"What?!"
"We got into a big fight...really big...at first it was about Rosa...'cause I helped her keep it quiet that she was gonna go in the Army. My uncle is pissed at both me and my mom, and my mom's pissed at me. And I told her that it was his fault that Rosa couldn't put up with his shit anymore and I didn't give a shit about his feelings...and my mom slapped me for cussing...and I told her to fucking stop...and then she was gonna slap me again...and I hit her on the arm...and she threw me out."
Mike held out his hand. Reluctantly she let him hug her in the water.
"I've got to go back to campus next Monday to finish my parking meter training. I'll be let back in my room early. You're welcome to stay with me...you know...until they open your dorm up."
Ruthie nodded.
"Until then, you can just stay here. We've got a guest room. You can crash there in the meantime."
Again she nodded.
He continued to hold her close, comforting her and enjoying the feeling of her body against his own. His emotions at that moment were very mixed. He was genuinely concerned about what had happened to her; however, he also was very pleased that she was so dependent on him. He would be her support in life: she would need him and because of that need, she would be unconditionally his. If she were cut off from her family and had no other friends, if he was the only person remaining in her life, then she truly would belong to him. He did not yet have enough experience in relationships to understand that love based on need is the same as love based on circumstances. His relationship with Ruthie would be every bit as fragile as the one he had with Lisa, unless he could somehow get her to love him for who he was instead of what he could do for her.
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That night Ruthie and Mike had dinner with his parents. Mike was uncomfortable because his mother gave his girlfriend several disapproving looks while Mr. Sinclair and Ruthie talked about Nebraska. The topic drifted to the state's geological past and the fact that the state still looked like a flat ocean of dirt. From there Ruthie and Mr. Sinclair talked about extinction and the ultimate futility of life. After she talked about the fossil animals, he chimed in with his knowledge of the Indian tribes that lived in the area during the 1800's and how their fate paralleled the fate of Ruthie's pterosaurs. Mrs. Sinclair, irritated by the morbidity of the topic, cast angry looks at her husband and their guest, but they both ignored her. Mike found himself cut out of the conversation, but he knew better than to interrupt. He simply ate and pretended to not see his mother's hostile expression.
After dinner the Sinclairs and Ruthie sat in lawn chairs by the pool. The conversation about Nebraska became even more morbid, because Ruthie talked in detail about what happened to her grandmother. Mr. Sinclair was genuinely interested, because he knew enough about medical procedures to understand that much of what was done to Ruthie's grandmother was totally unnecessary. He pushed her memory back to various medications she had been given and was able to tell her which ones actually helped and which ones were prescribed simply to drive up the medical bill. Ruthie opened up to Mike's father about how she felt about her grandmother and the conflicting emotions she had experienced when she visited her grave. When she commented that she wished that she could believe that her grandmother's spirit was still with her, he responded:
"Maybe that's for the best, Ruthie. When you think about it...I can tell you I'm real happy that my dad didn't live to see me lose the pharmacy...and I'd like to think he'll never know about that...not even in Heaven, assuming there is such a place...maybe the way you think just makes more sense..."
Mrs. Sinclair excused herself and went upstairs, not interested in hearing any more of the morbid trans-generational talk about sickness, death, and oblivion. She was upset that her husband had openly admitted his doubts about Heaven to a stranger. That was not something she wanted to hear. It was clear her current life was never going to get any better and Heaven was the only hope remaining to her. She did not want that last hope taken away.
After some more conversation, Ruthie's father had a small surprise for his son's girlfriend. He took her into the living room and showed her his collection of records. (Yes, Mr. Sinclair still listened to records.) Ruthie looked dumbly at the large black disks, never having seen any up close before. Mr. Sinclair found the record he was looking for, by a '70's group called Kansas. He took the record out of its cardboard cover and handed the cover for Ruthie to look at. He carefully laid the fragile plastic disk on a turntable.
"Here. This is an old song...a bit before your time...but I think you'll like it. It was a favorite of mine when I was your age."
Mike's father delicately placed the needle into a barely visible grove that separated two songs from each other. There were some pops and snaps as the record spun and the needle moved inward slightly. Ruthie listened to the following song that, in spite of having been popular a generation before, reflected her outlook on life more than anything she had ever heard:
I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone All my dreams...pass before my eyes...a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind...
