"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I care for you a lot, and the last thing I would ever want to do is to hurt you."
She looked at me with hopeful eyes. Her aura was a mellow gold. "Do you think you could ever--"
"Ever what?"
She looked down at the floor. "Nothing. Forget I said anything."
I could tell from her posture and facial expression that she was still feeling bad about her actions.
"Come here," I beckoned, patting the floor next to me.
She scooched over and sat beside me.
"If you're asking about love, I don't know if what I feel towards you is love or not. In fact, I don't even know what that word means anymore. Ever since I turned into this... this
thing
, I spend half my time questioning if what I'm feeling is coming from me or the incubus part of me. This whole demon thing is so new to me and it's really messing up my life. I guess it's messing yours up too," I replied, turning to look at her.
"That girl you were kissing. That was Bailie, the girl from the diner, wasn't it?" she asked, looking back.
"Yes," I replied, staring at my shoes.
"Was she the one you were asking about when you asked if we had an extra room?"
"Yes."
"If you want her so bad, why don't you use your demonic powers to capture her heart or soul or something?" she asked, looking at her feet.
"Ew! That sounds terrible. I'm not looking for some puppet or plaything; I like Bailie for who she is as an intelligent, loving, caring person. The last thing in the world I would want to do is trap her in a relationship against her will. I've never tried to do anything like that to you, and look where we are," I replied, looking back into her eyes.
"But you did use your powers on me," she noted.
"I didn't use my powers to capture you or trick you into liking me, if that's what you're thinking. I only read your aura and gave you what you wanted and tried to fill your needs. I just wanted to do something nice for you."
"That's the part I don't understand. Why are you being so kind to me? Most of the guys I hung out with just saw me as a quick fuck and then dumped me when they found out I wasn't a pushover."
I looked her in the eyes. "You have a problem with me being nice to you? Really? I try to be kind to everyone. Why should I treat you any differently?"
"Well... because of the way I treated you. I kidnapped you and tried to humiliate you first time I met you by mocking you by calling you 'Zucchini Boy.' Then there were all those times I treated you like a fuck toy instead of the decent human being you are, especially after I found out you were an incubus."
"To be honest, it kind of started out the same way with me towards you. I was just starting to change into a demon when you and the girls pulled me out of the library that Friday night. I didn't know it at the time, but my body needed sexual energy to transition, and you, and the rest of the girls provided it. You always seemed to show up just when I needed that transformative energy the most. But along the way, I got to know you and developed feelings for you, too."
"Yeah, I can just imagine the feelings you have for me now," she said morosely.
I put a reassuring hand on her back. "Don't be so sure. I decided on the way over that despite everything, you've been a friend, and if I valued that friendship, I needed to accept you for who you are. Frankie, you're a package deal, and my feelings for you are based on who you are, not who I want you to be."
"And Bailie?" she asked sadly, looking at me.
I withdrew my hand and looked down at the floor. "I feel a deep affection for Bailie. I don't know if 'love' is the right word for it or not, but I feel lost and empty without her. I'm sorry if my affection for Bailie is causing you so much unhappiness."
We both sat in silence for several minutes, looking at our feet. Finally, Frankie broke the silence.
"Can I hug you?" she asked, looking at me.
"Sure," I replied sadly.
She snuggled against me with one arm around my back and her head leaning on my shoulder while I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. We sat together like that for the longest time, listening to each other breath. After a while, she started to chuckle to herself. She looked up and gave me a lopsided smile.
"You know you make a lousy sex demon, right?"
"Sorry. I'm still pretty new at this. But what makes you say that?" I asked.
"You've never initiated sex with me, even when I invited you over to fuck me. You helped a girl get over her guilt after she lost her virginity--which by the way, wasn't even with you. I was the one who told you about gaining energy through dream-walking orgasms. And even this afternoon, when you wanted to talk, you made me get dressed when I was perfectly happy staying naked," she noted.
"And you have a problem with that?" I asked.
"Well, no. Not really. It just seems all backwards, that's all. Everything I've ever heard about sex demons describes them as being shallow, misogynistic parasites who are only interested in sex. But you really care about people--about me. I think that's why I... I've fallen--"
"Stop! Don't say it," I interrupted.
"Say what? Why?" She looked confused, and a little hurt.
"Frankie, I'm an evil monster. I can control people's sex drives, make them horny, stop them from cumming. I can enter dreams and influence their behavior by planting suggestions. Worst of all, I get these urges that are so powerful that I can't even control myself. So, please don't say what I think you were going to say, because I'm not worthy. I don't deserve your affection."
She drew back a little and looked at me with an expression of disbelief.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You're a fucking Boy Scout compared to me. You're telling me it's okay to be a bitch while you set standards for yourself that Mother Theresa couldn't follow. You're so afraid of the incubus part of you that you're shutting out the part that's fucking human. Well, fuck that shit. I've never felt so close to anyone the way I feel about you. And... and to hear you reject..." her voice choked, and a tear ran down her cheek.
A chill ran down my spine. I reached over and pulled her in for a warm embrace, wiping the tear from her cheek.
"Yeah, you're right, I am afraid. I pushed you away because I thought you deserve someone better than a demon. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm just so fucked up."
"We both are, Zucchini Boy. We both are," she said quietly, hugging me back.
We stayed in that embrace for a while. Her aura remained steady with its golden yellow color. Her head was on my shoulder when I heard her whisper.
"I love you."
A tear rolled down my cheek as I squeezed her against me. She was so far out of that badass, tough-bitch character she normally projected that I realized how much she had opened herself up to me. This was what it meant to be truly human, and I loved her for that.
I smiled--well, more of a smirk, really. "Yeah, and if I tell anyone you'll mess me up, right?"
"Oh, fuck you," she laughed.
She was still laughing when I leaned over and kissed her on the lips.
I looked her in the eyes. "Be patient with me. You know I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You mean a lot more to me than I'm able to say right now, it's just that there's so much for me to sort out."
"Because of how you feel about Bailie?" she asked, looking deep into my eyes.
"That's a big part of it. I have such strong feelings for you both."
"I'm sorry I messed things up between you and her. I wish I hadn't been such an asshole bitch," she said remorsefully.
"I'll figure it out, somehow. But in the meantime, don't be so hard on yourself. Being a bitch is one of the many qualities I like about you. You're a lot of fun as a bitch," I said, giving her another affectionate squeeze.
"In that case, maybe I should check up on those little cunts to see if they did a decent job decorating the tree," she said, getting up.
"Wait a minute," I said as I wiped some of the remaining moisture from her tears from her cheeks. "That's better, but the eyes are still a little red."
"How about now?" she asked, scowling.
"Better, but too much eyebrow. Ease up a bit," I smiled.
She relaxed her scowl a bit. "How about now?"
"Perfect, if that doesn't get them moist, nothing will."
She did her best to suppress a smile. "Are you going to join us?"
"No. I still have a lot of studying to do. I... or we kind of lost focus after lunch," I explained.
After leaving Frankie, I went back to the house. Tina wasn't back from shopping yet, so I went to my room to study. I wanted to call or text Bailie, but I remembered that she didn't have a phone after it was smashed by the two vandals at the diner.