"I can't believe he's gone," Jessie Murray said between sobs as she sat on the floor of her apartment.
"I know," Tom said as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.
She laid her head against his chest and sobbed. Gramps was gone, and there was nothing she could do about it. It hurt so bad. Perhaps even more than when her dad had died on 9/11.
"That's it," Tom said soothingly. "Let it out, it's okay to grieve his loss."
In that moment, she felt as though she would never be able to do anythingΒ but grieve his loss.
Gramps had saved her. There were no two ways about it.
She had a troubled childhood, and when she had been expelled from school, her parents had to either homeschool her, or put her in a private school somewhere. Private school would have been an easy choice, since both her parents worked, and they certainly had the money to afford a private school, but in truth they were afraid that sending her back to school would just get her expelled yet again.
Looking back, Jessie was surprised that she had no memories of what she had done that had caused her to be expelled in the first place. Her family never spoke of it. Gramps never talked to her about it. She could only remember her life
after
she had gone to live with him.
He had suggested a change of scenery might be in order. He was retired and looking for things to do anyway. If she moved in with him, he could homeschool her. Perhaps a little time away from her peers would allow her to refocus and learn how to avoid the troubles she had been in. So, she had moved in with him, and he had rescued her and changed her life. And now, he was gone.
She looked around the apartment. It was packed with plastic storage bins. They were everywhere, filling nearly every empty space in the apartment in stacks four high, reminding her of the glue that bonded her to her grandfather for the years she spent at his house.
"He loved these books," she said with a sigh.
"And he knew that you loved them as much as him," Tom agreed.
He had taught her to love books. Every day in his home was spent either reading books or discussing what they had taught her. He taught her to devour them, searching for meaning, applying everything she read to her own life and circumstances, looking for ways that her newly acquired knowledge could make her a better person. It instilled in her an insatiable desire to learn. When she left his house and enrolled in school again, she was transformed. She studied hard and applied herself to everything she did with a laser like focus.
She was the valedictorian of her graduating class, having never received any grade other than an A from that point on. It was a far cry from the 5th grader who had been in and out of multiple schools, and who was almost constantly in some kind of trouble. She went on to graduate summa cum laude from Columbia and to get a masters degree in architecture. It was no lie to say that Gramps and his books had completely changed the course of her life.
No one else in the family shared his obsession with these books, which, she was sure, was why he had chosen to give them all to her.
"How many can I keep?" She asked her boyfriend as he continued to comfort her while they sat together on the floor of their modest one bedroom apartment.
He shrugged, looking around. The bins took up almost the entire apartment.
"I will make you a bookshelf when we get a bigger apartment," he said. "As tall as we can make fit. You can fill it with books at that point. In this place, however ..." he shrugged again. "Why don't you go through a few bins and pick out a dozen or two that remind you of him. We can always go back to the storage place and get more, or swap some out later."
He stood and helped her up and pulled her into a big hug, then gave her a tender kiss on the lips.
"I am so sorry," he whispered to her. "James was an amazing man. We will all miss him."
He made his way to the kitchen. "Care for a beer?" He asked.
"Yes please," she replied. She pulled the top bin off the stack and set it on the floor closest to her and opened it up. The first book she saw was
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
. She almost broke down right there. She had loved that book. It had taught her that the stereotypes that are so ingrained in our society are often wrong, and that we have been trained to accept them even when all evidence teaches us that we shouldn't.
"Don't forget we're meeting your family for dinner tonight," Tom said as he handed her the cold beer from the fridge.
Shit!
She
had
forgotten. The last week had been so crazy she had entirely forgotten what day it was. It was her 25th birthday. She and Tom were supposed to be in Paris. They had saved up for a long time to afford that trip. She got the vibe from Tom that he may have been thinking about proposing to her on the trip, perhaps even on her birthday. Maybe that's what he would have been doing right then if Gramps hadn't hadn't had a massive heart attack two days before they were scheduled to leave.
The airline was very understanding and gave them credit for another trip in the future. They had postponed the trip. The week had instead been filled with preparing for and attending his funeral. It had ended with them sitting in a law office in Manhattan listening to an overweight lawyer read James Stringer's last will and testament.
Gramps had chosen to sell nearly everything at an estate auction, with the proceeds being donated to charity. He had made sure to teach his kids the value of hard work and a good education. None of his kids had any need for his money, so he wanted everything to go to charity. He had always said he didn't want his children and grandchildren fighting over his stuff when he died. He carefully picked items to give to each of his children and grandchildren that he felt they would remember him by, which is how Jessie ended up with his large collection of books. Most of them had little monetary value, but they had represented her connection to him, and had been the objects that had rescued her from her troubled past.
No one seemed to care that she had received all the books, since they had never much cared for them when he was alive. She hoped no one knew about the collection he kept separate from all the others. Those books contained a few books that were quite rare and which she suspected were pretty valuable. She never imagined trying to sell any of his collection, but if the family knew there was money to be had, they might have been more interested in the collection.
"What time do we need to be there?" She asked Tom about the dinner plans.
"6:30," he replied.
That gave her more than six hours to go through the bins a little before she had to start getting ready.
"Okay," she said. "Mind if I spend that time looking through some books?"
"I fully expect you to," he replied. "Want me to help, or stay out of your hair?"
"I already know how much help you would be," she said with a smile, "which is exactly none. I also know you want to be watching the game."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied. "I'd be great help."
"Yeah right," Jessie replied. "Just go watch your game. I think I need time alone with the books anyway."
He gave her a hug and a kiss and then went to the living room and turned on the game. She turned back to the bin and pulled out Huck Finn and opened it to see the pages with notes scribbled in them.
Gramps had a lot of books that he would never have let her write in. But the old paperback copies of books were a totally different story. He
made
her write in those. He wanted to read her thoughts and impressions so they could discuss them.
She vividly remembered the discussions she had with gramps about the books that he would assign her to read. She had always been puzzled by how clear her memories were of her time with Gramps, considering that she had literally no memory at all of the events that led up to her being sent to live with him.
She held the copy of Huck Finn in her hands and once again the tears flowed freely and uncontrollably. She remembered the words of her grandfather after 9/11. She had been living with him at that point. Her dad had been in the south tower. He had never come home to them. The pain had been unbearable, much as it was when she learned Gramps had passed.
'It's OK to cry,' he would tell her, and they cried a lot together, 'but then you need to get to doing something. You have to remember the man he was and do your best to become the person he would have wanted you to be.'
As usual, he had books for everything. They read books that helped her deal with her grief and helped her decide that she needed to become the type of person that would have made her dad proud. She knew that Gramps would expect the same thing of her now that he had passed. Her mom had remarried in 2005, but Jessie never got along her stepfather, and so Gramps had become the main father figure in her life. His passing had crushed her and she didn't know how she could recover, but knew the answer would be found in the books. She could almost hear Gramps urging her to find her solace by looking in the best books.