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea All we do...crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind...
Now, don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.
"That's so cool, Mr. Sinclair! That's really neat! I wish I could get it on CD!"
"You probably can...but you know; I'm old-school. Still listen to records and 8-tracks. But I'd guess it's on CD too."
Ruthie borrowed a pen and copied the information from the album cover. Mike inwardly cringed. He hated the hopeless message of "Dust in the Wind", but undoubtedly within the next day or two he'd be spending some money to get a Kansas CD for Ruthie.
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Ruthie spent the next four nights at the Sinclairs' house. She slept in the guest room, while Mike slept in his own room. Ruthie was very grateful for the space and for being able to have some time to herself. Once she closed the door, the room was totally hers, because it never would have occurred to Mike to go in there when his parents, especially his mother, were present. It was strange to think that, even though Mike was just a door away from her, the unspoken protocol of the household dictated that he keep his distance if anyone else was present.
The same was not true during the day. Mike's parents always were away during normal working hours, so the couple spent a lot of their time enjoying the pool and the house's other amenities. They spent almost all of their time during the days naked, especially Ruthie. She tried her hand at cooking several Mexican dishes for her boyfriend. When she cooked she put on an apron and Mike took pictures of her, finding her appearance wearing an apron and nothing else very amusing. They also spent a lot of their time enjoying the pool. Although the days were cool and overcast, the pool had a heater so it was comfortable to swim in. The only problem was getting out; withstanding the chilly air always was a challenge.
Mike wanted to take advantage of having sex with Ruthie as much as possible when his parents were not home. Her naked body, constantly in front of him and beckoning to be touched and caressed, was a temptation he couldn't resist. She did not object. She relaxed as best she could and tried to give Mike what he needed. As long as she was properly lubricated, there was no problem from him entering her.
Now that the couple could have sex in a relaxed setting, Ruthie made some discoveries about herself. She did not like being entered, but she did enjoy being massaged and caressed. Looking through the Sinclairs' collection of books, she found a manual on massage techniques. She showed it to Mike and asked him to try massaging her. They discovered that massages were something they both enjoyed. He liked touching her body and she enjoyed releasing control of herself and being touched.
By the end of their stay at Mike's house she started massaging him as well. She started clumsily, but got better after a few tries. He clearly enjoyed it, especially when she massaged his bottom and the area around his penis. His reaction to her touches gave her an idea. She started to wonder if there was any way she could get out of enduring sexual intercourse but still "do her duty" by massaging him.
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Mike totally enjoyed having Ruthie to himself during the days. He never looked forward to his parents getting home, because once they pulled into the driveway, the fun part of the day was over as far as he was concerned. However, that was not true at all for Ruthie. She very much looked forward to seeing Mr. Sinclair in the evenings and talking to him. It was strange to watch what was going on during those four nights; that Mr. Sinclair and Ruthie were becoming friends. He spent a couple of hours showing her more of his old music. He seemed to know by instinct what songs she would want to hear: morbid or philosophical music from singers as diverse as the Eagles, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Seger...all of it music that predated the classic Heavy Metal that Mike preferred.
One night Ruthie and Mr. Sinclair spent several hours talking about drug trafficking and violence in Sinaloa and Salinas. On the surface Ruthie seemed apolitical, but that was only true about events in the United States. It turned out she was very knowledgeable and insightful about what was going on in Mexico. She was able to share her personal knowledge about Culiacan and its most infamous residents: the drug cartel leaders. She talked about the city's dysfunctional culture and the criminals cruising around listening to narco-corridas. She repeated the outlook in life that she had given to Mike a couple of months earlier, that she believed organized criminal groups and the CEO's of large corporations would be the world's next ruling elite, and democracy as a system was doomed. That transition had already happened in Mexico, the drug cartels were in complete control and the ongoing violence amounted to little more than criminals consolidating their power over everyone else. Mr. Sinclair added his observations from what he had seen when he was still a pharmacist, about the diversion of medicine into illegal drug production and what impact it was having in central California. By the time the conversation wound down, Mrs. Sinclair had long since retreated from the living room. Meanwhile, Mike sat silent and envious that his father seemed so much better at getting his girlfriend to open up about her life than he was. In the conversations, Mike learned a lot about Ruthie, but only because he was present to hear what she was saying to his father.
