The New Guy 15

The New Guy

Mike Ledur

All rights reserved.

Part 1

It was a small two-bedroom apartment in a quiet neighborhood. Inside, it was impressively clean and orderly. One of the bedrooms was used as an office, with a set of golf clubs in the corner. One bookcase there was devoted to programming books, and the other to several other subjects - golf, vintage movies, and daily life in historical times. The living room, with white walls like the rest, wasn't spacious, but it was comfortable, with a sofa, a chair, an end table, and TV. The eat-in kitchen had everything you could want for making basic meals. There were no grease spots on the counter or crumbs on the floor.

That's just the way Howard liked it. After a long marriage, Howard's wife had left him for a younger model. He thought their wonderful, energetic times in bed kept her happy, but apparently she longed for more. He missed those times a lot, but what he didn't miss was the mess she left everywhere. He didn't miss the wet towels on the bathroom floor, the dishes left dirty overnight unless he washed them, and the snack wrappers on the living room floor. When they sold the house and he moved into the apartment, he was glad to have a fresh start.

Except for not having a companion, his life seemed pretty good, at least until Friday, December 28, 2018, when, at age 59, he was laid off from the company where he'd worked for nearly twenty years. It was a shock, and he knew it would be extremely hard to find a new job. But he was determined to give it a try. In the meantime, he took online courses in new programming languages, new coding techniques, and new data structures. He also started golfing again, going for long walks, and lifting dumbbells. It wasn't easy, but in three months, he lost about fifteen pounds. He looked fitter than he had in years, and he felt better for it.

He was organized in his job search, and spent at least an hour a day on it and trying to stay in touch with a few of his former coworkers. But he also spent some time on the sofa, mainly in the afternoon, watching vintage movies. Always curious and well-organized, he bought movie books and soon related the books to the afternoon movies, with favorite stars. He lusted after Ida Lupino, Gloria Grahame, Audrey Totter, and the others, and he imagined visits from Gene Tierney. Occasionally he pictured himself as Glenn Ford or James Cagney.

Howard enjoyed making the simple dishes he liked - roast chicken with potatoes, steamed vegetables, and brown rice cooked in chicken broth. But twice a week he walked down to the restaurant a couple of blocks away, sitting at the bar for a moment, occasionally seeing someone he knew, and ordering dishes that were beyond what he could make at home. Anyway, it was nice to get out of the apartment.

On April 7, 2019 his job search efforts seemed to pay off: he got an email inviting him to an interview at Gilbert Manufacturing, a company few people had heard of, since, as he learned, they manufactured products to be sold by marketing companies.

Howard's application caused a stir in the IT department at Gilbert, where the assistant director, Gail, had suggested to the director, Louise, that his qualifications could be a good match to replace a senior programmer who'd recently retired. They'd tried hiring recent graduates, but none of them could pass the programming tests. They needed an experienced programmer, but also fresh blood. They decided to invite him for an interview, but as usual they had no plan on what to ask him. They invited Hank, another programmer, to attend the interview.

After they asked Howard a few questions about his programming experience, Hank asked Howard some sports questions. That didn't go well, since Howard didn't follow spectator sports. When Howard mentioned that he played golf, though, Hank and the women asked him about his favorite local courses, and Howard felt that the interview was saved. They also asked him a number of questions that Howard knew were illegal - whether he was married, what neighborhood he lived in, and what he did in the evenings - but Howard played along. To Howard's delight, Gail happened to mention vintage movies, and he soon learned that people in the department were big fans.

"Have any favorite actors from the forties or fifties?" Gail asked, and Howard was able to list his favorite actresses from the time, not hiding his admiration for them.

"Do you see yourself more as a James Cagney person, a Humphrey Bogart, or Glenn Ford?" Louise asked.

"So I sure admire James Cagney. What a powerhouse personality, and I like Bogart in most of his roles, but if I have to choose, I'd be Glenn Ford. Calm, self-respect, and the ability to get tough." That answer was the beginning of a heated discussion.

"You live in Worthington [a city just north of Columbus, Ohio], right?" Gail asked. "What do you think of the neighborhood?"

