The Not so Secret Agent

Chapter 11: Bad Company

Theresa Liggett had a window seat in the second passenger car. The seat was un-cushioned with an almost straight back; it was almost as uncomfortable as all the attention she was receiving.

Passengers bounced in unison every second or so as the old train rolled over welded joints and swayed to the curvature of the tracks. Tee had never ridden on a train before but she was certain that the Danubian rail system was not up to modern European standards; it was only a hundred and eighty miles from Danube City to Rika Chorna but the trip was supposed to take three and a half hours. It wasn't even air conditioned, a fact hard to miss in the last week of August.

Tee had gotten a phone call from her brother two weeks earlier urging her to come visit him in Danubia. It was peculiar since he hadn't said anything about a trip before then, but that day he nearly insisted upon it. Tee used about a quarter of the money that her paranoid brother had kept hidden in his freezer to pay for travel and two days lodging in Rika Chorna. Her mother was completely freaked out but Tee went anyway.

The train slowed considerably as it climbed the pass; two miles away and two-thousand feet below the sun reflected off the choppy waters of the Rika Chorna Reservoir. The train passed through a short tunnel and then the view to the east opened up.

Rugged slopes and hardwood forests transitioned into rolling hills and green pastures dotted with sheep, cattle, farmhouses, and barns. The rural landscape stretched on for several kilometers and then ended abruptly; the western boundary of Rika Chorna was like a solid wall of buildings on the plains.

Factories, loading docks, and shipping containers stacked two high filled an industrial park on the right side of the tracks; on the left side multiple freight trains occupied the parallel tracks of a busy rail yard.

The train passed through into a residential zone with multistory apartment buildings, a city park with a sizable lake, and rows of small houses stretching far to the north. The train station was almost exactly in the city's center.

Air brakes hissed, the train car shuddered one last time and Tee's first train ride was over. She grabbed her old suitcase and stepped outside.

The station was obviously old, built of gray marble and hardwood beams; some select pieces of marble encrusted with brilliant mineral veins of green malachite and blue azurite formed an arch around the main entrance.

Everyone turned to look at her; Tee usually enjoyed being the center of attention but she had never felt this out of place. The Danubians all looked so similar. Every female above high school age had her hair tightly braided and wore simple light dresses and sandals. The men kept their hair and beards trimmed short and wore plain pants and shirts. The Danubians wore no jewelry, no watches, no make-up, and definitely no weird multicolored spiky hairdo like the one that Tee sported.

Tee's breath caught in her throat when she saw a naked man and woman standing casually near the unloading platform. The woman held a child's hand; the boy, probably about five years old, was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt.

Tee stared at their necks. The metal collars they had clamped around their necks had turned dull grey with age but the numbers engraved on the wide central band were large and easily readable. The man was # 65722 and his wife: # 65764.

Tee's heart raced. Criminals! Convicted collared criminals like her brother. It was one thing to read about it but to see it in person was shocking. Were those faded bruises on the woman's bottom?

Tee knelt down on one knee and pretended to tie her shoelace. The two criminals talked casually while they waited; the boy tugged insistently on his mother's hand, trying to get her attention. Then an elderly man and woman unloaded from the first passenger car. The two criminals warmly greeted the old couple and the little boy screamed out with joy when he saw the wrapped present that the old woman carried.

Tee made herself stop staring at the weird scene. The station had a couple hundred people in it and none of them seemed to think there was anything unusual about having naked criminals in their midst. Forty meters across the station Tee found a map that was labeled in English. For reasons he didn't explain Arthur insisted on meeting her at a small park south of the station.

Tee walked rapidly down a stone path with hedges to either side. It led to an open space with mowed grass, big shade trees, and a view overlooking a small river. A family was eating supper at one of the picnic tables with a good view of the stream; another couple sat on a bench and watched their three kids play ball. The park was otherwise empty.

"Tee, it's hard to believe you showed up on time." She jumped and spun around to see Arthur leaning against a tree trunk wearing nothing but a collar and dusty orange boots.

Tee caught her breath and tried to not look embarrassed. "Hey, nice shoes."

"You like them?" Arthur's face was red as well, but he kept his cool and glanced slyly to both sides. "Don't tell anyone but I've got a special deal with the Ministry of Justice. In exchange for thirty years of hard labor I get as many of these awesome orange boots as I need."

