denise taught me the switchboard, and how to act as a receptionist, but mostly I was archiving.

The work was routine, but keeping up that massive archive of press-cuttings, magazine articles, company reports and a mass of private letters, all annotated and underlined, impressed upon me as nothing else would, the huge amount of detailed knowledge needed to do Philip's job.

I was delighted to help him, especially as being in the office all day gave us lots of opportunities for spankings and sex.

By the autumn, Philip and I were deeply attached. I knew I loved him wholeheartedly, and I suspected he was coming to love me. Shelagh dropped by the wayside. A nursing officer's job came up at Queen's Medical Centre and she moved away. His on-off affair with Magda continued, but seemed to get more half-hearted than ever.

He dipped in and out of two relationships with women that summer, and several times I had the uneasy pleasure of listening at the keyhole whilst he fucked one or the other of them, as I played the little slave-girl. All the time I was aware that after he and Shelagh broke up,, I was the only one he took back to his mother's house, so I felt a bit special in that respect.

At that time I learned something about Philip's personal morality. He picked up a very attractive woman at the University library, where he had a reader's ticket. He made a tentative date with her for the following evening to go dancing, and then came back to the office to talk to me about it.

In effect he was asking my consent, and I could see that if I had acted hurt or angry he would have been quite willing to drop the whole idea. Of course I encouraged him to go ahead, and he went out with her sporadically for a couple of weeks, several times bringing her back to the office for a fucking over the desk; but it wasn't serious on either side.

I tried to tell him, halfheartedly, that whilst I should prefer to be told what was going on, he certainly did not need to ask me; but Philip had his own rules.

We went to Denise's for games every week or two, and played my invention, Harem, or her favourite, Gestapo, to our great enjoyment. Denise encouraged me to take more and more of a central place in Philip's life. On one occasion, she was totally frank with me.

"You know I love Philip, and the sex with him is terrific, but he will never take the place of Walter for me. I met Walter when I was sixteen, with hardly a thought in my head except horses and dancing. My parents had pots of money, and sent me, to Roedean, but I was never academic like you and I was just waiting for my chance to leave.

Mother wanted to send me to finishing school in Switzerland, and suppose I might have gone if I hadn't met Walter. He was almost twenty years older that me, and divorced. We met at a Hunt Ball, and before the evening was over he had told me that next time we met, he would give me a whipping.

I was shocked and frightened, but I couldn't stay away. He phoned me at home four days later, crafty bugger, leaving it until I had almost given up hope of a phone call.

I am not like you. I never dreamed and fantasised about spanking and submission, and at first I hated it, but I loved him too much to resist. Then suddenly, one day he was caning me hard, and I realised that I was loving it. Not so much the pain, but the helplessness and surrender. I was totally his.

"The difference with Philip is quite simply that he doesn't frighten me. He plays the games, and he plays them well, with panache, but with Walter there was always a tinge of real fear there somewhere in the mixture. I know that Philip won't really push me beyond my limits, but Walter always might, and I miss that thrill.

You're different from me. You don't need it, and that is why Philip is perfect for you. He is your Pasha; Walter was my Master. I don't know if I'll ever find another master, but I have to keep looking and hoping. Philip knows this, and now you know it too."

Not long before Christmas, Philip proposed to me and I accepted. His mother was delighted, especially when we said that when we were married we would live in the upstairs flat.

I suppose my parents were a bit less enthusiastic. They thought I was years too young and they had assumed I would marry someone with a profession, not someone who was in the process of inventing one. All the same, they must have seen how happy I was, and realised that they had to let me have my way.

Following:

chapter 10. Bitterest pills.

chapter 11. Laura Philip and Judy