"So, for me it's perfect. I live so close to town that I can walk to most places."

"What do you think of the restaurant scene there?" Hank asked.

"So, my favorite is Dave's Bar and Grill," which is just a couple blocks from my home. "I usually have dinner there on Mondays and Wednesdays and eat at Tommy's Chinese on Fridays. It's just my routine." He thought he might have provided too much detail with that, but no detail seemed too small for Louise, Gail, and Hank.

At that point Howard noticed something. Like every employee at his previous company, he'd begun every answer with "so." But none of the Gilbert people did. He had so much else on his mind, but he needed to force himself not to do that. He also noticed that their voices were rather loud, so he too began speaking a little louder than usual.

"Would you mind coming back for some written tests?" Louise asked, apparently to end the interview.

"I'd love to. Any time is good." He was glad to have avoided the "so."

"Great. By the way, in case you've noticed the noise, it's the manufacturing building next door. All the office staff have now moved into this building, so you'll probably never need to go over there."

A few days later, Howard got an email inviting him to go to HR for some testing. He was impressed that the tests, which involved both coding techniques and programming architecture concepts, were up to date. That was a good sign, and he felt that his online courses prepared him well for that kind of challenge.

Another good sign was that a week later, Gilbert HR set up a medical exam for him, a complete physical and not just a drug test. Howard felt pretty healthy, so he didn't have anything to fear about that. It was all encouraging, he thought, and he felt that he was finally getting close to being hired.

"Do you know anything about Gilbert Toys?" he asked one of his former coworkers over the phone that evening. Joe was a software tester and had enjoyed working with Howard.

"I've heard of them," Joe said. "But I don't think I know of anybody who works in IT there. What's your impression of them?"

"In the interviews they seem easily distracted, and they don't seem to have much sense of urgency."

"Not a good sign," Joe said, "but at our age, does it matter?"

"Maybe not so much. Really, if I can work for another five and a half years, I'll be set to retire. But I can't really afford to give up right now."

"Then no matter how bad it is, you only have to put up with it for that time. It's great to have an end game. And I've heard that some small manufacturing companies make do with obsolete systems. As long as things basically work, they're good."

"I'll probably have to take it, really. I'm getting so few responses to my resume. And I'm wondering whether one of my references is blackballing me."

"Really, like one of the managers here?"

"Yes. Maybe all it would take would be for one of them to mention that I missed a couple of deadlines. They always mentioned my slowness in performance reviews."

"But that slowness was only in the initial coding," Joe said. "It paid off later in the project, since your work was so thorough and water-tight. All those years, I never came up with a user action in your modules that wasn't foreseen and didn't produce a good error message."

"Thanks. I appreciate your saying that."

The next day, Margie Miller, the software testing manager at Gilbert, came across Louise in the hallway and asked her, "What do you think of your applicant? Is he good looking?"

"He's not Glenn Ford, but he looks fine and he's fit. He did great on the written tests and passed his physical, including the crucial part."

Gail overheard some of the conversation from her office and joined in. "I got the impression he's really on our wavelength, if you know what I mean. But how can we know for sure whether he's good for it? He could turn out to be a dud."

At that point, Gail and Louise looked at Margie, who they thought might be able to play a role. They remembered that after her divorce, she'd bought herself some nice evening outfits and enjoyed wearing them to meet new men in the evenings. "Margie," Louise said, "Are you up to this?"

The three went into Margie's office and did some internet research on Howard Maynard. They found some of his high school classmates and came up with a plan.

"OK," Margie said, "here's a classmate named Miller. I'll tell him I'm Tony Miller's sister and pretend I knew him. Of course if he's suspicious and starts asking questions, the whole thing will collapse."

"Perfect," Gail said. "Do you still fit in your gowns?"

"Yes, of course. I weigh a few pounds less, but the gowns still fit, I'm sure."

