The Party
Well here it was. The big day at last. I have to say my thoughts were a confused jumble. What was I thinking about trying to do something as stupid as this? Mind you, how much money could we make?
Still it was too late to worry now.
The eight of us turned up at the hotel at about a quarter after six. It gave us time to get a quick drink in at the main bar with Georgio and Gabriella before everyone else arrived. I was musing how beautifully Gabriella was tonight. She had a long white cocktail dress slit to the thigh down one side. I then found myself thinking that this was almost a waste. We would have it off her within the hour. I couldn't wait.
I began to get hard. I tried to think of other things. The money. That helped. I would have to just front it up when it happened. I knew it would at some stage.
Just before seven the ten of us went through to the banqueting suite. Gabriella checked the tables while Georgio checked the bar to make sure that the wine and soft drinks were available and the glasses out ready.
Everything was obviously good and they shooed away the last of the staff.
We had the place to ourselves, but not for long. Suddenly there was a rush as the doors swung wide and our guests advanced two or three abreast.
We had decided against checking tickets. Who in their right mind was going to crash this sort of party. We relied upon the discretion of the invited guests.
Pete and Danny were doing a good job of directing people to their tables via the girls who were doing a brisk trade in raffle tickets at fifty dollars a ticket. There were people buying multiple strips I noticed. Wow.
Evan was explaining to anyone who wanted to know how the I O U system was going to work, just fill in the slip with how much you were spending and sign and print on your name. We would collect later. These would work for any of the items for sale.
It was remarkable how quickly the place was filled. Within twenty minutes I reckoned that everyone was there, they all had a drink, or two, in their hands and they were standing as requested in groups by tables introducing themselves to each other. Boy, were they keen.
I guessed it was time to take the stage.
'Ladies and gentlemen.' The biggest round of applause I have ever had rocked me back. Mind you the next largest was probably a fourball at the golf club.
'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to our fundraising evening for the new Church Roof. I am sure that I do not need to tell you all that this is an adult evening and that nudity in not just allowed but required. Please leave now if you have misunderstood the invitation.'
Thank goodness, nobody left.
I looked around and joked, 'That's a shame the wife is still here,' to over the top, nervous, laughter.
'Let me please take up just a few moments of your time with housekeeping requirements. The emergency exits are marked, there, there and there. Please do not stop to find your clothes in the case of a fire. We will ask the firemen to provide blankets and explain later.'
Another loud burst of laughing.
'Toilets are over there through those doors, the bar is a free, help yourself bar and the food is effectively self-service. Please elect someone from the table to remove dirty plates etcetera and all collect your food from the service area. I know this is not Georgio's normal preferred service method but it has all been done to keep the guests away from any prying eyes.
It is nearly seven thirty and we should therefore be starting with the first auction if we do not want to fritter the evening away.
I have just one question. Does anybody know of anyone who is not yet here? Those of you who invited guests, is there anyone not turned up?'
A short pause and then 'Good. Let us begin with the fun.'
A hubbub of noise started and then fell as I carried on.
'Firstly we are going to auction sixteen opportunities to help six members of the opposite sex to remove their clothes. This, I should imagine is not an everyday auction opportunity and I would like the bids to reflect that.
I will start by asking every man in the audience if they would raise their arm if they would like to help a few of the beautiful ladies here tonight to remove all of their clothing. When I say all of their clothing, as much as I love to see ladies walking around in stockings and nothing else, we have decided that everything has to be everything so that people cannot pick and choose what they wear or do not wear. Now Gentlemen who would like to be an undresser if it were free?'
There was a gasp and without fail every man in the room raised an enquiring arm.
Right, now please lower your arm if you would not pay one hundred dollars, two hundred, three, four hundred, five hundred.'
By now I had lost probably half of the forty eight men. Pretty good.
'Right six hundred, seven hundred, eight, nine, one thousand dollars. There were still a dozen.
'Eleven hundred,' dropped us to nine.
'When the next person drops out the remaining eight of you will be the lucky winners and will all pay the same. Eleven fifty, twelve, twelve fifty, thirteen, thirteen fifty.'
That did it. One guy reluctantly dropped out and the others high fived.
'Thank you gentlemen. Perhaps you would go over to Evan while we are auctioning to the ladies and sign IOU's. Now ladies. The same question.
Who would undress me for free?'
Again all hands were raised to squeals of 'Oooh me. I'll do you.'
'I am flattered and desolate that I cannot be undressed by all of you. Well not tonight at least.'
'To continue, who will pay one hundred, two, three?'