Arthur looked Tee over. "Are you in costume? Don't tell me, let me guess... You're a colorblind gypsy? A whore from a Mad Max movie?"

"You have no sense of fashion Arthur. But even you have to admit that my new hairstyle is pretty awesome."

"Yeah, the colors are really... festive, but how do you get it to stand up like that? By the way, thanks for toning it down like I asked."

"Anything for my troublesome brother; what are you called?" She examined the collar with a curious expression, then reached up and rotated it to find the engraving. "So 88588... How's the espionage business going these days?"

"So, so. This place is so primitive I hardly know what to spy on; I did manage to infiltrate a work camp to the west of here but that's about it."

Tee was still messing with the collar, "So these are tracking collars?" Then she put an index finger through the loop. "What do they do, walk you on a leash?" Tee burst out laughing. "Is that why you're in the park?"

"Tee," Arthur struggled to look serious. "I had almost forgotten how much I hate you."

Tee wagged a finger. "Don't make me roll up a newspaper!"

"Fair warning." Arthur said. "I don't have my shots!"

Tee noticed the other people in the park watching her. "I'm freaking starving. Where can we eat at anyway? I'll pay," Tee bugged her eyes out: "I really don't want to know where you keep your money."

Arthur grinned. "Criminals don't carry money; we have to charge everything using the number on the collar."

"So your collar's like a credit card?" Tee was amused. "Let's go to a store; I wanna run your head across the scanner!"

"Uh... It's more like an ID, they just write the number down. Uh... before we go...you remember what I told you about this place? You know, about the lying, respecting the religion, public officials and such? You're no use to me if you're in here too, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. You're the one who can't stay out of trouble."

"Point taken; so, you still going out with that Roddy guy?"

Tee sighed and brushed her spiky hair back. "Nah, he couldn't stand my lizards anymore; they've really grown since you saw them. Over three feet long, can you believe it? I told him to watch out for their tails; you know they're kind of sensitive about that. Anyway, one whipped him right across the nose when he sat down on the couch. He threw such a fit; so the boyfriend's gone."

Arthur shrugged. "Well, gotta keep priorities straight... Anyhow, I can take you over to your hotel room and we can grab some food but after that I've gotta go visit the church."

"They make you go to church?"

"No, I go voluntarily; a guy's gotta have allies here you know. Besides, most criminals are religious." Arthur flicked his collar, trying not to laugh. "In fact, the Danubian Church teaches that all this criminal treatment is crucial in the process of realigning my damaged soul."

"So do you think you're aligned yet?"

"Nah, I guess it's gonna take a few more whacks." Arthur looked at Tee and sighed. "Here we are having one of our typical stupid conversations. I don't suppose you have anything important to talk about, something that you couldn't discuss over the phone or through the mail?"

Tee's eyes darted right and left and then she stepped close. "Oh, yeah." She said in a hurried whisper. "I brought you something. You remember Strangler? He died this spring."

She reached into her bag searching for something inside. "Long story short; I've taken up taxidermy!" Tee pulled out a wide snakeskin belt that was over a meter long. With a smile that would have looked demented on anyone else Tee tossed it to her brother. "So what do you think?"

To people in the park it surely appeared as if Arthur was having a seizure. The bout of fierce laughter left Arthur crouching on the ground, catching his breath for a moment before he could say anything at all.

"Tee if I could wear pants this belt would be the shit! I don't think they'll let me wear a belt even without pants, but if I could I would definitely have this on."

Tee beamed in pride over his compliment of her leather crafting skills. Her big brother's laugh was something she had badly missed; it was good to see him again, though she would rather not have seen so much of him.

After a while she watched her brother's demeanor change, Arthur seemed like he wanted to say something, but he stood in silence nervously looking around the park at nothing in particular. Tee waited. Her normally calm brother had a troubled expression.

"Tee, before we go through the city, you need to know something. I have rules I have to follow, lots of restrictions. No clothes obviously and there are places I can't go. They tell me where to live, where to work; I'm twenty-four years old and I had to get permission to go out on a date with Samantha. I've been told a number of times that I'm nothing but government property!"

Arthur's face was red. The furious expression seemed very out of ordinary for the even-tempered brother she was used to.