That evening Margie looked in her closet and found the expensive red outfit - jacket and skirt - that had been her most successful. Like the other outfits from that time period, it was easily removable. She got out the ironing board, did a very careful job on it, chose her favorite big necklace, and put it in the ultrasonic jewelry cleaner. She made an appointment with her hairdresser for Saturday morning to have a perm and a color renewal. On Monday morning, she more makeup than usual and put on the big necklace and earrings she planned to wear that evening. Gail and Louise told her she looked perfect, and some other women in IT complimented her on the new look, but the men in IT, predictably, didn't seem to notice.

That evening, Howard was in the bar at Dave's enjoying a cocktail when, to his great surprise, a very enticing woman came up to him. "Howie," the woman said with a big smile, "You probably don't remember me. I'm Tony Miller's sister Margie. I always wondered what happened to you. I only met you a few times, but I liked you and always wanted Tony to invite you around."

"I'm sorry," Howard said, "but I don't remember your face. But I see the resemblance to Tony. How's he doing?"

Margie had done her research and was able to say, "He moved down to Cincinnati. That's where his wife is from. He's doing great."

That was news to Howard, but it didn't really matter, since it wasn't every day that he talked to such an attractive and engaging woman. He was flattered to be the subject of her attention, and she focused on him except for a brief phone call she took.

"My party is standing me up," Margie said after the phone call. "Were you meeting anybody, or would you like to have dinner together?"

"That would be great," Howard said, and they were shown to a table. She did most of the talking during the meal, but she also asked him about himself.

"I'll tell you the truth," he said. "I was doing great till I got laid off."

"When was that?"

"Three months ago."

"And are you hoping to get back in the game?"

"Sure. I can't retire yet."

"Do you have friends you see occasionally these days?" she asked.

"Not really, but I keep in touch with a few of the people I used to work with, mainly through email."

"I think you'll find something. Really, you have the energy of a much younger man. In fact," she said while reaching across the table and touching his hand, "you're just the kind of guy I'd love to meet."

Howard and Margie didn't pay much attention to their dinner after that. They had a long conversation about generic topics, and at a critical moment, Margie asked Howard where he lived.

"In an apartment building just a couple blocks away."

"Do you keep it clean, living by yourself?"

"Sure do." And then, after looking carefully but discreetly at Margie's dyed-blond hair, big, shiny necklace, the skin just below her neck, and how her sequined red jacket fit her upper body, he did what he'd never done. He asked her, "Would you like to see it for yourself so you don't have to believe me?"

She hesitated for a moment and said, "I guess I could stop by for a few minutes."

They held hands as they walked along. Howard felt an excitement he hadn't felt in a long time, but he also wondered whether he had any drinks to offer her. He drank very little and didn't keep much liquor on hand.

When he opened the door, Margie gave him a friendly hug, and after he turned on the lights, she glanced around and said, "This is amazingly neat and clean. You must be really well organized. I love that!"

He found an old bottle of port in the back of the pantry and asked her if she'd like some. "I better taste it first," he said, and after a sip, he knew it was past its prime but still drinkable.

They took their port glasses to the sofa, but soon put them on the end table and held hands, exchanged a few kisses, which became more intense, and, you know, the usual routine. At one point he carefully removed her big necklace and put it on the end table. While Margie stopped in the bathroom, Howard looked in a closet and quickly found his contraceptives and lubrication, which had thickened a little but still flowed. Howard was inspired by Margie's relatively lovely skin and figure, and he came to life and found that Margie came to life as well. One fly in the ointment: when Howard finished up, he found that the condom he'd used, which had been sitting in the closet for three years, was completely torn. His heart sank, and he had to admit it to Margie, who, to his surprise, didn't seem bothered at all.

"I wouldn't worry about that," she said. I just had a physical a couple months ago and haven't been out on the town since then, so I'm safe. How about you?"

"I just had a physical recently, too."

"So we're good." Howard thought he'd narrowly avoided disaster.

An hour or so later, as they lay there in bliss, there was no more need for generic conversations. Pillow talk was about themselves and the erotic power they'd just inspired in each other. An hour of sweetness later, Margie seemed to want more. "Let's forget about the contraceptive this time." Howard was at first worried whether he'd be able to start up again, but he and Margie were both delighted to find that he could.

