Chapter 20 -- The Downfall of the Duchess
Program Director Cecilia Sanchez spent the following day with her normal routine. On Saturdays she always met with her students to receive updates on their studies and how they were handling life in Danubia. The majority seemed to be adjusting well, and as for the few who were having problems, those problems were routine and manageable. There was no reason for Cecilia to feel uneasy that day.
However Cecilia did feel uneasy, a feeling which only increased every time she met with one of the 13 students who were wearing a collar on behalf of Maria Elena. Earlier in the week she had lied to the group, allowing them to assume that their friend would be better off in the Royal Residence than she possibly could be at the university. She showed them old reports and articles that talked about how well Royal Servants had been treated under the old Grand Duchess and the rulers who had come before her. She had wanted no further trouble from her students, so she deceived them by telling them that Maria Elena was fine in her new home.
Carmen's counseling session was almost at the end of her schedule, and out of the collared group she was the last. By the time Carmen came in for her appointment Cecilia was so guilt-ridden that she could not look her student in the face. Carmen looked at her director, wondering if she was going to be sick.
"Yeah...yeah. Truth is I must have eaten something...don't feel good at all..."
Great. Now she was compounding lies with yet more lies, something that was considered highly dishonorable in Danubian society. She figured that she would tell Carmen the truth after Maria Elena was returned to the Ministry of Justice, but her motivation for waiting was purely selfish. What she wanted was to avoid any further public spectacles from her students and thus avoid any further headaches for herself. She knew what she needed to do, simply tell Carmen what really was happening and also tell her that it was likely Maria Elena would be extracted the very next day. But to do something like that was not in Cecilia's character. She was by nature a secretive person who always felt that the less people knew about her affairs, the better.
When Carmen left, Cecilia decided to cancel the remaining appointments. She repeated what she had said to Carmen, that she was feeling ill. She stepped outside into the cool late summer air. At first she thought about going home, but she could not face Victor and the sight of Maria Elena's empty room. Instead she decided to walk in the direction of the campus Temple, which was an old church that was being used by the university. She knew that her fiancé Jason would be there, working on a routine maintenance project with several other students who were performing Public Penance.
Jason was not scheduled to get off work for several more hours. However, the Priest overseeing the maintenance crew took one look at Cecilia and knew that she needed Jason much more than the Church needed him. He released Jason and told him to return on time the following day. Jason knelt, touched his head to the ground, and said goodbye to his superior.
Cecilia had a hard time putting into words what was bothering her so much. For several minutes she spoke incoherently about Carmen and other protesters. She hardly expected her fiancé to understand what was going on. She looked at Jason's youthful innocent face, assuming that the person listening to her was the same naive freshman she had seen standing in the hallway of the second floor of Huntington Hall five years before. However, she had underestimated him, because during his four years in Danubia he had studied under the Priestess and had taken the teachings of the Danubian Church very seriously. As a result of his efforts, he had acquired insight and understanding about life that few people from the US would ever experience. It wasn't long before he gently cut off Cecilia and bluntly asked her:
"You feel guilty about all the lies you told this week, don't you?"
"Yeah, I 'spose. I 'spose that's it."
"Or maybe it's not just the lies, Cecilia. Maybe it's that you told all those lies because you were just worried about protecting yourself, trying to save yourself some embarrassment?"
Cecilia became defensive: "I was doin' it for the program. I don't want Carmen doin' a bunch of shit that's gonna embarrass the university that..."
"...and so you thought lying was the best way to handle it? You never thought that if you took the time to explain, in detail, what's really going on, that Maria Elena is in the Royal Household because it's her Path in Life to go there, that she had to go there so the Prime Minister could get the other servants out...that maybe Carmen might not have reacted the way you thought she'd react?"
"Carmen would've wanted to protest. I just wanted to shut her up."
"You know that for a fact? Did you ask her?"
"No. I didn't ask her. I just knew she was gonna stir up shit and I don't need it. I don't need her shit, Jason."