Arthur noticed her unease and lowered his voice somewhat, though he looked no calmer. "And I have to kneel down to public officials like I'm worshiping a fucking pagan god or something. Then there's the police... they don't harass me as much as they used to but if they decide to humiliate me in front of you there's nothing I can do about it. They can make me kneel with my head to the ground right out on the sidewalk for as long as they want. If they think I'm being defiant they may even hit me."

Tee was taken aback by all this, but most of all by the change in her brother's personality; he had never been the type to act out of control in front of her.

Arthur looked at Tee and took a deep breath. He no longer looked angry, just miserable. "If they stop me don't do anything. Don't say anything... that would just make it worse on me... or you. No matter what they do to me, I've been through worse; just stand back."

"OK, are you alright Arthur?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Though he quickly looked down Tee could see tears in her older brother's eyes. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Arthur barely more than whispered. "No Tee, I'm not alright."

His shoulders trembled under her hand. Growing up, Tee had often run crying to her big brother for help. She hadn't seen him cry since their father died six years earlier. Tee rested her forehead on her brother's shoulder and Arthur hugged her tight. Her tears wet his shoulder and chest.

Some of the Danubians turned to watch the curious scene; wondering why the convicted criminal and the weird foreign girl stood together in silence at the edge of their city park.

---------

That evening Arthur wanted Samantha and Laura to meet Tee. They crowded into Tee's hotel room and had the usual awkward introductions.

"Samantha, Laura this is my sister Tee."

Samantha asked: "Tee's short for Theresa?"

Arthur chuckled. "Nope, you see dad used to be a golfer and when my sister was little she had a bad habit of sticking things where they didn't belong so one day a doctor had to remove a..."

"Arthur, really!" Tee punched him in the shoulder. "Why don't you tell them why everyone in grade school used to call you Squirts?"

"Squirts!" Samantha rolled back on the bed laughing. "Now this, I want to hear."

"Uh... Maybe we should go somewhere," Arthur suggested. "So we don't have to talk so much."

"We could go to the club; I was going to meet Demetri there anyway." Laura was spending a lot of time with her Danubian boyfriend; though Arthur had barely met him.

"I'm game," Tee said. "There's definitely nothing to do here; it's been years since I've even seen a black and white television, this place is like going back in time."

"Or another planet," Arthur remarked. "But Tee can't go in the criminal's club; we'll have to do something else."

"She can go in as a guest." Laura argued: "It's her clothes that have to stay outside."

"No way," Arthur forcefully said. "I don't want to see my little sister naked. It's bad enough that I have to walk around like this. She is..."

"Capable of making up her own mind?" Tee looked mischievously at Arthur, before snorting at his annoyed expression. "Well, as much as I would like to irritate Arthur I guess we will have to find something else to do; besides, with an outfit like this I want to be seen."

"Tee, with an outfit like that people can't help but stare; it makes me wish I was blind."

The four of them walked up to the entrance of the club, Samantha and Laura went inside along with a line of other criminals. Tee was wide eyed as a young criminal who had probably been switched that morning walked carefully past her and made his way toward the entrance.

"Holy cow!" Tee whispered.

"That's India, not here. Why don't we get going?"

"I knew it would be bad but... shit, did they beat you like that?"

"Yes," Arthur sighed. "Standard criminal treatment."

"Just once?"

"Every three months. Come on, let's go."

"Damn that must hurt; how do you stand it?"

"I don't know, you just do. Quit staring and let's go already."

"Shit! What about Samantha and Laura; they surely don't beat the women too?"

"Oh yes they do, twice a year. Now let's see if we can find that movie theater."

There were two posters at the front of the theater, both in Japanese. Old monster movies apparently. "What do you think the one about the giant mutant rat or the one about aliens?"

"Uh..." Tee got a close look. "The rodent's kind of cute... looks like one of those giant hamster looking things they have down in South America."

"Capybaras?"

"Yeah, that's it. Looks better than the alien movie anyway."

"There aren't any American made movies here." Arthur looked for the entrance. "Maybe they at least have popcorn. I doubt it though, they probably say it's junk food. At the concession stand I bet they'll hand us a bowl of oatmeal and a spoon. Speaking of the movie we should get our tickets."