Another hour or so later, exhausted after a second round, they lay there holding on to each other, until finally Margie indicated she needed her beauty sleep. They exchanged email addresses. As they walked back toward the restaurant so Margie could find her car, they held hands tightly, and in a dark spot on the sidewalk, they exchange some final kisses and agreed to meet again. When Howard returned to his apartment, he looked at the email address and was amused to see "margiepargie@outlook.com."

The next morning at the Gilbert IT department, Margie invited Gail and Louise into her office. They closed the door, and Gail and Louise were all ears.

"Howard is amazing," she told them. "We went on for a good three hours or so. He has the energy of a

much

younger man. He's definitely, definitely, good for it." Even though Gail and Louise pressed her for more details, she said, "You'll just have to experience this for yourself." But they continued pressing her for more information, and she ended up providing it.

Louise immediately went to HR and discussed Howard's offer letter. She went back an hour later, carefully reviewed the letter, and asked the HR lady to send it.

"The director needs to review it first, but he'll probably do that by the end of the day."

Meanwhile, when Howard woke up the next morning, he was surprised that he'd been able to do a double session, and he worried that if he had another date with Margie, she'd be disappointed that he couldn't. He contacted his doctor, who called in a prescription for a low dose of the medication that would help him out. That afternoon, he walked to the pharmacy to pick it up and also picked up some condoms and a fresh bottle of lubrication.

Part 2

At around 4:00 that afternoon, Howard received an email from Gilbert HR, which began, "Dear Mr. Sparks, we thank you for your interest in Gilbert Manufacturing. We are pleased to extend an offer for the position of senior programmer in the Department of Information Technology, reporting to Louise Bowen, the Director of IT. Please come to the reception desk at 8:30 on Monday morning, May 6, 2019 and ask for Donna Trumbo in HR for your orientation..." The salary was less than Howard had earned at his previous job, but he thought it was satisfactory.

After Howard replied with an acceptance, he felt on top of the world. He had nearly a week of freedom, but he mostly was relieved to be employed again. He was emboldened to send an email to Margie Pargie to invite her to dinner on Thursday or Friday. Was she really just a one-nighter who'd given him a bogus email address? He didn't have to wonder about that very long, because her reply was prompt and indicated she'd be happy to see him on Friday. He was thrilled and looked forward to getting together with her again, sharing his good news, and trying out the new medication.

On Friday around 5:30, just after Howard had finished showering, squeegeeing the shower walls, and getting dressed, and having a final check of the apartment, he read the directions for the new medication and learned that it had a long duration, so there was no need to take it exactly the right time beforehand. He plucked up his courage, took the pill, and left for Tommy's Chinese. He knew he didn't want to jeopardize their relationship by asking her personal questions like where she lived or where she worked, so he thought of some other, general topics of conversation.

Margie was so excited that she hadn't slept well, and she spent considerable time applying her makeup to hide the signs of fatigue. She hoped Howard didn't ask her where she worked, and she shuddered to think how awkward that would be. She knew that safe topics were golf and activities in Worthington, so she'd stick to those. She also hoped that, as he did the first time, he'd leave plenty of warm-up time, but she hoped that the time in the restaurant would count toward that. She left work early so she could go home and change into another flashy outfit, this time with a gold lamé blouse - one with a deeper neckline.

Howard stood up from his table when he spotted his sensual-dream-come-true and gave her a quick kiss before they sat down.

"I'm so sorry to be late," Margie said, even though it was only about three minutes. "I had to park in the next block."

"That's perfectly fine. I'm just so glad to see you. Parking on High Street gets a little tight sometimes."

They continued saying banal things about Worthington, each considering it a safe subject. Then they talked about their menu choice, about details of the food when it arrived, and so on. It had been about 45 minutes since Howard had taken his pill, and, sitting across from Margie in her seductive outfit, he was already feeling the effects. This could lead to embarrassment, but he decided that the table saved him from that at the moment.

Finally, as they finished their meal, Howard announced, "Big news this week. I received an offer letter."