"So it all comes back to you, doesn't it? You don't need her shit. You don't want to be embarrassed. So you dishonored yourself by deceiving her and all the others wearing collars. Next week they're gonna know the truth, and the Church is gonna know the truth. Next week everyone's gonna see you for what you are."
Cecilia angrily turned away. Tears welled up in her eyes.
"Look. If you're gonna insult me, then you can go fuck yourself. I don't need you."
"I'm not insulting you, Cecilia. I'm just telling you that you've dug yourself into a very big hole with your students. You lied to them, and next week they're gonna know that you lied to them. And I'd bet they'll figure out real fast that you lied to protect yourself, even though you keep talking about protecting the exchange program, which is total bullshit. You dishonored yourself by lying to people who are wearing Church collars, to people who trusted you as their leader. The relationship you might have had with them is now broken, because once you break trust, you're dishonored and you can't fix that."
Cecilia was horrified to hear her normally docile fiancé speak to her with such cold confidence, as though he were a Priest who had spent decades in the Temple. The worst part of it was that she knew he was right. However, she couldn't bear hearing such a harsh assessment from Jason. Her reaction was typical of her when she felt cornered, she counter-attacked. She tore off her engagement jewelry and threw it at him.
"Call me dishonored? Then you can take this shit and you can shove it up your ass, Jason!"
Jason said nothing, which infuriated Cecilia even more. Not knowing what else to say, she stormed off, assuming that she had just broken off their relationship. Jason calmly picked up the engagement necklace and hair-piece. It took him a few seconds to spot her ring, almost buried in the grass. He did not follow her and he did not try to shout anything after her. The truth was that Cecilia had indeed dishonored herself by lying to Carmen and the others, and she needed to understand that before she could attempt to repair the damage. He simply had told her the same thing that any Priest or Priestess would have told her. It was not his Path in Life to try to comfort her, because all that would accomplish would be to prolong her own self-deception. He loved her too much to tell her that her behavior was acceptable or that everything was going to be fine, when it wasn't.
Cecilia walked about 100 meters and stopped. She was totally horrified...how could that have happened? Jason...he was the only man she had ever loved...five years they had been together...and now...it was over...gone...just because she was pissed at him...
She looked back. He was calmly standing right where she had left him. He had not chased after her, but he had not walked off either. He was still there, if she wanted to go back to him. But that decision would be hers to make. She would have to return to him. He would not be coming after her.
She knew that she had to go back. Without Jason her life really had no meaning, but to go back to him would be the hardest thing she could imagine doing. To go back would be to admit that she was wrong. She took a deep breath, summoned her courage, and slowly retraced her steps. As she got closer she could see him quietly holding her engagement jewelry in his hands. So, all along he had known she couldn't leave.
He waited until she was within arms' length before holding up her hair-piece. She stood quietly as he worked it back into her hair. After her engagement necklace and ring were safely restored to their proper places on her body, he announced:
"I'm taking you to the Temple. Then you're gonna need to go over to Carmen's place and tell her what's really going on."
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The Priestess was at her usual post in the Temple of the Ancients when Jason Schmidt brought in his forlorn-looking fiancé. As usual, he was completely naked and she was wearing a simple one-piece dress that was typical of what young Danubian women wore during the summer. As he had over the past four years, he knelt and put his head on the ground, rising when she gave him permission. Cecilia simply knelt upright, staring ahead with sad glassy eyes.
The Priestess had seen Cecilia and Jason together and separately many times over the past four years, so she knew both of them very well. What was interesting to her was that Jason had changed so much, while Cecilia had changed so little. The Priestess knew why. Jason had been performing Public Penance almost the entire time he had been in Danubia, while Cecilia had not. From the beginning it was obvious that Jason desperately wanted to free himself from the burdens he carried from his past. He understood what he needed to do, and he was willing to take any measure he or the Priestess felt was necessary for him to achieve that freedom. The most important part of the break from his past was his collar. Officially he might have declared himself property of the Danubian Church, but in doing so he had liberated his soul from all of the guilt and burdens he had brought with him from the US. He never could have experienced such freedom had he not accepted the collar.
