The Good Neighbor

The cabdriver stopped at the bottom of the driveway. "Hey, Buddy, I think this is you."

Jack opened his eyes and tried to focus on his surroundings. "Yeah, this is it." Handing the driver two twenties, he said, "Keep the change."

"Thanks."

Jack gingerly got out of the car, careful not to lose his balance on the undulating earth. He held onto his mailbox to steady himself and prepare for the uphill climb. When he let go and tried to walk, his legs weren't listening. Forward progress zigzagged until he reached the first maple tree and hugged it. Just as he was about to launch himself toward the next tree, there suddenly was an arm around his waist.

"Need some help, neighbor?"

Diane's smile did nothing to brighten his sour mood.

"Hello, N.G., you liar. Did you and Lou have fun?"

"We can talk about it in the morning. Let's get you to bed."

"I can take care of myself," he said, pulling away from her, and then falling down onto his hands and knees.

Rolling over on his back, he said, "It's a nice night. Maybe I'll sleep out here."

Diane grabbed his arm and pulled, "No, you won't. Don't be ridiculous."

"Where's Lou? I want Lou to help me. I need to have a word with him." Jack sat up, and added, "Then I'm gonna kick his ass."

"Lou isn't here. I sent him away."

"Did you have a nice fuck first?"

Diane sighed, and said, "No. We can talk about it when you're sober." She pulled him up to his knees. "Thanks for not driving drunk."

"I'm sorry Larry died."

"Me too. Now stand up."

With her assistance, Jack stood and they meandered up the hill. Jack started singing, "Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone-"

"Shut up, John Cougar. That's depressing."

"You're the cougar in this situation. A sexy little cougar you are, too. 'You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you, Dear. Nearly had me roped and tied.' But I know the truth now. You're not Nature Girl anymore. You're N.G., no good."

She pinched his side.

"Ow!"

"Don't call me that. I don't like it, and it's not true. Do you always quote song lyrics when you're drunk?"

"I don't know. I've never been this drunk before." He closed his eyes, and rested his head on hers. "Are you going to save my life tonight?"

"I'm saving you from yourself."

The stairs were a challenge, but Diane was able to push him from behind to keep him from falling back.

"I can make it from here," he mumbled, rubbing along the hallway wall, and turning into the bathroom.

Diane walked from room to room, until she found the one with the unmade bed. The room was hot, even with the windows open. She turned on a fan in the window next to the bed to create a refreshing cross breeze. When she heard the toilet flush, Diane went back into the hall. Jack staggered out, walked by her, and disappeared into his bedroom.

It was her turn to pee, and a pleasant surprise to see how clean he kept it. After flushing, she decided this was the perfect time to snoop, starting with the medicine cabinet. It held the usual personal healthcare stuff, along with two prescription bottles. The first contained a statin to lower his cholesterol. The label on the second bottle said Cialis, 5mg, one pill daily. The fill date was nearly a year ago, and the bottle looked full.

"He's given up," she said to her reflection after closing the medicine cabinet.

The linen closet was next. Nothing unexpected in there, until she moved a bundle of twenty-four rolls of toilet paper. Behind it sat a box with the picture of a smiling woman, and a man kissing her cheek.

"This looks interesting."

Diane pulled it out and read the label, 'The New Generation Vacuum Therapy'.

"Vacuum Therapy? What's that?"

She opened the box. Most of the contents were still in their original packaging, never used. She lifted out the instruction manual. "A penis pump?"

Out of curiosity, she put it together while reading the 'how too' section.

"This looks like fun," she said, opening a sealed bag and sliding a tension ring in place.

"The tension ring should not be worn more than 30 minutes. Thirty minutes? I've never timed a erection before. I think I'd be sore after thirty minutes."

She put everything back, and went to the bedroom. Jack lay sprawled on the bed still in his clothes. Kneeling beside him, she said, "Jack, get undressed. It's too hot to sleep in your clothes."

No answer.

When she began unbuttoning his shirt he opened one eye. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting you ready for bed."

"Go home."

"Not until you sober up. I don't want you to do something stupid, like falling down the stairs and breaking your neck."

"Why do you care?"

"If you die, who'd check me for leeches?"

Keeping his eyes closed, Jack grinned. "I saw you naked."

"Not how I planned it, but it's what I wanted, you dumbass."

Diane threw his shirt on the floor and unbuckled his belt. "Now it's my turn."

Grabbing the waist band, she said, "Lift your hips."

He mumbled, "This's not how I planned it," but did as she instructed.

After working the pants down side to side past his hips, she moved to his feet and pulled off one leg at a time. As she removed Jack's socks, her eyes wandered over his body. The red silk boxer shorts had been dragged down until pubic hair and the root of his penis were exposed.

"Silk boxers, Jack? Was that for me? Did you have an after-dinner party planned?"

His brow furrowed, as he struggled to form a coherent thought. "Well... I wanted my package wrapped nice, even if what's inside is broken."

Diane stood at the end of the bed and stripped off her clothes. The breeze from the fan tickled, forming goose pumps on her damp skin. She crawled up, knelt over Jack's knees, and lightly raked her fingernails down his stomach to the boxer's elastic band. The sensation made him groan.

"I'm opening my gift now, Jack. But I'll be gentle so I can save the wrapping for later."

Jack turned his head into the pillow and squeezed his eyes shut, as if embarrassed or humiliated by what was to come, or not to come.

Pushing her fingers under the elastic, Diane pulled down while running her knuckles side to side, gradually lowering the slick silk, backing up as she went, until the silk dropped off his feet and onto the floor. His penis lay soft against his leg.

"I've learned something today, Jack. You're handsome, you're fun to be with, and you're circumcised. You have a nice looking dick."

Straddling his legs once again, she slid up, until the seam of her pussy glided over his penis and straightened it. She rubbed against the underside several times, beginning her arousal, wetting his flesh with it. "You probably won't remember this, so I'm going to stop now." But she didn't for another minute. His cock enlarged from the friction, although it remained too soft for penetration. She lay flat on top, kissed his cheek, and rolled off beside him. She sighed, and whispered, "I'm going to rehab the fuck out of you, Jack. Then I want you all to myself."

Jack snored in response.

At 4:00am Jack woke up. His head throbbed and he needed to pee. It took a few seconds to understand the weight on his chest was an arm. Diane lay naked beside him. Then he realized he was naked, as well.

"What the hell happened?" he said, sitting up, and then pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes to stop the world from spinning.

"I helped you to bed, Jack...You were so drunk you needed help just getting up the hill."

"Why am I naked?"

"I couldn't let you sleep in your clothes. It's too hot." She laughed, and added, "Besides, I wanted to see you naked. It was only fair, since you saw me naked."

"Why are you naked?"

"I always sleep naked. But you already know that, don't you."

There was no arguing against the truth, so Jack slowly got out of bed and went to the bathroom. After relieving the pressure in his bladder, he took a couple Tylenol to relieve some of pressure behind his eyes. Diane was lying on her stomach, facing the wall when he returned. He focused on her ass for a few moments, appreciating the round firmness, before saying, "Diane, get dressed and get out. My bed has had one too many adulterers in it already. I don't need any more."