---------

Thanks to Spokesman Ralkliv, Arthur had the next day off work. Tee would leave on the 11PM train but until then they would spend the day together. Though Arthur didn't particularly like it, the first order of business was to introduce Tee to his spokesman.

He was nervous about it for a couple reasons. First being how embarrassing it was to kneel in front of Tee and the second was that he was worried about what she might say. Tee wasn't known for her discretion.

Arthur showed up at her hotel room half an hour before sunrise. He knocked and waited, knocked again, then pounded. He heard a groan and she finally opened the door. Tee squinted, half asleep, and stood there wrapped in a blanket off the bed. "Oh... it's you."

"Who else would it be? I didn't come over here to watch you sleep, we've got stuff to do."

She just groaned and lurched into the bathroom and Arthur went downstairs to order some breakfast.

Tee came out of the bathroom wrapped up in a towel; Arthur was relieved that all the glitter and colors washed out of her hair.

"This is kind of like grits..." Arthur pushed a large steaming bowl toward his sister. "And that's black currant jelly... pretty good."

"Mmm..." Tee sat chewing for a while. "So, where's this Ravik guy at?"

Arthur gestured northeast. "Spokesman Ralkliv has an office over at the Police Headquarters, fourth floor. We shouldn't have to stay that long, but we have to do this a certain way though. We check in with the secretary, and then he'll come out of his office, and uh... I'll have to kneel down and greet him, then he'll give me permission to stand and I'll introduce you. Then he'll invite us into his personal office for coffee."

"That Is So Weird! Look!" Tee exclaimed, pointing at the breakfast table. "They brought us three spoons! For two bowls!"

"Hmm... that is weird," Arthur said. "I could see two spoons or four spoons... um... but never mind that. I was wondering if you could braid your hair first; it might go better if you blended in."

"Um... I guess so... Pig tails?"

"No, uh you know... like Danubian style."

"I don't know how to do that." Tee dumped the rest of the sweet black currant jelly on a small loaf of bread. "How bout a ponytail?"

"Uh... no, Danubian women don't let their hair hang down. Maybe if we get some safety pins and... like fasten the braids up on top your head somehow?"

Tee shrugged as she wiped jelly off her mouth and gulped a whole glass of juice. She jumped up. "I've gotta pee."

"You go do that; I'll be right back." Arthur gathered up the dishes and carried the tray to the kitchen downstairs.

Arthur returned fifteen minutes later holding a brown paper bag. "Hey."

"In here." Tee wore a fairly plain green dress. She stood in front of the bathroom mirror finishing up one of two braids. "What ya got?"

Arthur shrugged. "There's a hardware store down the street. Um..." He dumped the bag on the counter. "Got rubber bands, some fishing line and double stick tape."

"Great."

"Oh..." Arthur thought of something. "No ear-rings and that tattoo of yours; make sure it's always covered. Danubians freak out over that sort of thing."

"You mean Rufus?"

Arthur asked: "You have another one?"

"Wanna see?"

"Long as it's not on your butt or something."

Tee put her leg up on a chair. "See."

"Oh... it's a... one of those..."

"It's a tapir, Arthur." Tee exclaimed. "Geez, don't you know anything?"

"I know... it's uh... the biggest animal in South America right?"

"It's a mountain tapir," she gestured like: 'who doesn't know that?' "

"Second largest?" Arthur waved his hands. "Never mind... we can't let any Danubians know you have those. Long as you keep your dress on, your old tattoo should be covered... but the new one... hmm... we need to do something about that."

"Why do I have to do all this?" Tee whined. "It's so stupid."

"It's religion Tee; it's not supposed to make sense." Arthur's eyes narrowed as he concentrated. "Now... maybe we can paint over it?"

"Arthur, I just don't understand why you didn't go further in the spy business."

---------

Arthur opened the door for his sister, which she thought was really funny. Arthur really wished Tee hadn't found out that Danubian criminals were forced to be helpful. Arthur figured at that very moment, Tee was thinking about all the stuff she could have him do for her.

The outer lounge to the spokesperson's offices had a large counter with a receptionist's desk behind it. Twenty chairs were along the wall; alternating between orange ones for criminals and gray ones for free people. Arthur placed a clean towel in the seat of an orange metal chair and Tee sat on a gray cushioned seat next to him.