Chapter 12 – November
The next day Mike was awake as soon as it was light outside. He was careful not to wake up Ruthie as he got out of his bed, cleaned up, and settled at his computer to work on his term paper. He felt better than he had felt in a year, convinced that he now was in a solid relationship with the girl in his bed. Whatever her faults, she loved him and was a person worthy of his love. As far as he was concerned their relationship was sealed the night before, when she had given herself to him. Surely that was just the beginning...and there was hope after all...for both her and for him.
Mike looked back at his sleeping lover. He thought to himself: Ruthie...maybe your life has sucked up to now...but I'll make sure that's over with. I'll give you a life that's worth living...
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Ruthie woke up about an hour after Mike was up. Already the room was bright with morning sunlight. She was still aching...and still depressed about the let-down the night before. Poor Mike, she thought to herself...what am I gonna tell him? She spent several minutes lying in bed and watching her companion as he worked on his paper. She mulled over what to say to him. At first she wanted to tell him what had happened a few hours before; that she had found out that there was a very important part of their relationship that she would be incapable of giving him.
However, second thoughts entered her mind about that idea. Was it really necessary to tell him...about that...or about anything at all? Why? What for? What good was it going to do either of them? What was she going to get out of being honest, apart from ending up alone again? She felt that if she were honest about something as important as sex to any guy, he'd say "screw that" and would want her out of his life. Probably she'd have to pack up her things and go back...by herself...and with her hands full of bags...to her room. Then she would have to deal with Shannon. Undoubtedly Shannon would figure out what had happened, and she and her friends would celebrate Ruthie's misfortune. She'd never hear the end of it. No...there was no point in humiliating herself like that.
Ruthie's thoughts returned to Mike. He really was a decent guy...he did deserve the truth...or...did he? Maybe it would be better just to play along...let him think everything was fine...enjoy his companionship...try to have fun with him. Maybe sex was less important...maybe what really mattered was the friendship she was developing with him. Perhaps she could explain later...or maybe...after a couple of times...the problem would fix itself on its own. Ruthie then thought about Dr. Hartman...maybe the counselor could come up with an idea or a suggestion...
Ruthie's mind filled with a few possibilities and options. She still felt the situation with the sexual part of their relationship was not tolerable as it stood at the moment, but she no longer was convinced that she had to deal with it immediately and risk losing her friendship with Mike over that one issue. She'd wait...and then she'd figure something out.
Ruthie could not have realized it at the time, but her two weeks with Mike already had changed her. For the first time her reaction to a disappointment was not to sink into depression and despair, but rather to try to think of what options she might have to address or fix the problem. She came up with a tentative plan for the following week: not say anything to Mike, wait and see how things with him developed, and then talk to Dr. Hartman. Beyond that she did not have any further ideas, but if she could make it to the next meeting with her counselor, she could see where she needed to go from there.
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The two students spent the morning with their coursework. Mike continued to work on his research project while Ruthie lay in bed catching up on her reading. She studied for two mid-terms, but she knew what she really needed to do was finish the term paper she had been working on the previous week.
She glanced longingly at Mike's computer, thinking about how nice it would be if she had her own computer in the room as well. That way she would not have to try to work on the project with Shannon's constant disruptions. Given that she would have Mike's room to herself over the next week, she figured that bringing over her computer might not be a bad idea. The thought of sitting quietly throughout the entire afternoon with her clothes off, right next to the window, peacefully typing...really appealed to her.
Ruthie's mind raced with the idea that Mike's room beckoned with a six-hour block of total silence every afternoon. She really did not see how she could avoid moving the computer, because over the next month she had to work on her term papers and her roommate was making that task almost impossible. Shannon delighted in having her music going or having her friends over while Ruthie was on her computer. A favorite trick was to chat incessantly on her cell phone while looking over Ruthie's shoulder to see what she was doing and make her nervous.
Ruthie was not worried about how Mike might react to having to keep her computer in his room. She knew that he was in love with her, so she took it for granted that if she needed something, he would give it too her if at all possible. The only doubt she had was for her own situation, the possible loss of independence that having her things in Mike's living area would entail. Already the relationship had gone much further than she had anticipated or wanted. Very quickly she had become dependent on him for just about everything imaginable, from companionship to transportation to entertainment to protection from humiliation. Now she was going to have to deepen that dependency by moving yet more of her stuff into his living space.
Another idea that never occurred to Ruthie was to put her work on a flash drive and ask to borrow his computer in the afternoons. In some ways she was very territorial: she would not want anyone using her computer, so she took it for granted that Mike's computer was off-limits to anyone other than himself. Although most people would have considered her borrowing his computer less of an imposition than bringing over her own, that was not how Ruthie saw the situation.
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Seeing Ruthie studying naked on the spare bed for several hours aroused Mike as the morning went by. She was lying on her back, with her legs spread and her vulva on display. Finally, the temptation was too much for him. He lay down next to her and began kissing her.
At that moment the last thing in the world Ruthie wanted was to have to deal with him going inside her a second time in less than 12 hours, but she was not about to say anything or reject his advances. She felt that she had absolutely nothing to offer him, so the very least she could do was allow him to do what he wanted with her body. As his hands caressed her bottom and breasts, she worked up the nerve to let him enter her. The second time was no better than the first, but at least she was psychologically ready and there was no let-down to spoil her mood.
